21
How earnestly did she then wish that her former opinions had been more reasonable, her expressions more moderate. —Pride Dr. Debourgh couldn’t attack this book more than I am about to.
“Isn’t that fiction? It’s just a silly romance?”
“No! I’ve read it!” One of Jane’s college friends chimes in. “This book has layers. It’s empowering. She dates this guy, and he he’s so hot and has an avocado empire. But he’s no good for her, and she finally sees through him.”
“Wait for this... ” Lydia says with glee. “This dude has crooked teeth. Who does that remind us of?”
“Lots of guys have crooked teeth,” I say and take a gulp of my drink—I need it.
“How many multi-millionaires?” Lydia persists.
“Darcy is definitely a billionaire,” Caroline says matter-of-factly. “Not only does he own Pemberley Almonds, but his mom comes from old-money.” At one time, this little tidbit and the fact that Caroline knows so much about the Darcy family finances would have interested me, but not right now. I’m in shock. I had no idea anyone had linked my book to Liam. I spent the last few days in a revision trance.And I don’t have an agent or anyone keeping tabs on how my books are being talked about on social media.
“But I don’t see how this fictional character is Liam.” I maintain.
“In addition to being hot, he rowed in college,” says Lydia.
My chest is so tight with anxiety, I can hardly breathe. I can’t believe this is happening. Yes, I made Liam the villain in my book. But to be fair, self-published books rarely make it into the news. I never expected my book to do so well. My first two books did okay, kind of. But they didn’t sell so much that I saw any harm in casting Liam as the villain. I had a whole lot of messy feelings that I needed to get out of my system when I revised my villain to be a little more Liam-like. Plus, I’ve never met a man who belonged in a romance novel more. He’s effortlessly handsome, rich, with a semi-tragic backstory.
Once we started emailing, I became increasingly uncomfortable with all the ways Ivan Pennington of my book is similar to Liam. I knew I had to revise. But I was so busy writing my next book and, yes, emailing Liam that I kept putting it off. But I knew it had to be done before I saw him again. I began yesterday afternoon and worked all night. I basically undid my revenge revision. I turned Ivan Pennington back into your generic villain. He is no longer an avocado farmer. He never rowed in college. I straightened his teeth. I finished my edits early this morning and submitted them to Amazon. The changes should go live within 72 hours. I did this so my conscience would be clear when I saw him again. I know that I might lose sales because of the changes, but I don’t care. I never expected this—that someone would link my book to Liam. I don’t know what I’m going to do. All day, I’ve been counting down the minutes until I see him and suddenly, I’m not quite so eager.
***
Apparently, staining her mohair sweater with wine was not enough to scare Caroline away. Say what you want about the girl, but she’s persistent. She’s also a little cheerier after one more mug of mulled wine. Still, she’s clingy. She stays by my side all through our trip to the spa. Although it’s a gorgeous spa, I can’t fully relax. My overactive imagination is thinking of all the ways Liam could be injured and, of course, about the stupid book. I breathe a sigh of relief when I get a string of texts from him around sunset.
Liam
Hey, just finished the hike
We’re stopping at a steakhouse before heading your way
Can’t wait to see you!
Lettie
Same! Drive safe!
I leave my phone with my towel. Now, I can fully enjoy sitting in the hot tub and watching the steam rise from the water as fluffy flakes spiral down from the darkening sky. Jane shivers even though she’s sitting in the large granite hot tub.
“Everything okay,” I ask.
“Oh! I’m being silly,” she says. “I’m worried about Charlie. This hike they were doing sounded dangerous.”
“They finished it. Liam texted me ten minutes ago, said they were headed to a steakhouse.”
Jane exhales, “That’s such a relief,” Her face relaxes to her general serene expression. She leans over to chat with her college friend, all worries about Charlie gone.
“Liam texts you?” Caroline asks in a quiet, strained voice. She’s sitting on the bench beside me.
“Yeah.” I now feel terrible about the comments I made earlier.
“I feel so dumb.” She puts her head in her hands. After a minute, I realize she’s silently crying. Caroline climbs out of the hot tub and scurries away. I sit for a moment, unsure what to do. I generally want people to chase me when I run away crying, but not always. Sometimes, I just need to ugly cry by myself. But something tells me Caroline doesn’t need any more alone time. I chase her down and find her in the dressing room. She’s already changed out of her swimsuit into jeans and a black cashmere sweater.
“Caroline, I’m sorry... I should have told you about Liam... but we’re not officially dating.”
“I don’t care about Liam! It’s not that.” She sits on the bench in the dressing room. “I never expected Charlie to get married before me.” Her beautiful face contorts. “I mean, they just met. I dated him for six years—six years!”
“Who are you talking about?” I ask as I pull on dry sweatpants.
“Gregory, my fiancé. My ex.”
