Chapter 20 – A Smorgasbord of Sausage
Tuesday – October 3, 2023
Ash
This is the most awkward thing ever done in the history of awkward things. I finished braiding my hair into pigtails and ran my hands down my yellow and black dirndl. Here goes nothing. I walked out of the bathroom.
Tanner whistled. “God you’re beautiful.”
I smiled as he grabbed my hand and twirled me around. And then he pulled me in close. My heart was beating so fast. All I wanted was to freeze time.
Tanner had rented a room in a little German hotel for me to get ready for my date. But I didn’t want to leave him here. Not even a little. “Can’t I just stay here with you?”
His eyes searched mine. “I want a future with you, Ash. I don’t want to be stuck like this forever.”
I know. I did. I just needed to suck it up and get railed already.
“Besides, if you don’t leave in a second, it’s going to be a serious fire hazard.” He dropped my hand and motioned down to the tent forming in his pants.
I really didn’t want to burn down a whole town. “Gah, fine. But you promise you won’t hate me, right?”
“Just make sure you videochat me so I can watch.” He placed a soft kiss against my lips. “Good luck.”
I couldn’t believe I was in a scenario where my boyfriend was wishing me good luck at fucking another man. I wanted to scream. And throw things. And curse the genie council into oblivion.
Instead, I took a deep breath and hurried out of the hotel before I had a chance to chicken out. The sausage king was waiting for out front of the stadium. I cut across the street to join him.
“This is such a cute little town,” I said. I looked up at the stadium. It was half timbered. It kind of looked like Shakespeare’s Globe Theater but way bigger.
“I am glad you like it,” he said and grabbed my arm to pull me out of the way of someone drunkenly walking by. “Usually there are fewer drunk people when it is not Oktoberfest.”
“Either way, the town is gorgeous.”
“You are more gorgeous.” He grabbed my hand and spun me around.
Just like Tanner had done a few minutes ago. I wondered what Tanner was doing right now. Was he still at the hotel? Had he snapped his fingers and gone back home? I tried to focus on the sausage king. There were lots of other girls dressed up in dirndls with their boobs pouring out, but he was only looking at me. There was even a topless woman holding two giant inflatable beer mugs. But she wasn’t fooling anyone that they were a shirt replacement. Because she kept moving them around, flashing everyone.
I looked back up at the sausage king. If I was going to do this thing, I was glad I was doing it with him. He seemed like a nice guy. And the way his focus was solely on me did make me feel beautiful. If I could somehow get lost in this moment, it would make seducing him a whole lot easier .
He took my arm and helped me bypass all the lines of drunken hooligans. He held the stadium door open for me.
Such a gentleman.
And then he escorted me into the fanciest booth I’d ever seen. Not that I’d ever been in a booth at a professional sporting match before. But this seemed like a good one. And there were tons of sausages everywhere. Of all shapes and sizes. Meat for days.
“Here, I want you to meet a special someone,” the sausage king said.
That was strange. I thought I was his date? Oh God, no! Was I about to be a third?!
He guided me over to an older woman who was wearing so many diamonds it was almost blinding. “This is my mother, the Duchess of Wurst.”
Oh. Okay. Not a third then.
“Mother, this is my girlfriend, Ash.”
Say what now?
His mother gasped and put her hand on her chest. “My love.” She patted his cheek. “I am so excited that you are finally settling down.” She turned to me. “Welcome to the family.” The duchess leaned forward and kissed one of my cheeks and then the other.
Ah! Germs!!! If she wasn’t a duchess I would have shoved her. Wait! Are Germans called Germans because they have lots of germs? Is Germany the land of germs?!
The sausage king put his arm around my shoulders.
It didn’t seem like a good time to tell him I actually already had a boyfriend and this was exclusively a sex date. But when was the right time truly ?
“The rest of my extended family will be here soon too,” said the sausage king. “I cannot wait for you to meet my grandparents . ”
Nope. No. Not happening. What kind of lunatic introduced someone he was on a first date with to his mother and grandparents? And called said person his girlfriend when all they’d done was share a helicopter ride together that one time? This was madness.
