Chapter Fifteen
The next day
Gerald returned from his morning ride, still shrouded by the morning fog. He had toured the estate grounds closest to the manor house and was satisfied with the security detail that surrounded and protected the estate, including the large number of footmen Wright had hired positioned with rifles around the grounds.
Gerald slid down from Aphrodite and walked the thoroughbred into the stables, his anger still burning over what he’d learned about the imposter who’d hurt Selena and her mother. The fact that Selena had been accosted in such a vile manner and had narrowly escaped a brutal rape erupted a fire of fury inside him. When they tracked down the bastard posing as Lord Percival, Gerald would rip off his limbs and enjoy doing it.
Yesterday, following her emotional description of the last time she’d seen the man calling himself Lord Percival, Selena’s energy seemed to evaporate. He’d planned to speak to her on their walk, hoping to hear more of what had happened. He needed to hear the full story. But her need to sleep quashed his hope to take a walk. When she laid down for a short nap, she ended up sleeping straight through the day and night.
Resigned to waiting, Gerald led Aphrodite into her stall. Startled when he heard Selena’s soft voice at the other end of the stable, he handed Aphrodite’s reins to Joshua, who had been delivering fresh hay to the stall. “I’ll take good care of her, your lordship.”
“Thank you, Joshua. She had a long ride and needs to be brushed.”
Approaching Selena, he slowed to listen.
“Azure, it’s so good to see you, my sweet boy. I brought you an apple and some carrots,”
she whispered. “But don’t tell anyone.”
Gerald grinned as Azure gave a soft snort in reply.
“I’m so lucky to have you, Azure,”
she murmured. As the horse munched, she gently patted his neck.
“Good morning,”
Gerald said.
Selena turned in surprise, her hand going to her chest.
“Forgive me, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
A glowing smile lit her face and his breath hitched at the beauty of it.
“Oh! Good morning, Gerald. You did not startle me, I was just sneaking Azure some treats.”
She winked and Gerald’s heart did a dozen somersaults.
He looked at the dark-haired woman standing next to him. She was brave and beautiful and when she was near, he struggled to control the feelings that stirred within him. “Selena, could we take a walk? Do you feel up to it?”
Pleasure lit up the beautiful blue eyes that regarded him. She nodded. Handing Azure another carrot, she kissed her horse on the nose. Smiling up at Gerald, she said, “I’d like that very much.”
As they walked away from the stable, she felt Gerald’s hand grip hers and squeeze. She knew he was trying to reassure her, but he didn’t know everything. He didn’t know everything because she hadn’t told him. And she promised she wouldn’t keep secrets. But this one hurt so much, she didn’t know how to tell him, but tell him she must.
Selena wished she had never recalled the memory of that night with Percival. The vile man had molested her. She felt nothing but the heat of shame.
“I apologize for sleeping so long yesterday.”
“Selena, you slept almost a full day. You obviously needed it, love. I’ve just missed you.”
He probably won’t miss me when he hears everything , she thought. One day he’d be an earl, how could he possibly want a wife who was sullied? “I was tired. I don’t think I’ve ever been that tired, Gerald.”
“I never meant to add to your anxiety, love. I shouldn’t have pressed you to give more details…not in front of my family.”
“You did nothing wrong, Gerald. Your request was reasonable.”
She needed to tell him. They had promised no more secrets. “It’s just that, the return of my memory has also taken me by surprise as well. I have remembered things you see, things I wish I could forget, but I cannot.”
“Sometimes sharing those difficult and painful memories can help,”
Gerald suggested in a soft voice.
She glanced at him, and he was looking at her with such concern that all she wanted to do was feel his arms around her tight and breathe in his strength.
“Remember when I was feverish and kissed you.”
“Yes, I recall you were quite brazen,”
he said his voice deep and teasing.
“And then the day of our wonderful picnic when you kissed me.”
“Alas, I could not help myself. You were just so irresistible.”
He leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I’d be happy to oblige again.”
She felt the heat of a blush as she glanced at him; his smile was teasing but his eyes held an intensity that made her chest constrict. “Oh, well, my…”
she stumbled, not knowing what to say.
He chuckled and wrapped his arm around her drawing her close. He dropped a kiss on top of her head. “It’s alright my sweet, I would never do anything that would make you comfortable. I promise,”
he added softly.
She nodded and blinked back sudden tears. “You have been so kind and patient. But I need to tell you something…”
He stopped walking and turned her to face him. His eyes were now serious, looking at her with concern. “You want to tell me about that man, the imposter who pretended to be Percival Bowles.”
“Yes. But you see, I have to tell you that when we kissed, it wasn’t my first kiss. I thought it was, but then when my memory returned, I realized that it wasn’t, because…because… that m-man…that h-horrible man assaulted m-me. H-he pushed me up against the w-wall and held my hands above my head and his lips…it wasn’t a kiss…but it was like he attacked me with his mouth and he g-groped me…”
A sob escaped her, and she covered her mouth and turned her head away from Gerald.
She felt Gerald’s strong arms go around her and she turned into his chest and cried, “N-no matter how much I f-fought I w-wasn’t strong enough to stop him from t-touching me with those v-vile hands and his t-teeth. I remember breath, stale and vile-like, the stench nearly choking me. And his h-hands were like claws…But I h-have to tell you. He didn’t…He didn’t do…”
“Hush, my love,”
Gerald whispered, kissing her forehead. “I know. I know.”
