57. Ruth
Chapter 57
Ruth
I was nervous as I got in my car and pulled down the driveway. It was dumb. It’s wasn’t like I hadn’t had sex before.
But this was different. This was a whole night away with McSexy, an adult getaway to the city, complete with nice meals and a hotel suite and actual sex with a much-older guy. He could be with any girl in the world, so I couldn’t help wondering… why me?
I mean, I’m not going to lie, I was kind of the shit at Blackwell High. I knew the boys lusted after me, knew some of the girls hated me. Daisy had been fucked by Blake’s death (the initial accusation that she’d done it hadn’t helped), but it was far enough in Blackwell’s rearview that it hadn’t affected my popularity at all. If anything, it added to my mystique: tragic Ruth Hammond whose brother was murdered by his best friends but still managed to be a star pupil and lacrosse player, who was elected homecoming queen and class president.
Poor little rich girl.
They could keep their pity, but I’d take the popularity. God knows I’d lost enough. I wasn’t going to protest about getting a little something for all the shit I’d been through.
Anyway, being popular at a podunk high school and fucking around with podunk guys wasn’t the same thing as spending the night in the city with someone like McSexy, and I was definitely nervous as the gates to my house closed behind me.
I had the urge to turn the car around, lock myself in my childhood bedroom with a bag of Doritos, spend the night bingeing TV.
But it was too late for that. McSexy would be waiting. If I didn’t show up now, he’d realize I was a stupid rich girl from a tiny town who had no business seeing someone like him.
The sky was turning dark and I was suddenly glad he’d told me to meet him at that stupid bar so we could drive into the city together. We were supposed to get a big storm and even though I was a good driver and had never even been pulled over (I’d only had my car a few months, but still), I was glad someone else would be doing the driving.
My phone dinged from the holder in my dashboard and I glanced at it in time to catch a text from Daisy.
Hey! Just checking in. How was Thanksgiving?
It wasn’t the first text she’d sent since the spa day that was supposed to be a birthday present but that had turned into an interrogation about my life, like Daisy had any right to the details when she was hardly ever around.
I refocused on the road and did a mental inventory of the stuff I’d packed: an expensive dress and new lingerie I’d bought with my credit card (okay, my dad paid the bill, but it had my name on it), all my toiletries and hair products, makeup, clothes for tomorrow, my extra charger.
By the time I pulled up outside the bar where I was meeting McSexy, the sky had turned several shades darker. It was only 5 p.m. but it was almost completely dark out, and my stomach churned as I parked to wait for McSexy.
What the fuck was wrong with me? Why was I feeling sick, like I shouldn’t be here?
I had a flash of my mom, which was weird because it had stopped being easy to remember her face. I remembered it now though. I could see her clearly: her dark hair falling in soft curls around her face, purple eyes looking at me with love. I remembered that they crinkled in the corners when she laughed, except this time she wasn’t laughing. She was looking at me seriously, almost like she was mad.
I pushed her from my mind. Part of me didn’t want to lose that crystal-clear image I had of her — didn’t want her to go — but the last thing I wanted to think about on the verge of my night with McSexy was my mom.
Gross.
I leaned forward to get a better look at the bar through the gloom of the incoming storm. It was a small place, what would be described as seedy in a book. Just a single building with rotting wood siding, no windows, and a neon sign above a single door.
I had no idea why McSexy wanted to meet here of all places. What a dump.
My phone dinged with another text from Daisy.
I meant what I said. I’m always here if you need me.
I rolled my eyes. Fuck her. Fuck her and fuck Blackwell Falls.
I looked at the sign glowing over the door of the bar: Mo’s .
Then I sat back to wait.