Ruthless Desire – By Amanda Richardson
RUTHLESS DESIRE
BY AMANDA RICHARDSON
brIAR
I can’t remember the last time I felt something other than exhausted.
Between potty training, preschool drop-off, and listening to other people’s problems as a therapist, I hardly have time to shower, let alone have sex with my four partners.
Most days, I fall asleep half a page into the same book I’ve been trying to finish for a year.
Talk about bone tired . It’s not like the guys don’t help—they do.
And I’m lucky enough to have close friends, all of whom can commiserate with me.
Whenever we can schedule time to see each other, that is.
Being a mom to a young kid isn’t easy. My priorities have shifted, and I’m okay with that.
Sometimes, though, I miss feeling sexy. Feeling wanted .
My partners are wonderful and make me feel like I’ve still got it.
But gone are the days of wild, reckless sex.
I’m lucky if I get one night with each of them a month .
And we can never seem to coordinate days, either.
The days that I’m too tired are the days Ash doesn’t have an early campaign meeting, so we end up falling asleep while watching reruns of Conan .
Same with Hunter—he’s on a completely different schedule than me, staying up late most nights to write.
Which means he needs to sleep during the day.
Samson is the easiest to coordinate sexy times with, as we both have demanding jobs.
And Ledger? He’s Ledger, and he waltzes in and ravishes me whenever he sees fit.
I love that about him, but I wish we could all have that— together .
There was once a time when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, couldn’t resist dropping trou and having each other then and there.
And when I got pregnant, those times got a little less frequent.
I mean, when you’re nine months pregnant in the dead of summer, you don’t want anything touching you.
Now, I’m four years into this mothering gig, and I can’t remember the last time we all had a night together.
Which is exactly why I’ve booked us into Hot Hot Heat—the new sex club in Boston.
They have no idea, of course. But I had to do something.
The last time Samson came over to have sex, I’d dropped my sweatpants and we’d banged in the guest bathroom while Easton watched Blippi in the other room.
It was nice, and it felt good, but I miss dressing up.
I miss having sex and not having a timer going off to indicate that dinner is burning in the oven.
I miss the lead-up and foreplay. Mostly, I miss when we were all together.I have about twenty minutes to shower and get ready, so I’m rushing around as the guys roam in and out of the bedroom, throwing clothes on and muttering about the dinner plans.
I’m feeling particularly annoyed.I let my last client go over her time, and now I’m going to have to rush.
I love my job,I really do, but I miss putting myself first. Which is why tonight is going to be great.
Easton is with my mom, and the guys think we’re going out to celebrate Ledger’s birthday.
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Luckily, we all moved in together last year.
When I first had Easton, I needed my space, and we all had separate homes.
Now, though? Between T-ball practice, preschool, my job, Ash’s crazy media schedule, and everything else going on, it made sense to share one space.
I got the idea of pushing two king-size beds together from Lennon, my best friend.
It’s a tight fit with five adults, but we make it work.
Plus, Easton’s favorite thing to do on Sunday mornings is jump into bed with all of us and cuddle.
I smile as I think about it—about all the love he has surrounding him.
I guess that’s a benefit of having parents who are in a polyamorous relationship.
I swipe on some dark lipstick, run a hand through my damp hair, and then I’m heading downstairs in a dress that’s a little bit too tight from my pre-pregnancy days.
“There she is,” Hunter says, walking over to me. He places a kiss on my temple. “Beautiful, as always.”
“Let’s go,” Ash says, the most serious of the bunch.
He was a total jokester in high school, but now that he’s running as a representative for the state of Massachusetts, he’s turned into Mr. Serious Politician.
I secretly love the brooding demeanor he’s picked up from his job, even if his job is demanding.
“I’m starving,” he adds, putting an arm around my shoulders and squeezing once.
I wince. “You may want to get a snack before we go.”
He scowls down at me, his eyes boring into mine. “Aren’t we going out to eat?”
I rub his arm. “Yes, but just in case there’s a wait. I don’t want you to get hangry.”
“I’ll pack us some snacks,” Samson says quickly, heading to the kitchen. He’s always the one who thinks ahead, who remembers the umbrella and sunscreen, and who never forgets to keep five adults and one toddler fed and comfortable.
I look over at Ledger, who is sitting at the dining room table with a sketchpad and charcoal pencil. Walking over to him, I peer over his shoulder.
