Chapter 30 – Fuck, Marry, Kill
Friday – October 20, 2023
Ash
I pulled the handcuff key out of my purse and wandered down the sex hallway. I had no idea what kind of room this key would lead to. Some sort of sex dungeon perhaps? With lots of handcuffs and nipple clamps and leather masks?
I stopped outside the door with the matching symbol. Here goes nothing. I opened the door.
Instead of a sex dungeon, I was in a sophisticated lobby that looked like the world’s fanciest police station. There were mugshots of criminals on one wall. And a guard standing behind glass at a desk.
“Good evening, Miss,” said the guard. “Welcome to the Club Onyx jail. How can I help you?”
“Where’s Dr. Lyons?”
“Who?” the guard asked.
Shit. Did I just reveal his real name? That was against the rules. And I’d just done it to a freaking police officer! “The lions. This is the zoo, right?”
“Miss, are you trying to fuck some animals?”
“What? No!” The last thing I needed right now was for that rumor to spread too. Or maybe since I’d given Desmond a jungle key this could be seen as a good thing? Nope. No. People might not make the connection. And fucking actual animals was never a positive. “I’m here to get my date out of jail.”
“So you do know this is a jail and not a zoo? Why did you ask to see lions then?”
“Did I? I don’t think that sounds right.”
We both just stared at each other.
“Anywho...” I said. “How do I get my date out? Do I have to pay bail or something?”
“Come with me.”
Phew. Close call on being an animal fucker. I followed the guard behind the desk through a door into a marble-floored hallway lined with bars. Behind the bars were luxury hotel rooms. It was more like a Swiss bank vault than a prison. If all prisons were like this, I wouldn’t find the idea of being arrested so scary…
One of the inmates reached through the bars and pointed at me. “If only our hair matched our jumpsuits, she’d want to free all of us.”
Was that a weird ginger supremacist joke?
“Do you want to free me?” said another. “I’m white. I know you like that. And guess where I have some freckles?”
Ew. No wonder you’re in jail, asshole.
“Hey baby,” said another prisoner.
Ah! It was Diablo in an orange jumpsuit.
“It’s so good to see you. And it’ll be even better when that guard rips off that pretty little sundress and fucks you against these bars.”
Is that what’s about to happen?!
Angel cleared his throat from the cell right next to Diablo’s. “What he meant to say is that he would very much appreciate you paying our bail to get us free. ”
Well, that is not what your brother just said! “What does that have to do with fucking the guard?”
A smile slowly stretched across Angel’s face.
Oh. Oh no. I suddenly understood how this place worked. Sex for freedom.
“Or you could just come fuck us,” said Diablo. “That would actually be even more fun.” He started to unzip his orange jumpsuit.
The guard walked over and smacked Diablo with his nightstick. But it just bounced off of him. It was more of a pool noodle than a nightstick. Oh. The nightstick was made of foam. Which made sense. This place wasn’t a real prison. It was a weird sex dungeon.
“Ignore them,” said the guard as he led me further down the hall to a big metal door. He reached for his security pass, but it wasn’t there. “Hmmm, that’s weird. I must have left it in my office.” He hit an intercom button on the wall. “It’s Officer Garcia. Unlock door 3 please.”
A light on the wall turned green as the door buzzed. Officer Garcia escorted me through the door into a very fancy courtroom. The auctioneer from my first night here at the sex auction was sitting on the judge’s bench. Behind him was a giant gold logo of the Society and two black flags with gold Society logos on them.
The auctioneer judge turned to Dr. Lyons in the witness box. “And you caught these women with the camera equipment in Exhibit A?” He pointed to a pile of super fancy cameras and boom mics and lights.
Dr. Lyons nodded. “Yes. They pretended to be delivering it to the prize wheel room, but when I double checked the schedule, I found no record of an incoming shipment of camera equipment.”
“Do you three have anything to say in your defense?” The judge turned to look at three girls standing on three raised platforms in front of him. They were all in sexy little orange jumpsuits and heels.
“Yes,” one of the girls said. “We were smuggling camera equipment in. But Orlando Jackson asked us to do it. He said they wanted to test out Club Onyx as a possible filming location for a futuristic sex club in the next Supernova Six movie.”
Ah! Chastity was going to be so excited that Orlando Jackson joined. And maybe I was a little excited too. Ever since Rob’s VR prank I’d had to press my thighs together any time I saw a Supernova Six poster. Which was annoying, because those posters were freaking everywhere.
The judge nodded. “Orlando Jackson will answer for his crimes as well. But his involvement does not make you innocent. Given these facts, I have no choice but to find you guilty of conspiracy to commit illegal filming inside Club Onyx. The punishment for this is…”
“Let us fuck her!” yelled a guy behind bars on the side of the courtroom. I assumed he and his friends were awaiting their turns in front of the judge.
