Chapter 17
VANESSA
“Wine?”
I shake my head at Auden’s offer. “No, but thank you.”
She nods, grabs a pitcher of water from the fridge, pours me a glass, and slides it my way.
The last thing I expected this morning was a text from her inviting me over for a girls’ night, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.
I’m sure she’s getting antsy being home alone with the baby and is likely dying for a night of fun. I know I would be in her position.
“I’ll take whatever she doesn’t want,” Lilah says. She shakes her empty glass at her best friend, then gives me a wink.
I smile back. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect tonight, especially given that my last group of friends dropped me so fast after everything came out about Neal, and I haven’t exactly worked on making new ones.
So far, it’s been nice. Auden’s twin sister, Rory, and Hayes’s girlfriend, Quinn, are here too.
According to them, they get together like this often when the guys go on road trips.
They call it their Seattle Serpents Singles Support Group.
I’m not quite sure what that means, but it made them all giggle when Auden said it, so I laughed too.
It’s the first time I have since Gavin walked out the door yesterday.
The Serpents are only gone for four days, but given how much I miss him, it feels like so much longer than that.
It’s been like that every time he’s left since we started sharing a bed.
A night away seems like a lifetime, and I always end up sleeping on the couch, unable to stand being there without him.
My bed still hasn’t been delivered, but lately…
I’m not mad about it. I like being next to Gavin so much that I don’t mind.
I try not to think about that too much.
“Ew. She farted.” Rory wrinkles her nose as she stares down at the baby in her arms. “Someone else take my niece, please. She’s being gross.”
Auden rolls her eyes at her sister as she sets a bowl of chips on the counter next to the stunning charcuterie board. “Stop being dramatic. You fart too.”
“I do no such thing,” Rory argues, handing baby Alana to me. “Your turn.”
I cradle the baby in my arms and grin down at her, tickling the little fat roll on her arm.
“Hi there,” I say to her. “Are you being gross for Auntie Rory?” I swear she smiles. “Yeah? You are, huh?”
“Now be gross for Auntie Vanessa too,” Rory instructs, taking a swig of her white wine.
Auntie Vanessa.
Logically, I know Alana is my niece, but it still feels so strange to hear it.
I’m sure it’s just because Reed and I don’t exactly act like siblings, but it still makes me sad that I don’t feel like her aunt.
I wonder if that’s because I still feel so out of place in this new stage of my life.
While I’m liking working at Top Shelf more than I thought I might, it’s not what I envisioned for myself.
And yes, I’m getting back into my art, but it still feels like a whole new venture for me.
The only thing that feels comfortable is Gavin.
I hate that I feel this way because of Neal.
I loathe that someone who did me so dirty has been able to dictate so much of my life and has made me question everything about myself and my worth.
He’s not worth the time or energy, but as much as I hate to admit it, he still has a grip on me.
I wish he’d let go. I wish I could snap my fingers and move on easily, put it all behind me, maybe even laugh at the whole situation. But I can’t. It changed me, for better or for worse. It’s part of me now. He’ll be a stain on my heart forever.
I rock Alana back and forth as I refocus on the conversation.
“…like a butthole.”
What the hell did I just hear?
Auden barks out a laugh. “You should see your face right now, Vanessa.”
“I won’t lie, I tuned out there for a minute because I got distracted.” I wiggle the baby. “What exactly did I miss?”
“Just Rory being disgusting and comparing the smell of Lawson’s gear to a butthole.” Auden tosses a chip at her sister.
“He farts a lot!” Rory exclaims. “Did I ever tell you about the time he ripped one while I was waking up?”
The girls laugh.
“To be fair, their gear does smell absolutely atrocious,” Quinn agrees. “But I think seeing them out there on the ice all sweaty is worth it.” She waggles her brows and shimmies her shoulders, the pair of penguin earrings that dangle from her ears swaying back and forth.
“It truly is,” Lilah agrees.
I almost chime in too, complaining about how Gavin’s stuff is stinking up the apartment, but I keep my lips zipped.
“Oh my gosh!” Quinn gasps. “I just had the best idea!”
“Share, share,” Auden chants, getting as worked up as Quinn looks, and yeah, she really needed this night.
“We should set Vanessa here up with one of the guys.”
“Yesssss,” Lilah says, dragging the word out. “We totally should. But who? The only ones still single are?—”
“Locke and Keller,” Rory finishes. “And Keller sucks, so that only leaves Locke.”
