40. Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty
August 15, 1812 Pemberley Elizabeth
D ear Elizabeth,
I cannot tell you how very much I appreciate your letter. I did not expect a reply. Indeed, I expected to hear nothing from you until I returned.
Your desire to put things aright aligns with my own. I am very pleased to hear it. There is nothing we cannot solve when we are united in common purpose. Perhaps we only need to know each other better. Letters will have to fill that need whilst I complete my tasks.
Willow Grove is a prosperous little estate. My father purchased it for a younger son. Since none came, it became part of my inheritance. I suppose if we are blessed with more than one son, it might go to him. There are several other estates included in my property as well. If we have daughters, we might grant them one as a dowry.
I digress. I received a letter from the steward. The stables here have burned to the ground. The horses stabled there are needed for the home farm. They are well, thankfully, but my presence was needed to oversee the removal of the rubble and to approve plans for new construction.
The same storm that caused the fire also caused flooding. Two tenant homes have washed away. There were no casualties, thankfully. The families have been put up in the manor house until new dwellings are constructed. The Millers will have a larger house than was washed away. Their family is large, and they need more space. I anticipate my efforts will take six weeks or more.
I hope to complete everything as quickly as possible. I cannot bear to be parted from you for long, not with this misunderstanding between us.
You say you do not know what love is, and so I respond with my own experience. Love is when you never wish to be parted from someone, when you pine for their absence. Love is when a person’s character draws you in, enthralling you in a way that withstands the test of time, the fading of beauty. I feel all this and more for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth.
Please, write to me. It will be a balm for me whilst I am away.
Yours forever,
F.D.
Dearest Fitzwilliam,
How dreadful for your tenants! I am glad that they will not be without shelter as you make arrangements. You are very kind and generous to open the manor house for them. Even now, I learn more things to admire about my husband.
The Bingleys departed the same day you left. Did you know? Jane spoke to Mr. Bingley before they departed. I ought not tell you what the conversation entailed, but there seems to be a pressing need for me to help you understand my sister. She told him that she will not entertain courtship or marriage if she cannot be sure that he will be loyal to her first.
My sister learned soon after her marriage that her husband’s first love, and thus his undying loyalty, was to Lady Catherine. She thought she could live with that and slowly entice his loyalties away from your aunt. We will never have an opportunity to learn if she was right. Because of her experience, she is determined that if she were to marry again, her husband’s heart should belong to her alone. I cannot say that I blame her.
Jane’s spirits seem a little depressed now. I worry for her, especially as the birth of her child draws near. I do hope you are back before she delivers, for I do not know if I can manage on my own. I am already dreadfully worried for her. I need you. You bring me comfort and assurance.
Your thoughts on love are very enlightening. Your words have prompted my own introspection, and I grow closer to understanding my feelings with every passing day.
Come home to me soon,
Elizabeth Darcy
Dearest Elizabeth,
I am sorry for the delay in reply. I am up before dawn each morning and do not return to the house until dusk. After eating a simple meal, I collapse into my bed. Exhaustion claims me, and I sleep instantly.
The rubble has been cleared away from the ruins of the stable. Whatever we could salvage has been set aside for new construction. We have a lot of stone left, but anything made of wood was lost in the fire. It is good that it is summer, for all the old hay in the barn was also destroyed. The horses are in the pasture for now, where they have plenty of food.
How does your sister fare? I am working to finish my tasks as quickly as possible. Babies have the tendency to come unpredictably, and I wish to be back at Pemberley so that you and she are not forced to face this alone.
I have finalized the plans for the new stable and tenant homes. There are a few other matters I must see to before I depart for Pemberley. Expect me in the next week. I shall send an express before I depart.
I look forward to having you in my arms again.
Love forever,
F.D.
Elizabeth waited impatiently for the carriage to arrive. They had received word the day before that Darcy was to return that afternoon, and she could not wait. It had been six long weeks without him, without the chance to apologize for her intemperate words and her gross misconceptions.
