Chapter 4 - The Interrogation
Sunday – September 24, 2023
Ash
“Yes!” I pumped my fist in the air. I’d actually done it!
And then the gravity of the situation hit me. I’d just killed Tanner. I was going to go to prison for the rest of my life. Or I’d get the death penalty! Would the courts care that he was a serial killer? My mind was spinning. And my eyes still burned like hell from that stupid pepper spray. Or was I just crying because I was a murderer? And not a random serial killer. I had just killed the man I loved. Loved? Damn it! I didn’t love Tanner. He was a monster.
“Is he really dead?” I asked.
Dr. Lyons put two fingers to Tanner’s neck to check for a pulse. “That was one hell of a good shot, but no. He’s not dead. At the worst he’ll have a headache for a few days.”
Thank God. I wasn’t going to go to prison. Tanner was the one who belonged in prison, not me.
Mr. Frost dusted off his slacks and looked around the destroyed office. “You have two seconds to tell me what the fuck just happened.”
“We tried to tell you,” said Chastity. “Tanner came here to murder us.”
“Wait, you were serious about that?” He pressed his fingers against a cut on his forehead. “And did you just say Tanner? As in…Tanner Rhodes? The billionaire?”
“That’s the one,” I said.
“Why the hell would he come here to murder you? Wasn’t he a client of ours earlier this year? And why is he dressed like…that?” He pointed at Tanner’s colorful tuxedo.
“He’s a serial killer. It’s…his disguise.” I didn’t want to violate the Society code of secrecy and get kicked out again. Especially when I was about to get fired and would desperately need to find a sugar daddy. “He killed my sister, and now he’s after me.”
Mr. Frost ran his hand through his thick black hair. “Jesus. What were you doing sitting around making a sticky note wall with me while this serial killer stalked you? You should have had me call security.”
Oh. I hadn’t thought of that. I was too concerned about having a meat shield.
He turned to Dr. Lyons. “And you. Who the hell are you?”
“Dr. Anthony Lyons, at your service. Sorry about earlier.” He grimaced. “Ash told me that someone was trying to kill her so I came as quick as I could. I saw Tanner outside and he said he was waiting for Ash. So I told him that someone was trying to murder her. He freaked out and came with me. And then when we saw you, I assumed you were the murderer.”
Mr. Frost glared at him. “If you ever attack me again, I’ll destroy your life. But I’ll give you a pass this time since it seems like it was a genuine misunderstanding. By the way, you’ve got one hell of a left jab. Where’d you learn to fight like that? ”
“Army.”
“No shit?” asked Frost. “My dad did two tours…”
“Uh, guys,” I said. “There will be plenty of time to bro out later, but shouldn’t we do something about Tanner first? He could wake up any second.”
“I’ll call the police,” said Frost. He reached for his phone.
“Good. I hope he rots in prison. A filthy prison. Filled with germs. And centipedes. And guards who are never on time. And…lots of wigs that won’t stay on properly.” I nodded. Yup. That was what Tanner deserved. Hell on earth. I would have added something about puncturing livers, but I couldn’t decide how to word it. Did I hope there’d be a careless doctor at the prison with him? Or maybe some angry gang members who liked to shiv people right in the liver? Both, ideally. I shuddered at the thought.
“Wait,” said Chastity. “Don’t call the cops yet. We need to interrogate him first.”
Frost stopped dialing 911.
“Shouldn’t we leave that up to the police?” I asked.
“Leaving a suspect to be interrogated by the police is like going to a priest for confession.”
“So…we should call the cops?”
“No. Was my analogy not clear?” Chastity looked at me like I was crazy.
“Not at all.”
“Going to a priest for confession is useless. Unless you’re a little boy and your main goal is to get molested. If you really want to be properly punished for your sins as an adult, you need to confess at a glory hole. #ConfessionHole. You two know what I’m talking about.” She looked back and forth between me and Dr. Lyons and wiggled her eyebrows.
