Chapter 11
Claire stood looking up at Iain for a moment, unable to move, frozen with shock. Her lips were tingling where he had kissed her, and she slowly backed away from him, even though every instinct was telling her to throw herself back into his arms again.
“Thank you,” she croaked, then she whirled around and almost dived out of the door, slamming it behind her.
Iain watched her as she left, knowing he should be ashamed of himself. Yet, he somehow could not find it in himself because Claire had not pushed him away. She had welcomed him, opened her lips to him, wrapped her arms around him, and had not shown the least sign of resistance.
Again, he wondered, was she as attracted to him as he was to her? He did not see how she could be when he had effectively bought her like a piece of livestock at a market? If he were in her position, he would hate him. In fact, Iain thought, he would be actively trying to escape by now.
He wondered if Claire would do that. Perhaps she and her sister were concocting a scheme between them. After all, Lady Rose MacTavish must be a very rich woman, and easily able to repay him the money he had laid out for Claire.
Yet, he knew he would never ask to be repaid. He could set Claire free any time he wished, but he simply could not bear to do so, even though the fact that he kept her under obligation to him was cruel to say the least.
Iain knew he was in the wrong, but he wanted Claire so much he could not get her out of his mind. He knew it was inappropriate; he was pressed to be married to someone else, after all, yet the thought of a woman of high birth and a large dowry stirred absolutely nothing in him.
The young woman might be pleasant or even attractive enough, but did they have things in common? Did she love books, or had a wicked sense of humour? Was she Claire’s intellectual equal? He doubted that many people were.
However, Iain knew that had Claire stayed in the room with him, he would have wanted to do much more than kiss her. He could see and feel the evidence as he looked down at his shaft, which was hard and ready for action.
Iain groaned as he settled himself into his bath, splashing water all over the carpet.
The water was pleasantly warm, and usually, he would have relaxed and enjoyed it as it caressed his skin.
Now, however, he desperately wanted to be with Claire, and he imagined that she was sharing the bath with him because if she could not be there in person, he could still see her in his mind.
He laughed out loud as he thought of it.
He visualised a scene where she would splash half of the water out of the tub, and no doubt she would throw a sponge at him, then he would catch it and throw it back.
This would start a playful duel which would end in a victory for Claire as he allowed her to pin him down and force his head under the water.
When he emerged, spluttering and laughing, he would kiss her hard and growl at her in mock anger, then they would make love, first playfully, then with a passionate intensity that left him gasping as he relieved himself by taking himself in hand. It was all he could do.
And although his self-pleasure left him sated for the moment, his hunger was such that it would not abate with a few strokes on his manhood. He wanted Claire—no, he needed her!
He tried to push the thought away, but it stubbornly refused to move.
Claire burst through the door of her room, then collapsed against it, her back hitting the wood so hard that she hurt herself. She was still unable to believe what had just happened, although her lips were burning and her whole body tingling and trembling.
She let out a great gasp and threw herself on her cot, then lay with her eyes closed, trying to calm down and recover her wits. The most desirable man she had ever seen had just kissed her, and she was still feeling the effects.
I should have pushed him away, she thought.
But Claire knew that it would have been easier for her to fly to the moon than reject Laird Ross because… because she wanted him too much.
Oh, god, what was he doing to her?
Claire tried to shake the thoughts out of her head as she opened Rose’s letter.
It was written in her sister’s big, looping script, and the sight of it cheered Claire up at once.
She knew she would not have much time to read it, since it was almost time for her to eat lunch with the others, so she scanned it quickly, and decided to reply that night.
Dear Claire,
I was so relieved to receive your letter. It has been so long since we saw each other that I thought you might have forgotten you had an older sister. Of course, you know I am not being serious—I just miss you so much.
If you want to hear my news, please sit before you fall down. I gave birth to a baby girl last month! She has deep brown eyes and dark hair, and looks a lot like Cormac, although he denies that because he wants her to look like me.
We have called her Barbara after Cormac’s mother, and she is the apple of his eye. Elspeth adores her, and Nell, who Elspeth calls her grandmother, dotes on her.
Cormac is such a good father, I can hardly believe it. Compared to our own father, he is a god. Every time he looks at little Babs, his eyes shine with love, and I can hardly keep from weeping from happiness.
I was sent here against my will, but it has turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.
I truly believe that you have not known love until you are a mother, Claire, and I hope it happens to you one day soon.
Now, I wonder what is happening with you? Amanda and I have been able to correspond with each other, but not with you, so as soon as I receive your reply I will tell her, but in the meantime, would you like me to come and fetch you?
Father will not tell me what your circumstances are, but knowing what happened to me, I cannot believe they are good. I don’t know what we have done to deserve such cruel treatment from him.
Please write back and tell me that all is well with you because I think of you every day and I must know if you are well. If you are not, please let me come and take you away.
Please reply as soon as you can, Claire. I am anxiously waiting to hear from you, my dear sister.
All my love,
Rose.
Claire read the last words and began to weep silently. She could almost hear Rose, with her husky voice, saying the words she had written. At that moment, she wanted more than anything else in the world to be able to hug and kiss both of her sisters and tell them how much she loved them.
She immediately began writing her answer. After all, it was not like she could focus on any of her tasks with thoughts of Iain plaguing her.
Claire knew that she would have to be sparing with her parchment, since she still had to write a letter to Amanda, so she kept her writing as small as she could.
It did not occur to her for a moment that she should compose a shorter letter; she had a lot to tell her sister and she wanted to express herself properly.
She thought for a long time before putting pen to paper, then began:
Dear Rose,
You have no idea how much I have longed to hear from you. Let me tell you at once how absolutely overjoyed I am to hear your news about little Barbara. I think she is a very fortunate child to have such a wonderful mother because I know that you will be one of the best mothers who ever lived.
Things are slowly getting better here. The women I work with seemed to have calmed down a little, probably because they can see that I really am trying my best to work as hard as they do. It has helped me to see life from another perspective, and I am very grateful for that.
Unfortunately, I still haven’t been able to make any friends here yet, but maybe that will come in time.
Claire paused for a moment, trying to decide whether to tell Rose her real experience in Glengar Castle; the unkind jokes thrown at her, the scornful looks, the kiss with Iain…
In the end, she decided to say nothing, because she knew that Rose would worry, and she did not want to cause her sister any distress, since she had a new baby to cope with. As well as that, Rose seemed to have an idyllic life, and Claire had no wish to spoil it.
You will be pleased to hear that there is an absolutely magnificent library here, and after the Laird caught me trying to sneak into it one night, he allowed me to borrow some books.
I am taking the opportunity to teach myself some Scottish history, since I think it will help me to understand more about life here.
You asked if you could come and fetch me, but for the moment I am quite happy apart from the fact that I miss you and Amanda, but I have a story to see through here.
However, I will try to finish it as soon as I can, and we will be reunited soon, so I can see my new niece.
Thank you for everything, my dear Rose, and please send my love to Cormac, Elspeth, Nell, and little Babs, and of course, take a mountain of love for yourself.
Your dearest sister,
Claire.
Claire read over the letter again, trying to think of anything she had missed, but of course, it was too late to do anything about it now. The writing was crammed onto the page in such small letters that she hoped Rose would actually be able to read it.
She sealed the letter and wrote her sister’s name on it before putting it aside till the morning. The news of the baby had surprised her, even though she knew it should not have.
Cormac and Rose were in the first months of their marriage, and no doubt their love would be strong and passionate, and now it had grown into a new life. How she envied them!