I cleared my throat. “Actually, could we maybe go sit in the stands? I have uh...bad vision.” I hated the idea of sitting in the crowded, dirty stands with the peasants . But I definitely didn’t want to meet any more of his family since this was a hump and dump situation in the works.
“Of course.” We left the fancy booth and found a few seats. The stadium was packed. I could feel the excitement in the air for the match. Especially if excitement was measured in fist fights.
The sausage king grabbed us a few beers from a vendor passing by and handed me one.
I took a huge sip. Why is this beer warm? Warm beverages seemed like a great way to spread bacteria...
“Do you watch much football?” he asked.
“Yes, but what does that have to do with soccer?”
He laughed. “You Americans. This is football.” He gestured out to the field where the players had just started running around.
“Oh.” I laughed awkwardly. “Right.” Wait, was that Zico? I had no idea the sausage king’s team was playing NY United today.
“Do you want to make a small wager on the game?” the sausage king asked .
“Sure.” Why not?
“If Wurst FC wins, you have to come see my castle. And if NY United wins, I will fly you anywhere in the world for our second date.” He smiled down at me.
There was something about him that just screamed adorable. I wanted to pinch his big handsome cheeks. It was probably the fact that I was bamboozling him that made him seem cute. Since there would be no second date here. This was a one-time sexcapade. “You’re on,” I said, even though I had no intention of following through if NY United won.
He shook my hand. “I am so sorry. I just realized you do not have any sausage in your hand. Can I get you some?”
“Sure...”
“I’ll be right back.” He hurried off to go find some meat.
I stared down at the field. Zico really was amazing to watch. I stood up and cheered as he dribbled toward the goal. He flicked the ball up to himself and almost scored with a bicycle kick. I stopped cheering and sat back down as Wurst FC went on the counterattack. A player from Wurst FC ran down the field and scored. And the whole stadium went nuts.
The announcer said something in German, then a big screen started showing girls. The first one pulled down her dirndl to expose her breasts and drenched herself in beer. Then the feed cut to two girls in a booth completely naked. They both drenched themselves in beer too. Then the screen cut to me.
Wait. What?! No! Why me? !
The whole stadium started chanting something in German.
No! I can’t! Maybe if it was exclusively a sex date, but I’d just met the sausage king’s mother for fuck’s sake. I was practically a duchess myself now! Kill me!
But the stadium kept chanting. And the screen stayed frozen on me.
Is this being broadcast? Will I go to jail if I flash this stadium? Or will I go to jail if I DON’T flash this stadium?! I didn’t know the laws here. But everyone was just staring at me waiting. And I hated being stared at. I had just gotten over my last public speaking outburst. Maybe public nudity would be easier to recover from.
And I didn’t have a choice. If the screen stayed on me any longer I was worried I’d die in German prison with a bunch of Nazis. I just had to do it...
I grabbed the sleeve of my dirndl just as Chastity slid into the seat next to me. She pulled her tits out and drenched herself in beer before I had a chance to flash anyone.
Everyone cheered and then the camera switched to a different girl.
“Oh thank God,” I said with a sigh. “I’ve never been so excited to see your tits!”
“I know, right? This dirndl really hugs my girls just right.” She pulled it back into place.
“Wait, what the hell are you doing here? How did you even get here?”
“Um...magic?” Chastity smiled.
“Huh? Did Tanner send you here? If so…he must be really serious about me sleeping with other people. ”
“Damn right. Okay, so which player are you gonna bang first?”
“What? None.”
“Oh wow. You’re just gonna bend over and let them all take a turn? You nasty, Ash.” But she waggled her eyebrows like she thought I was anything but.
“No! I’m not going to bang any of them. The only person I’m banging tonight is the sausage king.”
Chastity ignored me and turned to the field. “I’m thinking you should bang Zico first. Look at that smile. And those abs.” She fanned her face.
Zico and just scored a goal and taken his shirt off to celebrate. And she was right…he did have amazing abs.
“Eh, I would,” I said. “But I only bang royalty.”
