Chapter 29 Torin
TORIN
Iwas sitting on a hospital gurney. I peeked in m’shirt, there was a bandage on m’shoulder, twas small enough.
I moved m’arm around in a slow circle, Och, I could use it, good.
The door opened and Alexandria rushed in. She burst intae tears. Holding my face in her hands, she kissed me. “I was so scared!”
“Och, daena tell anyone, Alexandria, but I was scared as well, ye canna ken what tis like tae fight a battle over again. Tis all happenin’ the same way and every decision ye make might save ye or kill ye, tis easy tae become wracked with indecision, yet then ye falter and wonder if the falterin’ is going tae kill ye. ”
She frowned. “That really does sound terrible, I’m glad you’re done with it. Now we can do something else…”
She looked at my face.
“We can do something else, right?”
I shook my head. “Did ye see the condition of yer Uncle Charlie?”
“No!” Her eyes went wide. “Is he okay, is Max okay?”
I shook my head. “It all went verra poorly.”
“So what do we do?”
“We are goin’ tae do it again.”
She gulped. “But I don’t want to. I don’t want you to. Uncle Ryan is wrong, he’s going to get you killed! He wants to win and it’s clouding his judgement!”
I put my good arm around her and pulled her close. I just held her for a moment, until she relaxed in my arms. Then I told her, “Tis not yer Uncle Ryan’s decision, twas mine.”
She pulled away, “What do you mean, but... you didn’t want to do it! You only went grudgingly! You said we had to find a different way, that you were doing it one last time.”
“I ken, I changed my mind, I learned something—”
“You promised!” She pushed me on m’chest.
“Och nae.” I rubbed the spot.
“Oh my god, Torin, I’m so sorry, did I hurt your shoulder?”
I raised my shirt, givin’ her a glimpse of a spreadin’ purple bruise.
“I’m so sorry!” She burst into tears. “Oh God, I’m such an ass.”
I chuckled. “Ye arna an arse, ye are a bit of a screechin’ harpy though.”
“I am the worst, I’m so sorry, Torin.”
I said, “If ye kiss it, twill feel much better.”
She raised my shirt and kissed m’chest on the bruise. Then she raised up, with a pout on her lips. “You’re sweaty and there’s blood on you.”
“Aye, I smell like war and likely taste it as well, ye ought tae hae thought of it afore ye pushed me, Princess, and had tae kiss tae make it up tae me.”
“I am so sorry.”
“I ken. I actually dinna mind it much, yer push has all the strength of a frail bird.”
She sighed. “I deserved that.”
“Tis alright, Alexandria, daena worry about it.”
“I just hate it, I hate the whole thing. I know I’m supposed to be strong and wait like a good monarch, but I don’t like not knowing what’s going on.
It’s really scary, you’re leaving me alone to go to battle and…
you know, it’s my only issue.” She fussed with a tissue in her hands, while she teased, “I’m perfect in every other way but this, and you know it, I don’t like to be left, but here you are, leaving me to go fight and the only reason I got through it was because you promised me you would come home. ”
“I did come home and am fairly well, considerin’. The physician said I winna die, ye will be glad tae hear.”
Her eyes went wide, “You almost died! Are you okay?”
“I am glad ye asked, Princess, aye, yer faithful servant, Torin, has survived the war.”
She sank into a chair. “I love you so much, I just don’t know how to tell you. You mean everything to me, please don’t leave me again, I can’t bear to be without you.”
“I winna, Alexandria, ye hae been verra dutiful, waitin’ patiently, and twill be the last time ye are expected tae do it.”
Her chin trembled. “I don’t get how you’re going to go to battle again and you aren’t going to leave me, but I’m taking you at your word. You promise?”
“Aye.”
“I don’t believe you, you say this all the time but you still go.”
“I hae tae, mo leannan, sometimes, ye hae tae trust me that I daena want tae, but I must.”
She sighed. “So what… ? What are we going to do?”
“I am goin’ tae take charge and plan the attack. I will go back in time and loop around tae just before the battle—”
“To when? You were with me, you can’t be twice in the same place.
We know that’s not how it works.” Her eyes expressed horror, “Would you go to a time before you and Max came to see me, before our night together? No! What if something changed? What if something happened and I wasn’t amenable to you?
You can’t take that chance, we got married, it’s too big to mess around with! ”
“I would still marry ye—”
“Torin, I know it’s hard to believe, but I can have moods, what if I didn’t marry you?”
I chuckled. “Ye might not marry me because of a mood!”
“I have had some really bad moods with unfortunate timing.”
“Och, ye are such a princess sometimes.”
“I won’t allow you to go back to before you married me, I won’t stand for it. And I’m thinking I’m not going to let you do any of it over again. I can’t believe you want to try. You said yourself it would be dangerous.”
