Chapter 15
All I wanted to do was look for my mother, but the first four days in London were a whirlwind of preparations, plans, and practices with Lady Mandeville. I’d performed the court curtsey, one deeper and lower than the others, so many times that the muscles in my thighs ached.
I couldn’t have been any farther from Mulberry Street.
But as I stared at myself, feeling detached from Keira O’Day, I wasn’t sure if I felt like Clara Day Hill, either.
I wasn’t quite sure who I was, or which version of myself I liked better.
I felt more like a puppet or, better yet, an actress like my mother.
I was wearing a costume and pretending to be someone I wasn’t.
Was it wrong? Was it the plan God had in store for me all along?
My hand slipped up to my neck, where the locket had sat for just a few short hours.
We hadn’t had any luck finding it in the house or in Lady Mandeville’s carriage, and my heart was broken.
My only link to the past was gone. It might have some monetary value for someone else, but to me, it was priceless.
A light knock sounded at the door.
“Yes?”
“It’s Alec,” he said through the door. “May I come in?”
Gallagher had left me to find a sponge to remove a black mark on my white slippers, but we expected Lady Mandeville to arrive at any moment with her carriage. She would take us to St. James’s Palace, where we would be received by the queen at four.
Butterflies filled my stomach at the sound of Alec’s voice, and I quickly stepped over to open the door.
His face filled with awe when he caught sight of me.
My cheeks warmed, but I didn’t shy away from his bold stare.
“Keira—” He paused and smiled when our gazes met. “You are stunning.”
Love and affection filled my heart as I returned his smile, but the feelings were quickly replaced by a sense of sadness that had overwhelmed me since arriving in London. “Thank you.”
He continued to look at me, but then he seemed to remember himself and said, “I brought you a gift.”
For the first time, I noticed the small velvet box in his hand. He presented it to me, his smile turning into a look of anticipation and joy.
“Alec, you and Aunt Maude have already spent so much—”
“This hardly cost a thing.” He moved it closer to me. “Please open it, Keira.”
I took the box from him and slowly lifted the lid. Nestled inside, on black silk, was my locket. It had been polished and shined brilliantly.
“Alec!” I looked up at him. “Where did you find it?”
“I went to Victoria Station this morning. I apologize, but it was the first day I could get away. One of the porters had found it and turned it in to the stationmaster. They were so pleased when I arrived to claim it.” He lifted it out of the box.
“The clasp was broken, so I stopped at a jeweler and asked them to fix it. They also polished it and made sure the rest of the chain is solid, so it is as good as new, and you don’t have to worry about losing it again. ”
With a soft cry, I threw myself into Alec’s embrace, not caring if I crushed my feathers or wrinkled my gown.
He hesitated for a heartbeat and then wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight.
“Thank you,” I whispered, tears falling down my cheeks. “This is the most precious gift anyone has ever given me.”
“Your mother gave you the gift,” he said. “I only ensured it was returned to you.”
I didn’t want to leave Alec’s arms, but Gallagher or another maid might come upon us.
“Thank you,” I said again, pulling away.
He handed me a clean handkerchief, which I accepted to wipe away my tears. Then he gently laid the locket in my hand, closing my gloved fingers around it. “I can’t wait to see you presented to the queen.” With another smile, he bowed and then walked away.
As I looked down at the locket, so many emotions swirled in my mind and heart. For all my life, the only memories surrounding this piece of jewelry had been linked to a faceless set of parents. Now, Alec’s thoughtfulness and care would be linked to the keepsake, as well.
Two hours later, we sat in Lady Mandeville’s carriage, waiting our turn to alight and enter St. James’s Palace.
My nerves were so frayed, I was afraid I might lose my lunch.
The locket was securely stored in my room, and just knowing it was back, safe and sound, eased so many of the worries I had carried the past four days.
But it didn’t make me less nervous.
“You’re dreadfully pale, my dear,” Lady Mandeville said as she touched my knee. “Are you quite all right?”
Across from us, Aunt Maude and Alec stared my way.
Aunt Maude would also be presented to Queen Victoria today.
She wore a white gown and two white feathers in her hair, to indicate that she had been married.
Alec would escort us into the castle and then part ways with us to go into the queen’s drawing room and wait with the other men before escorting us out.
“There’s no reason to be nervous,” he said to me. “You’ve faced Mrs. Astor, remember?”