They had exchanged letters while he was away, and through them she had built a better understanding of her husband and the man he was. Honorable to fault, caring, kind, responsible… these were characteristics that described Fitzwilliam Darcy. They still had far to go, but Elizabeth’s optimism knew no bounds.
Jane and Georgiana were occupied with their own pursuits. With only weeks until Jane would give birth, she spent much of her time resting in her chambers or preparing for the infant. Mrs. Bennet had written no less than three times since July, asking if the babe had come yet and giving Jane all sorts of ridiculous instructions.
“The carriage is coming down the drive, ma’am.” Palmer said from the doorway.
Elizabeth hurried out of the room and down the hall to the entryway. By the time she had made it outside, the carriage had come to a stop, and her husband was climbing down.
She composed herself, feeling unaccountably nervous. She had missed him, especially lately when she awoke in the morning feeling nauseous. How she longed to hold him.
“Welcome home, Mr. Darcy,” she said, behaving as the proper mistress of Pemberley ought.
He climbed the stairs, his gaze never leaving hers. As he neared the top, she curtseyed. As she completed the gesture, he took her hand and kissed it.
“Mrs. Darcy,” he said. “I have missed you.”
Those simple words caused a smile to spread across her face. “I have missed you too. Shall we?” She looped an arm through his and they went inside together. She wasted no time in leading him to their chambers after he handed off his things to Palmer.
Their empty sitting room beckoned, and she longed to issue her apologies and deepest regrets as soon as may be. Once the door had closed behind them, she turned and offered her husband a tremulous smile. It faded quickly and she took his hand in both of hers.
“I hardly know where to begin,” she said, echoing her letter from weeks ago. “Can you ever forgive me?”
He smiled and tugged on her curl with his free hand. “I already have.” He kissed her then, wrapping his hand around her neck and pulling her toward him. His hand ran down her back and rested on her waist, but Elizabeth hardly noticed, occupied as she was with his lips. She released his hand and placed both of hers on his shoulders before sliding one up to play with his hair.
After several pleasurable minutes, he pulled away. “I have missed you dreadfully,” he said, his voice husky with emotion. “Despite our letters, I wondered what I would come back to. I had no notion that your feelings—”
“My feelings are so different!” she cut in. “Do not think that I do not care deeply for you. I allowed my temper to override my tongue and said things…”
“I know. Please, all is forgiven. Let us move forward.” He pressed his lips to hers once more. “I love you, Elizabeth. And I, too, am sorry. I should have known that in marrying an independent woman, I would have to let go of my desire to order things as I like. You have your own mind; indeed, that is what attracted me to you in the first place. I find you far preferable to the simpering, empty headed ladies of the ton .”
She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. They stood there, unmoving. His heart beat against her ear and she counted the beats. Could they all be for her?
They broke away to move to the settee where they could be more comfortable. Wrapped in her husband’s arms, she sighed contentedly. “Do not go away so long again,” she said impulsively, moving closer. “If you must, take me with you.”
He did not reply but she felt him kiss her head.
“Bingley wrote to me,” he said after a moment of silence. “He is returning to Netherfield. The lease has been renewed for another year.”
“I believe I mentioned that Jane told me that he spoke with her before they departed.”
“Yes, he mentioned that.” Darcy’s lips pressed against her hair again. “He tells me that he has released Miss Bingley’s dowry and that she will reside permanently with Mrs. Hurst.”
Elizabeth shook her head in amazement. He was not wasting time showing Jane he could improve. “Did he say anything else?”
“Yes. He has invited his aunt, Mrs. Mildred Bingley, to manage his household. I have never met the lady, but Bingley speaks fondly of her in his letter.” He cleared his throat. “He abused me quite thoroughly as well. I know I deserved it and ought to be grateful he deigns to speak to me.”
“Did he not say goodbye before he departed?”
Her husband replied in the negative. “He wrote a note. And since I departed before they left, I, too, wrote a note…”
“What a mess.” She turned to face him. “You will not interfere again?”
