Checked Out – Lena Cove #4
I ghost him. I dodge his texts, and when he calls, I let it ring until his voice, deep, warm, and familiar, filters through my voicemail. I don’t listen to the messages. I delete them before I can let myself hope that maybe, just maybe, I got it all wrong.
Because I didn’t. I heard him. I heard exactly what he said. It’s hard when one person wants a family and the other doesn’t. It doesn’t matter how much I want him, how much I love him. I can’t afford to waste time on a man who doesn’t want the same future I do. Who doesn’t want a life with me?
I cut him out before he can cut me out first.
By the time Thursday rolls around, my stomach is in knots. I know he’ll be at the library. He’ll probably be watching for me, waiting for me, wondering why I’ve been ignoring him.
The second I walk through those doors, I can feel him. His gaze lands on me instantly, heavy with frustration. He takes a step forward, like he’s going to come to me, but I quickly look away and herd the kids toward the Storytime rug, keeping my focus locked on anything but him.
I think, for a second, that maybe I’ll get away with it, but after Storytime, when the kids are busy picking out books, I feel him move in beside me.
"Stella."
I freeze. His voice is low, edged with something sharp.
I swallow hard, forcing myself to turn to him. "Hey, Holden."
His eyes search mine, and I know he sees everything: the distance, the walls I’ve thrown up between us. "Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?"
I force a tight smile. "Nothing’s going on."
"Bullshit." His jaw tics. "You’ve been avoiding me all week. You ignore my texts, my calls, and now you’re standing here acting like nothing’s wrong? Just tell me, Stella."
I inhale sharply, feeling my resolve crack, but I can’t let myself hope. I can’t let myself break. "There’s nothing to tell, Holden. I just get it now, okay? I understand."
His brow furrows. "Understand what?"
I let out a breath, my voice quieter now. "That we don’t want the same things."
He blinks, his confusion shifting into something almost pained. "What are you talking about?"
I shake my head. "I heard you, Holden. I heard what you said to Evan. It’s hard when one person wants a family and the other doesn’t.
And I’m not going to sit here and pretend like that isn’t a deal-breaker for me.
I want a life with someone. I want a future, a family, a home.
And I won’t stay with someone who doesn’t want the same thing. "
His expression is unreadable—stunned, almost—but I can’t stick around to hear whatever excuse he’s about to make. I do the only thing I can do. I walk away before he has the chance to crush me.
HOLDEN
I feel like I haven’t slept in a week. Every time I close my eyes, I see her face. The way she looked at me that day in the library, like she’d already decided I wasn’t worth the fight. I’d already lost her and I can’t fucking take it anymore.
She won’t answer my calls, won’t text me back, and won’t even look at me when she comes to the library with the kids. I’ve tried waiting, tried giving her space, but it’s not working.
Now I know why she’s doing this, I know exactly what she thinks she heard, and I know she’s completely, devastatingly wrong.
I’m done waiting.
I catch Stella, just as she’s leaving the library, one hand on the stroller, Rosie and Theo trailing beside her. She freezes when she sees me, her lips parting like she’s already trying to think of an excuse to escape. Not this time.
"We need to talk." My voice is rougher than I intend, but I don’t care.
She straightens, lifting her chin, her posture defensive. "Holden, I?—"
"No." I step closer, lowering my voice. "No more running. No more avoiding me. Just give me five minutes to explain."
She hesitates, glancing at the kids, then exhales sharply. "Rosie, can you help Theo pick out a book for the ride home? I just need a second."
Rosie beams. "Sure! Theo, let’s go!"
The second they disappear into the stacks, Stella folds her arms, keeping a careful distance. "Holden, you don’t?—"
"You’re wrong." The words come out harsh, desperate.
Her brows knit together. "Excuse me?"
I drag a hand through my hair, barely containing the frustration that’s been boiling inside me for days. "You think I don’t want the same things as you? That I don’t want a future with you? Stella, you are my future. You’re all I fucking think about."
She flinches, her throat working as she swallows. "Then why?—"
"I wasn’t talking about us," I cut in, voice sharp. "I was talking to Evan about his relationship. He and his girlfriend are going through some stuff because she wants kids and he doesn’t. That had nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with us."
Stella stares at me, the air between us suddenly too thick, too heavy with everything unsaid. I watch her chest rise and fall, her lips parting like she wants to say something, anything, but she just stands there, frozen.
"Christ, Stella." My voice softens, and I step closer, gently gripping her arms. "Do you think I would’ve let myself fall for you if I didn’t want everything that comes with it? You. A home. A family. Forever?"
Her breath shudders, her eyes glossy with tears. "I thought…"
I shake my head, my fingers tightening on her arms. "You thought wrong."
Silence stretches between us, charged and fragile. Then, finally, her walls crack. I see it in the way her lips tremble, in the way her body sways slightly toward mine.
"Holden…"
I exhale, pressing my forehead to hers. "I love you, Stella."
Her breath catches.
"I love you," I repeat, voice raw. "I want everything with you."
For a moment, she doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t move.
Then she throws her arms around my neck, clinging to me like she’s afraid to let go. And when she whispers, "I love you too." I know I’ve got her back.
