Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
I t turned out old people slept quite a lot, because Bunty didn’t wake up after my toilet trip and a couple of times I actually thought that she might have died. I didn’t watch any more films after Captain Phillips because I couldn’t get the thought of being high-jacked by pirates out of my head (which could be possible if we crashed into the sea). Instead, I read some more of The Lord of The Rings .
I must have drifted off, because when I opened my eyes we’d landed and Bunty was nudging my knee. People were out of their seats reaching for their hand luggage above their heads. So I stood up and joined them, helping Bunty get hers.
I prayed that no one sneezed. I was already pressed up against the person in front of me. I’d already made a mental note of what part of me I’d need to clean – although I would be washing it all as soon as I got to the hostel. The crush of bodies made me think of the sheep I used to see in a lorry about to be shipped off to the big field in the sky (that’s what my mother used to say to me when we’d pass them on the lane).
It wasn’t until we had a school trip to the abattoir that I realised where that field was. You’d think that taking a load of school children to an abattoir would have been a really stupid idea, but apparently not. I will never forget the stench that clung to my throat that day or the sheep’s legs hanging out of a skip with actual blood still dripping from them. They do it differently now; at least I like to think that they do.
I turned into a vegetarian for a whole month after that until it became too hard to resist the plate of bacon that my mother would put on the table at breakfast for my father. I never ate lamb again, though – it smelt like death.
I said my goodbyes to Bunty as soon as we got off the plane, she whispered in my ear to make sure I kissed the sea , and I wished that her sister was buried in New Zealand so that she could come on the next flight with me. She seemed so at ease on her own as I watched her rummage in her handbag for her bus ticket with no sense of panic that she might have left it behind or that she would be travelling in the dark in a country halfway across the world. I wondered if Bunty might fall in love and stay in Kuala Lumpur like her sister did. She waved me goodbye and didn’t look back and I wished I could be more like Bunty. I bet she didn’t hover.
I pulled out my checklist from my bag.
If you’re reading this, you’re alive!
Sanitise.
Go to departure lounge.
Find flight board.
Toilet? (Try to hold out until closer to flight if you can).
Find café (cup of tea, sandwich).
Text Una.
Toilet (definitely go).
FLY TO NEW ZEALAND YOU FREAK!
I smiled as I read Una’s handwriting.
* * *
Kuala Lumpur airport is not like Dublin Airport. It is modern and slick and luxurious and so clean I almost didn’t feel the need to sanitise and I probably wouldn’t have done if I’d not been jampacked on a plane full of strangers. The shop assistants were immaculate. They smiled like clones as I walked past and I liked it. It felt simple and structured – it felt safe.
I made my way to the departure lounge – I’d go as far as saying I walked there with ease – I avoided the toilets and headed straight to the flight board. There it was: flight 496 to Auckland.
There was a small café next to a bar on the other side. Huge, green tropical plants separated them and I liked that they made me feel hidden. I sat down at a table closest to the trees. A woman appeared beside me with a tiny notepad. I ordered a green tea and a ham sandwich with a banana because they didn’t have cheese and pickle. I hadn’t realised how hungry I was having turned down the breakfast on the plane in fear of needing a poo.
I pulled out my phone and turned it on. Una’s name flashed on the screen straight away followed by fifteen text messages in succession.
I’m at quiz night. Text me when you land at KWL. Love you lots! PS: Shaun is here.
He hasn’t talked to Carmel once, she’s trying to get his attention, though, you should see her it’s so cringeworthy!! (Poor Richie).
He keeps looking over.
I’m going to go outside for a fag to see if he talks to Carmel when I’m gone.
I’m outside. He’s not looked at her once!
Ian’s called last orders and I’m going home because I’ve had far toooo much to drinkk.
Fuck. I’m home and Shaun has just texted me saying hello!
He’s sent another one. It says I looked goo
I’m not replying.ext
OMG he text again!
I still haven’t replied. He can feck off.
He says he wants to talk.
He wants to come over. Fuck, should I let him? Jesus, you’re on the bloody
plane. WHERE ARE YOU THE ONE BLOODY TIME I NEED YOOOU!! I’m not letting him come over.
