CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Lake Phoenix Is Confusing Me
SERENITY
“What am I supposed to do?” The woman, Lelia, holds out her arm.
I take the red band and loop it around her. “Alright, little squeeze.” I tie the band tighter, forcing her veins to pop through for me.
She holds her phone against her ear, giving me a scant smile and returning to her conversation.
She’s a woman in her thirties, experiencing chronic pain that Caleb ordered blood work for. I can tell she’s too busy to be bothered by this, but I’m glad her health is high enough on her list to tackle before her symptoms progress.
I study her chart and grab the necessary color-coded vials.
“Will I be able to leave once my blood work is in?”
“Yes, but it might take a while.” I never lie to my patients. Tonight, I know two certain things. Blood processing takes time, because most people coming to the ER need their blood drawn, and the ER is crowded, so processing will take longer. “I see a nice vein here. You’ll feel some pinching.”
My patient goes back to her conversation. She’s ranting about the guy she’s seeing giving her mixed signals.
Mixed signals are exactly what my fake husband is sending me. He was so sweet during dinner with my parents. I asked him to play a different role in front of them and I thought that was all he was doing.
I switch vials and continue taking blood from Lelia. She stays indifferent. “I just can’t. He kisses me on our first date, but not on our second. Like what?”
And that sums up how I’m feeling. Lake’s sweetness kept me soothed the entire evening, and the bluntness of my mother didn’t cut as deep as usual. Then Lake made me cry at his caring words. I marked it up to him being him. My friend. He’s always been a support system since he became a staple in my life, but the aftermath of dinner with my parents went beyond that. He was supposed to be playing a part, but it didn’t dissolve away once my front door shut.
He stayed. Caring for me in complete sentences.
I swap to another vial, filling it close to halfway. Then I remove the vial along the needle, and unwrap the red band. “Perfect. I’m just going to ask you to stay seated and tell me if you experience any light-headedness or nausea.”
Lelia smiles. “Thank you.”
I return the smile and roll back the cart to exit her personal space, but I stay in her sight while I label each vial.
“I don’t think I did anything different.” She pouts.
Different. Swimming in his sweetness, not leaving that pool, that is different for Lake. He kept up his facade for hours, so why did it seem like a second nature to keep in character?
There’s weird energy between Lake and I. It existed before our wedding. I’d convinced myself I was the only one feeling anything, but ever since we kissed, it’s like that energy has multiplied, found its power and expanded.
I finish labeling the vials. “I’ll send these now, and we’ll try to get you out of here soon.”
My patient slumps right into her bed. “Yes, please. Thank you!”
I rub my fingers on my temples as I walk off and approach the pneumatic tube system. Nervous feelings stir up my stomach, but I swallow down any acid that threatens to trickle forward. Lake and I are friends.
***
Okay. So he doesn’t have feelings for me then? Is he just that supportive? I guess he convinced Brooks to attend college, and that turned out great. Maybe support is just his strong suit, and his words are only surface level.
“Ugh, I am so tired.”
I flinch at Jimena’s sudden pop-in. I spin with my chair, and she raises an eyebrow at me for jumping. I shrug. “We only have two hours left?”
“Two fricking hours?” Jimena whisper-shouts.
She gapes, her eyes wide. Then she simply stares at me, hoping that I’m joking and I’ll take back my words, but when I stay quiet, her jaw gets heavier and hangs further open.
She snaps her mouth shut and fixes her posture. “I’ve earned those new heels.”
I snicker and continue filling out a discharge sheet. Jimena looms next to me. She runs a palm over her neck and cracks it, and I catch her taking a quick fifteen-second nap out of the corner of my eye, before she mumbles, “how’s married life?”
The loudest, most terrifying gasp shoots out from behind us. Maggie lowers her cup of coffee from her lips, and within a few seconds, she’s brushing by Jimena and slamming the mug onto the desk beside me. “Excuse me? Married?”
