18. Charlotte
Charlotte stood in her room in front of her full-length mirror, regarding herself in her plainest gown. She had made her rapid decision without even considering what it would be like to meet her family again. What would they think of Charlotte now? Would they think her changed? She felt changed. The Charli who had left them had been a young, na?ve girl.
She knew she looked beautiful—her beauty had caused her too much pain in her life to bother denying it—but she felt only listlessness. Her image held no appeal as it had done on the morning after her first night beside Henry. She could no longer see her own golden loveliness without seeing beside it the darker beauty of the princess in the portrait. The unknown woman—who Charlotte felt certain had to be royalty from her bearing alone—made Charlotte feel colorless and washed out.
She shook herself, turning from the mirror. It didn’t matter what she looked like for the coming reunion.
Henry awaited her just outside the castle, and it took all her willpower to make herself climb into position on his back, his soft fur gripped in her hands. It had been a long time since their first journey through the trees together, and everything had changed since then.
She stayed awake this time, marveling at the speed of his run. Even knowing how fast they moved, she was taken off guard when she began to recognize their surroundings and knew she was within minutes of her old home.
“We were so close all this time?” she whispered. Their months in the castle had felt so entirely removed from regular life that it seemed incredible the physical distance hadn’t been greater.
But she was even more astonished when Henry took her straight to the location of her old home. Had her family not moved after all?
One look at the building told her it wasn’t her old home, however. The house that stood in its place was at least four times bigger and more luxurious than any house she had seen in the valley. And the attached stable had been replaced with a free-standing building of significant size, and it clearly housed far more than their original three horses.
“I’ll leave you here,” Henry said. “I think it’s best they don’t see me.”
Charlotte wanted to protest, but she remained silent. While her heart wanted every extra minute with him, the whole point of this visit was to give herself distance.
“There is one thing I must ask of you, though,” he said in a voice turned suddenly serious. “Of course you will wish to talk to your parents of your new life. You may speak freely to them of our home, of our days in the library, even of the bell, if you wish. But our nights together—those belong to just you and me. Please swear to me you will not tell your parents what happens at night.”
Charlotte’s throat clogged at the way he spoke of their hours in the darkness. She felt in perfect agreement. Even though they maintained physical distance from one another through the night, that time was private between the two of them.
She nodded, managing to squeeze out enough words to reassure him. Her sudden emotion brought a resurgence of his earlier concern, and he hesitated. But voices from inside made him glance toward the house.
“I must be going,” he said. “I’ll come back for you in three days.” He turned to go, only to stop and look back at her, his voice turned urgent. “You will return to me?”
She nodded. “I will be ready in three days. Thank you, Henry.”
He examined her face for a moment before nodding and disappearing into the trees.
Charlotte watched him go, barely holding in her longing to call him back, to say she would return with him immediately. But she couldn’t speak. She was doing this for both of their sakes, and she had to stay strong.
The door of the house opened, and an unfamiliar older woman came out. She regarded Charlotte with curious bemusement, her eyes growing wider as she took in Charlotte’s gown.
Charlotte looked down at herself, recognizing that even the plainest of her new gowns was out of place in the valley. Even with her family’s obvious new wealth, she clearly didn’t belong.
“Surely you’re not the daughter who married the bear!” the woman exclaimed. “Your parents claimed you were living in luxury like a princess, but I thought…” She trailed off, clearly not willing to voice her previous opinion.
“I am she.” Charlotte cleared her throat. “Are my family here?” Seeing the unfamiliar face filled her with urgent fear. Had Henry left her on the doorstep of strangers?
“Oh, aye.” The woman was still regarding Charlotte with amazement. “They’re inside.”
“Who’s there?” the familiar voice of her mother called. “Do we have visitors?” She appeared in the doorway and let out a piercing shriek.
“Charlotte! Oh Charlotte! Quick, girls, come quick! Your sister is here!”
Falling forward, she wrapped her arms around Charlotte in a bone-crushing hug. Dazed, Charlotte embraced her back, embarrassed to feel moisture on her cheeks.
She had left in a storm of righteous fury, and all this time she had been happy to be far from her family. She had thought Henry’s company was all she needed. But now that she felt her mother’s arms around her, the walls she had built inside crumbled. She might have been an adult and a married woman, but she still needed support. And her family, for all their flaws, were the only ones she had.
Elizabeth and Odelia piled out the door, their own cries of surprise filling the air. To Charlotte’s surprise, they also fell on her, enlarging the hug so it became an awkward mass of entwined arms.