No! Don’t talk about the museum incident! Incident #5 flashed before my eyes. I was a horrible sexual deviant! I wished I could go back in time to when I only had one incident. The OG Incident. The Matthew Caldwell thing.
Gah don’t think about setting dicks on fire right now! I needed to change the topic immediately. “Okay, so how are we gonna do this? Drag him into the bathroom and waterboard him with toilet water until he tells us everything?”
“Works for me,” said Frost. “As long as you get him to agree to pay for all this damage, I don’t give a shit what you do with him.”
“I’m not comfortable torturing a man,” said Dr. Lyons. “But I do know a few useful interrogation techniques from my time in the army.”
“What are you thinking?” asked Chastity. “And please don’t say good cop bad cop. That’s so played out.”
“Right?” agreed Dr. Lyons. “The incentive technique is way more effective.”
“True, but rapid fire is more fun. I’m gonna have that fucker’s head spinning...”
I had no idea what they were talking about. But I was pretty sure Tanner’s eye had just opened for a second. “I think he’s waking up.”
“Shit,” said Chastity. “Okay, you two beef cakes, haul Tanner into the conference room. Ash, you find a phonebook. I’ll get the duct tape.” Chastity ran off to the supply closet .
Dr. Lyons grabbed Tanner’s ankles while Mr. Frost grabbed his arms.
“Do phonebooks even exist anymore?” I asked.
Mr. Frost shook his head in dismay as he and Dr. Lyons hoisted Tanner into the air. “This is why they made me the boss instead of you. A phonebook is a crucial weapon in a marketer’s cold-calling arsenal.”
I wanted to tell him that any monster who cold-called belonged right next to Tanner in the centipede-infested, liver-poking penitentiary. But it didn’t feel like a good time to start a fight with him after my boyfriend… Ex-boyfriend. No, not even. Ex-acquaintance. …had trashed his entire office. So instead I said, “Right. Phonebooks are so crucial. What I meant was like…does your phonebook still exist? Because mine is all shot to hell. All those long nights of cold-calling have the pages torn and faded. The cover is falling off. It’s hardly a book anymore.”
“You’re a terrible liar. But you can borrow mine. It’s in a place of honor on my desk.” He pulled his keys out of his pocket and tossed them to me. In the process, he had to let go of one of Tanner’s arms. Dr. Lyons tried to make up for it by tightening his grips on Tanner’s legs, but it didn’t work. Tanner’s top half slid completely out of Frost’s grip. His head bounced against the marble floor.
Ouchies.
If Tanner wasn’t a murderer, I might have felt bad. But murderers were meant to be doinked. #DoinkAllMurderers. I’d nailed that one.
I turned and went to Frost’s office. His phonebook was indeed in a position of honor on his desk. And it was thick. So thick that I had to use both hands to hold it. I grabbed it and started walking back.
“Where were you?” asked Chastity when I got back to the conference room. She’d already gotten a few strips of duct tape around Tanner’s torso.
“Getting this,” I said and held up the phonebook.
Chastity laughed. “Oh wow. I was just joking. I’m not actually going to beat him with a phonebook. Where did you even find that thing? Does some basic bitch in our office still use a phonebook?”
“Yes,” said Frost.
“Oh. Who? Wait. No! Don’t tell me. It’s Madison, isn’t it? I wonder when she’ll realize that it’s so much easier to just slide into prospective clients’ DMs with some tasteful nudes.”
“I’m not sure my clients would appreciate nudes from me.”
“What makes you think that? After Ash groped you at that party, she told me that you’ve got a nice sized cock. As long as you get the perspective and lighting right, you should be fine. Oh, and no limpies, please.”
“Ash said what?” asked Frost. He tried to sound like his usual angry self, but I thought I detected a hint of amusement in his voice.
“I said you have a nice rock. In your office. Lovely paperweight, that.” Why am I suddenly talking in a British accent?! “Anywhoooo…you guys were discussing interrogation techniques? That sounds like a fun conversation. Let’s talk more about that please.”