The judge banged his gavel to get order. “I sentence you three to death. Officer Ironside, if you please…”
What?!
Dr. Lyons got out of the witness box, pulled out his gun, and aimed it at the first girl .
Holy shit! What kind of fucked up place is this?!
He pulled the trigger. There was a super loud noise. But instead of blood, the floor beneath the girl opened and she fell through. The same thing happened to the other two when Dr. Lyons shot them.
Dr. Lyons casually holstered his pistol and turned toward me. “Oh, hey, Ash. Welcome to the Club Onyx Jail.”
“Did you just kill those three women?!”
“No. We call it death, but only because it’s the end of their night at Club Onyx. They just went on a 60-story waterslide into a pool by the lobby.”
“Oh, wow. That actually sounds kinda fun.”
“It is. So you’re here to free Tanner?”
Before I could answer, an alarm started blaring and red lights started flashing. And then it went completely dark.
“Ah! What is happening?”
“It’s the prison break alarm. But it’s probably just a drill…” He turned his flashlight on.
I saw three guys in orange jumpsuits running towards him for a split second, but then Dr. Lyons’ flashlight went out.
I screamed at the top of my lungs as someone threw a bag over my head. And then I was picked up over someone’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carried somewhere.
I tried to kick and move my arms to hit the guy, but I couldn’t do anything against the muscular prisoner who’d snatched me. I tried to pay attention to where he was carrying me so I could recount it to the police when I escaped and found a phone. Maybe we were going up a few stairs?
He tossed me down and tore the bag off my head. It took me a second for my eyes to adjust to the light. But I was sitting in a chair in the witness box. And Angel was now seated at the judge’s bench. He was still in his jumpsuit, but he was now wearing an old-fashioned powdered wig like he was a judge in colonial Britain.
Diablo jumped up onto the judge’s desk in front of Angel. He nearly knocked the gavel off with his feet as he stretched out and turned to me. “Thanks for coming to save us. Which one of us do you want to fuck you first?”
Angel hit him with the gavel. “Don’t listen to him. What he means to say is thank you so much for flirting with us so the guard would get close enough for us to steal his keycard. We are in your debt. And to show our thanks…we’re going to help you solve a problem.” He pointed in front of him.
I looked out into the courtroom. In place of the three girls from before, the circular platforms were now occupied by Tanner, Cole, and Dr. Lyons. Tanner and Cole were in matching orange jumpsuits, while Dr. Lyons was still in his police uniform. But all three of them were handcuffed.
There was something about Tanner in that jumpsuit that did things to me. He looked like such a bad boy. I crossed my legs.
Tanner glared at Angel. And then he snapped, but nothing happened. Ghazi must have been blocking his magic again .
“What problem are you going to help me solve?” I asked.
“Your love square,” said Angel.
Diablo nodded. “We’ve been trying to figure out why you haven’t fucked us yet. And the only thing I can come up with is that you already have too many men on your plate. A love square is a lot. But a love hexagon? That’s just too much for a sweet girl such as yourself to deal with.”
Angel cut in: “So today we thought we could clarify the status of your current relationships with a nice game of Fuck, Marry, Kill. How does that sound?”
“Um...” my voice trailed off. “No thanks.” I wasn’t in a love square. I was fully in love with Tanner. It was a love line.
“Great,” said Diablo, like he hadn’t just heard me. “Let’s begin.”
Okay, it looked like I didn’t have a choice here. Angel and Diablo had taken over the Club Onyx jail. And I didn’t want to end up behind bars.
“Excluding my brother and I, who here do you wanna fuck?”
I gulped and looked around. Answering that question in private would have been bad enough, but there were so many people watching! The cages on the side of the courtroom were filled with even more prisoners than before. Ah! Orlando Jackson was one of them! And right next to him was the director of Supernova Six, Tyrese Bell. Chastity was going to be so excited!
But that did nothing to help with my present situation. I looked out at my three suitors. Did I really have to fuck one of them right here in this courtroom? If so...it couldn’t be Tanner. That left Dr. Lyons or Cole. And I had come here to steal Cole’s baby juice...
“When you’re ready, go give a kiss to the man you’d most like to fuck.”
Oh thank God! I wanted some good sperm, but not in front of all these prisoners. I got up and walked in front of the three men. I stared into Tanner’s eyes. Obviously I want to fuck you. I hoped he could tell what I was thinking. Honestly, fucking Tanner was all I could think about recently.
But there was a chance I’d actually have to fuck whoever I chose. And I couldn’t risk having to touch Tanner’s flaming genie penis. So he was definitely out. I looked back and forth between Cole and Dr. Lyons. The question was, which one had better DNA for my future baby? And which one was more likely to be my lesser true love?
“Too bad there isn’t a ginger for her to choose,” some random prisoner said. A few other prisoners laughed.