Apparently her sisters had grown more fond of her in her absence. Or maybe it was merely that they now associated her with wealth and ease. Charlotte was grateful to maintain the peace of the moment, but she couldn’t forget the way they had treated her for so long. She had thought their relationship changed once before, but it had all too easily reverted again after her cousin’s wedding.
Having heard the stories about Henry’s supportive and affectionate relationship with his sister, she wasn’t going to be fooled again. Now that their lives were so separate, she felt hopeful she and her sisters could spend time together in peace. But they would never have the sort of close, loving relationship Charlotte had always wanted. Hoping for it would only lead to further hurt down the road. The acceptance and safety Charlotte had found in her marriage allowed her to accept her relationship with her sisters for what it was, instead of always seeing it through the lens of what she wanted it to be.
“Charli!” Her father appeared, and her mother and sisters melted away, leaving Charlotte free to greet him.
“Father.” She had intended to speak in a steady, cool tone, but instead her voice broke.
His face crumpled in response.
Stepping forward, he also swept her into a hug, and just as with her mother, she responded instinctively, wrapping her arms around him. The hurt still lingered, but unlike with her sisters, there were years of warmth and affection behind it that she couldn’t forget.
The shining, perfect father of her childhood had turned out to be flawed, and it had been hard to accept. But she had overreacted to his words that day in the forest. While he might have misunderstood her heart, he had still been trying to act out of love toward her.
“How have you been, Daughter?” he murmured. “Has the bear kept his promises to you?”
She clung on tighter as she nodded. She could hear the worry in his voice, and all the resentment that had built up inside her washed away like a sandcastle before a wave.
“He gives me everything I ask for, Father,” she said. “I live in greater luxury than even you.” She pulled back and offered him a weak smile. “Though it looks as if you live in plenty of luxury yourself these days!”
He stepped back and smiled proudly, but she could see the truth behind his attempted good cheer. He had never wanted wealth for its own sake, and the family’s good fortune was tied up with her departure and the end of his frontier dreams.
“Actually, it’s not just from your bride price,” her mother interjected, sounding proud. “Although we were all shocked when the house suddenly grew around us.”
“Did it really?” Charlotte laughed at the image. “So my wish reached you after all.” She had seen the bell work often enough to guess how shocking it must have been for her family, coming without warning or context.
“But it was only a short time later that your father’s efforts to win his place with the valley elders finally bore fruit,” her mother continued. “Even if you hadn’t left us, our fortunes would have been looking up.”
Sorrow tinged the pride as she finished her words, and Charlotte could easily read the message behind it. They could have kept their daughter and had eventual wealth as well, even if not as much.
“Oh, Mother,” she whispered.
Her mother stepped forward. “I’m sorry, Charli,” she murmured back. “I failed you as a mother. I was tired and weak, and I thought our poverty was the root of all our problems. But once you were gone, I realized I could never enjoy luxury and ease that came at the expense of one of my daughters. I shouldn’t have let you go.”
Tears filled Charlotte’s eyes at the apology, but before she could reply, her mother continued.
“But that’s not all I have to be sorry for. I’ve spent so many weeks thinking of you and remembering the past, and I realized I failed you long before I sent you away. I’m sorry I let our home become such a painful place that you would marry a bear to escape it.”
Charlotte tried to smile, but her lips were trembling too much to manage it.
Her father slipped an arm around her mother’s shoulders, although his eyes stayed on Charlotte.
“I realize much of the blame is mine,” he said. “I moved us out here because it was what I wished. I convinced myself it could help you all, too, but that was only an excuse to justify what I wanted. When it took so much longer to establish ourselves than I expected, I should have moved us back to civilization.”
Charlotte shook her head, sniffing as she held back the tears. She hadn’t come home to hear their apologies, but their words healed something broken deep inside her.
“Be at peace, Mother and Father,” she murmured. “I accept your apologies, and I’m even glad we moved here, as difficult as it was. I am truly well, and I don’t regret my choice. If we hadn’t moved here, I never would have found Henry.”
Despite all the newfound pain, and the prospect that she might have to give Henry up in the future, she couldn’t wish away her love or her months with him. When she had left home, she had believed herself fully grown up. And in some ways, she had been. But now, after only a short time away, she understood better how much growth still lay before her. She had already experienced so many new emotions, and with them had come an understanding of her parents she had never expected to have.
She knew what it was to hurt someone despite your love for them—even because of it. It was clear that her unhappiness and her abrupt departure pained Henry. And yet, she had left anyway. She had done it not because she didn’t care about him but because of her emotional weakness. She needed space before she could discuss their future without heaping guilt and hurt on his head. And so she had chosen to leave not to cause him pain, but because it had seemed, in a collection of bad options, like the one that would hurt him the least.
