Chapter 15
Bowen
The fan hums in the corner, rattling slightly every time it turns to blow the warm, stale air across my side of the room.
I lie on the top bunk, arms folded under my head, eye locked on the exposed wooden beams above. Moonlight spills through the cracked window, and besides the crickets outside, Tucker’s snoring from the bottom bunk and the fan are the only sounds in the room.
Kit came in early. He didn’t say much, just mumbled something about being tired after dinner.
He’s across from me now, curled on his side in the lower bunk, blankets pulled to his nose despite how hot it is in here.
He’s still as stone, but I know he’s not asleep.
His breathing is off. Too controlled. Kinda like it was this morning.
Apparently, pretending to sleep is his new thing, just like keeping secrets from me is, too.
Brett shifts above Kit on the top bunk, sighing heavily. Then a whisper.
“Pssssst.”
I ignore him.
“Bowwwwwwwen.”
Nothing.
“Don’t act like you’re sleeping, dickhead.”
I still give him nothing.
Buzz.
My phone lights up beside me.
Brett: you were WEIRD today dude
Brett: like weirder than usual
Brett: like you don’t even have Mountain Dew level chemistry with Delaney
I blink, thumbs hovering. I want to ignore his texts, too, but what?
Me: what does that even mean?
Brett: I mean Mountain Dew has more fizz
Brett: more razzle dazzle
Brett: you handed her a towel like she had the plague
Brett: actually, I think you handed it to me to hand to her LMAO
Brett: Meanwhile you touched Kits hair
Brett: TWICE. I counted
Brett: and his face
Brett: you’re obsessed
I shift. Glance over at Kit again.
He hasn’t moved.
Me: shut up dude
Brett: I’m just saying
Brett: if we were all in the cabin, and it caught on fire you would save Kit first
Brett: then the Mountain Dew
Brett: then me
Brett: THEN Delaney
Brett: and like, fair
I stifle a snort. He’s such a dumbass.
Me: you’re an idiot
Brett: an idiot with EYES
Brett: tell me I’m wrong
Brett: can’t. You won’t.
Then he sends a rapid-fire series of texts, like he’s been thinking of this too long and can’t stop himself.
Brett: you always sit next to him first
Brett: you’re always finding reasons to touch him
Brett: you smile differently when he’s around
Brett: Kit laughs at all your dumb jokes
Brett: He asks questions about football even though he HATES football
Brett: He finishes your sentences when you fumble over your words
Brett: Kit looked like a kicked puppy today
Brett: you looked nervous as soon as he walked outside
Brett: what’s that about?
My stomach twists, and I grip my phone tighter.
Brett: you’re good at pretending to be dumb and don’t care
Brett: but I know you do
Brett: figure your shit out, Romeo
Brett: you guys are inevitable. You know it
Brett: I know it
I stare at the screen. The little gray “…” bubble pops up like he’s got more to say.
But nothing more comes through.
Silence.
Across the room, he rolls over and mutters, “G’night, idiot.”
I swallow hard and tuck the phone under my pillow.
Kit shifts in his bed, just a little. A half-breath. I watch the slow rise and fall of the blanket where his shoulders are, just visible in the dark.
I wonder if he read something in my eyes today. I wonder when it got this complicated.
Kit’s still asleep when I wake up. Curled in a tight ball on his bunk, Red tucked under his arm, barely a dent in the mattress. His hair is a mess of honey brown waves across his forehead, and his shoulders look so small under the thin blanket. He never takes up much space.
I want to climb in with him like I used to. See if he would still curl into me like he always did.
Instead, I get dressed as quietly as I can, skipping the creaky plank near the foot of the bunk, and pretend like I don’t want to analyze why I want to be close to him and what that means now.
The sun isn’t even out yet, but I know Brett’s already awake. I can feel it in my bones. Mom always says it's our twin magic.
Sure enough, by the time I make it to the kitchen, my phone buzzes.
Brett: lets talk about the sunscreen thing yesterday
Brett: you practically went running for him as soon as he walked outside
Brett: you realize you’re dating Delaney, right?
