Thirty-Six
L issa came to see me after they all left for the big chase, and she looked upset, panicked, just like me.
“Ice went with them. He’s barely able to ride with his shoulder the way it is, and he’s out there risking it. Risking his damn life!” Oh my god, more consequences for my stupid actions! Should I tell her what I did? Will she hate me too?
“What happens next?”
She was wringing her hands nervously.
“They find who snitched, and they probably don’t survive either.” Oh crap.
“That applies to anyone, even if it’s not a biker?” Lissa chewed her lip nervously.
“Ally, Reacher’s old lady, started off there, so yeah, anyone. I mean, betrayal is betrayal, right? Oh god. This is bad, this is so bad. I just need to know he’s okay. I need to know that I’m not losing him to this crazy situation!”
She hurried out of Torch’s room, and I followed, finding her with other nervous old ladies, Cammy, Elise, and Tori. These were all women whose lives were in upheaval because of me. If I’d just kept my mouth shut, then none of this would have happened.
Apparently there had been something called a ‘call to arms’ so they all knew about the police being on their way, and they all knew Micro had run, and the others had followed, because of updates on that ‘channel’. It was something I didn’t have access to, because guess what, I’m not really an old lady yet. I wouldn’t be either, not once Torch knew the truth about me. Not once he knew I’d betrayed him, just like Micro did.
I headed for the stairs, because it was pretty clear what I needed to do, but Lissa called out to me.
“You can wait with us, Grace. No need to be alone right now. We can update you when we hear more.” I nodded, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat, because her offer just showed me again what I was now destined to lose, because of one moment of stupidity.
“I… just heading outside for some fresh air, and I’ll be back. Uh… I’ve been inside a lot the last day or so.”
Was I really going to brave going back home, going back to the house where Micro had attacked me? What if he escaped being re-captured, and came after me? I might be the only one he could get to.
Somehow, I had a feeling he wasn’t getting away from them though. If the club didn’t catch him, the police would. And if he ended up on the loose, then there would be police looking everywhere for him, and warnings online everywhere. His face would be so well known, he’d be better off running from this town completely.
I headed outside, glad to find the gates still standing wide open, and a few police cars still here, I guess wrapping stuff up, so I was able to walk right out without anyone stopping me. I made it down the road, into a small coffee shop, and ordered a taxi, sitting down with a coffee to wait for it.
I’d get home, and make my decisions from there. Stay and let Torch find me there, or pack up and move on? I can still work at the hospital, no matter whether I’m living at home, or even out of a damn hotel room. He’d be able to find me there, but it’s easier to dodge a person in a hospital than on your own doorstep.
Every step away from his clubhouse had felt like walking in wet cement, my legs feeling heavier and heavier as I walked. I didn’t want to leave Torch, or hide from him, but I couldn’t be the next betrayal he had to go through, and I couldn’t look him in the eye and lie about this, because that would be worse than the phone call I made, thinking I was protecting him.
I cried all the way to my house in the taxi, which I’m sure had the poor driver wondering what the hell was going on, but I didn’t say a word, just paid him and went into my house. The door was damaged, but had closed and locked when they took me away from here, and closed and locked now, so it was secure.
It was weird being back here, and even weirder being here alone. It wasn’t scary, like I jumped at every sound, or expected a masked man to appear, but it was lonely as hell. Spending even a day in the clubhouse had been like having a huge family, and suddenly being alone after that was jarring. I’d realised I actually liked the busy clubhouse and the noise, and the constant people. It reminded me how lonely I’d been for such a long time, because I’d pushed everyone away after my last relationship crashed and burned.
Being without Torch though, that was real loneliness. That was losing the one thing I’d waited my entire life for, after having it for too short a time. I was awake, alive, happy, and now I’m back in my crypt. Melodramatic, right? With nothing more to do than dwell on my own thoughts, I dug out every possible cleaning product I could find, and started on the house, cleaning and polishing surfaces, vacuuming the floors, sofa, chairs, everything, just trying to fill the silence I no longer wanted, or felt comfortable with.