My smile turned genuine as I thought of all the sincere compliments he’d paid me. Even if I failed today, at least Alec would still be proud of me.
When it was finally our turn to step out of the carriage at the North Gatehouse, I saw that twin octagonal turrets flanked the arched entrance like sentinels as a coat of arms stretched between them.
The redbrick Tudor-style palace was weathered with time and had a fortress-like feel.
I’d learned that after the death of Queen Victoria’s dear husband, Prince Albert, she had all but abandoned Buckingham Palace and lived in mourning in the more formidable St. James’s Palace while in London.
Here, she held her drawing room presentations but withdrew from most other parts of society.
Lady Mandeville lifted the train of my gown and slipped it over my left arm so it would stay clean and fresh for the presentation. She handed one of two cards she carried to a guard, indicating who she was and the names of the women she would be presenting to the queen.
The guards let us pass and we walked through the entrance and into a courtyard before we were directed to step into the palace. Dozens of other women were making their way to the queen’s drawing room, and we followed them, walking through several stately rooms.
My pulse beat fast, and sweat had begun to form little rivulets down my back.
Alec was instructed to part ways with us as we were shown to one of the antechambers to wait our turn. As I entered, the first person I saw was Louise Garfield with her mother and an older woman.
“Remember to take off your right glove,” Lady Mandeville said as she adjusted the feathers in my hair and looked me over with a critical eye, probably unaware of who Louise Garfield was.
I slowly pulled off the glove, though it wasn’t easy with the sweat gathering on my palms. Louise glanced my way but lifted her chin and turned back to her mother.
It didn’t pay to mention her to Aunt Maude, because Aunt Maude had already seen her and set her lips into a scowl.
“Don’t forget to bow to every member of the royal family who is standing with the queen,” Lady Mandeville said.
“Who might be with her?” I asked.
“It is likely the Prince of Wales and his wife, Princess Alexandra. It will be obvious who is royalty. They’ll stand alongside the queen.”
The chatter inside the anteroom made it hard to think.
I just wanted this to be over. Lady Mandeville had sent out invitations for a tea party in my honor at her house after the ceremony, and then we would attend a ball given by the Earl and Countess of Hawthorne later that evening, where Lady Mandeville hoped to introduce me to the Duke of Severton.
It would be a long and arduous day, flanked on both ends by important, stressful meetings.
One after the other, the women waiting in the antechamber were escorted out by footmen. Louise left soon after we arrived.
The young woman in front of me looked especially nervous. She was beautiful, with blond hair and marble blue eyes. Her mother was also being presented, but she pinched and plucked and patted her daughter until the young woman pulled away in frustration, tears in her eyes.
How well I understood what she was feeling, and when she glanced at me, I offered her a sympathetic smile.
She returned the smile, blinking away the tears. “Are you an American, as well?”
“Yes. I’m Clara Day Hill.” It was still hard to say my new name, but I extended my hand.
“It’s nice to meet you,” she said, taking my hand. “I’m Lily Parker.”
“Are you just as nervous as me?” I whispered, leaning a little closer to her, relieved to find a fellow compatriot.
“Dreadfully.”
“We’ll get through this together.”
Her grin was beautiful. “Let’s.”
The footman called her forward and she gave my hand a tight squeeze before she walked away.
“Good work, Clara,” Lady Mandeville said as soon as Lily and her mother and sponsor left the room. “Keep your enemies close.”
Lily Parker wasn’t my enemy, but I didn’t say so.
Finally, it was my turn.
“Lady Mandeville presenting Mrs. Edmund Hill and Miss Clara Day Hill,” Lady Mandeville said as we stepped up to the footman and she showed him her second card.
“Come with me, please.” He led us out of the room and down a long hallway to a set of double doors.
My heart was beating so hard, I thought I might faint.
Two pages came up behind me with long poles, so Lady Mandeville took my train from my arm and laid it on the ground. The pages slipped the poles beneath it and spread it out in a luxurious river of white silk.
When the doors opened, I had my first glimpse of the sumptuous drawing room with its red drapes and gilded furnishings. Lily was ahead of me with her mother and sponsor, curtseying in front of the queen. As she rose gracefully and moved aside, I wanted to cheer for her success.
Lady Mandeville handed the card to the Lord Chamberlain, and then we waited.