“Good luck with that,” said Frost. “I’m gonna go catalog the damage and call my client to tell them that we’ll have to postpone the meeting. This better not cost us the contract.”
I put my hand over my mouth. “Oh my gosh. I forgot all about your flight.”
“We’ll talk about it in the morning.” He turned and walked out.
“He’s definitely gonna fire us, right?” I asked.
Chastity shrugged. “If we’re lucky maybe he’ll just bring back the binders.”
Dr. Lyons must have seen me grimace, because he walked over and gave me a big hug. He kissed the top of my head. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“Me too. Thanks again for coming on such short notice.”
“Any time.”
“I’m loving this sexual tension between you two,” said Chastity.
Chastity!
“But can you wait until after the interrogation to bang it out? Tanner’s gonna wake up any minute, and I want to make sure the atmosphere is just right. #SexyTortureLighting.”
Ha. “That hashtag wasn’t as good as my earlier one.”
“What hashtag?”
Damn it! Had I really forgotten to say it out loud again? I always did that! I cleared my throat. “What were you saying about atmosphere?” I asked.
“Yeah. Was my hashtag not clear? For starters, it’s way too bright in here. Have you ever seen such a well-lit interrogation room?” She gestured to the recessed lighting. “It needs to be dark and gloomy or he’s not going to take us seriously. The more shadows, the better.”
“Uh, okay.” I walked over and hit the lights while she propped her selfie light up on the conference table.
“That’s so much better. Now we just need to pull his eyelids open so he’s forced to look into the light…” She started rummaging around in her purse.
“How long do you think he’s gonna be out?” I asked Dr. Lyons.
“Shouldn’t be much longer.”
“Great,” said Chastity. “So we’re all set to go with a rapid fire approach?”
“Works for me,” said Dr. Lyons. “You good with that too, Ash? This is your interrogation.”
I’m in charge? In that case… “Well what are the other options?”
“There’s a whole bunch,” said Chastity. “There’s direct, incentive, emotional love, emotional hate, emotional fear-up, emotional fear-down, emotional futility…”
“Wait,” said Dr. Lyons. “Don’t forget emotional pride and ego-up. And down.”
“Geez, how many of these techniques are there? You guys have my head spinning. Maybe we should just use them all and Tanner will be so confused that he’ll accidentally confess.”
“Ah!” squealed Chastity. “You’re a genius.” She wheeled a whiteboard behind Tanner and started writing all the different techniques. “When he wakes up, just point to whichever technique you want us to switch to. The more frequent switches the better.” She tossed me a long metal pointer that Mr. Frost liked to use during his awful PowerPoint presentations.
I started studying the list. There were like 20 different techniques, and I had no clue about what 80% of them were. “Are you sure…” I started to say, but I lost my train of thought when I looked back at Chastity. She had some sort of metal instrument dangerously close to Tanner’s eyes. “Please tell me you’re not about to scoop his eyes out with a melon baller.”
“Girl, no. These are just my eyelash curlers.”
I walked around and squinted in the dim light to see if she’d made any progress at opening his lids. “Well, if you were trying to make him look fabulous, then mission accomplished. I’m kinda jealous of his luscious lashes.”
“Gah!” Chastity threw her lash curler back into her purse. “Opening eyelids is way harder than it looks in movies. How do they make it look so easy?”
“For starters, I don’t think they use a lash curler.”
“Lash curler?” muttered Tanner. “What?” He opened his eyes but immediately shut them.
Ah! He’s awake!
“Good morning, sunshine,” said Chastity in a super cheery voice. Her tone combined with the ominous lighting must have been absolutely terrifying for Tanner.
“Good morning?” he asked, struggling against the duct tape. He squinted and tried to avoid the super bright selfie light. “Who are you? What’s going on?” He struggled against the duct tape. “And why am I taped to a chair? ”
Hm. He was either acting, or I’d knocked him out so good that he didn’t remember I’d accused him of murdering Rosalie. Either way, this interrogation would get to the truth of it.
He squinted more. “Chastity? Is that you?”
