Chapter 15
Lorali
N ight had fallen overhead as they finally returned from the starberry patch with a basket full of berries and hearts full of hope. In the unlit town of Juelton, within the rolling foothills of the Euphedian mountain range, Lorali could truly see just how vibrant the stars could be.
Marta and her wife, Louanna, had insisted they stay overnight. It’d be safer to find a cart on its way to the city in the morning and hitch a ride than to make the two-hour walk back to Athera. It seemed Eldric had planned for this when he packed a bag with overnight clothes for them both. Lorali hadn’t objected, seeing the softness in their eyes when they looked at Eldric. Although he had been loved by his mother, it seemed like there were two more people who would always see him as his younger self, despite his age. How fortunate to be loved by those outside one’s blood. To be known and cared for, for no reason other than existing. A burning weight sat in her chest, a dim ache for something she had once before and still longed for.
Do they know that you…? The question trailed off as they lay down in the soft grass of the clearing as his tears finally dried. Fingers tangled within her own as they bathed in the sun. A touch for comfort, to remind him he was not alone in this world. That she was there.
No , he’d said. I don’t think I could bear it if they did.
How do you want to explain this, then? Lorali held up their joined hands, inked in their matching bond. He’d avoided the question earlier, but she doubted he would a second time if what he told her of Louanna was even half true. He laughed.
I’m honestly not sure. Any thoughts?
Lorali’d hummed and mused for a moment, ideas empty of anything that wasn’t the truth. Why don’t you just tell them we’re married?
She glanced over to find his green eyes wide and watching her, lips parted in surprise, the sun’s heat driving color into his cheeks.
Are you okay with that?
Lorali shrugged. In the eyes of the city, we are. At least for nine more months. Just because we don’t have a... traditional relationship, that fact doesn’t change .
Marta and Lou responded with cheers and squeals of excitement when Eldric finally answered the question— Who is Lorali Wynmar?
My wife, he’d said, rubbing the back of his neck as the couple pulled them both into the biggest, warmest embrace Lorali had ever experienced. She couldn’t help but smile and laugh, basking in their kindness. How they opened up to her with ease, as if she had always been there.
You’re good for him, y’know, Marta had said, coming to her side as they watched Eldric and Lou squabble over who was to make the side dishes. Eldric swore he had perfected her potato salad recipe and Lou told him it was impossible. When Lorali fidgeted beneath the kind words, Marta continued. I can tell. You make him happy, and for that I will always be thankful. She felt a twinge of guilt after that. While they weren’t lying, they were actively deceiving them. It made her stomach twist ever so slightly, but she understood why he would want to keep this, here with them, untainted by the troubles of his life back in the city.
With bellies full and hearts warm, Eldric and Lorali shared the single guest bed, the rise and fall of his chest lulling her into a peaceful sleep. She savored his scent of soil and pine, closing her eyes and imagining what things could be like if all of this was real. A life like this, with him. Outside of the Order. Peace. She ignored the thread of guilt that wove itself around her traitorous heart. Just for the moment, just for tonight, she would be selfish. To want more than the life the Order had given her when she had nothing. She would let her heart be greedy and imagine. That it wasn’t just their bond pulling them together and twisting the strings of her heart. That if he ever looked into her eyes with nothing but adoration and leaned in again, she would meet his lips without hesitation and know it was real, even if only for that shared breath. And she’d imagine that, perhaps, he might want the same.
***
They stayed in Juelton for two more days filled with lake water, sunshine, and more laughter than she had ever known. Though the trip had been short, Athera seemed changed upon their return—crisper, somehow, like fresh-dried linen on the summer breeze. She was reminded after many years that life existed outside the stone walls of the Order of Ostara.
Spending time in the home of strangers, hearing their stories and laughter, revived long-buried memories of a time before Athera. Of the first city she called home by the sea, with soaring winds and laughing gulls. A port sentried by the crumbling ruins of a colossal god, his statue long tumbled into the sea, leaving nothing but a pair of large stone feet straddling the harbor opening, broken at the shin.
There were bright times scattered amongst the darkness of her life. Her own personal stars that had guided her till now. The world was not bleak; hope flickered and danced amidst the long shadows her past cast across her future, lighting the way. Driving her to step forward into a vibrant tomorrow.
A wall had been dismantled between them, piece by vulnerable piece, since they were last home. There were still dark, tender parts of themselves left untouched, but she knew in her soul that those would come with time. And when they did, she’d be ready. But for now, winding through the city streets with their idle chatter and a borrowed basket half full of starberries? She cradled that light, settling it within her chest, and letting it take root. If she tended it, maybe one day it could blossom into something beautiful.
Cresting the hill, they followed the familiar cobbled stones that turned to dirt at the end of the street. Lorali searched through the keys on her waistbelt, trying to find the right one to unlock the cottage .
“It’s about time you showed up,” someone said as she rounded the corner onto her meticulously cared for marigold-lined path.
Lorali yelped, nearly jumping out of her skin as her heart raced. She knew that smug voice, belonging to the only person who visited her since she stopped living at the temple years ago.
“Goddess above, Heinrich!” He’d been hidden by the arching ninebark bushes at the garden’s entrance, his wide frame dwarfing the small bench he shifted on.
“The one and only,” he smirked, eyes traveling between the two with curiosity. “Came by to see how you were feeling, noticed you weren’t home, so I waited around.”
“We were out,” Eldric supplied, his eyes narrowing at the high cleric.
“For three days? No telling what kind of trouble the two of you could have gotten up to.” Mischief flashed in Heinrich’s eyes. It dissolved into a chuckle in an instant with a wave. He stretched, standing to his full height with a groan. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to discover your secrets and report back to Sage. I just came to check on my friend and have a chat.”
