Chapter 43
Even though the Monday was May Day Bank Holiday, we’d decided to open Created With Love because a warm, sunny weekend was expected, bringing lots of visitors to the area.
We’d stayed open on Good Friday and Easter Monday too and the trade had been worth it.
I was covering the morning shift and Milly was relieving me for the afternoon, although she’d told me she wasn’t planning to go anywhere that morning and I should ring her if it got busy.
I awoke with butterflies in my stomach and I knew why – I was planning to ring Fen about her memory bears being ready for collection and hoping she’d send her brother for them.
After showering, I released Trevor from his cage and brought him into the bedroom, placing his towel and mirror on the top of a chest of drawers beside the two photographs of Cliff. Trevor strutted up and down, stopping every so often to admire his reflection and witter to himself.
I took extra care getting ready, carefully styling my hair, applying a little more make-up than I usually wore for work (making sure it didn’t look overdone) and picking out a floral blue top I’d made which always drew compliments. Checking my appearance in a full-length mirror, I sighed.
‘It’s pathetic, isn’t it, Cliff?’ I said, rolling my eyes at Cliff’s holiday photo. ‘How old am I? I’m acting like a lovesick teenager. Worse! I don’t imagine Saffy is mooning over Felix like this.’ I glanced back at my reflection and considered removing my make-up. ‘Is it too much?’
‘Pretty Vonnie!’ Trevor declared.
‘What?’
‘Pretty Vonnie! Pretty Trevor!’
Tears pricked my eyes and I blinked them away before I really did have to remove my make-up and start over. A feeling of calm flowed through me and I smiled at Cliff’s picture. ‘Thank you.’
My journal was on the small dining table and I opened it to the first section.
What 3 things will you STOP doing this year?
Feeling sorry for myself
Blaming the past and hiding myself away
Chasing a relationship with Marianne
We were four months into the year and the new life I’d created by throwing myself into my friendships through Cake & Craft Club, sharing my full story with Paulette and Milly, setting up Created With Love and selling the house had placed enormous ticks against the first two entries in the STOP section and I was so proud of myself for that.
If Will didn’t collect the bears or if he didn’t make contact, I wasn’t going to regress.
I wasn’t going to start feeling sorry for myself and I certainly wasn’t going to live in the past and forever regret the decision to rush back to Cliff.
Cliff and I had had a good marriage and I didn’t regret the fifteen years we’d shared after I met Will.
To say I did would be disrespectful to Cliff’s memory.
The past had happened and couldn’t be changed but the future was mine for the taking and if that didn’t include Will, it didn’t include Will.
* * *
The shop was opening at ten o’clock and I decided to call Fen just before. My hands shook as I connected to her number.
‘Hi, Fen, it’s Yvonne from Created With Love in Willowdale. Just a quick call to let you know your bears are ready.’
‘Fabulous! I can’t wait to see them.’
‘I’m really pleased with how they’ve turned out. I hope you will be too.’
‘If they’re anything like the one you were making when I bought the quilt, I’ll be thrilled.’
‘When would be best for you to collect them?’ I asked. ‘We’re open today if that’s convenient.’
‘Possibly. I’m coming through to see my mum, although I might ask my brother to drop by instead.’
My heart leapt and I fought hard to keep my voice steady. ‘Well, the bears are here for either of you whenever you’re ready.’
When the call ended, I unlocked the front door and turned the sign round to open.
There was a customer waiting already to collect a carved fox which she said Christian had put aside for her yesterday.
He’d left me a note telling me where he’d stored it and that it was paid for so that was an easy transaction.
Across the morning, there was a steady flow of customers.
Every time the door opened, my heart leapt into my mouth, but it wasn’t Will or Fen.
Milly arrived to relieve me at 1 p.m. and the bears still hadn’t been collected.
I wasn’t in a rush to have my lunch and it was quite busy in the shop so I stayed downstairs in case Milly needed another pair of hands.
It was late afternoon when Fen arrived and I gave her a big smile, hoping it would mask my disappointment at her appearing instead of Will. While Milly was unfurling various bunting designs for another customer, I spread the six memory bears across the counter.
