Chapter 12 #2
God, I had to stop thinking that way. I was the one setting the firmer boundaries with him. I couldn’t let myself want shit like that.
“How has your day been?” I asked as I led the way to the clinic room.
“Um. It wasn’t that great. My mom is starting to make me stressed-out, and I miss my bed. The one at her place isn’t very comfortable. It’s like your hotel bed.” He froze, and I glanced back at him when I heard the noise of the crutches go silent. “Are you still at the hotel?”
I laughed and shook my head. “No, thank god. I have a real house with an expensive mattress. And all my own furniture.”
His shoulders relaxed. “It took me a long time to get used to the frat house, but now it’s like home. I think moving out will be hard.”
I started up walking again, as much as I wanted to just stand there and listen to him. I couldn’t let myself get derailed from the fact that he was my patient and I was meant to be treating him.
After swiping my badge, the doors clicked open, and I stood aside for Ferris to enter first. The room still smelled a bit like sweat and that weird scent elderly people got from being in the hospital for too long.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ferris wrinkle his nose, then press his sleeve to it.
“Let me start up the fans. Go ahead and have a seat.” I gestured to one of the tables with fresh paper on it. “Get your boot off, and we’ll work through some stretches.”
He bit his lip and didn’t move.
“You okay?”
“It’s going to hurt today. Isn’t it?” His voice sounded very small.
Turning, I abandoned my trip to the fan switch and approached him carefully. There were cameras, so I couldn’t do the thing I wanted, which was to take him into my arms and kiss him until his entire body went lax. Instead, I took his free hand and squeezed the way I knew he liked.
He let out a small sigh, and his gaze met mine for longer than usual.
“It’s going to hurt, but each appointment is going to get a little bit better. Maybe not less painful at first, but your flexibility and range of motion will start going back to normal.”
He let out a breath, then nodded. “Alright. I’m ready for it.”
I wasn’t sure he was telling the truth, but I had to trust him. I let him go, a slow drag of fingers across his palm, and then before I could do anything foolish, I turned away and walked toward the fans so we could get started.
Ferris took the appointment like a champ.
He was sweating and holding back tears by the time it was over, but I could already tell he was bouncing back.
Maybe if my injury had happened when I was ten years younger—before the NHL took such a massive toll on my body—I would have had a second chance to make a comeback.
But I realized, as I helped him sit in a chair and get his boot back on, I wasn’t bitter. It felt good to know that the work I was doing would help him put his feet where mine had once been. God, I wanted to see him on the ice.
I wanted to see the way his body moved when he skated. I wanted to see the ferocity in his eyes when he blocked each shot. I wanted to see the expression on his face when their team won because he gave them a shutout.
And as much as I told myself I had to stay away, I knew that wasn’t going to last.
“Quinn?” I spun to look at him, and he was frowning. “Actually, should I call you Dr. Rhodes?”
I laughed and shrugged. “Quinn is fine for you.” I wasn’t sure I could handle him putting up another wall of professionalism between us. What we had was intimate, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t erase it.
“What do your other patients call you?”
I frowned, then felt something uncomfortable twisting around in my gut when I realized most people didn’t say my name. “They don’t usually call me anything.”
“Oh. I don’t think I like that,” Ferris said quietly. He wriggled his boot from side to side as though he was testing his pain level. “I’m scared to become a number.”
“A number?”
He bit his lip and shrugged. “Number seventeen. That’s what’s on my Bruins jersey. What if people stop using my name?”
I felt my lips curl up into a smile, and I walked over, kneeling beside his chair. “That is not going to happen. You’ll be Ferris. You’ll be number seventeen, Ferris Redding. Maybe just…Reddy?”
He rolled his eyes. “They call me that already.”
“You won’t lose who you are, Ferris. I promise.”
His mouth softened, though he didn’t grin back at me. His fingers twisted in his lap, and then he shoved them under his thighs like he was trying to force himself to stop stimming. “Today was better than last time. Thank you.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t expecting to be thanked. I hadn’t been doing this for a long time, but even in my residency, gratitude was very rare. “Um.” I bit my lip. “Are you hungry?”
Ferris’s brows lifted. “It’s almost my dinnertime.”
Right. His schedule. “The receptionist brought me dinner, but I over-ordered. If you don’t have to rush back, we can share. It’s burritos.”
His eyes crinkled in the corners with a grin. “The good ones?”
“The best ones.”
He hunched his shoulders and nodded. “Yeah. I convinced my mom to let me take an Uber today, so I have to text her and let her know I’m staying late. Otherwise, she’s going to show up here thinking you’re a serial killer.”
I stood up and offered him my hands. “Is that where you got your fear from?”
He burst into laughter. “Probably. I spent most of my childhood being warned away from strange men in white vans. One time, the peewee team rented a white van to take us to an out-of-state game, and I had a full-blown panic attack when I saw it.”
His hands were warm against mine, and I was so reluctant to let go, but I handed him his crutches and took a step back.
“I had the same fear growing up. I had to walk home when I was in first grade, and they did this whole PSA at the school about stranger danger and what to do if a vehicle you don’t recognize starts following you.
They told us to run to a house and pretend like it was ours and tell the grown-up inside that we were going to be kidnapped.
The first time I saw a UPS truck rolling down the street, I thought I was a goner. ”
“Did you run into someone’s house?”
I snorted as I led the way out of the clinic and down the hall toward the waiting room. “Yep. A really old man who couldn’t see very well lived there. He shouted and cussed at me until I started crying and ran home.”
Ferris grabbed my arm and tugged me to a halt. “That’s terrible.”
Fuck, he was sweet. I laid my hand over his and squeezed gently. This was crossing so many lines, but I couldn’t help it. I knew him. Intimately. I had something that had once been his that could be given to no one else.
How was I supposed to deal with that?
I took a deep breath. “I turned out fine. Never got kidnapped even once, and I never ran into a stranger’s house again, so that was a bonus.
” Without waiting for him to respond, I pulled my hand away, then turned to open my office door.
“Wait in here for me. I’m gonna grab the food and make sure the front door is locked. ”
He nodded, looking a bit nervous, but he slipped past me, and I shut the door before letting my forehead drop against the wall.
I was so, entirely, completely, incredibly fucked.