Chapter 28
Si.
Silas.
Wake up.
Disoriented from the nightmares about my father with details I couldn’t remember, I blinked back the sleep in my eyes. The sky behind the trees faded to a shade of dried cornflower, misty in the early morning. The rusty scent in the air reassured me that autumn colors were coming soon, winter cold on its heels.
I shifted on my elbows, forcing my face away from my pillow. Eden’s knees angled to the side, her posture stiff and wary.
“What is it?” I rotated my body and pulled myself to sit up.
I noticed the tears that streaked down her face.
Another nightmare with Nyx.
“What happened? What did he say?”
She shook her head, biting the inside of her lip. She turned her gaze away, unfocused.
When she said nothing, I rubbed her knee. “You’re safe here, Eden. I promised on my life that no harm would come to you.”
Maybe a poor choice of words considering what I would have to do soon to ensure the protection of Arcadia, but I meant it. I meant every word. I would give my life away before I saw Eden in pain.
“Si,” she breathed. “I saw Lycaon.”
My hand stilled, goose flesh climbing up my arms and snaking down my legs and spine.
“You… You saw him?”
It wasn’t that I thought she lied—why would she?—but the thought of Lycaon visiting a human unsettled me.
She nodded. “He met me in a stone structure and told me that I’d find where I belonged.” She pointed her gaze at her hands twisted in her lap. “And he phased in front of me. I-I can’t explain it.”
“You saw his human form.” The realization took longer to process. My eyes widened. “What did he look like as a man?”
“Bright. Radiant. Iridescent.”
I could almost picture it. But in the end, Lycaon’s human form looked too much like my own father, and a tide of grief welled in me again.
I cleared my throat. “So he said you would find where you belong? In Arcadia?”
Eden shrugged. “I think so, maybe. I guess I have to find out.”
She grew silent for a while. I thought about hidden meanings in Lycaon’s words. He spoke in riddles, and I wasn’t certain he meant tangible answers.
“Eden.” I ran my hand along her knee and thigh. “Are you sure he wasn’t confirming Sarva? That you would find peace here and call this place home?”
She met my gaze. “I think I already call Arcadia home.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words formed. Had she changed her mind so quickly? Was it the kiss from last night? Or was it something Markus had said to her?
I focused all my attention to my ears, the rustle of the blankets, the swaying of the tree branches above us, the first birds waking, the rippling of the creek, Eden’s heart beating in time with my own.
Eden’s heart is beating in time with my own.
Such a simple thing had such a heavy impact on my body, mind, and spirit.
“Silas, can I tell you something?”
“I’m listening,” I mumbled.
“Last night, I went to Asa, and he gave me valerian to fall asleep.”
I straightened but forced myself to stay quiet.
“He sensed my distress, and I realized something.” She licked her chapped lips. “I’m scared. I am so afraid of messing up, of not being enough for you or Arcadia, of failing to be the Queen and wife you need. I went searching for answers. I arrived here and detested you. You acted arrogant and biased against humans. And worst of all, blamed me for exposing Arcadia before allowing me the chance to speak.”
I started to speak, but she continued, clawed hands pushing her hair back.
“And I was starting to tolerate you when Iain bowed in front of me. I didn’t know what was going on, but it happened. And then you were arguing with him, your siblings, and everyone else about me being human and about your heirs. And if that wasn’t enough to stress a person, there’s still the threat of imminent danger from Nyx, thinking that I might have brought him in. Not to mention, I met creatures that shouldn’t exist and discovered there are other virlukos in Kentucky, making my world expand in a thousand different directions. And then there are prophecies and hallucinations and visions and nightmares and Seers, and all of it is so…”
She inhaled and held her breath for a moment. “Overwhelming! I am so overwhelmed. By you, by myself. I don’t know. But I’m so scared that I’m going to fail. And I’m scared because I think I might come to love you, and I don’t know what that will do to me.” She wilted, covering her face with her hands. “I don’t think I can do this, Silas. I can’t do this to you or your family. I won’t allow you to end your lineage or–”
I leaned over, wrapping my arms around her slender shoulders, her hair tickling my neck. I had heard every inflection of her voice, every tremor, every sped-up heartbeat, and all the meaning behind her words.
“Eden,” I rasped. “You are more than worthy.”
I pulled back enough to run my thumb across her cheek, wiping away her tears and inhaling the scent of tea that lingered around her. “This has been messy and stressful, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying.” I searched her eyes for any hint of her emotions. Her eyes welled up in the blue light of dawn. “I want you, Eden. I want you forever.”
“Forever is a long time,” she gasped through tears.
I grinned. “I want to love you for a long, long time.”
She buried her face in my shoulder, so I held her tight, rocking her. It’s what my mother used to do when I was a pup and got scared or hurt. She’d scoop me into her arms, whispering comforting words in Ancient and rock me until I fell asleep.
I missed those days.
I missed her.
I wondered for a moment how heavy the grief had been for my father after her passing.
Lycaon, is it ever easier?
I brushed back Eden’s hair as a breeze wrapped around us in a swirl. A voice whispered on the wind in Ancient.
Us rakas ar rikas, lo surin rauha autem vaara.
To love is to live, the greatest peace and danger.
The wind had answered my thoughts.
“Did you hear that?” I sat up.
“Hear what?” Eden croaked.
I paused for a moment, straining my ears for anything out of the ordinary. When nothing suspicious made noise, I shook my head. “Nothing. It must’ve been the wind.”
Eden burrowed back down into the covers and pulled me with her. Despite having spent the past several nights in the same bed, I hadn’t been so conscious of her body this close to mine. I always had other things clouding my thoughts, but now the sky had cleared and I only noticed her body close to me.
Her legs brushed against my knees, and I pulled back so I wouldn’t touch her. My skin burned hot under the blanket. Her hand found my own, fingers tangling with mine.
Her eyes closed. She took one long, deep breath and exhaled, her shoulders relaxing. I brushed her hair behind her ear, and Eden’s face softened like my touch alone comforted her. It made lying next to her more unbearable. I only had so much self-control.
“You know,” I started, the tension rising in my limbs, “you’re kind of cute when you ramble.”
Her eyes shot open, and she raised an eyebrow. “You think my incessant rambling is endearing? You must be nuts.”
I sat up, trying to push away the tension in my gut. “Speaking of nuts, are you hungry?”
She chuckled. “I could eat, I guess. Are you hungry?”
“Please. I’m part wolf. I’m always ravenous.”