She could see now that her father had only been doing the same thing. Faced with his daughter’s unhappiness, he had looked at the selection of bad options before them and nudged her toward the one he thought would cause the least pain. He hadn’t understood the true cause of her suffering—part of which came from him and his choices—and so he had worded himself badly. But as it turned out, he had been right about her potential for future happiness. So she couldn’t blame him now for doing his best.
The weight that lifted off her shoulders as she let go of the last of her resentment toward her parents lightened the pain she still felt over Henry, and her tears started flowing again.
“Charli?” Her father gazed at her with worry.
“They’re happy tears,” she managed to say, smiling from him to her mother. “I’m so glad to see you again. I didn’t realize how glad.”
“Come inside, come inside,” Elizabeth gushed, oblivious to the emotional exchange that had just taken place. “Let us show you all around our new house. It’s the nicest one in all the valleys, and everyone has come to admire it.”
“I was surprised to find you still here,” Charlotte said, entering the house in Elizabeth’s wake. “Weren’t you going to move to Arcadia?”
Odelia, who had followed them inside, pouted. “According to Father, the bear said we have to wait for that. But we’re going to move still!”
Charlotte frowned, wanting to ask her to explain further but knowing Odelia wasn’t the one with answers. Why had Henry told her family to wait?
Elizabeth began to show off elements of the house, but from the way she was preening and positioning herself, she clearly wanted a comment on the fine gown she was wearing. Charlotte bit back a smile and supplied it. She extended the compliment to Odelia who lit up in response. Her absence had forced her parents into self-reflection, but clearly the same wasn’t true of her sisters.
“Your gown is very nice, too, Charlotte,” Odelia said before leaning closer. “Wait, are those real gems?”
Charlotte glanced down. “Perhaps? You may have this one, if you like. I would prefer to borrow something plainer for my stay, if you have it.”
Elizabeth and Odelia locked eyes over Charlotte’s head, and she realized she might have spoken too carelessly. If her sisters understood the wealth she now enjoyed, would all their old resentment return?
“I would rather have my sisters than any gown,” she added brightly, and the tension passed.
Both her sisters smiled again, sweeping her inside to find her a change of clothes. She was paraded through every room in the house where she forced herself to dutifully admire everything. Her family really was living in comfort, and with her new forgiveness of them, the knowledge brought her joy instead of a surge of resentment.
But by the time she had seen every nook, been fed until she was bursting, met the three helpers who lived in the rooms attached to the stable, reassured her parents again of her husband’s kindness, and regaled her sisters with descriptions of her days spent reading, she felt as wrung out as the rag her mother was using to wipe the table.
“Do you really do nothing but read all day?” Elizabeth exchanged a look with Odelia. “What’s the point of a fancy gown like yours if your only audience is books?”
Charlotte smiled, pleased that her story of the library—incomplete though it had been—had erased any lingering effect of her earlier careless words. Neither of her sisters would feel any jealousy toward her now.
“I do read all day most days,” she said. “And so I must confess I’m longing for one of my old walks in the forest.”
“Of course you would be missing your old haunts,” her mother said. “Give your sisters a moment to change into something more practical and—”
Charlotte threw a beseeching look at her father, and he came to her rescue as he always had before on the worst days.
“Peace, my dears,” he said. “Elizabeth and Odelia need not bestir themselves. Charli won’t have forgotten her way in such a short time. She’ll be safe enough on her own.”
“Yes, indeed!” Charlotte said quickly. “I don’t want anyone put out for me.”
She leaped up and was out the door before her mother could protest. She hoped none of them took offense, but she desperately needed some solitude.
As soon as she lost sight of the house, she felt her chest expand. Breathing deeply, she turned her face toward the sun and smiled. Shut in the castle, she had registered the change of season, but she hadn’t had a chance to experience it properly. Out in the forest, the ground was a riot of color, spring filling her senses.
The pain of her love for Henry and the uncertainty of their future still sat in her heart as a constant ache. But for the moment she was content to be alone with the flowers and the forest’s new life.
Charlotte walked for what must have been hours, losing herself in the forest without ever actually being lost. She knew the ground too well for that.
She had seen no one the whole time—the one advantage of such distant neighbors—so she was shocked when she stepped around a bush and into a small clearing only to find an elegant woman sitting on the small patch of grass at its center.
The woman rose as soon as she caught sight of Charlotte, and Charlotte’s astonishment grew far greater, hitting her with the force of a speeding arrow. For the face smiling a hesitant greeting was one she recognized, although she had never met the woman before.
Here, in the middle of her familiar forest, she had found the woman from the portrait. Henry’s lost love.