She slapped him. “You get my name out of your filthy whore mouth.”
He laughed.
I used to love that sound. But now that I knew his true intentions, the sound chilled me to the bone. He was truly sick. I couldn’t believe that a little over an hour ago I’d been worried to tell him about me blowing Dr. Lyons. And going on a date with Cole. I’d felt guilty for going out and having fun while Tanner was supposedly getting the pictures of Rosalie from Kat. But I wasn’t the guilty one here. I could blow whoever I wanted. Whenever I wanted. However I wanted. At least I wasn’t a sister murderer.
Chastity looked at me and then at the board.
Oh right. I needed to stop thinking about blowjobs. I was in charge. It was time to pick a technique. Um... I scanned the board and then randomly pointed to Establish Your Identity.
Chastity nodded. “We know who you really are.”
“You do?” asked Tanner.
Yeah we do, you murderer.
Tanner looked a little nervous. The guilt was all over his face.
“We do,” said Chastity.
He swallowed hard.
“You’re Adolf Hitler.”
Wait, what ?
Tanner laughed. “Well this is an odd roleplay…”
“It’s not a roleplay. We know everything.”
“Right.” Tanner winked. He cleared his throat. “I thought you’d never find out,” he said as seriously as possible. But then he laughed. “Why does my head hurt so much?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Adolf.”
“I’m sorry, but can we take this in a slightly different direction? I’m all for kinky roleplaying, but this one is making me a little uncomfortable. It brings back bad memories.”
Bad memories? What was he talking about?
“And also…I’d really prefer to only roleplay with Ash. Doing it with you and…” He turned his head and squinted. “Dr. Lyons? What are you doing here? This has got to be the weirdest Society date in the history of Society dates, and there have been some very weird ones over the years. Where’s Ash?”
“She doesn’t want to see your stupid lying face,” said Chastity. “Hitlerstache or not, she thinks you’re a hideous piece of shit for what you’ve done.”
What the hell kind of interrogation technique is this? And did Tanner really think he was on a Society date with Chastity and Dr. Lyons? Why in the world would he think that? He was such a pervert. I moved the pointer to Incentive.
“Want some water?” asked Chastity.
“Or some Advil?” added Dr. Lyons. “That lump on your head looks pretty painful.”
“Or how about a blowjob from Ash?”
Tanner smiled. “I knew she was here somewhere. Was this date her idea? ”
What? Abort! I wasn’t about to blow the man who’d murdered my sister. I moved the pointer to We Know All.
“What’s your name?” asked Chastity.
“Tann…” started Tanner, but Dr. Lyons cut him off.
“Tanner Rhodes is your name. And what’s your address?”
“He lives at One57,” answered Chastity.
I didn’t know what good it was doing to ask him random questions we already knew the answers to, so I switched to Emotional Love.
“We know what you did,” said Chastity. “The jig is up.”
“Huh?” asked Tanner. “What did I do?”
“If you tell us everything, we can end this right here. And while you’re in prison, I’ll take care of Nigel. I’ll let him be my houseboy. And I’ll even give him time off on holidays.”
“Why would I go to prison?”
Chastity didn’t reply. She just stared at him.
Tanner stared back. “I’m so lost. Is this not a Society date?”
Of course it’s not a Society date!
“But if you’re asking if I can make Nigel your houseboy instead of mine, it doesn’t work like that.”
Still no reply from Chastity.
“Trust me, I’ve tried to pawn him off before. It’s not possible. But the young lad has started to grow on me.” He chuckled and shook his head.
Chastity just kept staring at him .
Tanner stared back. “I don’t know what’s happening. I’m starting to think this isn’t a Society date so... Am I being punked? Is that still something people do? It’s hard to keep track these days.”
Chastity was completely silent.
Seconds stretched into minutes.
What the hell is going on?
This was supposed to be the Emotional Love technique, right? Was this staring supposed to be some sort of romantic moment between the two of them?
Whatever it was, it was making me very uncomfortable. I looked back at the board to pick a new technique.
