Chapter 32 #2
As Mervyn ran through the details, I gazed up at it looking spectacular on its plinth beneath the colourful organ pipes.
I’d regret it if I didn’t but, as I lowered myself onto the piano stool and poised my fingers over the keys, I found myself glancing towards the door, half expecting Will to come in.
Perhaps if I played the same piece I’d first played on the grand piano in Pianos of Distinction – Mozart’s ‘Turkish March’ – I could somehow conjure him.
The door opened at one point and my heart leapt but it was a young couple who paused by the doorway to listen.
It opened again a little later, but it was only a postal worker who waved a couple of envelopes in Mervyn’s direction and placed them on the side before leaving. No Will, obviously.
* * *
‘I’m still in shock about your unbelievable talent,’ Milly said as we settled into a booth after we’d placed our orders for a pub lunch a little later. ‘Here was me making out that I’m good on the recorder and I sound like a total amateur compared to you.’
‘Ah, but I can’t play the recorder!’
Milly laughed. ‘I’d trade my recorder skills for your piano ones any day.’
‘It was a privilege to hear you playing,’ Paulette said. ‘I’m glad you’ve returned to it.’
‘You kept looking over to the door while you were playing that grand piano,’ Milly said and my stomach lurched. Had I made it that obvious? ‘How did you manage to keep playing seamlessly?’
I glanced at Paulette and, evidently reading the question in my mind, she gave me an encouraging nod.
‘It’s a bit like touch-typing,’ I said, answering Milly’s question. ‘My fingers know what they’re doing. But there’s a reason I was looking at the door…’
I shared with Milly the same details I’d shared with Paulette about Cliff and about Will.
I valued all my new friends so highly and didn’t want to have secrets with some and not others.
While I didn’t see quite as much of Veronica or Laughlin, I would eventually tell them when the moment felt right.
Milly’s reaction was exactly what I’d expected from her – a mixture of surprise and empathy.
It struck me that, just a couple of months ago, I wouldn’t have imagined me sharing my past with any of my Cake & Craft Club friends but everything had changed this year.
As well as feeling lighter for telling them and for not getting a negative reaction, I felt steadily more confident about the future and placing even more ticks against the entries in my journal. Including finding love again.
After we’d eaten, I told them about my meal at Christian’s. I’d returned the favour a couple of nights ago and it had been a great evening which had ended, once more, in a kiss on the cheek from him, leaving me confused as to his intentions.
‘I’m so clueless,’ I said. ‘Does a kiss on the cheek suggest he’s interested or is he just being friendly?’
‘I’d say probably interested,’ Paulette said, but the use of the word probably and the catching of her lip with her teeth suggested she wasn’t convinced.
Milly shrugged. ‘How did you leave it? Any plans to get together again?’
‘None.’ I rolled my eyes at them. ‘He’d have asked me out if he’d wanted more than friendship, wouldn’t he?
’ They didn’t need to answer that. It was written all over their faces.
‘It was nice to imagine it could be something more if only fleetingly.’ But as I said the words, I couldn’t help feeling that imagining it was the best part and that I still wasn’t convinced it was what I wanted.
‘You like him?’ Milly asked.
‘I’ve always liked him. As to whether I like like him, there’s something there but I’m not really sure what it is – friendship, gratitude or something else.’
‘The very fact that you’re feeling something suggests to me that you’re ready – or nearly ready – to let someone in again,’ Milly said, ‘even if that someone isn’t Christian.
I know I am. I’ve been checking out some dating apps.
The idea still fills me with horror but I was watching this really romantic film the other night and I thought that’s what I want and I’m not going to get it unless I make it happen so I decided to do some research.
I’m not saying I’ll be uploading my profile five minutes after I give Harry the divorce news but there’s no harm in being prepared. ’
‘You’d be perfectly justified in putting a profile up thirty seconds after you tell him,’ Paulette said. ‘In fact, I don’t think anyone would blame you if you did it now.’
I nodded. ‘I agree with Paulette, but I get the guilt. Moving on isn’t easy.’
We finished our drinks and returned to Celestial Sounds.
I played my two shortlisted pianos once more – same piece on each this time, which helped me make my final decision.
I placed my order and selected a few books with contemporary music in them which I couldn’t wait to play, but which I’d save until I had my new piano.
After I explained my house situation to Mervyn, he said it was no problem to store it for me if I hadn’t moved by the time it arrived.
On the drive home, I felt uplifted from our day out. Choosing the piano had been a special moment for me but spending the day with two friends who I’d let into my life had been monumental. I told them how much I appreciated how supportive and non-judgemental they’d both been.
‘I don’t think anyone has a right to judge anyone else until they’ve walked a hundred miles in their shoes and, even then, they can never truly know what it’s like for that person,’ Paulette said.
‘Unless the person they’re judging happens to be called Joanne.
I can’t help judging her for her current behaviour. ’
‘How’s Saffy holding up?’ Milly asked.
‘Surprisingly well. It helps that she’s feeling so settled in Willowdale. Joanne’s blaming me for keeping her here, of course, but I’m beyond caring. Saffy’s the one that matters here.’
‘She’s a special person,’ I said, smiling at Paulette. ‘It’s thanks to her journalling lesson that I’ve sold my house, bought a piano and shared my past with you two.’
‘And it’s thanks to her journalling lesson that I’ve decided to take control of my life too and get the long-overdue divorce,’ Milly said.
‘I made a photo album of the grandkids,’ Paulette said, ‘but you two have inspired me. I think it might be time to start a new one and answer those four questions but think about what I want. I’ve always been so focused on my family that I’ve never really thought about me.’
‘It’s been life-changing,’ I said. ‘You should definitely do it.’
‘I agree,’ Milly said.
‘I’ll do it. It’s fabulous seeing the pair of you so invigorated and excited about the future. I want a piece of that too. It’s time to take control of my life. Tomorrow starts today.’
‘Ooh, I like that,’ Milly said.
‘Me too,’ I agreed.
In fact, I liked that statement so much that, when I got home, I wrote those three words in chunky capitals across the front cover of my journal, accompanied by an exclamation mark.
TOMORROW STARTS TODAY!
It wasn’t just a statement – it was a mindset which echoed what Laughlin had said to me when we’d been talking about Venice and not putting off until tomorrow what could be done today.
It was about spending each day making the decisions and choices which laid the foundations for what my heart desired.
It was about truly committing to those START, STOP and SEE question responses in order to achieve the FEEL ones.
It was how I needed to live my life from this moment on.
I stroked my fingers over the letters, excitement and anticipation flowing through me.
‘Tomorrow starts today,’ I whispered, and I believed so strongly now that it did.
Great things lay ahead for me, for Milly and for Paulette once she’d searched her heart and answered those four questions.
We all deserved it, but we were the only ones who could make it happen and I needed to make sure I didn’t lose sight of that.