Chapter 4 #2
The slight stare that accompanied the food poisoning comment earlier was back in play.
‘My portokalópita is said to be the best on the island.’
Maddie put a piece in her mouth and groaned with pleasure.
Both women turned to look at Sofia. Maria had spoken the last sentence like they were about to argue and stick up for the cakes of women called Despina or Anna up the road.
Sofia really didn’t fancy any food the state her stomach was in, but she could see she had no choice.
She put the square of cake dripping with syrup into her mouth and let out an involuntary groan identical to Maddie’s, as the fresh orange cut through the sweetness.
‘Oh my God. That is absolutely stunning.’
Finally satisfied, Maria strode off back to reception with a wave.
Sofia turned to Maddie.
‘She’s lovely, but a little scary, isn’t she?’
‘Sorry, mouth full.’
Maddie eventually swallowed and drank a glug of coffee.
‘I can’t believe everyone’s not the size of a house, if all this is on offer every day. They are fantastic.’
‘Good.’ Sofia reached for Maddie’s arm.
‘By the way, you were amazing back there, looking after Char. I know I was useless.’
Maddie smiled and flicked away any suggestion that she might have done anything praiseworthy. Sofia had noticed this tendency in Maddie before, to belittle her own achievements. She’d have to work on it.
‘I’m used to anticipating the needs of the residents. Knowing when someone’s going to puke has become second nature.’
‘But you’re so gentle and kind. You must have the patience of a saint. Don’t they irritate you at times with their constant demands?’
Sofia had never really done old people. Her mother, Isabella, had returned to her native Spain after the messy divorce from Sofia’s father, Patrick.
Isabella had then spent the next forty years caring for her own mother, Lucia, who as far as Sofia could see had been a mean and bitter old hag.
Her grandmother had lived to a hundred and one and only released her daughter from the burden of looking after her a couple of years ago, having scuppered any chance Isabella had for another romance.
Her father’s parents were already dead when Sofia was born, as indeed Patrick was now, felled by a huge stroke while in bed with his second wife, which was fittingly ironic.
She conjured up his big handsome face in her mind, along with memories of days out as a child, she on her father’s shoulders, while her mother gazed adoringly at him.
It had been a picture book childhood, full of trips to the zoo and holidays abroad.
Until he’d taken a big hammer and smashed it all apart.
He’d have been ninety-four this year, this very month in fact, had he lived.
Why was she suddenly giving him headspace?
He had barely figured in her thoughts for years.
Maddie’s coffee cup was halfway to her mouth.
‘The residents irritate me? Of course not. I care about each and every one of them. Do you seriously think I could do this as a job if they irritated me? I’m missing some of my favourites already. I’ve never had three weeks away from them before.’
‘Sorry. That was a bit crass of me. I was just thinking about my grumpy grandmother and the way she treated my mother.’
‘Apology accepted.’ Maddie reached over. ‘Try the bougatsa. They’re amazing.’
Sofia had to admit that the custard filling was dreamy. But she hadn’t finished. She’d not had a chance to talk to Maddie about her work for ages. And it would keep them off the subject of her own job, somewhere she didn’t want to go quite yet.
‘Can I ask you a sensitive question?’
‘Fire away.’
‘How do you cope with the death of the residents? Given the very nature of your job, it must happen fairly regularly.’
Sofia was genuinely interested. She couldn’t imagine being surrounded by all that death and decay every day. Just the thought of her mother departing this world was enough to throw her into a panic.
Maddie swallowed the last of the orange cake.
‘It does happen regularly, as you say, and you are always sad. You have a little tear and move on. But because you’re one step removed, it doesn’t hit you anyone near as hard as when it’s personal.’
Maddie staring into space made Sofia determined not to let her dwell on Tony again.
‘And can you honestly say you know them all? Everyone in the home?’
Maddie’s eyes were back in focus.
‘Of course not. It’s not school. You get to know some residents better than others, but they all have such interesting stories to tell when you sit and listen.
People tend to forget that they had full lives before going into a care home, and it’s usually a last resort, and always a difficult decision for the relatives.
We understand that, and the relatives need support as well.
There’s so much guilt when someone can no longer cope with a parent or a partner. ’
‘My mother would have been a lot better off putting my grandmother in a home when she became frail. She’s still fit and well, thankfully, but it’s too late for her to start over.’
‘Is it? Is it ever too late to change your life?’
The intensity of Maddie’s gaze made Sofia look away.
‘Is that aimed at me?’
‘Only if you want it to be.’
‘I’m fine with my life, thanks.’
‘If you say so. And you’ve got to remember, it was your mother’s choice to look after your grandmother.
She’s a staunch Catholic, isn’t she? In some cultures, putting someone in a home is seen as a terrible thing to do, but it’s not easy either way.
And don’t get me started on the ridiculous cost of private care homes. It’s scandalous.’
Sofia wasn’t ready for a full-on political debate before lunch and with a pounding head.
