Chapter Six #2
“Yet because of that very gossip, you are holding me to this ridiculous engagement.” She lifted a hand, thought about slapping him, then ultimately rested the palm on his chest in a desperate bid to hold him back.
“That was different.”
“How?”
“You didn’t deserve the slander.”
What had this man been through to put such weariness into the depths of his eyes? And why did she wish to know? “But why did you bring me here?”
“I had no choice.”
“Gammon.” Eloise briefly pointed her gaze to the ceiling before resting it on him. “Everyone has a choice. You didn’t need to blurt out to Lady Jersey and her husband that we are engaged.”
“Perhaps.” Annoyance flashed in his eyes. “However, there was very little time to think of a different story, and we were in a rather compromising position, so the convenient ‘she is my long-lost half-sister’ bit was out of the question. Now, here we are.”
That sense of humor that made shadowy appearances was fascinating.
Why did he hide it? “With you acting the beast and demanding my surrender on far too many fronts.” Again, one of her eyebrows rose, this time in challenge.
When he didn’t answer, she said, “You could easily defy everyone and let me go. Who would question a duke?”
“You, for one.”
This time, a chuckle did escape her throat. “I refuse to let you boss me out of an ill-temper tied to your past.”
That gave him pause, and he stared at her for the space of a few heartbeats. The scent of him wafted to her nose—clean and crisp like water from the streams near her village in France after the winter thaw. “Without my protection, you would be ruined in reputation.”
She snorted. “I care nothing about that. Reputation is what other people think of you, not what you truly are.
One of his eyebrows rose with surprise. “Then you will definitely be ruined in innocence after I’m done with you… even though I suspect you were not an innocent before we coupled.”
“Oh.” Heat flooded her cheeks. “You can’t know that as fact.” God, how would he feel about her sordid history? Her past was certainly not suited to that of a duchess to this powerful, mysterious man.
He frowned. “What does that mean? Did you and your fiancé…?”
“No.” Eloise shook her head as a flood of emotion swept through her.
“Jean-Claude wished to wait…” A waver set up in her voice.
“It doesn’t matter.” The remembrance was too much.
The situation needed to change… so she could try to heal.
As tears welled in her eyes, she yanked the pistol from her pocket.
Then she trained the nose on his chest. “You took that future from me.”
“Where did you get the pistol?” Surprise lined his expression, but to his credit, he didn’t flinch.
“You really should check for pockets when you next kidnap a woman.”
“Fair enough.” He nodded, but neither did he attempt to remove the weapon from her hold. “The French army was as much at fault as the English during that time.”
She pressed her lips together and tried to keep her hand from shaking. “Be that as it may, you must die for what you did.”
For the space of a couple heartbeats, silence and tension brewed between them.
Then, he blew out a breath. “Yes, I quite agree.” Shadows and secrets lurked in his eyes.
He held her gaze, and the agony there was almost unbearable.
“Do it if you have the nerve. Obviously, you’ve thought about it for years. ”
“I have but…”
He retreated from her two steps. Oddly, sorrow went through his expression. “Killing me won’t bring him back. It won’t bring any of them back.” It was said in a whisper.
“What does that mean?” A frown tugged at the corners of her lips as confusion swirled through her mind. “Are you suddenly feeling remorse for what you’ve done over the years?”
“When don’t I?” he snarled like the beast he’d likened himself to.
“The faces of the men—and some women—I’ve had to kill in my past haunt me, every damned night.
They follow me in the daylight.” He never dropped his gaze from hers.
“I will never be free of them unless I die… which is my plan, regardless.”
A wave of shock slammed into her chest. “You wish to kill yourself? That wasn’t something you tried to use on me for leverage?”
“No, I’m quite serious. It is the only way to peace, for a cessation of guilt of the anger.” How he managed to shutter his eyes, hide his emotions, she couldn’t say.
“I…” Eloise hadn’t counted on him being this… broken or dark. Steeling her resolve, she nodded. “Then let me put you out of your misery.” Seconds later, she cocked the pistol.
How can I take a life? And what will happen to me for killing a duke?
“Right.” The duke took another couple of steps back from her.
“I’m ready.” He closed his eyes and held tight to the silver head of his cane.
“At least I won’t need to go to the trouble of doing it myself…
and there will finally be blessed relief, a cessation from the pain, the agony of remembering, the guilt. ”
Oh, God.
