Chapter 10
A Secret Shared
Two Days Later…
“This is ridiculous,” Freya huffed, sweat dripping off the end of her nose. “Am I expected to believe that ye scrub the floors like this every week?”
Kyla, who was scrubbing on the other side of the dining room, bit back a chuckle.
“Don’t make it too obvious you’ve never cleaned up after yourself, princess.”
Freya flushed. “I am not a princess.”
“What would ye call a laird’s daughter, then?”
Freya sat back on her heels, shaking out her aching hands. “They used to call me lady.”
It hadn’t been a surprise to hear that she would be assigned chores.
After all, it was only fair. Senga explained that all able-bodied folks staying at the convent were expected to help out, although none worked as hard as the nuns themselves.
However, Freya had assumed she’d be floating around the gardens, or welcoming newcomers, or perhaps daintily setting a table.
Not scrubbing.
She begrudgingly admitted, however, when she glanced back over the section of the floor she’d just cleaned, that it did look pleasantly shiny and clean. A flicker of pride flared inside her.
“Mind ye,” Kyla responded casually, “the lassies who do the scrubbing are generally the ones in disgrace.”
Freya flicked a handful of soapy water at her. Kyla ducked, yelping and laughing.
“May I remind ye that ye are scrubbing alongside me?”
“Oh, aye,” Kyla agreed comfortably, kneeling down on the padded floor pad again and picking up her scrubbing brush. “I was responsible for ye, and so I am in disgrace, too. I shouldn’t have let go off alone.”
“But it’s not yer fault I went off.”
Kyla shrugged. “I was responsible.”
“That’s not fair.”
Kyla paused, glancing over at her. “Ye care a lot about fair and unfair.”
“Well, of course I do.”
“That’s good. The Abbess said so.”
Freya snorted. “She does not like me. Ye should have heard the lecture she gave me when I came back two days ago. I’ve never had such a scolding in my life.”
Kyla gave a peal of laughter. “Oh, aye, she’s stern, all right. Stern but fair. She always says that life is not fair, and so it’s up to us to make it so. And she does like ye.”
“How can ye tell?”
“Oh, I just can. Now, let’s get going, or we’ll be on this all day.”
Obediently, Freya picked up the scrubbing brush and got back to work. It was difficult work, hard on the hands and back, but she copied the way Kyla knelt, and it eased the discomfort a little.
They’d been provided with thick, padded floor pads to kneel upon, to prevent aching, damaged knees over time. They progressed across the floor, the stone flags left shiny and damp in their wake. Freya began to lose herself in the rhythmic sameness of the work, mind wandering wherever it wanted.
Brendan came to mind.
This wasn’t the first time she’d found herself thinking of him for no reason. Her chest clenched, as always, in mingled excitement and humiliation at their kiss, and the rejection which had followed.
But he kissed me, she thought, a little petulantly. And then rejected me straight after. That can’t be fair.
What was it the Abbess told Kyla? That if life isn’t fair, we should make it so?
Freya sat back on her heels again, back aching, and wiped a film of sweat from her forehead.
At that moment, footsteps sounded, along with muffled voices. The Abbess appeared, followed by a cluster of nuns, all talking quietly and urgently. The Abbess led them carefully around the edges of the room, taking care not to walk on the freshly cleaned floor.
“Hold on a moment,” Freya whispered to Kyla. “I have to talk to her.”
“Freya, wait, no—”
She didn’t listen. Abandoning her scrubbing brush and bucket, Freya scurried across the floor, feet skidding on the smooth flags.
“Abbess, can I speak with ye?”
The cluster of nuns came to a halt, some of them staring disapprovingly at her. Freya spotted Sister Rosemary among them.
“I should have known,” Sister Rosemary said, resigned. “Ever since ye fell in with Senga, Kyla, and Astrid, she’s been a pure menace.”
There was a murmuring of agreement, and a few smothered smiles. Freya bit back a sigh. Already, it was clear that the three girls were the pets and babies of the convent, loved by all the exasperated nuns. It felt… well, it felt like a family. A real family.
“Ye cannot talk with the Abbess now,” Sister Rosemary said, probably more kindly than Freya deserved. “We have business. Make an appointment to see her later, eh, lass?”
“It’s all right,” the Abbess spoke up, eyes fixed shrewdly on Freya. “Ye all go on ahead, and I’ll meet ye in my study. Freya and I will walk behind, and talk about whatever’s on her mind.”
There was a murmuring of agreement, and the nuns glided away without another word.
Silence fell over the hall. The Abbess folded her hands, gesturing with her head for Freya to follow her into a nearby corridor.
