Chapter Thirty-Two Allegra #2
Lucy finds me in my dressing room, offering me a congratulatory hug before darting off to the bar to save tables.
I’m one of the last to leave the theater, the rest of the company already headed over to the bar across the street.
I wanted to take my time, changing out of my costume and unpinning my headpiece, leaving the final physical remnants of my character behind.
Now that I’ve had a quiet moment to say goodbye to Dominique, I’m ready to celebrate my accomplishments, really let myself savor the experience.
I might even let myself have more than one drink, since I don’t have to wake up early the next morning.
A figure steps from the shadows as I push through the doors of the theater, and I freeze, about to turn and run back to the safety of the dressing room.
It only takes a second, but I recognize the figure.
“What are you doing here?” My fingers tighten around the strap of my bag, like I’m waiting for him to try to steal it.
Cord steps farther into the light, pulling a bouquet of coral sunset-colored roses from behind his back. He lets out a long breath before he speaks. “I couldn’t pass up my last chance to see you dance your first leading role, Slippers.” He holds out the flowers.
I take them, cautiously, the paper crinkling in my tight grip. “You watched the show?”
He nods. “I did. You were beautiful. Perfect. I couldn’t take my eyes off you, Allegra.”
“You watched the show?” I repeat like the idiot I am. But I remember how adamant he was, how resolute about not supporting ballet, and that was when we were still a couple.
“I did.” He moves a single step closer. “I hadn’t realized, until recently…”
“Hadn’t realized what?” I push when he doesn’t finish his thought.
“How much I miss ballet.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I focused for so many years on all the problems, I forgot how beautiful it can be. How beautiful it is.”
I tuck the flowers into my arms, like I’ve been given silent permission to accept them. “I’m happy you came.”
“And have you been happy otherwise? I heard about your promotion, you must be thrilled.”
“Everything here has been going really well.”
He nods, like it was the exact answer he expected.
“Good. I’m happy for you, truly.” He falls back a step.
“I’ll let you get to wherever you’re going.
You have a lot to celebrate tonight and I don’t want to take up too much of your time.
I just…” He doesn’t finish this thought either, just takes another step away from me.
“Cord.”
He freezes and his face is so shielded, I can’t read a single one of his emotions.
“Why did you really come here tonight?” Something suspiciously hope-like is prying at the edges of my heart, but I need more from him before I can let it in fully.
He sighs. “I needed to see you. Needed to see that you were all right, and that you made the right choice. And I think you did. Watching you up there tonight, it was clear that you were made for ballet. You were made for the stage and that role. You were made to be a ballerina.”
“I didn’t want to have to make a choice at all, Cord.”
“I know. And trust me, I regret putting you in that position. I have ever since the moment you walked out of my apartment.”
My head cocks to the side. “Then why didn’t you reach out?”
“I didn’t know what to say. And I think a big part of me wanted you to realize you made a mistake, that you should have picked me.
” He chuckles, but there’s no humor in it.
“But you didn’t make a mistake. Not going to lie, that stings a little, but I meant it when I said I was happy for you.
I am.” He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself along with me, but there’s something genuine in his eyes, some hint of emotion that lets me know he does really mean it.
I clear my throat, shuffling closer to him. “Did you make a mistake? When you asked me to choose.”
His eyes meet mine and that first breath of contact knocks the air out of my lungs. “I did. I made a huge mistake. The biggest mistake of my life.”
This time I take a full step, making it clear I’m purposefully crossing closer to him. “Are you going to do anything about it?”
His eyes widen slightly. “Is there anything I can do?”
I shrug. “You’re here. That’s a good start.”
“What about what David said? I don’t want you to put your job at risk.
” He runs a hand through his hair. “Looking back on it, I can’t believe I ever even suggested you should walk away from ballet.
It was incredibly selfish of me, and I could never forgive myself if I somehow caused you to lose out on your dream. ”
“Let me worry about David.” I nudge his elbow with mine. “I’m giving you your shot here. Make your argument. And make it good.”
He laughs a little, and this one feels genuine. Then he takes a deep breath to steady himself. “Allegra, I did a really shitty job of showing it, but I think you should know that I’m in love with you.”
My mouth drops open. Going in hard from the get.
“The past several weeks have been some of the worst of my life. One, because I’m selfish and I absolutely hated not having you in my life.
But mostly because I hate the position I put you in.
I hate that at the first chance you gave me to support you and love you, I failed.
I fucked up, and I have spent the past few weeks hating myself for it. For letting you down.”
“Cord.” I take his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together.
“There’s more.” He clears his throat and pulls me in so our hips are flush.
“I realized I still have some unresolved anger about things that happened in the past. So I went back to therapy, and it’s not a quick and easy fix obviously, but I’ve been talking about it and working on it, and I will continue to do so.
The last thing I want is for my stuff to ruin something you love. ”
“Do you think you can trust me and my judgment when it comes to ballet?”
He nods. “I know it won’t be perfect. I won’t be perfect.
But I want to try. I don’t deserve a second chance from you, and I know that.
But I want one, more than anything, and I will do whatever it takes to be worthy of that second chance if you can find it in your heart to give one to me.
” He cups my cheek in his hand. “You are more important than anything else, Allegra, and I want you in my life in whatever capacity you’ll have me. ”
I bite my lip. It’s everything I’ve been wanting him to say, and yet I know, even with my willingness to give him a second chance, this isn’t going to be easy. “I was about to go out with the company to celebrate the closing of the show.”
His face falls, and his hand drops. “No problem. I won’t keep you any longer.”
“Do you want to come with me?” It’s the first test, to see how well he can assimilate into my life, my life that’s centered around ballet, and will be for quite some time, hopefully.
It takes a second for the words to register, but when they do, a smile spreads across his face. “Would that be okay?”
I nod. “Of course, lots of people bring dates. And I’d like you to be mine, if you’re up for it.”
His arms snake around my waist, pulling me close. “I’m up for it.”
“Good.” I rise up on my toes. “I’m going to kiss you now.”
“Thank god.”
I press my lips to his, keeping it soft and sweet.
And then I tickle the seam of his lips with the tip of my tongue, so he gets a hint of what’s to come later. After we celebrate with my friends. After I make it clear that Cord and I are together—and will continue to be. After I bask in the glow of a ballet I led, that I danced my heart out in.
Before we take the next steps toward the future. Together.