Tears streamed from her eyes. “I’m so s-sorry, Gerald. You m-must think me w-wanton. And I w-will release you f-from any obligation. My f-father wouldn’t have expected you t-to honor a b-betrothal to a soiled w-woman.”
“Selena, what are you talking about?”
His hands held her face and he looked down at her, his eyes opened wide with shock. “Why would you say that?”
“Because I am not who you thought I was. I’d give anything to reclaim the bliss of believing that you were the first man to kiss me, but I can’t unremember what happened.”
“My love, you did nothing wrong. What happened to you was a violation. That bastard attacked you, violated you. That was not a kiss he gave you. He forced himself upon you, and I thank God that you did not suffer any more than you did. But what you went through was not your fault. And I am only sorry that you had to go through it alone. But the fact that you escaped and rode all the way here in a rainstorm no less, only shows how courageous and strong you are.”
“You think I’m brave and strong?”
“Yes. Yes. I do!”
“So, you forgive me for what happened?”
“Oh, Selena.”
He held her tight and kissed her forehead. “There is nothing to forgive.”
“But—I’m not the woman you thought I was.”
“Do you remember forgiving me the day of the picnic when I admitted to you about that stupid bet, the one I made at the Adamson ball five years ago?”
“Yes.”
“Even though you had your amnesia at the time, you said that no matter what, even if and when your memory returned you would still feel the same way. That you forgave me…And now that you remember what you saw me do that night five years ago. How do you feel? Do you still forgive me?”
“Yes, of course, without question.”
“Do you hold it against me?”
“No. I would never do that.”
“Then, why would you think that I would reject you after finding out what that vile man did to you? Selena, I’m angry at that bastard for what he did to you, tried to do to you and your mother, and for what he still wants to do to you. And I’m so sorry I was a cad five years ago to you. You didn’t deserve that, and you don’t deserve any of this pain. Knowing how strong and courageous and wonderful you are, how incredible and clever and kind—how could I do anything but fall in love with you? I love you, Selena. I love you. I love you so very much.”
“Y-you love me?”
She looked up into his sable eyes and the warmth and love she saw reflected in his gaze nearly took her breath away.
“I do. I think I’ve loved you since the night of the storm as I carried you up the stairs. You were covered in mud and dirt and for a moment you opened those incredible blue eyes and said, Lord Lawrence. I found you , and everything changed,”
he said in a deep raspy voice. “I looked into the most beautiful blue eyes that I have ever seen and knew who you were. Your courage…and your tenacity…and your brave heart. I have never met anyone like you.”
“I love you, too,”
she cried, a flood of tears pouring down her cheeks.
Gerald took out a handkerchief and gently dried them.
“I’ve gotten to know you with no memory to guide me…only my heart,”
she whispered, laying her hand against his cheek. “You are the kindest, most generous, man I have ever known. How could I not fall in love with you?”
Selena realized they had veered down a path that had taken them to a small pond. A charming stone bench sat facing the pond and beyond that stood a stand of leafless trees. In the time she’d been at Bellwood, she had never been to such a charming spot. “What kind of trees are those?”
she asked.
“Apple trees,”
Gerald answered. “I discovered them the first year I was here. The horses enjoy lots of apples in the fall. But Mrs. McDonald gets the rest.”
Despite the rollicking emotions she’d just felt and was still feeling, Selena laughed. “I can just see dear Mrs. McDonald wrestling those apples off the ground before the horses can take them.”
“That’s pretty much what happens,”
he chuckled. “Of course, I can’t complain given how much I love her apple tarts! Connery loves them too. Mrs. MacDonald can’t understand why her freshly baked batches of tarts constantly go missing.”
Selena laughed again at the thought of the two grown men sneaking into the kitchen to steal apple tarts.
“Selena,”
Gerald said softly, tugging her down on the bench. “Would you sit with me?”
“I would love nothing better,”
she said, snuggling against his chest.
After sitting for a while surrounded by the peaceful scenery around them, Gerald leaned back and tipped her chin up.
“I love you, Selena Bowles,”
he said. “And I am looking forward to making you my wife, one day soon. You are strong, resourceful, beautiful, and kind. And exactly who I need in my life.”
“And you don’t think I’m wanton?”
She held her breath. How could she possibly have been so fortunate as to have found a man like this?
“No, I don’t.”
He waggled his brows. “However, if you want to be wanton with me after we are married… you’ll not receive any objection.”
Selena giggled, feeling the anxiety…the pain…and the humiliation of her memory of the villainous imposter fade.
The teasing glint in his eyes changed to something warm and wonderful and romantic as he lowered his lips to hers, at first teasing her lips with feathered kisses, before covering her lips with his.
He smelled divine—like leather, sandalwood, and citrus. His lips were soft and warm. And his touch sent flutters down her spine and across her shoulders. The warmth of his body lured her closer.
Pulling him nearer to her, she twined her hands through his brown, wavy hair and impulsively, molded her body to his. This was what she wanted. This was what she needed. Gerald, holding her, making her laugh, and kissing her… She closed her eyes intent on capturing this memory in her heart forever.