“What worries ye, daughter?” she asked, not unkindly. “I’ve heard that ye are not happy with yer chores, or being kept in the convent. I hope ye understand that it is for yer own safety. If ye insist on leaving, we will not stop ye, no matter what danger it would bring to us.”
Freya flushed. “No, it’s… it’s not that. I know why I’m being kept inside, and I would do nothing to bring danger here. As to the chores, I did complain a wee bit, but I am doing it.”
The Abbess chuckled. “I can’t ask for more than that, can I? There’s a passage in the bible about that, ye know.”
“Oh?”
“Aye. Two sons, each asked to work in the fields by their father. One son promised his father that he would do it, but then stayed inside and never kept his word. The second son refused to do what his father asked, but later felt guilt and went out into the fields anyway, and worked all day. Which one do ye think did the right thing?”
“The second, I suppose.”
“Aye, I agree. What lesson does it teach us?”
Freya considered for a moment. “Words are cheap,” she said at last. “Words are nice, but they mean nothing if they aren’t backed up by actions.”
The Abbess nodded. “A shrewd observation. Now. What is it ye wanted to ask me.”
Freya drew in a breath. “First of all, I don’t think it’s fair that Kyla should be punished alongside me. She says that she was responsible for me, but I’m a grown woman and should bear responsibility for my own mistakes.”
The Abbess eyed her closely. “That’s very generous of ye. Are ye saying that if I released Kyla from her chores now, and set her to something more pleasant, ye would be happy to finish the dining room floor on yer own?”
There was a lot of floor to clean. But Freya tilted up her chin and met the Abbess’ eye.
“Aye, I would.”
It was clearly the right answer. The Abbess gave an approving nod.
“It will be done, then. Is there anything else?”
“Yes, there is,” Freya felt her pulse quickening. Should she have mentioned this first, or would she have lost the nerve to ask about Kyla’s release from extra chores? “I’m concerned about Brendan.”
The Abbess shot her a sharp, unreadable look. “Oh?”
“He walked me home and kept me safe after the commotion two nights ago,” Freya confessed.
“He was kind. And that meant he was left to walk back alone, with soldiers swarming over the town. I… I haven’t heard from him since.
I’ve asked around, and he’s not been to the convent to make any deliveries.
Two days isn’t a long time, but I have a bad feeling.
I’m a little concerned that something might have happened to him. ”
The Abbess considered this, a frown appearing between her brows.
“I have noticed Brendan’s absence,” she confessed. “In these dangerous times, it’s impossible not to worry. However, two days is not a long time, and he is not tied to the convent. I will make inquiries.”
Was that all? Freya blinked up at the woman, waiting for something else. The Abbess threw a shrewd look at her.
“I sense ye are not pleased with this,” she remarked idly. “What else would ye have me do?”
“Go to his home. Check on him.”
“I do not know where he lives. And Brendan is a private man. I know he does not care for folks to know where he lives. He does not much like visitors. He’s cut himself off from the world.”
“But why?” Freya asked, the question coming out before she could stop herself.
They walked in silence for a few moments, the Abbess looking straight ahead. She had just resigned herself to not receiving an answer when the woman spoke again.
“It is easy to make judgements and jump to conclusions when we look at the lives of others,” she remarked, almost to herself. “An easy mistake. I don’t consider myself privy to the secrets of even those closest to me, and nor should ye, Freya.”
She flushed at this gentle rebuke, but pressed on. “A secret shared is a secret halved, though, aye?”
“Very true. But who chooses whether to share that secret or not? Is it not the one who holds the secret?”
Freya bit her lip and said nothing. She had a feeling that the Abbess knew more than she was letting on. It didn’t matter, though, because she had no intention of sharing what she knew.
“I understand,” Freya managed at last.
The Abbess narrowed her eyes at her. “Ye are very meek all of a sudden, Freya.”
She tried to look innocent, and the Abbess chuckled, shaking her head. They had almost reached the study, and Freya could already hear the murmuring of nuns inside, waiting for the meeting to begin. The Abbess paused, turning to face Freya.
“Was there anything else ye wanted to ask me?”
Freya only hesitated for a moment. “Senga. She’s been here for years, but doesn’t take vows to become a nun. Why not?”
The Abbess tilted her head. “Ye must know I’m not going to tell ye that, lassie.”
“No, I understand. But so often she seems… she seems sad. She’s been kind to me, and I wish I could do something to help her.”
The older woman drew in a slow breath, shaking her head.
“Ye want to heal everybody, fix everybody’s problems. That is an admirable goal, lassie, but not a practical one.
Some things simply cannot be controlled.