I took a step backwards to get farther away from the caged prisoners and was so distracted that I nearly tripped over the cameras that those girls had smuggled in for the Supernova Six guys.
Wait! I have the perfect plan to solve all my problems! I turned back to Angel. “Why aren’t we filming this? This is a pretty interesting concept. We could totally gif this and win an Onyxie.”
“I like the way you think. But I don’t feel like going to find my phone.”
“We could use this.” I pointed to the film equipment .
Angel shrugged. “Sure. Tyrese, that’s your shit, right?”
Tyrese nodded from behind bars.
Diablo hopped up and let him free.
Tyrese took a few minutes to get everything set up. He set up his camera, then some lights, and then started handing out microphones that you wear like a necklace. It reminded me of the ones they make contestants wear on dating reality shows. Tyrese pulled my hair back to help me put the microphone on.
I hadn’t realized how tall he was. Or how strong. He wasn’t jacked like Orlando Jackson, but he had nice lean muscles. I didn’t understand why he kept casting new guys for the Supernova Six when he could have cast himself.
His fingers trailed down the back of my neck after the mic was in place and I shivered. He went back over to the camera and gave a thumbs up. “All set.”
“Okay, Ash,” said Angel. “Which guy do you wanna fuck?”
“Hmmm…” I hovered in front of Tanner. He was staring at me with such lust. But we both knew we couldn’t do anything. I stepped in front of Cole.
Cole smiled. “I’m down if you are.”
I slowly went in for the kiss, but then pulled back at the last second. Take that! He totally deserved that after submitting those gifs of me!
Then I walked over to Dr. Lyons. I looked him up and down. I shook my head and walked back towards Tanner. I winked at him and then kept walking. And walking. Until I was over by the holding cell with the prisoners. Orlando Jackson’s big hands were wrapped around the bars as he stared at me.
I walked right up to him and gave him a little kiss on his big black cheek. Because I’m not a racist! Boom! This was being filmed so now everyone in the Society would know. I was an evil mastermind. Yes, I knew it was technically Cole and Chastity’s plan. But not really, because this was just a gentle kiss.
The prisoners started to go crazy. Whistling and shaking the bars. One even said: “Maybe she isn’t a racist after all.”
Damn right I’m not!
“Interesting choice,” said Angel. “Does that mean you aren’t into any of your three suitors? I guess we’ll find out in the next round.”
Diablo tossed me a ring made of twine. “Give that to whichever man you’d like to marry.”
Obviously I wanted to marry Tanner. But he’d gotten me into this whole racist mess in the first place. And then crashed my date AGAIN to punch Cole. I was doing all this for him so he could be free, and I was getting so freaking confused about what he wanted. Yes, it was kinda romantic that he’d hit Cole to defend my honor. But also...wasn’t I supposed to fucking Cole? Yeah, my mind was scrambled. But I was not marrying Tanner today, thank you very much.
“Tanner, you’re amazing, but you’ve been confusing the hell out of me. So I’m not marrying you today.” I moved to Cole.
“ Him ? Seriously?” Tanner muttered under his breath .
What was his problem with Cole? And it didn’t even matter. Because Cole was obviously out after submitting those gifs of me. Asshole. “You know what you did,” I said sternly to Cole.
Cole smiled. “I can think of a lot of things I want to do to you.”
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” said Tanner.
Cole laughed.
Boys.
Tanner and Cole were out, so that left Dr. Lyons. “Flint Ironside, you are a very decent, kind man. And I’ve always respected and been terrified of men in uniform.” I dropped to one knee. “Will you marry me?”
He smiled. “Yes.”
I slid the twine ring onto his finger.
“How sweet,” said Angel. “Now for something not so sweet… Which man do you want to kill?”
Diablo tossed me a gun.
I screamed and ducked. The gun bounced on the ground like it was made of plastic. Because it probably was made of plastic. Which I’d momentarily forgotten. It was just the laser gun that Dr. Lyons had used earlier to pretend to kill those three girls.
I picked it up and pretended like nothing weird had just happened. And then I immediately shot Cole. The floor dropped out from under him. I smiled. It was so satisfying to watch him drop.
Tanner sighed with relief. “Phew. I thought for sure you were gonna…”
I shot him too. Just to mess with him. Since he kept messing with me on my dates that he wanted me to go on .
The floor dropped out. He looked so surprised as he fell through the hole.
Angel laughed. “Well damn, that was awesome. I think we might actually have a good concept for a gameshow. What do you think, Tyrese?”
“Yeah, not bad,” said Tyrese. “I know some producers who would definitely make this.”
“Awesome. Well, I guess all that’s left is one thing. Ash, Officer Ironside, please follow me.”
“What’s the one thing?” I asked.
“You’ll see.” Angel winked at me.