Chapter 61
‘I’ve got something for you,’ Lamorna said, ushering Jenyfer into her room.
Jenyfer had been to see her sister every day, feeling guilty for neglecting Ordes, and then, when she was with him, guilty for neglecting her sister.
Lamorna seemed better, almost how she used to be.
If anything, that worried Jenyfer. After what she’d been through, Lamorna should have crawled into bed and never come out.
But perhaps Jenyfer wasn’t giving her sister enough credit.
Lamorna was not the woman she’d known in Kernou.
Calla had been the one to tell Jenyfer everything that had happened since Lamorna and Mordred arrived in Kernou on the back of a shining black horse, her story filling the blanks of Denny’s.
It made Jenyfer want to cry. Lamorna had made a mistake in following Mordred, and she was now dealing with the consequences of the choices she’d made. But she was alive, so she could heal.
Looking at her sister now, her blonde hair glowing and hanging almost to her waist, Jenyfer was reminded of how little she truly knew about Lamorna.
Until she left Kernou with Ordes, Lamorna’s face had been as familiar to Jenyfer as the kiss of saltwater on her toes, but this new Lamorna was a stranger to her.
Jenyfer cleared her throat.
‘I know what he’s going to do, Jen,’ her sister said.
Jenyfer’s stomach churned. ‘Elaine told me. I’m sorry.
’ For the first time since Jenyfer could remember, Lamorna sounded like she meant it.
‘I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you.
I’m sorry about Bryn and I am so glad he’s dead because if someone hadn’t killed him, I would have. I promised him I’d watch him die.’
‘Lamorna—’
‘I got to live a life that I chose. Was it the right choice? I don’t know, but it was mine, Jen, and that means something,’ Lamorna said passionately. Her fists curled and her eyes glittered with tears.
‘I know,’ Jen whispered. ‘I know it does.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Lamorna said. She blinked, clearing her eyes, then smoothed her fingers over her face, pushing the emotions away. ‘For following Mordred, for allowing him to convince me this was the right path, for not staying dead in the first place and for coming back and ruining everything.’
Jenyfer stared at her sister, then pulled Lamorna into her arms. ‘Thank you.’
Lamorna stiffened, then relaxed with a little sigh.
‘Wait, what do you mean not staying dead?’ Jenyfer asked, pulling back to look at her sister’s face. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Oh,’ Lamorna said, moving away from Jenyfer. ‘I died. When I was tied to that stake.’
Jenyfer’s mouth dropped open. ‘But—’
‘That syhren took me to Lyonesse, but along the way, I must have drowned. Ankou and Melodias sent me back. I’m still not sure why,’ Lamorna answered calmly.
Jenyfer was stunned. ‘You… died?’ Her sister nodded, like it was no big deal.
Jenyfer swallowed, her train of thought breaking off as music slid into her mind.
It wasn’t the Stone, but it felt familiar.
Her eyes snagged on a sword with an ornate hilt leaning against the wall. ‘Where did that sword come from?’
‘Oh, that,’ Lamorna said. She got up and retrieved the weapon, bringing it back for Jenyfer to see. ‘It belongs to Melodias. I’m surprised he hasn’t come back for it. He gave it to Mordred.’
‘What, as a gift?’
‘No. Mordred was supposed to kill Merlin for him,’ Lamorna said simply. Jenyfer sucked in a breath. ‘But I guess that doesn’t matter now either, does it?’
‘I am sorry he’s dead, Lamorna,’ Jenyfer said.
‘Are you?’
‘Yes,’ Jenyfer said. She reached across and took Lamorna’s hand. ‘Forgetting everything he did, all the harm – you loved him, so I am sorry.’
Lamorna sighed. ‘I guess we’re not that different after all. The thing is though, I couldn’t do anything to save Mordred. I tried. I truly did. But you could save Ordes.’
‘No,’ Jenyfer said, her voice scratchy. ‘I can’t.’
Lamorna was very still, before she nodded. ‘I do have something for you,’ she said, going over to her bed, gesturing for Jenyfer to join her. Spread out on the bed was a dress made of shimmering white, like pearls. It was beautiful, reminding Jenyfer of the dresses she wore in Lyonesse.
‘Where did you…’
Lamorna gave her a mischievous smile. ‘A certain syhren left it behind when she ran off on us.’ She marched over to the dresser and rested her hands on the back of the chair.
‘I thought you might want to wear it tonight.’
Jenyfer exhaled sharply. ‘How do you know about tonight?’
‘It’s tomorrow, isn’t it? When he… if this was my last night with the man I loved I’d want it to be special.
I didn’t have a last night with Mordred, so you need to have a special night for the both of us,’ Lamorna said matter-of-factly.
‘I can do your hair if you like. Not the way I used to do mine. Just… I can tidy it for you?’