“You were engaged?” How did I not know this?
Caroline nods, tears flowing from her reddened eyes. “This is my first wedding since he dumped me in May. He left me three days before the wedding.”
“Oh! Caroline! That’s terrible. I’m sorry.”
“Me too!” I awkwardly put an arm around her. “Some of my family had already flown in for the wedding. Many of them are here today. And I can’t face them.” She gulps back fresh sobs.
“Sure, you can. We’ll go back, and you’ll have a good cry. And tomorrow, you’ll be brave, and I won’t leave your side.”
“Why are you so nice to me? I did my best to sabotage you and Liam?”
The real answer is complicated. I do feel bad for Caroline. But also, tomorrow is Jane’s Day, and I’m going to do everything I can to keep Caroline’s broken heart from ruining it.
“You really weren’t that bad,” I say.
“I was terrible. The things I said behind your back. And just today, I was trying to make you think Liam and I were a thing. And I was always trying to convince him that you weren’t good enough for him.”
“Thanks!” I say sarcastically.
“Not like he ever listened. He’s always talking about how competent you are, and how funny you are, and he’s, like, obsessed with your eyes.”
“That’s better than clavicles.” This poorly thought comment catches her attention.
“What?”
“Colin, my date to the engagement party, said I had the world’s best clavicles.”
“Ew! That sounds obscene.”
“Not obscene, just odd. It’s the technical term for a collarbone.” Caroline doesn’t even crack a smile. She seems deep in thought.
“Colin was kind of cute, and he’s a doctor. Is he still single?”
“Caroline,” I say sternly. “He’s not a viable option. You can do so much better.” Her now splotchy, yet somehow still beautiful, face crumples.
“I’m desperate. I just want to be married and have kids. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
I am out of my depth. Jane is the one to comfort. But right now, Jane is happy and celebrating with her other friends. The only thing I can do for her is help her future sister-in-law. I want to tell Caroline she’s fine without a man. I think of Charlotte laughing at the idea of marriage. If only I could give Caroline some of that energy.
Caroline is the definition of conventional beauty, with shining blonde hair and big, startling blue eyes that seem even bigger full of tears. It’s tempting to tell her she’s so gorgeous that she’s bound to find someone, someone better. But my instincts tell me to rein in that impulse. Instead, I stand and reach for her hand.
“Let’s go back to the villa, where you can tell me all about it.” She nods and follows my lead.
She leans on me as we walk the shoveled sidewalks, with marshmallow snow piled on either side. Caroline tells me all about meeting Gregory in college. “He gave me his seat on the shuttle,” she begins tearfully.
Several hours later and she’s still telling me about her ex. “We dated for six years, six years. But he never proposed.” We are hanging out in the third-story bedroom of the bachelorette cabin. We’ve loaded our bed with snacks piled in between us since we missed dinner. Caroline shares all her feelings about Gregory, how stupid he is, and how wonderful and, oh so, treacherous. Downstairs, the others have returned. Strains of karaoke float up through the rafters, but I promised Caroline I wouldn’t leave her, and that’s what I intend to do. Sometime around ten, when she takes a bathroom break, I text Liam.
Lettie
Trying to cheer up a very sad Caroline. Won’t see you until tomorrow. ??
I hate to put off seeing him, but a cowardly part of me also wants to delay our reunion because of this whole book debacle. I feel like the moment he sees me, my guilt will be all over my face, and he’ll know.
Returning from the bathroom, Caroline jumps right back to her story. “I broke up with him right after Thanksgiving last year.” Oh, so she was single at the Pemberley Holiday Party. No wonder she was dangling after Liam. “But then he surprised me on New Year’s Day and proposed. I was so happy and thought finally I would finally get my happy ending.” This also tracks and explains why she was so nice to me at the gala.
Caroline continues regaling me with all the ins and outs of planning a wedding with a family that clearly disapproved of her, only to have it end the week of the wedding.
“I wasted so much of my life on him,” she sobs.
“But you’re still young.”
“I don’t feel young, this year has aged me a decade.” I nod along until Caroline’s anger and tears peter out. “You’re a good listener,” she says.
“I have two sisters.”
“Do you? Where do they live?”
“Iowa. That’s where I’m from.”
“Oh... did you grow up on a farm? That would explain why you and Liam get along so well.”
“Nope, no farm. We didn’t even have chickens.”
“Oh... ” She sounds disappointed and very sloshed. “Too bad. I like chickens.” She lays back down on her pillow and falls asleep—finally. It’s almost midnight. I check to see if Liam answered my text. He did.
Liam
No worries. Poor Caroline
Wedding must be tough for her. Thanks for being sweet to her
I’m beat. Going to crash
See you tomorrow ??
I scroll back up to the picture he sent me this morning. I really hope I didn’t ruin things for us by writing that stupid, stupid book.