“Oooh…good choice. Duke is hot too.”
“What?”
She pointed to a cute player with longish blonde hair pulled back with a headband. “That’s Duke. He’s actually a British duke. And he’s also an amazing right winger.”
“Uh okay. Sure. What I meant by royalty is that I’m only banging the sausage king tonight. He’s gonna take me to his castle and ravish me.” I wonder what Tanner is doing right now...
“His castle, huh? OH MY GOD. It’s just like Hansel and Gretel! You’re Gretel, Tanner is Hansel, and the sausage king is just like his great great grandfather the wizard. He’s gonna ravish you while Tanner watches! I love this! ”
I shook my head. “You seriously need to reread that fairytale. Although I guess you are kind of right about what’s going to happen tonight…”
“Wait! Watch that replay.” Chastity pointed up to the big screen.
“What am I looking at exactly? Oh. OOOOH.” It was obvious what she was looking at. #6 of NY United was jumping over a slide tackle in slow motion, and as he did, you could see a perfect outline of his huge cock swinging against his shorts.
“Yup. He’s totes the one. Franz Schneider is your one true love. Although you may want the Serbian twins to warm you up first.” Chastity pointed back to the two towering defenders with shaved heads and dimples.
“I’m not going to get stretched out by twins. And no one here is my one true love. That’s Tanner. I’m looking for a lesser true love.”
“If not twins, maybe you can get warmed up by two bickering rivals, then?” Chastity pointed to the defenders on either side of the twins. One with green and yellow dreads, and the other with baby blue cornrows. “That’s Jam and Baho.”
“What kind of names are those?”
“Nicknames. Jam is from Jamaica and Baho is from the Bahamas. They have a super cute TikTok feud about which island is better. But the real question is…which one of them has a bigger cock? After tonight, you’ll have to let me know.” She winked at me.
“Stop winking. I’m not having sex with the whole team. ”
“Right just the islanders and Franz.” She winked again.
I crossed my legs. Something about saying ‘I’m not having sex with the whole team’ out loud kinda made me want to do it. I was good at reverse psychologizing myself.
The sausage king slid back into his chair. “What’d I miss?”
Chastity leaned forward to see him. “We were just talking about whether Jamaica or the Bahamas has better…”
“Sausage!” I yelled.
The sausage king shrugged. “Neither. I’ve tried both, and neither is very impressive.” He handed me the actual sausage he’d just fetched for me.
Chastity and I gave each other a look. Was he talking about sausage sausage? Or like...their dick sausage? Maybe that was why he hadn’t looked at that topless girl with the inflatable beer mugs...
Chastity leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “Your date might be gay. So I’m gonna go try to get some locker room passes just in case you need a backup true love fucking. Come find me after the game so you can get your sausage.” She emphasized the word sausage in a way that made me 100% sure that she meant dick sausage.
Crap, was the sausage king gay? Because I really wasn’t in the mood to fold up a dick sausage and shove it inside of me tonight. Not after Chastity had pointed out all the ones on the field that would actually want me back .
We watched the game mostly in silence. All I could seem to concentrate on was the players’ packages in their clingy shorts. The other midfielder opposite Franz was definitely packing something special too… I glanced at the sausage king out of the corner of my eyes. I wonder what he’s packing? He was a big guy. If he was straight, I’d be riding him later. What the hell is going on with my head right now? I had a smorgasbord of sausage on the brain.
There were only two minutes left of the game and it was tied 1-1. “What happens with our bet if it’s a draw?” I asked.
“Well, there will be 30 minutes of overtime.”
Thirty minutes? Gah! My pussy couldn’t wait that long! Wait. Yes it could. Because if Wurst FC scored again they might put me back on the beer cam. And Chastity wasn’t here to save me again. I’d been so focused on sausage sizes that I forgot I was on the precipice of serious jail time.
Come on, NY United! Score, damn it! I wanted the game to be over with so I could get my sex date over with too. I missed Tanner. I looked at the sausage king out of the corner of my eye again. Or was I actually just excited to bang him? Dreaming of hot soccer players’ cocks for the last 90 minutes had me feeling some sort of way.