Brett: she left red as a lobster, bro
Brett: LOL
Brett: guess not everyone gets the sunscreen treatment
Brett: just your kitten baby
I sigh and pour a bowl of cereal.
Buzz.
Brett: gonna rub Tuckers shoulders down with lotion later?
Brett: he looked a bit dry
Brett: since that's what you do for your friends
Another sigh.
Buzz.
Brett: anyway
Brett: you and Delaney have LESS chemistry than you and Kit
Brett: and you’re in luck
Brett: cause Kit is gay! *confetti*
I groan, sliding into a chair and shoveling a bite of cereal into my mouth.
Buzz.
Brett: tbh I think Kit and the Mountain Dew had a moment last night
Brett: sparks. Passion. Sugar.
Brett: like you and that soda in 7th grade, remember?
I text back with one hand.
Me: why are you like this?
Me: its 6am
Buzz.
Brett: love never sleeps, Boe
Brett: Kit was up all night. Tossing and turning like a lovesick vampire
Brett: you brought a girl here! Moron
Brett: now he’s probably dreaming of you caressing his neck
Brett: what a nightmare
I set my phone face down. Try to focus on chewing. But my brain has already drifted off, remembering how soft Kit’s hair was between my fingers, how his throat bobbed when I sprayed the sunscreen, how fast he looked away.
I thought we were good. I thought things were getting normal again.
But something still feels…off. I just hope he knows that I seriously couldn’t give a shit less about him being gay.
Buzz.
Brett: just admit you’re in love with him and we can move on
Brett: or keep pretending and suffer
Brett: your call, dummy
I toss the rest of the cereal in the sink.
Buzz.
Brett: p.s. Delaney asked me if Kit likes anyone
Brett: girls notice everything, bro
Brett: good luck with that
What the hell is with him?
Delaney’s back today. I was just as surprised to see her dad’s car pull up as everyone else.
Apparently, she asked Kit’s mom if she could come back today.
She’s currently trying to lure a squirrel out of a tree with sunflower seeds.
Kit is ignoring everyone, face in a book and toes swirling in the lake.
Brett? Yeah, dude hasn’t shut up for more than thirty seconds all day.
I’ve been playing semi-attentive boyfriend slash stupid brother blockade since Del showed up after breakfast, and all I want is five minutes of peace.
He seriously asked her what her intentions were with me. Like I’m an innocent little flower he’s trying to protect.
Buzz.
I roll my eyes so hard it actually makes my head ache.
Brett: tell me you see this
Brett: your gf is baby talking a squirrel right now
Brett: it doesn’t have to be this way, man. Why are you making yourself suffer
Brett: does it look like Kit is burning? Gosh, what kind of friend even are you? Letting him crisp into a noodle. He obvs can’t figure out the sunscreen bottle on his own Boeeeeeee.
I glance over. Kit is frowning at his book, clearly annoyed by something. Knowing Kit, though, probably everything. That really shouldn’t put a smirk on my face. He’s got that tiny sunburn on the tip of his ears again, and yeah, okay, maybe I should have helped with that.
I type back.
Me: leave me alone
Brett: Never<3
Brett: I’ve been silent for fifteen years and I’m finally realizing how much potential I have to make your life hell
Me: I don’t think you know what silent means
Brett: you’re welcome
I set the phone face down on the cooler beside me. Delaney’s laughing, sitting cross-legged in the grass not far, asking Tucker if squirrels can be pets.
Buzz.
Buzz.
Buzz.
I hold out. I do. For like, forty-five seconds.
Brett: okay but real question
Brett: do you actually like her? like for reals?
Brett: or do you like the idea of her?
Brett: cause if you tell me it’s for real bro, I’ll back off. Honestly.
Me: I’m not doing this with you right now
Brett: So… what you’re saying is I can continue planning your and Kit’s wedding? How do you feel about sunflowers?
I shoot my brother an annoyed look and set my phone back down, picking my camera up instead.
The view of the lake from this angle is my favorite. Sitting in the grass, back pressed against a tree, the water seems endless. Just glittering water and trees off in the distance. I snap three photos before my phone buzzes again.
