Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Pen
I wake up slowly, my vision blurry. Rubbing at my eyes until it clears, I see the clock radio. It displays seven fifteen in the morning.
Jesus, I overslept.
I slowly move from my side to my back and feel every glorious twinge in my sore ass.
Dom fucked me good last night, but I’m not complaining.
I love the domineering side of my boyfriend.
Lately though, it seems like during sex is the only time I get to see the real Dom. Not the one who’s hiding his past.
Why can’t I let that go? If Dom doesn’t want to talk about his past, then I need to respect that—and stop asking him. Still, it bugs me that he has secrets he’s not willing to share with me when I basically opened a vein of my life for the man.
Shake it off damn it. You love him and that’s all that matters.
Focusing on the love we share, I yawn as I reach over to my right to find that side of the bed empty. And cold.
I should expect his absence. Dom’s always up before me. As much as I would like to lay in bed all morning, I have a routine to follow, and Callum to protect.
I get up, go take a piss and then look in on Callum. With him still sound asleep, I jump into the shower. Lathering myself up, I think back to last night. Getting Callum off with my mouth was epic. Then getting fucked by Dom. It was a very good night.
A surge of lust begins to pool heavy in my balls. I squirt some bodywash into my hands and start stroking my cock vigorously until I come with a silent moan. Then I rinse off and get out of the shower.
After getting dressed, I walk into the large, open concept living space expecting to see Dom waiting for me in the kitchen.
Yet, the room is empty. My partner is nowhere in sight and he hasn’t started his usual morning routine—the coffee maker isn’t on, nor has he set out our food like he usually does.
“Where the heck are you?” I look through the glass slider, assuming Dom might be out on the deck, enjoying the water view. But he isn’t out there either.
As I take a step outside to make sure, my phone vibrates with a call. Not wanting to wake Callum, I continue onto the deck and glance at the screen. It’s Ron.
That’s strange.
I tap to accept. “Good morning. This is a bit early for you,” I greet Warrior Black’s former manager.
“Yes, it is,” he says, his voice slightly shaky.
“But since you didn’t call me last week, Pennington, I figured I should call to ask if everything’s okay with you.
” The saucy way Ron says my full name tells me he’s upset.
He knows I despise hearing it. My mother used to call me that when I was in trouble.
I’ve been calling Ron almost daily since he announced his colon cancer diagnosis, just to make sure he’s doing okay. Who could blame me when this man did so much for me when my parents practically disowned me when I came out.
But my mind has been so focused on Callum’s attack and everything else that has happened, I haven’t stopped to think of Ron.
Guilt churns in my gut. “I’m sorry. There has been—”
“I know. Dean has been filling me in on what’s been happening. And I’m the one who’s sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel guilty for not calling me. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I am… Wait a second.” Are those beeping sounds in the background? “Are you at your chemo treatment today?”
“Yes. The center couldn’t fit me in for a later time,” he explains evenly. “Don’t worry, though. I’m not dying… Yet.”
“Ron,” I growl, not liking how he jokes about his death.
“Pen,” he mock-huffs, trying to sound like me.
I chuckle. “Who’s with you?”
“Dean, as usual. He’s getting some coffee right now,” he says, then lets out a small cough.
My spine snaps straight. “Are you sick? Did you tell the doctor about your cough?”
“Jesus, boy. Calm your jets. It’s only a cough,” he says haughtily. “Now, the reason why I’m calling you—and don’t get mad at me, but I’ve been talking to your mother.”
It’s like a boulder landed square on my chest at his announcement. “Why?”
“Because she’s your family. And you need your family, Pen.”
“You didn’t,” I counter, feeling slightly betrayed. My temper begins to simmer. “I don’t need family like that, Ron.”
“Everyone needs family, so don’t argue with me.”
I rake a hand through my hair in frustration and swallow hard. “What did you two talk about?”
“You.”
I shake my head. “I get that. What else?”
He lets out a loud sigh. “Your mother loves you and wants to talk—wants to understand.”
“There’s nothing to understand. She is just frustrated because I won’t listen to her reasons,” I say, feeling a headache coming on.
“She wants to understand why you won’t answer her calls or call her back and talk to her,” Ron further explains.
“That’s it?” I say, slightly surprised. I expected Ron to relay back one of my mother’s passages from the Bible. She’s good at selectively quoting from it.
“Yes. She just misses you and wants to talk. Now tell me, why aren’t you picking up her calls?”
“Because I don’t want to hear her righteous sermons about how being gay is a sin. I’m done with it, Ron,” I convey, as an ache creeps up into my throat, partially strangling me.
While I lived at home, I was spoon fed Catholic pabulum until I was choking on it. Now that I’m free and out of my parents’ household, I can truly be me. I don’t have to worry about who I offend with my sexuality.