The bonded pair looked at each other, Eldric’s eyes questioning and wary. She took a steadying breath with a tight smile .
“Could you go put those inside? Maybe make some drinks?” she asked, fingers brushing Eldric’s forearm as she turned to him. He looked between the two high clerics, wary, but nodded.
“Let me know if you need anything,” he muttered low, so that only she could hear, returning that soft touch before he headed in. Lorali watched as he slipped the basket to the crook of his elbow, searching for the right key to unlock the door. She couldn’t help the snort that escaped as he opened all the curtains in the house, letting the light in and making sure he could see that she was okay. Heinrich was quiet as he watched the exchange with a raised brow. The way she smiled, the unbidden rose tint that crept into her cheeks.
“Still not acting as a—how did you put it—married pair?” Despite the teasing tone of his question, she could sense its sincerity in his soft voice. Lorali’s face burned as she turned back to find his inquisitive gaze on her.
“No, we’re—we’re just friends, Heinrich.” She couldn’t help the way she bristled at the question, still unsure herself what their present—or their future—held. “The bond requires us to be close; it’s only natural that we’ve fallen into strange habits.”
“It’s okay, Lor. Whatever this is,” he said with a wave between her and Eldric, “it’s good for you. He’s good for you. Eighteen years and you have never missed a day, never stayed home sick no matter how much you should have. Oh, the look on Sage’s face when they received your phoenix mail!” He chuckled, shaking his head. His smile softened, hands reaching out and resting on Lorali’s shoulders with a reassuring squeeze. It did little to keep the gnaw of guilt that creeped back in at bay, her throat tight and stomach lighting with nerves once more. He must have sensed it, in that way that only Heinrich ever did, because she was suddenly enveloped within his arms.
“You deserve time off, Lorali. Much more time than you took, but I’m proud of you for just getting out of Athera and spending time somewhere else—I really am. There’s a life outside of the Order, and I think you’ve finally found it.”
Her eyes welled with unbidden tears as he put the words out into the world. That feeling from earlier that had settled within her chest, warming. Hope that she would go back to see the starberry patch, Marta and Lou. Desire to swim in the crystal-clear waters of the jewel with Eldric once more, their wet skin drying in the long summer sun, and learn more about his life, become part of it. To stay.
And in all that vision, all that she yearned for, the Order had no part in it. She now had dreams of abandoning her duties as a cleric for another life. A different one where she wasn’t only a High Cleric of Ostara that people only spoke to in their most desperate times. That she could be just Lorali, standing beneath the sun, and finding solace in those closest to her. It tore her to pieces.
She sniffled, hands clutching the fabric of her skirts and her voice thick as she tried to find any way to tell him that he was wrong. That Eldric was anything but good for her, he was a distraction that kept her from her duties. Like she should have. But she could never lie to Heinrich, couldn’t fool him with her words. Her voice cracked as she whispered her unuttered truth. “I don’t know what I’m going to do when this year is over, Hein.”
The tears flowed free and silent then, soaking the collar of his robes as Heinrich pulled her close just as he always had. Drying her tears now as he did during those first long nights in the Order when nightmares woke her drenched in sweat. She didn’t know what it was like to have a brother, but she imagined it would have been something like this.
“What do you want to do?” he asked, rubbing small circles into her back. She was quiet, thinking about what to say. What she should say.
As a high cleric, her life was devoted to Ostara’s guiding light alone. Others had no place. Eldric would leave when it was over, a distraction gone and out of her way. To want him, and to want him to stay, was to disavow everything she had known since arriving in Athera. Her words tumbled out, a quiet tangled mess of thoughts she could not unravel.
“I don’t know. It’s all new and strange and I don’t know what I’m doing. Everything’s happening so quickly and I keep wondering—are these feelings real? Or is this another part of the bond I don’t understand pulling me to do something I normally wouldn’t?” Gathered in his warm embrace, Heinrich shushed her, rubbing small circles across her shoulders as she whispered. “When it’s no longer required, would he even want me around?”
“I doubt you have to worry about that, Lor,” he whispered. “I’ve seen how he looks at you—like you put the stars into the sky itself. Given the chance, I think he’ll prove just how much there is to live for. To love. You have to trust him.”
“What we’re talking about is heresy, Heinrich. About me leaving the Order, never to return,” she whispered, letting him go. Her fingers brushing the dewy tears from her face.
“I know—I’m surprised by how little I care.” He shook his head with an incredulous chuckle. “You’ve smiled more in the last three months than I think I’ve seen you smile in the last eighteen years. I have never seen you this happy. This vibrant. You’re healthy, Lorali, you’re thriving . I don’t want you to let that go and make the same mistakes I did.”
Regret was hidden within his eyes, a thing unspoken between them for years. The memory of her mentor, a young man with braided hair and the brightest smile. How Heinrich’s own hadn’t been the same since he left. Eldric’s voice was the only thing that pulled them both from their thoughts.
“Drinks are done and dinner’s on the stove, ten minutes ‘til it’s done,” he called, opening the door and sticking his head out quickly before returning to whatever delicious smell wafted toward them.
The clerics chuckled, composing themselves. Tucking their sorrows back into their hearts and readying for delicious food with good company.
“Think about it, Lor. I’ll be there for whatever decision you make.” Heinrich patted her shoulder once before turning toward the house, already calling to Eldric and asking if he could come for dinner every night if the food tasted half as good as it smelled.
She stood for a moment longer, his words echoing within her.
You have to trust him .
As she stepped forward, back toward the house that was vibrant and truly full of life for the first time, a sinking realization settled deep within her bones. Trust had always been rare earned, but for him? For Eldric? It was a willing tithe, an offering of devotion that she didn’t realize she had already made. And the fear of him leaving gripped her tighter and did not let go.