‘Oh, my word!’ Fen exclaimed. ‘They’re gorgeous.’ She picked one up and twisted it in her hands, examining it from all angles. ‘I knew they’d be good but, wow!’
‘Every bear has the exact same pieces of fabric but, as you can see, they’re all in different places so each one’s unique. The favourite shirt appears on every bear’s tummy so it has a prominent place.’
I picked up one of the other bears and pointed out the pocket I’d created on its chest. Fen was still holding the first bear so I told her to put her fingers in its pocket and lift out the contents.
‘A heart! Oh, Yvonne!’
I’d made a small heart for each bear using the fabric from the favourite shirt and attached it inside the pocket with a satin ribbon so that it wouldn’t get lost.
‘The idea came to me when I was making yours so I added one to my own bear too. I thought it was a nice touch.’
‘It’s a lovely touch. And I love their expressions. They’re warm and a bit cheeky, just like my dad was. I can’t believe you’ve managed to capture that.’
‘It took a few attempts but it’s amazing what you can do by changing the angle of the stitching as well as the position of the eyes.’
‘They’re incredible. I can’t thank you enough. My mum’s now settled into her new flat and she thought the quilt was beautiful. I know she’ll be delighted with her bear. They all will be. I hope you didn’t mind me changing the number without checking first.’
‘It was fine. You decided to give them to the older grandchildren after all?’
‘Yes. The extras are for my niece and nephew. They’re both going through a tough time at the moment, so I’ve taken a chance on getting the bears made without asking them.
Mackenzie’s lost his job and the timing is dire as his first baby’s due this summer and Liberty and her husband have been trying for another baby and, well, let’s just say that whatever worked for her two boys doesn’t seem to be working this time round and she’s a bit down about it. ’
‘I’m so sorry to hear that. Presumably that’s why you’ve come to collect the bears instead of your brother.’ Somebody needed to shut me up. It was obvious to me that I was fishing for information about Will and it had to be obvious to Fen too.
She scrunched her nose and wiggled her head from side to side.
‘It’s more complicated than that. You know that phrase about never having more thrown at you than you’re strong enough to deal with?
My brother must be a man of steel because he’s had everything but the kitchen sink thrown at him recently.
He’s concerned for his kids, obviously, and our dad died a few months ago which has been hard.
He’d sold his house but it’s fallen through, and he has a major work situation which is horrific but which I can’t talk about… ’
I raised my hands. ‘Completely understand. None of my business.’
‘It’s fine. I’ve started so I might as well finish.
His ex-wife’s divorcing the man she left him for and leaning on James way too much.
She was never my favourite person but she’s dipped to new lows, even for her.
Who leaves their husband and still expects him to be there for them twenty-five years later, giving her lifts, holding her hand through her divorce, lending her money?
And he’s such a nice guy that he won’t say no. ’
‘That sounds like a lot.’ Poor Will. No wonder he wasn’t in the right frame of mind for a conversation about me running out on him.
Fen was evidently on a roll. ‘And, on top of that, he’s unexpectedly bumped into a woman he met twenty years ago.’
My stomach lurched and I swear all the colour must have drained from my cheeks.
‘They only spent a short time together,’ she continued, her gaze fixed on mine, but her voice gentle, ‘and he’s been in love with her ever since.
James is incredibly strong. He’ll get through most of the bad stuff and he’ll help the others involved get through it too so I’m not worried about any of that, but I am worried about this recent brush from the past because I think it’s the one scenario which could break him. ’
She knew! And I felt like I was being tested, as though she liked me but wanted reassurance that she hadn’t made a bad character judgement.
‘I never thought I’d see him again,’ I said.
‘I longed to so badly but what were the chances? And then he walked through that door with a bag of shirts. He didn’t recognise me at first and I thought it served me right for abandoning him.
I’d spent twenty years thinking about him and he’d forgotten about me. ’
‘He never forgot.’
‘I know that now. I never meant to hurt him. I wanted to fully explain what happened but he said he has too much going on to hear it all right now and I need to respect that. It has to be on his terms.’
‘He does have a lot going on but he’s also protecting himself. As I say, this is the risky scenario. You’re the danger zone, Yvonne.’
Me? I’d never have thought of myself like that. ‘I don’t mean to be.’