“Pen. Listen to me. Life is too short. I know this. And if my parents were still alive, I’d try—I would.
I’d try and try to get them to remember the love they had for me.
But that isn’t possible for me now. For you, it is.
Since your mother is willing to talk, take the chance and maybe you can heal your relationship, and she can grow. Promise me you’ll do this.”
I can’t believe he’s asking me to shred my reticence and take the leap. My parents aren’t willing, so why should I be? “And if she goes back to the way she’s been with me?”
“Well, that is up to her. But I feel you need to give her another chance, Pen,” he says before he starts coughing again—harder this time.
“Are you alright, Ron?” I ask as my pulse escalates into a full gallop.
“Babe, sit back. Here’s some water.” I hear Dean’s voice and I’m quickly relieved that Ron isn’t alone. “Pen?”
“Yeah, Dean?”
“Ron needs rest right now. Can he call you later?” Dean’s rigid tone gives me no room to argue.
“Yeah, yeah. Give him a hug for me,” I say, as I try to swallow the large knot forming at the base of my throat, but the ache intensifies. Ever since Ron was diagnosed with cancer, I’ve been on pins and needles worrying about my friend. “Tell him I will try the next time my mother calls.”
“Umm… Okay, I will,” Dean says before hanging up.
I stand there for a moment, absorbing what wasn’t said. By Dean or by Ron.
Is Ron sicker than he’s letting on? With every phone call before this one, he has sounded good and strong. But is he just that good at hiding how sick he really is? And I can’t believe I agreed to talk to my mother.
“Pen.”
I swivel my head in the direction of the driveway, where Fig and Jordan are walking toward me. “What’s up?” I say, sliding the phone into my back pocket.
“Is everything all right?” Fig asks with concern.
“Yeah, why?”
“You look upset,” Jordan adds. “Did you hear from Dom?”
“Dom?” I frown. “What do you mean?”
They look at each other before Figs says, “Dom left early this morning. Didn’t he tell you?”
“What?” Dom left. And again, he didn’t tell me he was leaving. “Where did he go?”
“We don’t know.” Fig shrugs. “All he said is that he’ll be back as soon as possible.”
“He didn’t say anything else?” I ask, anger clawing at my new-found confidence in our relationship. I can’t believe he’s done it again. They shake their heads. “Thanks.”
I walk away from them and head back inside the house, feeling like my heart is shattering into a million pieces.
We were supposed to talk today. Smooth out the wrinkles in our relationship.
But here he goes and leaves without a word to me.
Again. It’s not like I wasn’t sleeping right fucking next to him.
He will probably use the excuse of not wanting to wake me, but that’s bullshit.
I’m done. I can’t be in a relationship with a partner who can’t see and trust me.
“Pen? What’s wrong?” Callum is in my space, eyes wide with worry.
The red haze in my thoughts clears as I look at the beautiful man before me. A poison dart of pain shoots down to my soul, knowing that I have to tell him that this throuple Dom and I proposed to him isn’t happening.
“Where’s Dom?”
“I don’t fucking know where he went,” I say, venom seeping into my words and I immediately regret it. “I’m sorry.”
He leans in, cups my face with both hands. “Tell me, what’s going on between you and Dom.”
I step away from his touch to give myself room to breathe, even though Callum is my solace. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”
“What can’t you do?” he asks, but remains where he is to give me the space I need.
“Between Dom and me. He doesn’t trust me and today proves it,” I admit, trying to keep the dam holding back my emotions from bursting.
I can’t cry.
“I don’t understand. What happened today to make you rethink your relationship with him?”
“He keeps secrets from me, and I’m tired of always asking about what or who or even how in his life, and him never answering.
I’m sorry, but I thought the three of us could make it work and I now know it can’t.
” The strangled feeling around my neck gets tighter as I finally admit my feelings for Callum.
“I love you, but I can’t do it anymore.” I walk out of the house, hoping he doesn’t follow me.
“Pen,” Callum calls after me, but I go from striding to a full out run.
I pass Fig and Jordan and tell them to watch over Callum while I go for a run. And without waiting for their agreement, I take off down the small trail I found a few days ago.
The rough terrain isn’t enough to take my mind off of what I just did. I broke up with Callum—even before he agreed to be with us. And I inadvertently splintered any relationship he might have with Dom without him being present.
I’m such a loser.
It’s taking everything in me not to drive out of this place and redo my life without him.
Without his secrets. Hide myself away from the world until I know what I want.
Hide away from Dom so he can’t find me and sweet talk my fractured heart into forgiving him yet again.
Because if I have to go through this one more time, my heart will combust and burn into ashes from the hurt.