“No. Bingley can be his own man. I shall focus on winning my wife’s heart and taking the role of favorite uncle to our coming niece or nephew.”
Elizabeth grinned and settled back into his arms. “I think it is a boy,” she said. “Though I confess, I also wish for a girl. That way, Jane will stay. Mr. Bingley takes great initiative renewing the lease for another year. My sister will not return unless she has a boy.”
“You did not tell me that.” Darcy did not sound disapproving, but neither did he sound happy.
“Will you turn her away?” She did not think he would, but she still feared the answer.
“It is not that. I feel… a little irritated that you did not include me in these discussions. Residual hurt, I suppose, from learning that you invited your sister and then chose not to tell me. It will be good to have Mrs. Collins here, though, so that I might know her better.”
“Call her Jane, my dear.” Elizabeth tapped his hand. “She does not like her surname.”
“I cannot imagine why,” he said wryly, reminding her of her father. She laughed.
They did not leave their chambers until dinner, washing away any remaining hurt through discussion and other activities. Elizabeth felt much better when they joined the others in the dining room, only to gag when she smelled fish.
“Pray, excuse me.” She hurried away, breathing deeply outside the room before returning. What is the matter with me? This is the second time the smell of fish has made me so nauseous.
“Are you well?” Her husband came to her side and took her elbow. She glanced around, embarrassed, but also pleased to note that the fish had been removed from the room.
“Yes, I am quite well.” They took their seats, Darcy making conversation with Jane as they tucked into the first course. As the second course came out, Jane cast a knowing look at Elizabeth and very clearly rested her hand atop her now very pregnant stomach.
Elizabeth’s mouth went dry. When was the last time…? Now thoroughly distracted, she searched her memories. Her courses had not come since April, since before she married Darcy.
It cannot be. Yet, Jane had begun increasing after only one month of marriage. Resolved to check her ledger later, Elizabeth turned her focus to her meal. It is not as if anything is certain until I feel the quickening. Nodding mentally, she sipped her soup, grateful to understand why the fish had made her feel unwell.
After dinner, Georgiana occupied her brother’s attention, allowing Elizabeth to speak to Jane.
“Do you think…?” she began, trailing off awkwardly.
“I, too, disliked the smell of fish during the early months. I also felt incredibly nauseous in the morning, but ginger tea took care of that. May I ask how long it has been?”
Jane’s question was clear, despite being vague. “Since April. At least, I think it has been that long. I need to check.”
“So, February, possibly. You will be out of mourning.”
Elizabeth frowned. “And you will not.”
“It does not matter. If I bear a son, I shall be back at Longbourn before the winter. I can conclude my mourning there.” Jane’s nonchalance did not fool Elizabeth.
“My husband has had a letter. From Mr. Bingley.” She watched her sister’s face and did not miss the slight flinch.
“That does not concern me,” Jane insisted.
“He has renewed the lease on Netherfield Park. And he has released Miss Bingley’s dowry.” She wished nothing more than Jane’s happiness and still believed that lay with Mr. Bingley.
“It hardly matters. It does not prove anything.”
Elizabeth smiled. “It is a beginning. And you will have plenty of opportunities to observe him when you return to Hertfordshire.”
Jane laughed. “You are so certain that I am having a boy.”
“It may be wishful thinking. It is only that I feel this foreboding deep inside that you will once again be settled too far away for my liking.” Elizabeth knew it in her bones; Jane would have a son and move away, and her favorite sister would not be just down the hall any longer.
“What will be will be, dear Lizzy. I am content with allowing God to prevail.” Jane smiled. “Have faith. You are married to a wealthy man. What is fifty miles or more of good road?”
They laughed and the conversation turned. In time, Jane excused herself and Darcy wandered over to take her spot. “I do not mean to be rude, but your sister looks exceedingly uncomfortable.”
