The Care You Show Me – Kelly Violet
THE CARE YOU SHOW ME
KELLY VIOLET
RAE
My seminar ended in the late afternoon, so I grabbed a quick snack from a vending machine and made my way over to the library for a shift at the reference desk. Built into the librarians’ schedule was a dinner break, and many of them took the time to go home to eat with their loved ones.
That’s where I came in. Getting to work at the reference desk hadn’t happened overnight, especially for an undergraduate student, but I’d made the jump against the odds. It helped that I saw the librarians as mentors, since I planned to pursue an MLIS degree after graduating from Davis.
Turning the corner on the east side of campus, the library came into view.
Several minutes early for my shift, I thought about taking out my notebook to write for a bit.
As I got closer to the four-story building, a familiar figure loomed in the distance.
Before I could stifle the immediate reaction of confusion and delight, a smile stretched my face.
One I couldn’t control for the life of me.
Not when it came to Xander. Not after the last year and some change.
He’d broken through my walls after three years of avoidance and silence, bringing them down like a house of cards. We’d worked through the past hurt and misunderstanding and came together on the other side. Better than ever.
It felt like a miracle. A new beginning I never thought we’d get.
With the sexiest grin on his face, Xander opened his arms, and I hiked up the bag on my shoulder and ran the last few yards to him. Once we connected, his embrace felt like coming home. I hadn’t known I needed his hug until right this second.
“Hey, baby. How’s your day been?”
“Good. What on earth are you doing here, Xan?”
“I couldn’t go another minute without seeing your beautiful face, Rae.”
I leaned back in his arms, knowing intrinsically he wouldn’t let go, and peered up at him dubiously. “That’s a little much, isn’t it?”
“Not at all. I mean every word,” he swore. Clutching my waist on one side, he lifted three fingers with all seriousness and said, “Scout’s honor.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. He was a mess sometimes. Because of our past friendship in high school, I knew he had been a scout and took pride in the badges he earned from the program.
“Okay, okay.” Even though I wished time would stop so that I could stay in his arms a little longer, my shift started in a few minutes. It wouldn’t be a good look running late all because my sugary sweet boyfriend decided to surprise me.
“I have to get to work, Xan.” My pout came out loud and clear.
“I know. I’m here to walk you.”
“You don’t have to, you know?”
“I want to, baby. Now stop wasting time. You need to get to work.” Him throwing my words back in my face made my pout deepen. Xander dropped the arm he still had around my waist only to grab my hand next.
“I figured I’ll hang out here today. I’ll get some studying done while you work. Then, we can walk home together.”
“You don’t–” Xan squeezed my hand lightly, and I promptly snapped my mouth closed at his caring offer.
This version of Xander never failed to amaze me lately.
In many ways, he was the same boy I’d fallen in love with after becoming close friends in high school.
But since we officially became a couple—after the destruction of our friendship—everything I loved about him ratcheted up a few notches.
It was infuriating and exactly what I didn’t know I needed.
What I’d been missing during the past few years of separation and stark disappointment.
Anger no longer festered inside of me, only sadness for the time we’d missed out on together.
My bitterness at how things played out slowly dissipated the more he pestered me until I eventually caved.
The pain of our past made way for new beginnings where we learned and relearned each other.
Now, I understood how much the separation helped me to grow and find parts of myself that were dormant. Like my passion for writing.
It had been a slow revelation but a much-needed one.
We walked together hand in hand the last several yards to the entrance of Davis’ main Library.
It was a four-story building that appeared intimidating to the unaware given the dark, gothic aesthetic of the exterior.
On the inside, though, it was the most welcoming space on campus, and I loved working here just as much as I adored the Fat Cat bookstore.
Once we stepped inside the building, I released Xander’s hand but blew him a kiss before beelining for the reference desk.
“I’m here, Pam.” My supervisor and mentor, Pamela, was a passionate librarian who loved her role on campus.
“Hey, Rae,” she welcomed me with a soft smile. “Just the person I wanted to see.”
“Oh?” Placing my bag on the corner of the wide wooden desk, I waited for Pam to continue.
“Do you mind closing the desk today?”