Jimena’s eyes expand to match my spiking heart rate.
My best friend was hard enough to convince. I knew if I told Maggie prior to having a ring on my finger, she would have refused to let it happen. I wouldn’t have blamed her, but my fake marriage is saving my butt. It isn’t something I’m regretful of, just something most people wouldn’t understand.
Now Maggie’s staring at me with murder in her eyes and I’m more scared to explain myself than I was before. “Are you going to explain?”
All I do is stutter about, spitting out jumbled words, so she switches her attention to Jimena. My best friend shrugs her shoulders. No amount of fear could crack that girl.
“Serenity.” Maggie grits her teeth.
I take a deep breath. “Yes, Mags?”
She stares at me for an agonizing moment. I feel like a child being caught in my first lie, like the world is bound to end over my misstep. But then Maggie’s angry face slowly relaxes, and her shoulders fall.
“Spit it out,” she sighs.
I’m pushing my luck. Like the other bandaids, I need to tear off this one.
“The man we saved last month? Lake? You know how I kept going upstairs to see him? Well, it’s because we liked each other,” I say, another semi-lie to bury my other ones. “And we got married. That’s all!”
I bounce up from my chair, but Maggie holds up her palm, keeping me in my place. “Was there wine at this wedding?”
Jimena and I shake our heads.
“Good. When my shift ends, I’m gonna go home and drink, perhaps a bottle.” She tilts her head. “Then I will decide how I feel about this situation.”
“I’m sorry, Mags, I am. It was sort of impulsive, obviously.” I flutter my eyelashes. “I hope you still love me.”
“Of course I still love you, Serenity. Both of you, but please don’t hide any marriages from me again.”
Jimena snickers. “I’m not getting married.”
Maggie gives her a look. “I can’t believe that anymore, can I?”
“I’m sorry, Mags.” I repeat, then I hold out my hands and move them around in small circles. “Off topic, but is anyone else super on edge?”
They give me polar-opposite expressions that both mean concerned and confused.
“Have you been sleeping?” Maggie asks, bringing the back of her hand to my forehead.
“No,” Jimena answers for me. “Of course she hasn’t been sleeping.”
Maggie crosses her arms. “You don’t seem sick, no fever, but you look tired. I think you just need melatonin.”
At this point, no amount of melatonin could save me.
“Oh, shoot.” I spring up from my seat. “I forgot to grab a blanket for a patient.”
Jimena waves her arm. “I need to go, too. Someone needs more Vicodin, and my allergy patient is almost ready to be released.”
Maggie says nothing, she side-eyes both of us as a warning. Then, the three of us take off, slipping into the openings of separate hallways.
I carry a fleece blanket, and the bit of warmth it gives me aids the hopeful smile I’m forcing onto my face. One of my patients is a sweet elderly man. He apologized and informed me he was freezing right before I got distracted.
Kind patients make my job so much lighter. I have no issue grabbing the man three blankets if he asked.
I shiver, the anxiety I knew earlier creeps up my spine again. Maybe I’m just cold like my patient. The scrubs I’m wearing are thinner than usual. None of my thicker sets were clean, so I had no choice but to be chilly tonight.
Lake’s been asking to do my laundry ever since he spotted the two overflowing baskets, but I can’t throw every chore onto his growing list of responsibilities. I’m also embarrassed at the thought of him washing my clothes.
I glide the curtain. “Mr. Todd? I have the blanket you asked for.”
His brittle hands hold out to me. “Thank you, dear.”
I close the curtain behind me, and my ears pick up on something I must’ve been tuning out—footsteps matching mine. Someone was behind me in the hallway. I try to search for their shoes under the curtain, but I don’t want to confuse the kind man.
Nor do I want to deny him his blanket. I unfold it for him. “It’s alright, Mr. Todd, you just get comfortable.”
I scan his monitor and IV drip. Then I rest the blanket on him. He’s a tiny man. He was undeniably taller in his youth, but now he has a little hunchback.
