Chapter 13 #3
Eloise didn’t feel elated; she didn’t feel sorrow. She didn’t feel anything at all at his pronouncement, which surprised her. But she did let out a long breath, one she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. And she did feel rather glad that she now knew.
She hated the not knowing. About anything.
And so she really shouldn’t have been surprised when she whispered, “Why did you marry her?”
A rather blank expression washed over his eyes, and finally he just shrugged and said, “I don’t know. It seemed like the right thing to do.”
She nodded. It all made so much sense. It was exactly the sort of thing he would do. Phillip was always doing the right thing, the honorable thing, apologizing for his transgressions, shouldering everyone’s burdens . . .
Honoring his brother’s promises.
And then she had one more question. “Did you . . .” she whispered, almost losing her nerve. “Did you feel passion for her?” She knew she shouldn’t ask, but after that afternoon, she had to know. The answer didn’t matter—or at least she told herself it didn’t.
But she had to know.
“No.” He turned away, began to walk, his long stride forcing her to jump to attention and follow. But then, just when she’d gathered enough speed to catch up, he stopped, causing her to stumble and put her hands out against his arm just to keep her balance.
“I have a question for you,” he said, his voice abrupt.
“Of course,” she murmured, surprised by his sudden change of demeanor. Still, it was only fair. She’d practically interrogated the poor man.
“Why did you leave London?” he asked.
She blinked in surprise. She hadn’t been expecting something with such an easy answer. “To meet you, of course.”
“Balderdash.”
Her mouth fell open at his palpable disdain.
“That’s why you came,” he said, “not why you left.”
It hadn’t occurred to her until that very minute that there was a difference, but he was right. He’d had nothing to do with why she’d left London. He’d just provided an easy means of escape, a way to leave without feeling she was running away.
He’d given her something to run to, which was so much easier to justify than running from.
“Did you have a lover?” he asked, his voice low.
“No!” she answered, loud enough so that Anthony actually turned around, forcing her to smile and wave at him, assuring him that all was well. “Just a bee,” she called out.
Anthony’s eyes widened, and he started to stride in their direction.
“It’s gone now!” Eloise called quickly, shooing him away. “Nothing about it!” She turned to Phillip and explained, “He’s rather morbidly afraid of bees.” She grimaced. “I forgot. I should have said it was a mouse.”
Phillip looked over at Anthony, curiosity on his face. Eloise wasn’t surprised; it was difficult to imagine that a man such as her brother was afraid of bees, but it did make sense, seeing as how their father had died after being stung by one.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Damn. She’d thought she’d got him off the subject. “How could you even ask it?” she asked.
Phillip shrugged. “How could I not? You ran away from home, not bothering to tell your family where you were going—”
“I left a note,” she interrupted.
“Yes, of course, the note.”
Her mouth fell open. “Don’t you believe me?”
He nodded. “I do, actually. You’re much too organized and officious to leave without making sure all of your loose ends were tied up.”
“It’s not my fault it got shuffled into Mother’s invitations,” she muttered.
“The note is not the issue,” he stated, crossing his arms.
Crossing his arms? She clenched her teeth together. It made her feel a child, and there was nothing she could do or say about it, because she had a feeling that whatever he was about to say concerning her recent behavior, he was right.
Much as it pained her to admit it.
“The fact of the matter,” he continued, “is that you fled London like a criminal in the middle of the night. It simply occurred to me that something might have happened to . . . ah . . . stain your reputation.” At her peevish expression, he added, “It’s not an unreasonable conclusion to reach.”
He was right, of course. Not about her reputation—that was still as pure and clean as snow. But it did look odd, and frankly, it was a wonder he hadn’t inquired after it already.
“If you had a lover,” he said quietly, “it won’t change my intentions.”
“It’s not that at all,” she said quickly, mostly just to make him stop talking about it. “It was . . .” Her voice trailed off, and she sighed. “It was . . .”
And then she told him everything. All about the marriage proposals she’d received, and the ones Penelope hadn’t, and the plans they’d jokingly made to grow old and spinsterish together.
And she told him how guilty she’d felt when Penelope and Colin had married, and she couldn’t stop thinking about herself and how alone she was.
She told him all that and more. She told him what was in her mind and what was in her heart, and she told him things she’d never told another soul. And it occurred to her that for a woman who opened her mouth every other second, there was an awful lot inside of her that she’d never shared.
And then, when she was done (and, in truth, she didn’t even realize she’d finished; she just kind of ran out of energy and dwindled off into silence), he reached out and took her hand.
“It’s all right,” he said.
And it was, she realized. It actually was.