Should I?
I typed my reply with firm taps, even though I knew it was too late. Una would either be with Shaun, or she’d be asleep.
NO!
* * *
Five hours wasn’t actually that long to wait in an airport like Kuala Lumpur airport. There was so much to see. It was like a giant shopping centre with glass lifts that looked like spaceships and jungle gardens that made me feel quite Zen. I’d avoided the toilets until the very last minute and by the time my flight to New Zealand was called I was more than happy to board it.
I knew that Una would have been fast asleep (hopefully alone), and I’d prayed that she’d had the sense not to allow Shaun did everything but over to her house, even though deep down I think I already knew that she had. Maybe she needed to. Maybe she needed to give him another chance to know that he was not the man for her.
My flight to New Zealand was ten hours and seventeen minutes long. I’d planned on watching two films and then read for an hour, and hopefully sleep for the rest of the journey. I ate in the café (homity pie) so that I could avoid the food on the plane because how could I wipe and sanitise discreetly so close to a stranger? There would be no way to hide that.
When I heard my phone ting I thought that Una must have got my message after all but when I looked down it was Niall’s name on the screen.
You’ve left your bathroom window open.
I stared at his text. I couldn’t have. I’d checked everything before I’d left but even as I ran over it in my head I knew what I’d done. I had meant to shut it after my shower but had left it open to get rid of the steam and then my head had been so full of what I was doing I had forgotten to go back and shut it. Panic stirred inside me. If it rained the floor would flood and then I’d have to get somebody in – while I wasn’t there – to sort it out, and I couldn’t cope with that. I couldn’t cope with not knowing what they’d touched or whether or not they’d sneezed. I’d rather it flooded.
I could hear the last call for my flight but the thud of my heart in my ears made everything seem muffled. I read Niall’s next message.
Do you want me to shut it?
I couldn’t think straight.
Your spare key is in the shop.
I could see it in my head, Blu-tacked securely behind the whiteboard, hidden for emergencies. Emergencies like locking myself in my porch semi-naked or leaving my bathroom window open when I was on the other side of the world.
Yes please…
I typed quickly.
I’ll go over now.
Niall?
Yes?
There are a few things I need you to do first.
OK, what?
I tried to list them in my head in the order I needed him to do it all.
Please take your shoes off before you go in.
OK.
And leave them outside.
Outside?
Yes. If it’s raining, there’s a plastic bag in the porch.
Why can’t I just leave them in the porch?
Because you can’t.
But why not?
Niall, I haven’t got long I’m about to board my flight.
OK, I’ll leave them outside. Have a safe trip.
That’s not all…
What do you mean?
There are a few more things.
Like what?
There’s sanitiser on the windowsill.
OK.
Please use it.
Why do I need to use sanitiser?
For your hands.
But my hands are clean.
It was like a bloody therapy session with Mairéad with all the questions.
You have to use it, please, Niall.
OK, fine. What else?
Don’t sneeze.
Why would I sneeze?
I don’t know, but if you feel like you’re going to, you need to hold it in.
Right.
You’ll need to stand on the toilet lid to shut the window because I don’t have one of those poles to reach up and shut it yet.
I’m sure I can reach.
It’s a VELUX and higher than it looks.
OK.
Please wipe the toilet lid once you’ve shut it.
Why?
Because of your feet.
But I would have taken off my shoes…
Please, just do it, Niall. And please don’t rub your nose or mouth.
Why would I rub my nose or mouth?
You might have an itch. If you do, please sanitise before you shut the window.
If I’m in the bathroom, I’ll just wash my hands.
No.
Why not?
Because you’ll have to wash the taps afterwards.
Why the hell would I have to do that?
Just use the sanitiser, Niall. When you’ve closed the window, please don’t touch anything coming out of the bathroom. My towel is hanging on the door, so be careful not to brush past it when you go in and when you leave. If for some reason you do, please put it in the bath so that I know to wash it.
I don’t have a disease, you know.
I know.
Anything else?
Yes.
What?
You have to count the woodlice on my gate – there should be twelve. Leave it open!