“Let me know if you need anything else, like another blanket or water, okay?” I smile. “It’s not any trouble for me.”
He curls up with the blue fleece. “Thank you dear. This is much better.”
I soften. “I’m going to go check on my other patients, but I’ll be back shortly.”
The moment I shut the curtain, I swear I sense eyes on me somewhere. I glance around the hallway, but I don’t notice any patients looking for my help. I brush it off. It’s two in the morning. Sleep hasn’t been my friend for the past few weeks. Well, the last few months. I’m just tired, arguably more tired than Jimena.
***
The rest of my shift blurs in memory. I check on my patients, assist Maggie with an epileptic case, and before I know it, my shift ends.
I’m excited about heading home. It’s been nice coming back with another soul roaming around. Lake’s been cleaning up whenever I’m gone. Yesterday, I found my books organized on the floor, and a separate pile for my DVDs. It still looks crazy without a bookshelf, but I’m sure I can rack it up to some sort of aesthetic.
I peek through Mr. Todd’s curtain. “Hey, I’m heading home now. I’ll send over another nurse to help you, okay?”
“You’ve been so kind, thank you.”
He’s the most polite patient I’ve had in a long time. I bow my head at him, gently shutting the curtain and sprinting for the breakroom.
I spot Rachel yawning by her locker. “Rach.” I walk up beside her, popping open my shared locker with Jimena and pulling out my coat.
As expected, Jimena’s coat and boots are gone. The moment four am hits, she’s off like Cinderella.
“I almost stayed in bed. Then I remembered I have adult responsibilities.” She runs her palm across her fire engine-red scalp.
I laugh, and Rachel offers a sheepish grin.
“I have a patient, Mr. Todd. He’s a sweetie. Do you mind taking care of him?”
She nods, another giant yawn swallowing any words.
I pull my coat sleeve up my arm. “Thanks!” I drag my boots out of my locker and struggle to step into them while attempting to zip up my coat. I’m exhausted and far more uncoordinated than I was at the start of this night, but I need to rush myself so I can catch my bus ride home.
“By the way,” she whispers. “Caleb has been staring at you since you walked in.” She says it with her eyes half shut.
“What?” I peer over her shoulder. It takes less than a second to spot him.
Caleb stands at the opposite end of the break room, blowing on his piping hot coffee before sipping it, and Rachel’s right. He’s staring at me. Not looking away. My stomach bubbles, both from hunger, and from the fact that my ex makes me uncomfortable.
The bruises around his eyes are almost fully gone, but if I study close enough, there’s still a tiny yellow tinge to his eyelids.
I turn back to my locker and grab the rest of my things. The entire time, I see him out of the corner of my eye. Sipping his coffee. Staring.
It reminds me of when we first broke up. He followed me, begging for us to work things out. After a few months, he gave up, and it remained that way until recently. That time was more aggressive, and it surpassed any other pitiful attempt, but I thought he’d leave me be after Brooks’ secret jumping. Honestly, I still don’t know what snapped him to lure me into the break room in the first place.
Since then, it’s been tough for me to eat in here. I’d go upstairs and sit with Lake, but I’ve had nowhere to hide since Lake’s been discharged. So, I told Jimena what happened, and she breaks at the same time as me to make sure I’m not alone.
Thankfully, although Jimena’s gone, everyone is switching shifts. There’s no chance Caleb would try to lock me in here right now.
I hoped things would work out with him when we first dated. He wasn’t always the nicest, but when he started courting me, he was much kinder. I knew my parents would admire him because he’s an established doctor and a hard worker.
But it didn’t take long for his asshole-ness to shine through in our relationship. Mediocre sex where my satisfaction wasn’t a priority, and his stupid opinions I could never agree with. Plus, just generally hurling disguised insults my way. I could move past that, but the cherry on top was him telling me to get it together and insulting Delilah the night she died. The night I failed to save her life.
