Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Ferris
The moment his hands touched my butt—like really touched my butt—the panic set in.
I could use my friends’ advice on how to be sexy and suave.
They all said I had a ton of rizz—not a word my brain actually picked up on, so I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but whatever it was, they said I had it.
They said it would make picking guys up easy.
And considering I had a hot-as-fuck former NHL player touching my butt, they were probably right.
But that’s where it all ended. I’d been too afraid to tell Quinn that I was a virgin.
That my only experience was one sloppy kiss at a frat party my sophomore year with some guy in my marine biology class.
I deeply regretted it because he’d tasted like beer and Cheetos and used too much tongue, which made me want to gag.
He’d cupped my crotch and smiled at me, but I think he’d seen in that moment I was about to heave all over his shoes because he let me go and melted back into the crowd.
I never saw him again.
My ability to fake it ’til I made it officially ended here, with letting Quinn devour my mouth until my toes were literally curling and my dick was threatening to break through from my jeans.
I had to tell him the truth about me. It wasn’t a fair secret to keep.
“Ferris.”
Right. Right. Yes. I was on his lap, and we were supposed to be making out, but I got lost in my head. Panic shot up my spine, and I looked down at where my fingers were all twisted up in his shirt.
“Hey. You look like you’re going to freak out,” Quinn murmured. He coasted fingers over the back of my neck, the pressure firm and perfect. “Can you talk to me?”
I nodded, swallowed thickly, then looked up. I couldn’t meet his gaze. It was too hard. But I could focus on the lush lips that had just been devouring mine. “Sorry.”
“No. I’m not looking for an apology. I need to know what’s wrong.”
“I haven’t, ah…done this.”
The hand holding my hip spasmed, and then he squeezed until my gaze flickered up to his. It was only for a moment, but I saw panic in his eyes. “With a man? Or at all?”
I nodded.
“Both?”
“Both.”
He let out a long, shuddering breath, then moved his other hand from the back of my neck to my waist. He squeezed again, almost like he was going to lift me off him, but instead, he tugged me closer. “So you’re a virgin?”
For the first time, I was hearing the word “virgin” without some sort of mockery and disdain behind it. He wasn’t making fun of me. He was just asking.
“Yes,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
He nodded and brushed a touch along my jaw, his eyes roaming over my face like he was taking all of me in. “Is this something you want to do? With me?”
“Yes.”
“Did you come here hoping you’d lose your virginity?”
“No.” When he was silent again, I eased back against his firm grasp and took in his expression.
He was…confused, maybe? Hurt? I struggled to read expressions most days if they were subtle like his.
Maybe he didn’t believe me, and I supposed that would make sense, considering I’d just blurted out, have sex with me, like some kind of fucking chump. “I’m sorry.”
“No,” he said again. His hands moved up to cradle my jaw, and his thumbs stroked over my skin. “No, Ferris. Don’t apologize. You’re allowed to want what you want. And if I’m going to be used for sex by anyone, I don’t mind that it’s a gorgeous man like you.”
My face bloomed pink and hot from both flattery and shame. “I don’t want to use anyone. That…that sounds terrible.”
He laughed, tracing a touch over my bottom lip with a single fingertip. “I didn’t mean it like that. And I’m not opposed, okay? I’m not looking for a relationship or anything—”
“God, no. No, that’s…I just…” I blew out a puff of air.
“I was hoping for some advice today so I could figure out how to lose my virginity and get it over with so I can be like everyone else when I’m finally on the team.
I’m so fucking awkward, right? And every time I get the chance, I blow it. Figuratively.”
He chucked again. “Right.”
“And then you were so nice to me. You were touching me, and I thought maybe you wanted me—”
“I do,” he said, his voice pitched low. He leaned in and nipped at my jawline, making me shiver all over. “You were not reading the room wrong, Ferris. I wanted you the moment I saw you at the photoshoot. I just never thought I’d get a chance.”
Licking my lips, I nodded and eased back so I could look at him. My gaze was fixed on his mouth and chin. It was such a nice chin. “I don’t know why I was brave just now, but I don’t regret it. Maybe if I can be brave with you, I can be brave in the future too.”
An expression played out on his face I couldn’t read, but it was gone after a second, and he managed one of his not-quite smiles.