Torch
G etting back to the clubhouse, to a gaggle of frantic old ladies, would have been the best moment in all of this shit, only my old lady wasn’t one of them. I’d figured she was in my room instead, but there was no sign of her.
Lissa said she’d gone outside for some fresh air, only she was nowhere out there either, and when I tried ringing her, there was no response. She should have been safe now. She should have been here, and waiting for me, because I fucking needed her here right now. Was I fucking reeling from what had just happened? From the last few days? The last few months? Was she my fucking safe place? The only place I could retreat to, and relax in, even let go in? Hadn’t she taught me that?
“So where the fuck is she?” I roared at Stitch as he stood in my doorway, rubbing at his beard thoughtfully.
“Would she go back to her place?”
“Why the FUCK would she go back there? Why would she leave right now?”
“Could she have been called in for a shift at the hospital?” Shit. Could she? Wouldn’t she tell someone she was leaving? Wouldn’t she tell me?
“I don’t get it, man. I don’t fucking get it. I need her, so why isn’t she here?” I was about to trash my room again; I could feel it. Last time even she couldn’t defuse me, so why the fuck did it matter that she wasn’t here now? Because I fucking loved her, and needed her, that’s why!
Stitch reached over and grasped my shoulder, squeezing it lightly.
“Take a breath, brother, and think before you act. I can see you’re about ready to tear the world down around you, but this is Grace. Does she ever do something without thinking it through first? Maybe there’s a good reason, and you just need to reach out to her and talk it through. Weren’t you about ready to make it official with her?”
Wasn’t I? The last time I mentioned it, she freaked out, and yelled out her disagreement, so maybe that was the bit I should have listened to. We’d never really revisited that conversation with all that was going on here, but that no was pretty fucking clear. And it was the one word I never fucking ignore.
“I don’t think that’s what she wants, man.”
Stitch groaned, pushing my door closed as he stepped inside.
“Where the fuck’s that coming from, brother? Talk to me, because I’m not leaving you alone like this. You’ll probably go on a fucking rampage.”
I’d act offended, but I wasn’t so sure he was wrong right now. I just lost a best friend and a woman in the same fucking hour, and that was killing me more than all the betrayals.
Did she leave because of all the craziness? Was the arrival of the police the last fucking straw? She knew biker life wasn’t strictly all above board, right? I’d told her that this shit could happen, right? Still, I hadn’t expected them to come specifically looking for Micro, and not right as we had him out in the open.
“Who do you think called the filth on us? It has to be another in-house betrayal, because only we knew the fucker was here, and that he was guilty.”
Stitch cursed under his breath, moving around my room, and straightening things up. Seriously, was everyone getting fucking obsessive about tidiness now? My room was almost back to normal after my last bout of anger, so what the hell was out of place now?
“Honestly? I hate to say this, but it has to be one of our women. I know, okay? I know what you’re about to say, but of those of us who knew he was here, the rest of us were in that fucking meeting, and you know no phones are allowed, except Ice with his fucking security alerts and shit.”
“And it won’t have been him anyway, he’s just itching for some club justice right now.”
“Weren’t we all though? Think about it, man. Micro put Ally in the hospital, he took my fucking sister twice and assaulted her. He went after Grace. He killed Jock. He killed Chrissy after fucking raping her-”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I interrupted, immediately feeling like a prick for sticking up for him, but he’d seemed so sincere, but then hadn’t he been fucking sincere this whole time?
“You think Chrissy wasn’t him?” I shook my head, because I knew it was.
“I mean, he didn’t… he told me it was consensual, rough, but not rape. Just that she mocked him after, and he lost his temper. I’m not saying that makes it okay, but I’m just saying there’s more to it than we suspected.”
“End result’s the same, man. She’s dead, and now so is he.”