Chapter 20
VANESSA
“Oh, fuck, that’s good.”
He moans.
“Fucking yes.”
I stare up at him.
“Incredible, love. Just incredible.”
I blink. “Are you finished?”
He swings a grin my way. “No, but I will be later.” He winks, then stabs his teriyaki chicken and takes another massive bite.
I was too tired to cook after my shift at Top Shelf tonight, and while Gavin offered to take me out, the idea of sitting on the couch with him surrounded by takeout containers was much more appealing. That was before he started making those noises.
“Stop being so annoying.” I push at him with my feet, hunkering even farther down into the couch, a cardboard container sitting on my chest. I pick out another green bean, then suck it into my mouth.
“I’m not being annoying. You just have a perverted mind.”
“Do not,” I say, kicking at him again.
He grabs my foot, tickling me right where he knows it affects me the worst. I yelp, trying to wiggle away from him, but it’s pointless—he’s too damn strong for me.
“Gavin!” I say through loud giggles. “Stop it!”
“Not until you admit you’re a naughty, horny little thing.”
“I am not!” I argue.
I so am. Honestly, if he’d have kept those moans up much longer, I would have had to crawl over and really give him something to moan about, but I’m not doing that now with him tickling me to death.
“Stoooop!” I whine, still trying to get away.
My green beans go flying to the floor, but neither of us seems to care about the mess. We’re too busy having fun. But Gavin makes a mistake—he pauses just long enough for me to get free, and I run. Straight down the hall, toward the other bedrooms.
“Where are you going?” he calls, racing after me. “My bed is the other way.”
“Exactly! You think you’re getting lucky after that? Not a chance!”
I grab the handle to the bedroom that houses his hockey stuff, knowing he won’t dare mess around in there. He’s too worried about breaking any of his things.
The door doesn’t give way, though. In fact, it’s locked. I stop, my senses rapidly switching from fun mode to suspicious. Why the hell is the door locked? Does he not trust me? Does he think I’m going to steal his stuff and sell it online? Is he…hiding something?
No, no. Gavin would never.
I thought Neal would never, too. The thought crashes into me, and all those feelings of betrayal and hurt slam back into me. I don’t want them. I don’t want to be thinking this way, but try as I might, I can’t shake them. Not even when Gavin catches me, boxing me in against the door.
“Ha! I gotcha,” he says, his mouth falling to my neck as he peppers me with familiar kisses.
I let him, even though my mind is now a million miles away, thinking up all the reasons he could possibly have locked this door, the one that’s been open since the day I moved in here. I would know because I’ve come in here a few times when he’s been on the road, just needing a piece of him.
Is that why it’s locked? Does he know I come here? Is he mad that I look through his things? No, he would tell me if he had a problem. He’s always been open. So, what could it be, then? I don’t know, but I can’t shake the feeling he’s hiding something from me.
Not even when he spins me around and drags his kisses from my neck to my lips, or when he lifts me and wraps my legs around his waist. And not even when he carries me to his bedroom and lays me down before peeling my clothes off me, our mess in the living room long, long forgotten.
I don’t even stop thinking about it as I finally drift off to sleep.
What the hell is Gavin hiding?
Heavy clouds cover the sky, and cold nips at the air.
If I were back in Upstate New York, I’d be inside the warmth of my house, sitting by the fire with hot chocolate and a good book.
But this isn’t New York, and people are still milling about the city like this cold, rainy weather is nothing new to them.
“Thanks again for meeting me here,” Auden says as she settles in across from me at The Coffee Spot, a cute place I found a few weeks ago when I was looking for somewhere new to sketch.
The Serpents are doing a thing at the Children’s Hospital for the upcoming holidays, so when she called earlier wanting to get out of the house, I jumped at the chance—anything to keep me from looking at that damn locked door.
I’ve tried it every day for the last four days, but I haven’t had any luck.
I keep trying not to think about what he could be hiding, but it’s slowly driving me mad.
I need to know why he’s shut me out—literally.
“Of course,” I tell her, grinning down at Alana, who sits happily in her stroller. I reach over and tickle her chin. “Hi, my beautiful niece. Are you being spoiled? I hope so.”
“Oh, she’s being spoiled, all right. Hutch brings her something home from every city he visits.” Auden rolls her eyes. “And my father is just as bad, always ‘dropping by’ with something new. Even Rory keeps buying her onesies. It’s ridiculous.”
You can tell she’s not truly bothered by any of it, and I love that Alana is so loved.