The sound of her heartbeat echoed in her ears, for she knew what that was like.
“I, uh…” Suddenly, she couldn’t do it. “I understand, but for me, it’s the inability to feel…
anything.” She couldn’t take a life, especially not like this, with him in such a vulnerable state.
Uncocking the pistol, she set it on the table next to her.
“I’m not going to let you escape from what you’ve done.
” Best to keep the focus on him and his misdeeds instead of hers.
“Bloody hell.” Blackhawke’s eyes snapped open. “Do it!”
“No.” Eloise shook her head. “I can’t.”
“You are a coward.” Annoyance wove through the statement.
“No more than you. If you were going to leave this mortal coil, you would have done it by now.” When he said nothing, she lifted an eyebrow. “Why the delay?”
“I…”
A sudden insight came to her, because that was exactly how she felt. “You are buffeted by so many emotions, you’ll soon explode from them if you don’t find an outlet.”
“I don’t want to. I need to remember, to remind myself…”
“No.” She shook her head. “You were in the military, I’ll wager. Those decisions weren’t yours.” Why was she siding with him? Wasn’t she supposed to hate him?
“Perhaps, but as a spy after that, I made those decisions.” He closed the distance, stared down at her with an intensity that stole her breath. “Do it, Eloise! Get your pistol and pull the damned trigger.”
“No.” Her voice was steady. “I refuse.”
“Why?” It was little more than a growl.
The burst of bravado wavered. “I’m now not certain you killed my fiancé.”
“Yet he had my pocket watch…”
“That may be so, but I need to know the story before I do something rash. Murder can’t be undone.”
A plea entered his dark blue eyes. “Do it for us both.”
“No.” The whisper sounded overly loud in the silence as she stared back. “I could have been wrong, and I know what it’s like to be forced into something I never wanted…”
“Gah! Why are you both so maddening and enticing?” Without further discourse, the duke closed the distance, hooked a hand about her nape, and then brought his mouth crashing down on hers.
Seconds later, he lifted her up and planted her rear end on the table.
A book and a candleholder tumbled to the floor with dull thuds.
This time she didn’t struggle. Oh, no, this time she welcomed the full force of the storm he represented, for she had the same brewing deep down, where she didn’t let the emotions out because she couldn’t, because that would mean she would have to remember that time.
If she allowed herself to be lost in his turmoil, would she be able to forget her own?
Slipping her hands up his chest, she gripped his shoulders because she wanted a respite for the things she couldn’t change, and then Eloise kissed him back, drank from him as much as he did from her. In this, they were well matched.
Except, this wasn’t the way to move on from their pasts.
Wrenching away, she said, “We should talk.”
“I don’t want to. Sex is all the conversation we need in this moment.” Seconds later, he yanked the low, scooped bodice of her new gown down and took a rapidly hardening nipple into his mouth.
A gasp sailed from her throat for the sheer intensity of the pleasure he imparted was startling. There wasn’t more of an explanation other than she was drowning in sensations as he manipulated her breasts, pushing her closer to the edge of bliss merely from that.
How can I survive him?
She panted. “Blackhawke, I need more.” Then opposite feelings descended and she clamped her lips together, for she shouldn’t need anything from this man, or any man, especially like this.
Forcing a woman into such a position, only communicating through carnal endeavors was how they controlled women, wasn’t it?
“So do I, but we don’t have time for that.” He drew his lips down the side of her neck. “Why revisit the past when it doesn’t matter?”
“It does, though.” A sound of frustration escaped her. “What happened made us into the people we are today—for good or for ill. If we want change…”
“I don’t.” Again, he kissed her then delved a hand beneath her skirting.
“I’m a fucking blackguard and nothing will fix that.
” When he urged her legs apart, a tremble twisted down her spine.
The second he coaxed her swollen button out of hiding, she moaned, for at least he made certain she found release.
He didn’t have to do that. The men years ago certainly hadn’t; they’d only want to get their rocks off.
That’s when she knew the duke was different. Did she possess the daring to explore the man that he was, to help him out of the darkness he struggled with and in turn hope that he might do the same for her?
“When I pleasure a woman, I expect her to pay attention,” he said in a harsh whisper as he leaned over her, forcing her backward as he continued to work her flesh with varying degrees of friction.