She chuckled gently, taking his hand. “Yes, she is. Yet, she maintains her gracefulness. I am much shorter than Jane and wonder how I shall fare when…” she trailed off, biting her lip and turning away.
“I shall find you exquisitely beautiful when the time comes.” He gently turned her face toward his, his eyes earnestly imploring her to believe him.
She did not reply but smiled at his words. They went to bed soon after, both exhausted after the emotional day.
The next day, Elizabeth received an unexpected letter from Mrs. Bennet. Her mother had not written to her since her marriage, and she wondered what the lady needed that prompted her to send her least favorite daughter a message.
Dear Mrs. Darcy,
I must admit, I like writing that very well, indeed. Your fortunate marriage, though unexpected, pleases me. I am happy to know that my most difficult daughter has secured herself a worthy husband. If you managed to win Mr. Darcy and his ten thousand pounds, then Lydia must surely marry an earl! When you are out of mourning, you must invite her to spend a season in town.
But that is not the reason I write to you, my most ungrateful child. I have written to Jane, ordering her to come home, and she will not. She claims she will not return until it is safe to travel after she has her child. But she must have her lying in at Longbourn, as I have told her since June. Jane instead went to Derbyshire, and I have been unable to convince her to come back to Hertfordshire.
It is upon you, Miss Lizzy, to send her home. I know she is giving birth to Longbourn’s heir, and so her place is here. She likely stays because she believes you wish her to, and so you must tell her that she must go. Only your word will convince her, it seems.
I have read your many letters and thank you for the descriptions of your new homes. If Jane has a girl, I expect you to open one or both to us so that we have a place to lay our heads. Your father did not prepare enough, and I will not be forced to live in genteel poverty when my daughter has married so well. It is the least you can do after refusing Mr. Collins.
Tell Jane to make haste, lest she give birth on the journey.
Sincerely,
Mama
Elizabeth rolled her eyes and handed the letter to her husband. “Read this,” she said. “It is very diverting.”
She watched Darcy’s face as he read, expression ranging from irritation, to shock, to panic. “I will pay for a cottage in Meryton,” he said, handing the missive back, “but I beg you, let us not have your mother stay with us permanently.”
“Never! My mother would make our lives incredibly difficult. I am not her favorite child and so she must find fault in all that I do. I cannot have her here, picking at me while I try to learn how to manage our households.” Elizabeth shook her head, curls bouncing. “She would be happier to stay near her sister, anyway.”
“What about her dictates to Jane?”
She turned, inquiring what he meant.
“Jane is a widow and free from her mother’s edicts. Will she manage if she does return to Longbourn? I have no doubt that nothing could stir her from Pemberley for some months. The babe is to come soon, yes?” Darcy fiddled with the signet ring on his hand as he spoke, an action Elizabeth had learned meant he felt anxious.
“Yes, Jane says the baby is to come by September. You are correct; nothing could stir her from Pemberley before then. Though, she is resolved to return if she bears a son. I only hope I can convince her to wait a few months.”
He nodded. “She will need to go either before the winter storms start or wait until spring. I do not often travel during December or January. The journey is miserable and cold.”
“I shall inform her.” Letter in hand, she stood and left the room to find Jane. When she located her in the blue parlor, she handed her elder sister the letter to read. It took Jane a matter of moments to read the entire thing and she handed it back to Elizabeth, rolling her eyes.
“Mama! How ridiculous can she be?” She sighed, exasperated. “She does not realize that having a boy will hardly be a boon to her. I have many changes planned if my child is a son, and Mama will not like many of them.”
“I eagerly wait to see how you fare. Our dear mother will not know what to make of her eldest child, this tower of strength and resolve!” Elizabeth smiled broadly, taking Jane’s hand.
“You are quite the tease,” Jane said, standing slowly. “Help me to my room, Lizzy. I am tired.” Jane moved slowly, and Elizabeth assisted her. Though her elder sister exuded calm, Elizabeth had the impression that Jane was not entirely happy.
Two weeks later on the first of September, Jane’s waters broke and labor began.