Epilogue
Blackhawke Hall
Lake District, England
“Oh, dear God, you must leave off.”
James grinned, for there was no way he’d untie his wife’s wrists from where he’d bound them to one of the posts on their bed. “You know the rules, love. No freedom until you’ve found release at least twice before intercourse.”
“Then send me over a second time, you great lout.” She was always snippy when he left her languishing in need during their play.
“If you insist.” Since he’d already teased and fondled and kissed his way over every centimeter of her body during this session, he concentrated his touches and caresses on the swollen button at her center.
Because they’d already exchanged pleasures for an hour this afternoon, his wife was already well primed.
It didn’t take much to see her come undone, and she did so spectacularly, with an arched back, her fingers grappling with the restraints, and a trembling cry breaking from her throat.
Since removing to his country estate in the Lake District, they’d spent many moments over the past three months passing the time in bed…
or in carnal endeavors elsewhere around the manor house.
Merely because he couldn’t have enough of his new wife. Of course, being in her company in any capacity just made his existence more tolerable, so there was that.
“I would curse your name, but I do enjoy what we do together too much,” she said between panting breaths. “Now finish me so we can relax. I’m feeling rather lazy this afternoon and would like tea.”
“Such a managing baggage.” He couldn’t hold back his grin as he settled between her splayed legs. “So damned beautiful as well.” Today, they’d not employed the use of a blindfold because he’d wanted to peer into her eyes as he pleasured her.
“Gammon, I think.” Yet she seemed content with his compliment. “Hurry, James. I need to feel you moving inside me.” Again, she strained at her bonds, and he couldn’t deny her anything.
“We have played too long, I fear, for this will go quickly. I won’t last.”
When she smiled, his world tilted. He fell deeper into love with her every day that passed. “Keep that in your mind so you don’t stray.”
“That will never happen.” Then he layered his body over hers, and with one powerful thrust of his hips, he speared into her passage, not stopping until he was seated stones deep into her honeyed heat. “Fuck, but you always feel so good, so wet.”
“I must adore you if that is so.”
James didn’t answer with words; he couldn’t, for emotions welled in his throat.
Instead, he concentrated on stroking into her with a fast rhythm that rocked her body and sent him deep into her core.
The sound of flesh hitting flesh filled the space as she met his thrusts.
Their moans punctuated the silence until they were heaving, undulating together.
Seconds later, she broke, fell over that edge into bliss, and as her feminine walls spasmed around his straining shaft, she pulled him into his own release.
A strangled shout left his throat as he ground his pelvis into hers.
A rush of pleasure swept through him, turning his blood to fire while he tumbled through that secret world that only lovers shared.
One last thrust and he was done for, so he collapsed onto her body and pressed his lips into the crook of her shoulder.
“You make me feel years younger yet wear me out so much that I feel positively ancient if we do this too much.”
A breathless giggle escaped her. “Another bammer, Blackhawke. You are only as old as you feel, and since we married, you have been acting quite spry.”
“Perhaps.” Stirring only enough to untie her wrists from the post, he then tossed the length of cravat silk to the floor. “Can you blame me, though? I have only recently discovered that I’m madly in love with my wife.”
“You are sweet, James.” With a shiver, for the room held a bit of a chill even if it was summer, she wrapped the sheet around her body. “I do need to speak seriously with you.”
“All right, but wait until I give you something.” Knots of worry pulled in his gut.
Surely, she hadn’t grown tired of him already.
Not knowing but bracing himself all the same, he grabbed a small object from the bedside table then presented it to her.
In the soft illumination from overcast skies outside, tiny rubies winked from a thin bad of gold.
“I had a jeweler make this so it would match the ring I gave you on our wedding day.”
“It’s so lovely, but it wasn’t necessary. I’m content with the one I have.”
“It was absolutely necessary.” Before she could protest, he slipped the bauble onto the third finger of her left hand where it nestled against the band of the other ring.