Jenyfer smiled, blinking away the hot rush of tears. ‘I’d like that.’
Lamorna made her sit before the mirror. Jenyfer stared at her reflection. Ordes called her beautiful, but she wasn’t sure she was, especially with her puffy eyes and trembling lips.
‘I suppose that somewhere else in the world, this is the sort of thing sisters do for one another,’ Lamorna said.
‘I suppose it is,’ she said. Lamorna didn’t say a word as she ran a brush through Jenyfer’s hair. ‘Lamorna—’
‘Everything will be alright eventually,’ Lamorna whispered and Jenyfer so desperately wanted to believe her, but she couldn’t.
As Lamorna did her hair, she hummed to herself, the song Tamora used to sing to them when they were small.
Jenyfer watched her sister, a horrible heavy feeling in her stomach.
Lamorna was not alright, despite what she said.
She wasn’t alright, either. They were both broken, pieces missing, and Jenyfer was worried neither of them would ever be put back together again.
The walk from Lamorna’s room to her own felt like the longest walk of Jenyfer’s life. Butterflies rippled through her insides and her heart was absurdly loud in her ears. She was nervous and wasn’t sure why, but when she opened the door to her room and went in, she gasped.
‘What’s all this?’
The room glittered with sparkling light. Ordes placed his hands on her shoulders.
‘We’re having dinner together,’ he said softly, lips brushing her temple. ‘Like a normal couple.’
Only we’re not normal, Jenyfer thought, but she didn’t say it. She let him take her hand and lead her to the table. ‘Where did all this come from?’ she asked as she sat. The table was laden in brightly coloured fruit, bread and cheese.
‘I could ask the same about the dress,’ Ordes said, sitting opposite her.
Jenyfer laughed. ‘Lamorna. It was Andromache’s. She’d combust with rage if she knew I was wearing it.’ She peered at the food. ‘Is this real fruit?’
‘Specially conjured, just for you,’ Ordes said, grinning. He sat, and Jenyfer tried to be happy, to enjoy this night and make it special like Lamorna had told her to, but it was hard when all she could taste was ash and her bones were filled with sand.
‘Jen, forget the food,’ Ordes said.
‘No, it’s okay.’
He held out his hand. ‘Dance with me instead.’
‘What?’
‘Do you remember that night on The Excalibur when we danced?’
‘You stepped on my toes,’ she said.
A smile. ‘I did.’ He stood, hand extended still. ‘That dress looks like it’s made for dancing and I’d like to make use of it before I tear it off you.’
She put her hand in his and let him guide her to her feet. ‘I take it I’m the music?’
‘Indeed, you are,’ Ordes said and pulled her into his arms. ‘Sing whatever you like.’
It was meant to be something upbeat, joyous and it started out that way, but the longer they danced, bodies close, and as the night wore on, Jenyfer’s grief began to creep back. Her song became a lament, mournful and pained. Into it she poured what was left of her broken heart.
When she couldn’t sing any longer, she buried her face in his neck. They continued moving, dancing to a ghostly melody.
‘You weren’t the first woman I ever kissed,’ Ordes said, his lips brushing her ear. ‘But you were the kiss that mattered, Jen. I am very, very glad you asked me to kiss you that night in the sea cave. I’m glad you trusted me.’
‘I’ve always trusted you,’ she breathed.
‘I want you to promise me you’ll try and be happy.’ His hands pressed against her back, holding her tightly against him.
‘I promise,’ Jenyfer whispered. She’d never be happy again.
She knew that and could feel it in every part of herself.
‘The woman you pulled from a cage in a village square was broken, Ordes. I never imagined being able to collect the pieces of myself, but I did. Without you, I wouldn’t have done that,’ she said.
‘You put me back together. You are my peace and I don’t know what I’m going to do without you, but I promise I won’t let anything break me again, not even this. ’
‘I know you won’t,’ he said. ‘But you’ve gotten one thing wrong – I never put you back together. I held some pieces for you, but you did it yourself. That’s how I know that you will be alright.’
‘I wish the gods had left us alone,’ Jenyfer muttered. ‘Why did it have to be us?’
‘Divinity has shaped who we are, for better or for worse,’ Ordes said. ‘We can’t undo that, and we cannot fear it.’ He wiped the moisture from her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. ‘The most afraid I have ever been was when I realised I loved you.’
‘It was?’
He nodded. ‘Not because I was scared to love you, but because I was scared of what I’d do to keep you safe.
’ He kissed her softly, then rested his forehead against hers.
‘I’m going to do this so you – so the world – will be safe.
Arthur will be a just and kind ruler, Jen, and I couldn’t think of anyone better to take care of you. ’
‘I… I don’t want to think about it right now,’ Jenyfer managed. ‘Can we just be? For one more night?’