“Keller does not suck,” Auden argues. “You’re just saying that because he picks on Lawson, which he only does because your boyfriend is such an easy target. He does it to himself half the time.”
Rory’s lips twitch, and she looks so smitten. “That’s fair.”
I’ve only known them for a short time, but it surprises me that Rory and Lawson are together. They’re so different from each other. I guess that just seems to work out sometimes. The phrase opposites attract doesn’t exist for no reason.
“Locke it is, then,” Lilah announces, slapping the counter like this is happening.
“Uh, do I get a say in this?” I chime in.
“No,” Rory says, then turns back to the other girls, who are all now plotting ways to get me and Gavin together.
Oh, if they only knew we’ve already been together . Many, many times. Ugh, just thinking of it makes me miss him all the more.
Just three more days, Vanessa , I tell myself, even though I shouldn’t be counting down to anything at all. That’s girlfriend behavior, and it’s not like Gavin and I are actually dating one another.
“Oh! Puck drop is in five minutes,” Lilah announces.
We grab our glasses, Quinn carries the fancy meat-and-cheese smorgasbord, and Rory gets the bowls of chips. Lilah snags an extra bottle of wine, and Auden takes Alana, who is now fast asleep in my arms.
“Looks like someone is a baby whisperer. Kind of wish you hadn’t moved out now,” she jokes. “I’m just going to put her down in her crib. I’ll be right back.”
She hurries off toward the bedrooms, and I awkwardly stand at the edge of the room as the girls get comfortable.
With the way they snuggle onto the couch, Rory even tucking her feet under her and a blanket around her, it’s clear they’ve done it a time or two.
I feel like an imposter. I don’t belong here.
This is for fiancées and girlfriends. This isn’t the place for me.
“We’re only teasing, you know?” Auden says, coming up next to me and bumping her shoulder against mine. “We aren’t going to set you up. Unless you want us to, of course. You have to admit Locke is pretty good-looking, though.”
My cheeks heat because he’s good-looking, all right. More than good-looking, actually. He’s downright hot.
She tips her head to the side, and alarm bells go off in my mind.
“What?” I ask.
Her lips pull upward. “Nothing.”
“Nothing what?”
She shakes her head. “It’s really nothing. I just thought maybe I saw interest in your eyes.”
I force a laugh. “What? No. That’s… No.”
The words sound weak to my ears, and I hope like hell Auden doesn’t notice that too.
It takes her a moment, but eventually she nods. “All right. But if you change your mind…I have his number.”
I have his number too.
“Thanks,” I say with a laugh.
We each find a spot on the couches and settle in for the next two or so hours.
“Is anyone else horny?” Lilah asks as they flash to Fox on the ice, who is dropped down on his knees, stretching.
“Over your good boy , not a chance,” Rory tosses back.
She’s then smacked by a pillow, and we all laugh.
That’s how it goes for the first two periods as the Serpents score twice in each one, now up 5–3.
We joke around, and they have far too much to say about the game.
They go from cheering for their partners to bitching about the refs in two seconds flat.
It’s cute how passionate they are about it.
Meanwhile, I sit quietly by, too afraid to make any commentary for fear they might read too much into it. Auden looked at me a little too closely earlier. I don’t need to give her any more reason to become suspicious.
When the third period starts and it’s 5–4 Serpents, the mood in the room changes. We all get quiet, watching as the team tries to hang on to their lead.
“Come on, Fox,” Lilah says, her nails between her teeth as she sits on the edge of the couch. A puck just got dangerously close to going over the line, and while they’re still reviewing it in the arena, we can see at home that it didn’t completely cross.
“He’s doing good. It’s our defense breaking down. No offense, Auden,” Quinn says.
“None taken. They’re being outskated. Locke especially.”
I snap my eyes to her, physically having to bite my tongue from saying anything. How dare she single him out? It’s a damn team sport!
Or maybe it’s just because I know that’s such a sore subject for him.
He doesn’t talk about it often, but I know he’s worried he’s getting too old and slow for the game.
At first, it made me laugh. He isn’t even old, but I guess it makes sense when you look at it from the league’s perspective.
They don’t want to give long contracts to people over a certain age because what if they can’t live up to them?
No sense putting your teammates in a bad spot like that.
Auden probably knows all this, though, which makes me even more annoyed she’s called him out. But I can’t say anything, so I bite my tongue—literally.