I needed Tanner’s tongue.
I needed the sausage king’s massive sausage.
I needed to be gangbanged by an entire soccer team.
It was stoppage time, whatever the fuck that was. Hurry up already !
I’d officially lost my mind. Oh my God, I’m going to die of horniness.
I watched as a midfielder from NY United who I was pretty sure had a massive member scored from nearly midfield. Ah! I stood up and cheered. That was super awesome. If I was gonna bang a soccer player, I’d totally choose him. He was slaying his celebration dance and his confidence was contagious.
It was almost tempting to flash him. Gah! What the hell am I thinking? Yeah, I’d definitely lost my mind. I wasn’t gonna bang any of these soccer players.
The sausage king sighed next to me. He looked so disappointed by his team losing. He turned to me. “It is a shame. I really wanted to show you my castle.”
Oh, the bet. Psh. Screw that. I needed him to screw me. “Well, it just so happens that I really want to see your castle.” That was the best place for sex, right?
He suddenly looked much happier. “Wonderful. We will go there soon. But first I need to check on my team. That was a devastating loss.”
Yes it was. His team got completely owned by the big D’s of NYC.
He grabbed my hand and led me toward the locker room.
“Should I wait out here?” I asked. If I got to go in the locker room, Chastity would be SO jealous. But I was curious to see if Chastity was right about how big they all were…
“No, it’s fine. The boys will probably just be sitting at their lockers drinking beer and trying to forget that crushing loss. ”
Oh. So no dicks out then. That just sounded kinda depressing… But I followed the sausage king into the locker room anyway. We turned the corner. Ah! Holy sausages! I put my hand out to block the nudity. But then I lowered my hand enough to see. Because who was I kidding? I was salivating for sausage right now.
Two of the Wurst FC players were standing there full nude getting interviewed by a reporter in a very low cut shirt. And the whole thing was being filmed.
Were Germans really this comfortable with nudity?! The guys were both pretty well endowed, so I guess they had nothing to be embarrassed about. But still…
The sausage king said something in German to them. Then he added: “Meet my girlfriend, Ash.”
Geez, sausage king. Stop throwing around the G word so loosely.
Both guys walked away from the camera and came over to shake my hand.
They’re so naked! Try not to look at their penises. Try not to look at their penises. Try not to look at their penises. My eyes immediately gravitated to their penises. Damn it, brain, what did I just say?! I quickly shook their hands.
“Where is the rest of the team?” the sausage king asked.
One of the guys pointed to the equipment room.
“We should go see how the team is doing. Probably drinking their sorrows.” He shook his head. “I must give them a pep talk.”
I awkwardly walked away from the two naked men standing in front of me. Chastity was going to be so disappointed that I didn’t let them double team me. I pressed my lips together. And maybe Tanner would be disappointed too. Shit, should I have done it? But the sausage king was already walking away and I didn’t want to get lost in here. I hurried after him.
We passed the shower and I got a look at a few more solid packages. But none of them seemed to compare to the guys from NY United. At least in my head.
We walked into the equipment room and my eyes grew round. One player was sitting on a bench getting ridden by one of the girls who had doused herself on the beer cam. And the girl who had been next to her was on her knees blowing another player. Another girl from the beer cam was bent over against a rack of shoes. And then there was a blonde doing the splits on a bench, blowing a guy lying on the floor while another player took her from behind.
Wait! That’s Chastity! So much for her being jealous.
“Wow,” the sausage king said. “It appears your friend and some of the girls from the beer cam are cheering up the boys quite nicely.”
“Uh yeah. I’d say so.” I pressed my legs together. If I had just let my tits flap in the wind, that could have been me right now. I swallowed hard as I watched a thick sausage slide into one of the girls’ mouths. I was pretty sure I was salivating. God, I’m so horny I’m going to explode.
“Do you think they still need that pep talk?”
I shook my head. “I think they’re fine.” I grabbed his hand. I needed him to fuck me so hard while my boyfriend watched. “Let’s go see your castle.”