“That’s good,” I muse, stroking his hair. He’s drawn a beach landscape. —It’s the same one he’s drawn repeatedly for months.
He shrugs. “I can’t get the waves right.”
I run a hand along his neck, and he moans, leaning back a bit. “You will,” I say, my voice soothing. “Tonight, though, let’s go have fun. It is your birthday dinner, after all.”
He looks up and gives me a wan smile. “I suppose I can take a break.”
I wink. “Trust me. You’ll want to take a break for this.”
He smiles, his hand coming to my ass. “Oh really?”
“Let’s go!” Ash calls from the kitchen.
I pull Ledger up and we walk to the kitchen. All three of them are chowing down on Easton’s leftover macaroni and cheese.
“I was going to suggest an apple or something, but that works too,” I joke.
“Come on. We have a reservation.” I grab my purse, and the five of us head out to the car.
Along with the supersized bed, we had to get a three-row minivan to fit all of us.
I grab the keys from Hunter, smirking at his surprised expression.
Opening the door, I toss my hair over my shoulder. “I’m driving.”
Once everyone loads into the car, I notice the guys looking at each other. Hunter looks over at me from the passenger seat.
“This is weird,” he says, his dark eyebrows knitting together.
“She’s up to something,” Samson says from the back seat.
“Definitely up to something,” Hunter says, quirking his eyebrows at me as he closes his door.
“I’m glad I ate something, because I don’t think we’re going to the restaurant,” Ash chimes in.
“But it’s my birthday,” Ledger whines, and they all laugh. I just smile and stay silent, driving us out of Greythorn and into Boston.
I turn on the new Lizzo album, and we all stay silent the rest of the drive. Every minute or so, I catch one of them looking at me. They have no idea what’s coming. I can’t wait to see their faces once we arrive.
Thirty minutes later, we’ve gotten through the traffic, and I find a parking garage a few blocks from the address I have up on my phone.
Once we park, we walk down the quiet road just outside the city.
I walk ahead of them, afraid they’ll see the surprise in my expression.
Ledger catches up with me and puts an arm around my shoulders.
“This doesn’t look like the way to DiMaggio’s,” he purrs into my ear.
I smirk. “Shut up and keep walking, okay?”
“What does my little lamb have up her sleeve?”
Goose bumps skitter across my skin at his words. None of them has called me that in… years. It sounded so silly around Easton, so we just stopped. I’m realizing now that we stopped doing a lot of things that made me fall in love with them.
Something that I’m trying to rectify tonight.
When we get close to the address, I turn and face my partners. “Just trust me tonight, okay?”
Hunter looks around, scowling. I worry about himand Ash.
They’re possessive of me. I know they’re open-minded—hello, we’re in a polyamorous relationship—but I hope the sex club isn’t too much.
We used to be kinky, but that was a long time ago.
We’ve all changed. And even back then, we never did anything like this. But maybe that’s a good thing.
“What are we doing in this neighborhood, Briar?” he asks, looking all sulky and cute.
“You’ll see. I just…” I wring my hands together. “I really want us all to connect again.”
“We are connected,” Ash interjects, stepping forward. I wring my hands together, suddenly realizing where I’ve brought him. He’s the mayor—the freaking mayor of Greythorn—and I’m dragging him to a sex club. He’s up for a seat in Congress this fall. What the hell was I thinking?
“I meant… on a primal level,” I add, sweat beginning to drip down my back. I shift my weight from foot to foot. “But on second thought, maybe this wasn’t the best idea.”
Ledger steps forward. “Then show us.” He eyes the building we’re about to enter. “You went to all of this trouble.”
Samson smirks from the back of the group, eyeing me knowingly. He fidgets with a cufflink, his eyes twinkling. “I’m interested to see what you have planned.”
I look at Hunter and Ash, and Ash shrugs. “If it seems sketchy, we’ll leave.”
“Agreed,” I reply, excitement flashing through my veins. My eyes find Hunter’s. “What about you?”
He scowls at me and rubs his lips. “Well, I’m outnumbered now.”
I tilt my head and take his hands, pulling him into me. His eyebrows shoot up when I mumble my next sentence into his ear.
“Come on, stepbrother. What are you afraid of?” I ask, my voice sultry and low.