‘I won’t. I know everyone’s asked me how I managed to get so much time off, but how did you get three weeks off in a row as well?’
Maddie licked the icing sugar off her fingers.
‘Not that you gave us a straight answer to that one… As for me, my boss virtually pushed me out of the door. I hadn’t taken any holiday since’—Maddie looked out to sea—‘Tony died.’
‘What, over a year?’
‘Well, I took a few lieu days, but no paid holiday. It was easier to be at work, to cover other people’s shifts, rather than sit in on my own and stare at the walls of an evening.’
Sofia took her friend’s hand.
‘Oh Mads, I didn’t realise things were that bad. You should have told us.’
‘You’ve both got busy lives, and we hardly live round the corner from each other. I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me, the pathetic widow, desperate for company.’
‘No one would have thought that!’
‘Maybe not, but when you go from being part of a couple to being on your own, people see you differently.’
‘I’m nearly always on my own.’
‘With respect, that’s different. You’ve chosen your lifestyle. You never wanted to be tied down. I didn’t choose this. I thought we’d be together till the end. Once Tony retired, we had such plans…’ Sofia ached at the break in Maddie’s voice. ‘Gone, all gone in an instant.’
Sofia leant over to give her friend a big hug.
‘Can’t you still carry out some of those plans, in his memory? Go somewhere that the two of you wanted to go to? Get a group of his friends together? He was such a popular guy.’
The tears that had been threatening started to drip down Maddie’s face.
‘Oh yes, he was popular. Bloody popular. Everyone loved Tony. I sometimes think people would rather I’d have gone in his place. Dull, reliable Maddie that hardly anyone would miss.’
Sofia wiped away her friend’s tears with a tissue.
‘Now, you stop that at once. Of course nobody thinks that. Tony was a lovely guy; you don’t need me you to tell you that.
And I’ll admit he was once the hottest boy in the sixth form.
But he chose you, Mads. He loved you. And you loved him.
It must be hell to live without him, even for one day.
But you’ve got to find a way to carry on. ’
Maddie’s voice was barely above a whisper.
‘Why?’
Her friend’s tear-stained face broke Sofia’s heart.
‘For your kids, for your granddaughter, for your friends, but most of all, for yourself. I know I’m making it sound simple, but please don’t waste the years you have left. Tony wouldn’t have wanted that, would he?’
Maddie’s shake of the head reminded Sofia of a small child being asked to eat a vegetable they hated.
The shock of hearing just how lonely her friend was had made her realise she should have done more over the past year.
Just because Maddie said she was fine on the phone each time the three of them spoke didn’t mean anything.
She’d been guilty of accepting her assurances at face value, and if she was being honest, relieved that Maddie was doing OK.
Her friend had put on a great front, but they should have dug deeper.
‘What about your kids? Aren’t they being supportive?’
‘My daughter makes sure to visit as often as she can, but she’s rushed off her feet. She runs two businesses now with her husband and, between us, she’s been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years as well.’
Maddie’s plan to keep that one quiet had gone out of the window, but sometimes she couldn’t stop herself blurting things out. Perhaps it would throw Sofia off the scent.
‘I hope she gets what she wants. And your son? He only lives up the road.’
The bleak look in Maddie’s eyes told Sofia more than words ever could.
‘He blames me for Tony’s death.’
‘How the hell did he come to that conclusion?’
‘He says I should have made him go to the doctor’s more regularly for check-ups. And that I shouldn’t have made him cooked breakfasts and given him bacon.’
Maddie put her hand on Sofia’s.
‘It was our treat at the weekends. He loved my fry-ups. We’d sit and eat in the garden whenever we could, with big mugs of builders’ tea.’
The light came back into Maddie’s eyes as her memories gave her a precious moment of peace.
Sofia tutted.
‘It’s ridiculous to blame Tony’s death on a few fry-ups. It would have been a hugely complicated picture that led to his heart giving out.’
‘Deep down, I know that, and Dan does too. But he’s hurting. He was so close to his dad. He needs someone to blame. I didn’t even tell him about coming here to Greece. His sister knows of course. So, he can phone her if he’s bothered.’
‘Of course, he’s bothered about where you are in the world.’
Maddie shrugged her shoulders.
‘Don’t know, don’t care.’
Sofia held her friend’s hand again.
‘You know that’s not true.’
A change of subject was sorely needed. Sofia pointed at a three-masted sailing ship anchored out at sea. People were diving and jumping off the sides into the azure water.
‘That’s so gorgeous. We ought to think about going out on one. It looks like fun. Let’s move to the sunloungers and just have a lazy afternoon by the pool. We’ve got to wait for madam to wake up anyway.’
Maddie let herself be led away. She reached back for the plate at the last moment.
‘Let’s order more coffee. There’s no point wasting these last few bits.’
Maddie flopped down on the nearest sunlounger. She’d let part of the truth out, and it felt good. It was only a drop in the ocean of her shame and sadness, but it was enough for now.