“That reminds me…” I grab the small gift bag I brought along and hand it to Auden.
“Stop it. You too?”
I shrug. “She’s my niece. I’m legally obligated to spoil her.”
Auden laughs, then pulls out the little clown fish stuffed animal I bought her. I saw it in a children’s shop last week and knew Alana had to have it.
“Aww, it’s so cute! Thank you, Vanessa. That was really sweet.” She hands it to the baby, who lights up at the sight of it.
It’s so cute, and it reminds me of Gavin when he talks about Pearl and Rufus, which just makes me sad. Not because of the fish—I love them, and they feel like mine too at this point—but because I’m pretty sure Gavin is hiding something from me.
“Everything okay?”
I snap my gaze back to Auden, who is looking at me with concern.
“Oh, yeah. Just…”
The words die on my tongue as I realize that, as badly as I want to talk to her about this, I can’t. She still doesn’t know about me and Gavin.
“Nothing,” I lie. “It’s nothing. Just a little in my head lately.”
“Anything I can help with?”
I shake my head. “No, but thank you.”
Her eyes narrow, and I hold my breath, waiting for her to call me on my lie.
But all she says is, “Well, just know I’m here if you need to talk about anything , even if it’s something you feel like you can’t. I’m here.”
She looks at me so damn closely I almost confess to everything right on the spot.
Something tells me if I did, Auden wouldn’t be all that surprised.
She’s given me far too many long looks over the last few weeks, and I get the sense she might have picked up on something between me and Gavin a while ago.
Even so, I don’t say a word, mostly because I don’t trust myself.
I shoot her a small smile, and we take our time having coffee, talking about the baby, how much her father fawns over Alana, and a bit about the Serpents, though we don’t get into that too deeply. I wonder if Auden can tell it’s a sensitive subject for me right now.
When we part, I’m feeling a little better.
The closer I get to the penthouse, though, the more aggravated I grow, and when I pull into the garage, I’m just plain pissed.
The whole ride up, I fume. The elevator arrives on Gavin’s floor, and I punch the code into the door with a bit of extra force.
I don’t even bother kicking my shoes off by the door.
I just drop my purse and go straight for the room to check if it’s still locked.
It is.
“Ugh!” I hit it because why not? It’s a stupid door hiding something stupid behind it, and ugh! I’m just annoyed.
“Nessa?”
I pause my next swing at the inanimate object and turn to find Gavin standing at the end of the hallway.
“What are you doing?” he asks, taking a few steps closer.
“Oh, uh… What are you doing home? I didn’t see your car in the garage.”
“It’s at the shop for maintenance, and I didn’t feel like sticking around waiting for it. Keller gave me a ride.”
I almost smile at the thought of Keller being forced to hang out with children all day, but then I remember I’m mad.
“Oh.”
“Did the door do something to deserve the abuse?”
His lips twitch, and all it does is piss me off more.
“Yes!” I finally explode.
Gavin’s eyes widen, but I keep going.
“It’s locked when it’s never been locked before, and I’d know.
I go in there all the time , Gavin. When you aren’t here, I go in and I look through your pictures and your jerseys and your awards because I miss you and want to connect with you, and now it’s locked, and I don’t know why it’s locked, and I…
” I gulp in a big breath of air. “I just want to know why? I just want…”
Tears unexpectedly sting my eyes, and I’m not sure why.
No, that’s a lie. I know exactly why—Neal.
I exhale heavily. “Open the door, Gavin. Please.”
He doesn’t say anything for a long time.
He just stands there, staring at me, and I can only imagine what’s going through his mind.
He told me before I wasn’t too much, but it certainly feels like I’m too much now.
I’m acting like a madwoman over a locked door, and no matter how ridiculous that sounds, I can’t stop.
Finally, he moves. He walks down the hall, not stopping until he’s right beside me. I watch as he reaches up, up, up to the trim that surrounds the door and pulls down a key.
Oh god. The key was right there the whole time? I’m so embarrassed I can’t even look up at him as he pushes the door open and steps aside. I don’t move. I’m rooted to the spot.
“Well?” he asks. “Aren’t you going to look?”
I lift my head, and my heart stops in my chest. Then it starts right back up again.
Boom boom boomboom boomboomboom.
It’s erratic as I take in just what was being hidden behind the locked door. It wasn’t anything nefarious. It wasn’t some secret life he was hiding. And it wasn’t because he didn’t want me messing with his things.