“You’re going to find out very quick how easy it is to have sex once you become a pro player.” He sounded really, really sad. “But it’s hard to tell if someone’s using you for clout—to say they fucked a guy in the NHL—or if they genuinely care about you and want a relationship.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that because in truth, I didn’t want a relationship. Or, well, I did. I wanted to be loved and protected by my partner. I wanted a place where I could relax and be myself and not need to have a media face or be constantly worried about breaking some social rule.
But I also knew that finding someone who understood me—who got me and wanted me as I was—would be damn near impossible. Twenty-two years of my life, and I still hadn’t come anywhere close to having that.
I looked up into his face and realized that maybe I was being that guy.
Was I the asshole using him for clout? Did I want to fuck some famous pro athlete?
I felt a little sick to my stomach. I didn’t think that was the case.
I liked him for him. But what if I didn’t know myself as well as I thought?
“Quinn, you know that I don’t—”
He pressed a finger to my lips. “I know.”
“You didn’t let me finish.” My voice was muffled by the pad of his finger blocking my words.
He smiled softly, the sadness in his face fading. “Yes, but I knew what you were going to say. I know you’re not using me. Well…I suppose you are, but it’s not unwelcome.”
Oh. “Oh!” Was he going to say yes after knowing everything about me?
He leaned in. “I’m going to say yes.”
“Shit. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”
He laughed, the sound more of a rumbling exhale than anything, but his eyes were brighter than before. “You might do that more often than you think, but I like it. It’s honest.”
Well. I’d never heard that before. One of the many—many—reasons people tended not to like me was that I was difficult to read. I struggled to emote or show how I was feeling. More than once, I’d been accused of being a narcissist because I didn’t react the way other people did.
Quinn was something…different. Special, as corny as that sounded. I really did like him.
“You and I want the same thing right now,” he said. I raised my brows because was that actually possible? “A moment of something kind with someone who makes you feel safe. Your first time can be very bad if you’re not careful. But I can make it good, Ferris. I can make it very, very good.”
Swallowing heavily, I met his gaze. It was hard to hold it, but after a beat, I relaxed. His eyes were so pretty. They were crinkled in the corners, and the irises were dark like a forest floor right after it rained.
He cupped my jaw and ran his thumb over my lips. “Do you still want this?”
“Yes.” I was all nerves now, but less than I had been when I blurted out the truth. My hands were trembling, but when I curled them around his wrists, I relaxed even more. “I want you.”
He groaned softly as he ran his palm up and down my spine. When he got to the bottom of my shirt, he curled his fingers in the fabric and drew it up, exposing my back to the cool air. “Yes?”
I nodded.
He tugged further, further, until my shirt came up over my head and fell onto the cushion beside me. My nipples were immediately peaked and sensitive, and as though they were like little sexy magnets, his fingers were drawn to them.
He pinched gently, and my cock felt like it was going to explode right there. “Oh god, oh fuck.”
Quinn looked down at my bulge and the growing wet patch in my jeans. “I think I need to make you come.”
“I thought th-that was the p-point,” I stammered as he rubbed both thumbs in a hard circle, making my nipples even more sensitive. My dick was pulsing now, and I could feel an orgasm building. Christ, I was going to shoot off, and it would all be over, and this wouldn’t even fucking count.
“It’ll count,” he said. Damn it, I needed to stop that. “But I think I should make you come because I have a feeling you have a gorgeous refractory rate, and I bet I can get you to come a few more times before you have to go back home.”
My balls felt suddenly heavy and hot. “You think?”
He exhaled through his nose, then shuffled upward so he was sitting straighter, and he touched my chin.
“How about this. I’m going to make you come now so you can relax and not focus everything on holding it back.
And you won’t leave here until you feel absolutely fucking satisfied—like soul-deep satisfied—that you’ve lost every part of your virginity that you want to lose. ”
I stared at his chin. He had the smallest flecks of grey in his beard—like glitter. He was so pretty. “Why are you so nice?”
“I’m not,” he said with a hard laugh. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m not nice. But I really like you.”
“I’m weird.”
“Yeah. And I like that. I like that you’re honest and blunt and that you don’t try and coat words with other words.
You just say whatever’s on your mind. You ask for what you want—what you need.
You’re funny, Ferris, and so smart, and I can’t wait to watch you on the ice because I have a feeling you play like you fuck. ”