Not by ye, at least. And that includes the reason behind Senga’s sadness.
If she wishes to tell ye, she’ll do so. In the meantime, ye can support her by being a good friend and not asking questions that will make her sadder. Aye?”
“Aye,” Freya repeated, ducking her head. The Abbess chuckled, hand flashing out to briefly pinch her chin.
“It’s a pleasure to have ye here, Freya. We’ll miss ye when ye move on. Now, I must go. Tell Kyla to come to me, aye?”
Freya nodded, and the Abbess disappeared into her study, closing the door behind her.
About an hour had passed before Kyla returned from the Abbess’ study. She was humming to herself.
“How’d it go?” Freya asked, still on her knees scrubbing the floor. She was about halfway done.
“Oh, not too bad,” Kyla responded cheerfully, kneeling down and picking up her scrubbing brush. “I’m not in disgrace anymore.”
“Then why are ye scrubbing? I thought she would let ye do something else.”
“Oh, she said I could go join Astrid in the kitchen or Senga in the gardens,” Kyla responded, “but I’d rather stay here with ye. Besides, we’ll get the floor done quicker with the two of us.”
Freya swallowed thickly. “That’s kind of ye.”
Kyla shrugged. “What are friends for? Ye would do the same for me.”
Freya privately thought that she would not have done the same. Not before, anyway. Now was a different matter.
Friends, she thought, biting back a smile. I’ve got friends.
“What did ye want to speak to the Abbess about, anyway?” Kyla asked, dunking her brush in the water.
Freya hesitated. “I was concerned about Brendan. I’m afraid something bad has happened to him.”
Kyla winced. “It’s dangerous out there, to be sure. But he’s a strong man, and a clever one. Surely, he’ll be alright?”
“I hope so.” Freya hesitated, then dropped her brush into the bucket, crossing the room to kneel beside Kyla. “But I intend to find out.”
Kyla glanced up at her, eyes wide. “Freya? What are ye planning?”
“I’m going to sneak out of the convent tonight. I know where he lives, and I’ll just pop by. I won’t be gone long—an hour or two, at most—and I’ll make sure he’s safe. I have a bad feeling, ye know?”
Kyla looked terrified. “Do ye have permission to go out?”
“I didn’t ask.”
“Ye didn’t ask?”
“Of course I didn’t ask,” Freya whispered. “What if I’d asked, and the Abbess had said no? I’d have to go anyway…”
“Nay, ye wouldn’t!”
“And then I would be punished for disobeying her. If ye don’t ask, ye can’t disobey. It’s a loophole.”
“It absolutely is not.”
Freya sat back on her heels. “I’m going to need yer help, Kyla.”
The other girl moaned. “Oh, Freya, ye are going to be the death of me.”
“Nothing serious. I don’t want to leave the convent with an unlocked door or window, but I need to get in and out before anyone knows what I’ve done. So, I want ye to lock one of the kitchen doors after me, and wait until I come back to let me in. Can ye do that?”
Kyla ran a hand through her hair. There was a smear of dust on her spectacles, but she didn’t seem to notice.
“What if ye are out all night? What then?”
“If I’m gone for more than two hours, then leave the door locked and go to bed. I’ll come back when I can.”
“This is dangerous, Freya.”
“I have a bad feeling,” Freya repeated, a hint of desperation in her voice now.
“I owe Brendan my life, just about. The Abbess says she’ll make inquiries about him, but how long will that take?
I don’t think I can afford to wait. Please, Kyla.
Ye have to help me. What are friends for, after all? ” she added.
Kyla eyed her for a long moment.
“Fine,” she sighed at last. “But ye owe me, Freya. Ye owe me a huge favor.”
“I’ll owe ye two huge favors if ye want. Just… just don’t tell anyone, aye?”
“Of course, I’m not going to tell anyone. What, ye think I’m going to run and tell tales to the Abbess?”
Freya hesitated, just for a moment. “I was thinking of Senga. Don’t tell Senga.”
Kyla pursed her lips. “That might be sensible. Senga likes rules, and she likes everybody to follow them. She would certainly tell the Abbess. But if ye are caught, Freya, don’t ye dare drag me into it.”
“I swear I won’t,” Freya promised. A flicker of excitement was starting to build up inside her, a tingling sensation running through her chest.
However, there was a fair amount of dread there, too. She couldn’t say where the bad feeling had come from, only that it was there, and wouldn’t be shaken away.
Something is wrong, and I don’t know what.
Well, I suppose I’m going to find out soon enough.
“Let’s get on, then,” Kyla said, not unkindly. “This floor isn’t going to scrub itself.”
Freya sighed heavily.