“I like to think of it as a reminder to both of us that second chances bring no shame and learning how to live again is well worth the growing pains.”
Over the past three months or so since they’d married, both of them had experienced plenty of those.
There had been arguments and many sleepless nights sitting in the dark when one or the other of them suffered from nightmares and doubts.
But there had also been many lovely times as well where they slowly discovered new things about each other.
Life had certainly fallen into a rhythm, and he was coming to look forward to seeing what each day held. All of it was new to him and took some acclimation, but he was ready and willing to put in the work.
“Never think for one second that I don’t love you to distraction,” he whispered then followed the declaration with a kiss to her palm. “Now what did you want to tell me?”
Eloise rolled onto her side and laid her left hand on his abdomen. Muscles clenched from her touch. “Do you remember when I miscarried our child shortly after we arrived here?”
“How could I forget? I still blame myself for the arduous journey up here.” That day had been horrid and plunged them both into grief, which had brought his darkness and depression back with a vengeance.
But they’d stuck together, helped each other through that particular valley and had come out stronger for it.
During those days, he’d taken to walking the acreage no matter the weather while she’d found comfort in painting landscapes from various views around the manor.
“It wasn’t your fault or mine. These things just happen.” As she eased her hand up his torso, he stilled it with one of his, for the awareness rippling over his skin was acute. “Last week while you had the meeting with your man-of-affairs, I went into the village to see a midwife.”
“Oh? Are you still feeling poorly?”
“Not from the miscarriage.” She grasped at his fingers. “The midwife performed an examination on me because I was experiencing certain symptoms…”
“And?” His breath froze in his lungs as he held her gaze.
“And she believes that I am at least two and a half months along in a new pregnancy,” Eloise told him with joy shining in her eyes. “She also said this one seemed strong and since I’d made it this far, the pregnancy should prove stable.”
“What? You are increasing?” As awe crept into his being, he looked at her in shock. “There is a babe in your belly?”
“Yes.” She nodded and squeezed his fingers. “In February of next year, we will welcome our first child into the world.” When she moved her hand and cupped his cheek, she asked, “Are you happy?”
“Yes. So much so that I can’t find the words let alone know how I’m feeling in this moment.” It was incredible that he would be a father, yet that brought a whole new host of worries. “What if…?”
“Hush, Blackhawke.” Putting a finger on his lips to quiet him, Eloise peered down at him. “We will move through this like we have everything else. You aren’t alone, and there is no reason for you to hide or retreat.”
He nodded then took her hand and kissed her palm. After, he pressed her hand to his heart. “We haven’t been gentle in our lovemaking. Will that harm the child?”
“The midwife said no, at least not this early on, but we might need to go slowly when my confinement period comes close.” When she smiled, his whole world brightened. “I think you will make a splendid father.”
“You will be the most nurturing mother,” he managed in a choked whisper. “This news is… incredible. Never did I think I would have a wife let alone a family.”
Oh, God, what if I’m a horrid father to my child like my father and grandfather were?
“I am proud of you for the strides you’ve already made, so please don’t lay a trap for yourself in your mind where you don’t think you’re good enough.” One of her dark eyebrows went up in challenge. “You deserve every good thing, James. You know this.”
“So do you,” he said with a slow nod. “I’m still learning.”
“You are doing marvelously.” Then she snuggled into his side. “I never would have had this dream either if it weren’t for you. Never forget that.”
“I won’t.” Unable to say anything else, he wrapped his arms about her and held her as silent tears rolled down his cheeks.
Life had a way of surprising him, and a man couldn’t have the light without the darkness.
Everything had a place, and as long as he could strike a balance, he would be all right.
Yes, he would always struggle with intrusive thoughts and the depression that remembering his past brought; that was just the cost of surviving, but the fact he could count on his friends from the club as well as Eloise to not let him slip or lose himself there was…
everything. Being reminded that he indeed had a future and things to look forward to helped.
And that made the difference.