Oooooooh. Apparently the pointer had slid down a bit from Emotional Love to Silence. That explained a lot. I moved it to Direct.
“Did you kill Rosalie?” demanded Chastity.
“What?” asked Tanner. “No.” He looked so confused.
Liar. It felt like a good time to switch to Repetition .
“Did you kill Rosalie?” asked Chastity again.
“No. Why would you even ask me that?” He tugged on his restraints.
“Right,” said Dr. Lyons. “But seriously…did you kill Rosalie?”
“I already said no. Where the heck is Ash?”
“So you did kill Rosalie?” asked Chastity. “Or you didn’t?”
“I didn’t.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t hear your answer. What did you say?”
“I didn’t.”
“You didn’t say? Or you didn’t kill Rosalie? Or you did kill her and you just don’t want to tell us where the body is?”
“I have no idea where her body is.”
“Aha!” yelled Chastity. “If you didn’t kill her, then how do you know she’s just a body and not a living breathing human woman?”
Really, Chastity? I was all for making this asshole confess, but twisting his words weren’t going to get us any real answers. I moved the pointer to Emotional Pride and Ego-Down.
“How does it feel to have the world’s tiniest penis?” asked Chastity. “Did killing Rosalie make you feel more like a man?”
“My penis is actually quite large,” replied Tanner.
“Oh is it? I guess you wouldn’t mind if we whip it out and see? Although I doubt I’d even be able to see it in this lighting.”
“Seriously, do not do that. It’s dangerous.”
Chastity laughed. “Your cock is so big it’s dangerous? Pro tip: If you’re gonna lie, at least make it believable.”
“Seriously guys,” said Tanner. “What’s going on here?” He looked genuinely confused.
I didn’t know if I’d hit him so hard that he couldn’t remember a damn thing or if he was just acting. Hopefully he didn’t have amnesia. I really wanted answers here.
“And why does my head hurt so much?” he asked.
“Because you got your ass handed to you like a little bitch,” Chastity said. “Where’d you learn to fight? Cheerleading camp? ”
“Fight?” he asked. And then recognition spread over his face. “The murderer! Did we catch him?”
Finally we were getting somewhere.
“Oh, we caught him alright.”
“Thank God. I was so worried when Dr. Lyons came and told me Ash was in trouble. Is that why she wasn’t texting me back? Because your homicidal boss was holding you guys hostage?”
I stepped into his view.
And he had the audacity to smile at me. Total psycho!
“Drop the act,” I said. “We know it was you who killed Rosalie.”
“What?” asked Tanner. Pure confusion was all over his face. Screw amnesia. He was the best actor in the history of actors.
“I saw the pictures,” I said.
“The ones I got from Kat? I don’t remember giving them to you.” He looked super confused. “Wait, what did you find in them?” He tugged at the duct tape. “Can you please untie me now? My head really hurts.”
“You know what I found. Don’t play dumb.”
“I really don’t. I was waiting to look at the pictures with you. I really don’t understand this roleplay. Nazis and murder aren’t really my kink, Ash.” He tried to give me a charming smile, but serial killers weren’t charming once you’d learned their secret ways.
I sighed. I should have known he wasn’t going to make this easy. Until he was sure that we were on to him, he was going to keep denying it. So it was time to show him that we had proof. “One moment, please.” I went out into the cubicles and grabbed Chastity’s computer off her desk. “Here’s what we saw,” I said as I turned the laptop towards him.
Tanner raised an eyebrow. “Is this all some sort of elaborate reveal for your new-found photoshop skills? They’re pretty impressive. But I don’t know why I need to be tied up for this. I’d much rather tie you up.”
I felt my cheeks flush. No! Don’t be charmed by the serial killer! That must have been how he did his murders. I remembered seeing the ties on his bedposts during our first Society date. Under no circumstances was he going to get anywhere near me with a silk tie.
“I do love a good reveal,” said Chastity. “But reveals are for fashion shows, not interrogations. Now quit trying to distract us and explain what the hell your perverted ass was doing with Rosalie at the Emerald Oasis a week before she disappeared.”