“Not a problem.” I wouldn’t refuse the extra hours or the extra money.
“Go spend time with your family. I can handle tonight’s shift.”
“You’re a gem, Rae.”
I smiled, chuckling. “Pam, you’re one of the few people who think so.”
“I highly doubt that. Well, let me get out of your way. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.” I had her personal cell phone number in case of emergencies, but I wasn’t worried.
“Will do.”
“Have a great shift.”
“Thanks. Bye, Pam.”
Once I logged onto the desktop computer and stored my things in the empty drawer in the desk, I pulled out my phone to send Xander a text message.
Rae: Change of plans, Xan. I’m closing the desk tonight. You don’t have to wait for me to finish.
Xan: No can do, sweets. I have enough studying to keep me busy. I’ll see you later.
Sweets? I shook my head, a big smile taking over my face.
Within thirty minutes of my shift starting, I fielded two phone calls and one in-depth reference question. I was in my element. By the second hour, the library had quieted down considerably, so I took out my writing notebook and continued a short story I’d been working on.
For me, there was nothing like pen to paper sometimes. Especially when stuck, it got ideas flowing in a way that typing on a keyboard never could. Maybe it was all in my head, but I loved seeing a story take shape almost by magic as my pen glided across paper.
Even though I kept my attention divided between writing and seeing if anyone needed my assistance, I made good headway on the short, getting two pages down in less than an hour. Like clockwork, my stomach rumbled at seven, which would’ve been the end of my shift if I hadn’t agreed to close.
Contemplating putting up a sign to leave the desk for a few minutes, I went to lock the computer when movement in my periphery caught my attention. I pasted on a welcoming smile and looked up only to see my boyfriend. And to top it off, he hadn’t come empty-handed.
Since our main campus library allowed food, him bringing me something to munch on wouldn’t get either of us in trouble.
“How did you know?”
“I make it my business to know any and everything about you, sweets.”
My stomach rumbled loudly again, so I decided not to speak the words itching to come out of my mouth. Now wasn’t the time to flirt or proclaim my love for him. Plus, I didn’t want him getting a bigger head than he already had.
Xander passed over the bag, and again I wanted to kiss him silly.
The way he took care of me was unmatched.
Because I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I’d have this, especially after what went down in high school.
It was beyond anything I allowed myself to imagine.
Still, Xander continued to surprise me at every turn. And in the best possible ways.
“How much do I owe you?” I asked distractedly, already peeking into the paper bag to see what all he got me.
“Don’t even think about it.” Hearing the low growl in his voice, my gaze whipped up to look at him. Bracing his palms on the desk, the muscles in his arms bulged and stole all my attention for a hot second before I returned my gaze to his smoldering one. The tiniest knowing smirk rode his lips.
I swallowed my saliva as his blue-black eyes warmed me from the inside out.
“The only thanks I’ll take is your lips on mine after your shift is over.”
“Xan!” The gasp I gasped. Cutting a look around, I noticed that the student worker at the circulation desk spared us a glance, and I wanted to hide in a corner. “Go back to studying,” I said, shooing him away.
“Eat your dinner, Rae. You’ll need your energy later.” He even had the nerve to wink at me.
Blushing furiously, I distracted myself from the mild embarrassment by digging into the bag of unexpected goodies the moment he turned and walked away.
I had the best boyfriend in the world. And I was forever thankful that Xander bulldozed his way into my life back in high school and then again last year.
Before my stomach decided to revolt, I dug into the chicken fingers and fries Xan got for me, munching happily for the next several minutes while things around the reference desk remained blissfully quiet.
XAN
It was my goal in life to show Rae how much she was loved. How much I cherished her with every fiber of my being.
There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t regret my past actions those last weeks of high school and the pain it caused her. I’d been an asshole who’d let my emotions get in the way of the truth. And even though it was all in our past now, the memories stuck with me. They propelled me forward.
Having Rae in my life made me want to be a better person.
A better man. And there were parts of me that had gotten lost when she wasn’t by my side for three years.
Now that we were back on equal footing, I planned to spoil the hell outta her for the rest of my days on this earth.
Whatever she needed, whether she asked for it or not, I’d do anything and everything in my power to make it happen for her.