I kiss her like I’ve been starving for her because I have. I nearly lost her. I never want to go another second thinking she doesn’t know exactly how much she means to me.
And this time? This time, she doesn’t pull away.
Stella
I nearly lost him. The realization crashes over me like a tidal wave, leaving me breathless and dizzy. I let my fears and my insecurities convince me to walk away from the best thing that has ever happened to me. And for what? A misunderstanding? A stupid, stupid assumption?
I feel sick.
Because if Holden hadn’t confronted me today, if he hadn’t fought for us, I might have let him go. I might have thrown away something real. I don’t think I would have ever forgiven myself for it.
His forehead is still resting against mine, his breath warm and uneven. His hands are gripping my waist, his thumbs brushing slow circles against my skin like he’s afraid to let me go.
"I love you, Stella," he murmurs again, his voice rough and full of emotion. "I need you to know that I want everything with you. A future, a home, a family, all of it. I need you to trust me and to believe in us."
My throat tightens. "I do. I do, Holden. I just…I think I was scared. I didn’t want to get hurt, so I?—"
"You ran before I had the chance to prove you wouldn’t be," he finishes softly.
I nod, my chest aching. "I’m so sorry."
His fingers tilt my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. "Just promise me, next time, you’ll talk to me first. No more running. No more shutting me out."
I nod again, my pulse hammering. "I promise."
Something shifts in his expression—relief, hope, love—right before he kisses me. The kiss is totally inappropriate for the children’s librarian and a nanny who are both at work. He finally pulls back, his forehead resting against mine, and we’re both breathless.
"Let’s start over," he murmurs, brushing his lips over mine again, softer this time. "This time, no misunderstandings."
I smile against his mouth. "I’d like that."
HOLDEN - ONE YEAR LATER
I never knew it was possible to be this happy. To wake up every day knowing I get to love someone like Stella and be loved by her in return.
It’s been a year since she almost walked away, a year since we promised each other there’d be no more misunderstandings, and we’ve kept that promise.
Now, we have something solid, something real—a love built on stolen Sunday mornings, on whispered dreams at midnight, on the way she still blushes when I kiss her in public, like she can’t believe this is her life now. Like she can’t believe I’m hers.
And today, I’m going to make sure she knows I’m hers forever.
The library is quiet, the late afternoon light spilling through the windows in golden streaks.
The kids are all gathered on the oversized rug in the reading nook, their little faces upturned in anticipation as they wait for Storytime to begin.
Stella sits among them, Mia curled in her lap, Rosie and Theo tucked close beside her.
She glances up at me, smiling, completely unaware of what’s coming next.
I clear my throat, settling into my chair, holding up the first book. "Alright, who’s ready for today’s story?"
A chorus of excited cheers fills the space.
"Okay! Today, we’re reading a classic, Guess How Much I Love You ."
As I begin, my voice shifts into the storytelling cadence I’ve perfected over the years.
I read slowly, drawing out the words, watching as the kids hang on every syllable.
When I reach the part where Little Nutbrown Hare stretches his arms as wide as they’ll go, I glance at Stella, who’s doing the motion along with the kids, her eyes warm and full of love.
By the time I reach the final line, “I love you right up to the moon—and back”, Rosie sighs dramatically. "I love this book," she declares, hugging her stuffed bunny to her chest.
I chuckle, glancing at Stella. "Me too, Rosie. But before we finish up today, I have one more special book to share."
I reach for a slim volume of poetry, my pulse hammering. "This one’s just for Miss Stella."
She gives me a questioning look, but I can see the way her cheeks start to flush, the way her breath catches slightly.
I flip open the book, pretending to scan the page. "Hmm. That’s strange. There’s something extra in here."
Slowly, I turn the book toward her, revealing the velvet box nestled inside the cut-out pages.
Her lips part, her eyes wide and stunned. "Holden…"
I step closer, sinking onto one knee, my pulse pounding, but my voice steady.
"Stella Vale, I feel like I’ve loved you forever.
From the moment you walked into my library, you turned my world upside down in the best way.
You’re my best friend, my heart, my home.
I want to spend forever making sure you never doubt how much you mean to me. "
Her hands fly to her mouth, tears brimming in her eyes. The kids around us whisper excitedly, giggling and gasping, most not knowing what’s happening, but that whatever it is, it’s exciting.
"So, what do you say, Miss Stella?" I grin. "Will you marry me?"
For a second, she just stares at me, and my heart stops. Then she’s nodding frantically, launching herself into my arms as the library erupts into cheers.
"Yes!" she laughs against my lips. "A thousand times, yes!"
I slip the ring onto her finger, my hands shaking slightly, and kiss her, keeping it rated G, right there in the middle of the library, surrounded by shelves of love stories.
Later, after the excitement settles, we sit together on the rug, a stack of books in front of us. The kids' parents picked them up directly from the library, so it’s just the two of us. I feel Stella’s fingers slip into mine, squeezing gently.
I glance at her, at the way she’s looking at me like I hung the damn moon, and I can’t help but grin.
Because this is our story, our forever, and I wouldn’t change a single page.