Brett: Does she even know your middle name? Fav candy?
Brett: Kit does. Kit knows everything. That's why he bought you that camera for your birthday, so you can take all the pictures your little heart desires.
Brett: how many pics have you taken of him today? Five? Six?
Brett: yooooo when you guys get married will I be your best man or Kit’s?
I choke on my own breath and toss the phone into the grass. Kit glances up from his book like he felt me combusting across the lawn. His eyes meet mine for a second before he looks away again, cheeks pink.
Delaney is now braiding Tucker’s hair. He doesn’t seem bothered by it.
Brett appears beside me, drink in hand, devilish smirk on his face.
He doesn’t say a word. Just sips and grins. Such an innocent face for someone trying to engage in psychological warfare with his own brother.
He’s relentless all day long. Even when my phone is blissfully quiet, I’ll find his eyes on me with a particularly alarming glint in them.
I ate way too much over dinner, scared that if I left my mouth empty, I would yell at him to stop being such a damn weirdo across the table.
It’s bad enough that the vibe has been off all day.
I’m uneasy and confused as hell. I’m blaming my shithead twin.
By the time Delaney’s dad comes back to get her, we’re all cleaned up from dinner. I sat with her on the porch steps, hyper aware of the person curled up on the swing behind us.
Brett and Tucker went inside the big cabin to start round seventy-two of Monopoly with Kit’s Dad a while ago. The taillights of the car are long gone before I stand up and make my way up the last creaky step.
Kit is curled up, barefoot, with a familiar-looking hoodie that's several sizes too big; the hood is tugged halfway over his head like he’s hoping no one will talk to him.
I lean against the banister, searching for something to say anyway to fill the silence.
There’s an edge to it today. Well, I feel like there has been a steady stream of weirdness between us for a while now.
I watch his toes curl into the wood, pushing off to get the swing moving again before he tucks it back up under him.
Even with the hood, I can see his damp hair hanging over his forehead.
Buzz.
Buzz.
Buzz.
I ignore it.
“Everything okay?” Kit asks, glancing down at my phone vibrating in my hand.
Brett: it’s so weird that you’re always following him around
Brett: like so so weird
Brett: obsessed much???
Sigh.
Me: eat dirt
Brett: you could just kiss him and end both of our suffering
Brett: come on, bro. Give it to him good. You’ll both be like, Delaney WHO? after a lil smooch.
I shove my phone in my pocket and turn to Kit, clearing my scratchy throat. “Brett is being an idiot.”
He snorts and tucks his knees up into the hoodie. “Isn’t he always?”
There’s a lull. The air smells like pine and lake water, and something about it makes my chest feel tight.
“Thanks for earlier,” he says.
I blink. “For what?”
He shrugs one shoulder. “Taking care of me, like always. Especially the sunscreen. Again. Always ready with the spf,” he chuckles, sounding a little weak, but shit, I love hearing it.
I could only handle staring at his red ears for about three minutes before I crouched down behind him and reapplied sunscreen to his neck and back that he had half assed, making sure to rub out the bit he had left in his hair and getting his ears while I was at it.
I swallow. Blocking out the memory of the barrage of texts I got after that.
“Yup.”
His eyes flash, lips quirk in amusement, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Since we were kids. You always forget to reapply. Remember when you got sun poisoning when we were like, seven?”
He grins a little, soft. “I didn’t realize you paid that much attention.” I open my mouth to respond, but I have no clue what to say.
What the hell even is this conversation right now?
Buzz.
I check it when Kit looks away.
Brett: just say you’re in love with him and stop ruining my life already
I almost laugh. Almost.
Kit shifts on the swing. I want to sit beside him and enjoy the evening breeze, but I fear Brett would have his nose pressed against the window in ten seconds flat.
Buzz.
Brett: p.s. I watched him pick the onions off his burger earlier
Brett: that’s how you know it's real love bro. I saw it on a quiz once
Brett: means he wants you to kiss him
Brett: SMOOCH HIM
I put the phone back in my pocket. This time, I do laugh, even if the sound has to work its way out around the lump in my throat. Must be allergies.