Now, all of that is being reflected on me. Goodness. I should’ve never dated the guy. He’s still staring.
I don’t look back once. I keep my eyes on my locker’s interior until I lock it shut. “Rach, I’m going now. Have a good shift.”
She pats the back of my shoulder. “Thanks, Serenity.”
I ignore the icky feeling blazing into my spine and book it towards the exit, but my mind shoots me another anxious thought. What if Caleb’s been following me my entire shift, and that’s why I’ve been so on edge tonight? What if he’s going to corner me outside, or once I’m waiting at the bus stop?
What if some rando snatches me off the street?
Ugh. Being a woman is exhausting. Being a woman, outside at four in the morning, is deadly. But I don’t have a choice.
I push open the exit door, immediately being sucked into the cold air. There is nothing worse for my anxiety than early spring that pretends to be winter, and a creepy guy making threats with nothing but a stare.
I make my way through the parking lot, watching a couple of faded silhouettes, my coworkers, getting into their vehicles.
Then a familiar voice shouts my heart-throbbing nickname, as monotone as a shout can be. “Angel!” To the right of me, I spot a tall man with his arms folded over his chest.
He leans against his truck. “Hurry, it’s fucking freezing.”
I find the energy to sprint over to Lake’s truck. Each step flakes away my feelings of fear. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be sleeping.”
“Came to drive you home. Come on.” He wastes no time getting into the driver’s side.
My smile is from ear-to-ear. I move around the truck’s front end, and Lake pops open the door from inside. I need to hop to reach the seat.
“You didn’t need to come get me, but thank you so much.” I rub my palms together. “I wasn’t thrilled to wait for the bus.”
Before the lights inside of the truck fade, I notice the details of his face. He’s chewing on the inside of his cheek, and he has bags under his eyes. Obviously, he’s tired. It’s four, but I can’t shake the feeling that his mind is preoccupied with something else.
I stay silent, observing his tense posture as he hauls us away. Each turn he makes, he doesn’t say a single word. So, my worry inclines.
“How was your day?” I ask. “I mean, I guess your evening.”
He flicks on his blinker, pulling into the intersection and smoothly turning. His eyes stay ahead. He’s completely zoned out.
Can my anxiety give it up today? I’ve had it my whole life, but ever since I got labeled the prime suspect of a murder, my body reacts as if someone threw me off of Niagara Falls. And I keep falling from that waterfall. For any reason, every day.
“Um.” I pick at loose skin on my thumb. “I had a pretty good shift. All of my patients were kind, and it was a non-traumatic day.”
Nobody died. So that’s a nice way to end my shift.
Lake pulls onto our street. Again, nothing leaves his mouth. He’s locked in his own head.
I squish my lips together and turn to watch out of the truck window, viewing my street from a different height. My car was on the pavement. I feel like I’m flying in Lake’s truck.
It’s still dark, everything is quiet, and most of my neighbors are sleeping. There’s something I find so peaceful about early morning, when it seems like I’m the only one experiencing the surrounding earth.
Lake parks the truck in the driveway, and he falls back into his seat, staring off into nothingness.
I bend forward to reach his eyes. “Are you okay?”
He finally meets me. “Sorry Angel, just tired.”
He doesn’t smile. His eyes fall to my lips. All of his features are stone except for his iris’, and whatever I’m seeing in them warms my entire body.
“That’s okay.” I give him a soft smile. “Thank you for driving me.”
Lake sighs. His hand draws forward, and he grabs the sleeve of my coat. He un-tucks the random fold and fixes it neatly on my arm. Then he mumbles something too gentle for me to hear.
“What was that?”
He shakes his head. “Shouldn’t talk. You’re exhausted.”
Before I can ask him what he means, his touch is far gone, and he’s getting out of the truck. “Let’s get inside, Angel.”
I blink, and once again, I’m unable to identify the flutter in my chest.