“I’ve never met Rosalie in my life. That picture is a fake.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s real. We got it directly from Kat’s hard drive.”
“Ooooh I know what’s going on,” said Tanner. “You’re trying to get me back for messing with you about the spit roast. Is that it?”
Why was he being so dense right now? He was acting like this was all part of some elaborate game. Murder was serious business. “This isn’t a prank.”
“Sure.” He winked at me.
“I am sure.”
“Suuuure,” he said and winked again. “But I’m not falling for this. And honestly? It’s kind of messed up to take advantage of the fact that I got knocked out while saving you from a murderer. ”
“Saving me from a murderer?” I asked, clenching my fist. Every word out of his lying mouth made me more and more angry. “Oh, that’s rich.”
“What? Why? I’m so confused right now.”
“Enough!” yelled Chastity. “This isn’t a joke, Tanner. We know you killed Rosalie. And now you’re going to confess.”
Tanner shook his head. “Okay, fine. I’ll play along. But can you get me an Advil first?”
“Of course.” Chastity pulled a bottle of Advil out of her purse and tossed it to me.
I unscrewed the cap and tapped out two pills. “Open up,” I said.
Tanner opened his mouth, but instead I threw the pills at his forehead.
“Want some water too?” I asked.
“No thanks.”
“Too bad.” I grabbed a pitcher of water off the table and splashed it all over his lying face. God that felt good.
Tanner coughed and shook his head. “What the hell, Ash?”
“Need anything else?” I asked.
“No. This isn’t funny anymore. I’ve been part of a lot of pranks over the years. And I can always acknowledge one done well. Even by my nemesis. But this one isn’t funny, Ash. No one’s laughing.” He was starting to sound pissed. If he wasn’t taped to the chair, I would have been worried that he’d lose his cool and murder us all.
“Was Rosalie your nemesis?” I asked. That would explain why he killed her.
“No.” Tanner tugged on his restraints again. “I didn’t know Rosalie. Young Robert is my nemesis.”
Who the hell is Young Robert? “Did you kill Young Robert too, you boy murderer?”
“Why would I kill him?”
“Because he’s your nemesis.”
“I’m not a murderer, Ash.” He laughed. And then he kept laughing. Harder and harder.
Had I knocked him wonky?
The door opened and Mr. Frost poked his head in. “What’s taking so long in here?” He glared at Tanner giggling.
“We can’t get a straight answer out of him,” said Chastity.
“I mean, you should have expected as much when he showed up in that colorful suit.”
Tanner laughed harder. He was definitely delirious right now.
“What?” asked Chastity. “I wasn’t saying he was giving gay answers. I meant he wouldn’t give us truthful answers. And anyway, what would gay answers in an interrogation even look like?”
“It depends on the questions.”
“We asked him if he murdered Ash’s sister.”
Mr. Frost sighed. “Fine, but you asked for it.”
What did we ask for?
He popped his hip out and gave us a sassy look. “Girl, no. I didn’t murder Ash’s sister, but I am slaying this suit right now.” He ran his hands down his body as if he had curves. Then he went back to normal. “Something like that. But don’t you dare tell HR I just did that. I already have one strike for inappropriate behavior. Since when are you not allowed to use lie detector apps on prospective hires? Anyway, I’m leaving. All this…”
Tanner was laughing very hard now. “Was that supposed to be me?”
“Whoa whoa whoa,” said Chastity, ignoring Tanner. “Back up. Lie detector apps?”
“Yeah. Wait, are you not using one to interrogate Tanner? And you wonder why they made me the boss.” He shook his head with such disdain. “Now what was I saying? Oh, right. All this shit better be cleaned up when I walk into the office tomorrow morning, or we’re going to have a serious problem. Have a great night.” He turned and closed the door behind him.
Shit. There was no way we’d have everything cleaned up by morning.
But also…I didn’t really care. Because if the lie detector app he’d mentioned really worked, then I was about to finally figure out what happened to Rosalie.