“Aye, tis, but I think I can beat him by doin’ it my way.”
She looked up at me. “So, like, not Ryan’s way?”
I nodded.
“Uncle Ryan isn’t going to like that, how will you get the vessel away from him? He has his own ideas.”
“I already took it from him. He canna go anywhere. Now we hae two.” I pulled the vessel from under the hospital bedding.
“So you’re going to be in charge of the do-over?”
“Aye, I watched verra carefully this time, I ken how tae beat Rannald.”
“So you’ll do everything differently?”
“Aye.”
“Like the opposite?”
“Tae change it, aye, I think tis what I need tae do.”
She blinked looking down on the vessel, then she sighed.
I swung my feet off the bed and swayed for a moment.
“What are you doing?”
“I am goin’ tae wash m’hands in the sink, I hae Max’s blood on me, tis foul.”
I took three faltering steps tae the sink and began washing, rubbing soap up and down my arms.
She said, “You want a clean t-shirt? I see a stack on the shelf by the door.”
“Aye.”
She rifled through the shirts and placed one on the bed for me, saying, “So if you’re not allowed to loop around to before when I married you, and you can’t loop onto yourself… what will you do? You can’t desert me and just do what you want, you know that right?”
“I ken it, Alexandria, I winna desert ye, ye are m’wife, ye can trust me.”
“Good.”
I heard a small thud behind me and looked over my shoulder, she had dropped her dress on the floor.
I said, “Och, ye are nude.”
She grinned, “Am not, I’m in pants. I’m going to put on one of these clean shirts too, we’ll match.” She pulled a shirt on over her head, and asked, “What if we both went back to North Carolina to the day after we left?”
Torin said, “Ye think twill work?”
“I mean… maybe? Do you remember the markings for the vessel to get to my house in North Carolina?”
“Aye, they are seared in my mind.” I finished scrubbing my arms from the elbows down and toweled off.
She said, “Let’s just do it then, let’s go after we left, we’ll come back here at the same time. Easy. We rewrite the whole story. It can’t hurt.”
“It canna possibly be ‘easy’ tae turn time around, and it might hurt verra much, but aye, we will try it.” I put the towel down and she picked up the shirt.
“Do you need help putting it on?”
I rolled my arm around. “The shoulder feels surprisingly good. And the shirt will go on with ease.” I stretched the fabric, pulled it over my head, and pushed my arms in.
“We could get the horses, ye ken? Every time I hae fought the battle I wanted Cathbarr tae be with me. If I think on it, not havin’ him with me is the problem with yer uncle’s whole plan. ”
“You really love your horse, and I’ve barely met him. But this is good, if you’re going to do everything the opposite you’ll need to include him.”
I nodded. “We’ll return here with the horses, meet Max, the uncles will be good and healthy and ready tae go. We will be successful this time, Princess, good as gold.”
“I don’t know if I believe you, but… I do like having you explain it to me, assuring me that it will work.” Another long sigh of her breath. “You really have to fight again?”
“Aye, I really hae tae. I feel in m’chest that we hae tae win this and that we can. I saw it in m’mind as sure as I was watchin’ his cloak flick in a breeze around his legs. I came verra close tae killin’ him, I will this time, and I will win ye the throne.”
“And the uncles won’t die, Max will survive.”
“Aye, if I hae my way, if tis God’s will.”
She nodded.
“Okay, let’s do this then.”
“Ye are verra agreeable, thank ye.”
Then I asked, “Ye ken what I was thinking of while the physician was tendin’ tae m’wound?”
“I have no idea.”
“Dost ye remember the other day, when was it… it feels like years ago now, ye said ye missed riding through Scotland?”
She smiled wide. “That was like yesterday.”
“It fills m’heart tae hear ye say it. I was worried I would never talk ye intae doing it again. Ye gave me hope.”
“It’s why I’ve been taking horse-riding lessons, so that next time I won’t complain about anything.”
“I canna wait, it sounds heavenly. What dost ye think will be the part ye will complain about the least, the midges or the decade auld stew?”
“I might have to complain about those.”
I said, continuing the teasing, “Or the chamberpots, or the straw mattresses, or the rain?”
She laughed, “Fine, I will complain all the time about everything, but I do really miss it.”
“I will get us back there, mo leannan, with our horses, and the fine room at the Muckhart inn. Ye remember, if we are ever separated, tis where I will be, waitin’ for ye.”
“I know, I have it memorized, here.” She patted her chest. “North of the Forth, between the Ochil Hills and the Devon Water”
“Good,” I shook m’head, “but how did ye learn it?”
“You showed me on the map, remember?”
“Nae, I daena...” I exhaled. “We ought tae check on Max and Charlie, ye ken, time is of the essence.”
“Why?”
“Because I daena really understand it, but if they die we winna be able tae bring them back and I believe Charlie is fightin’ for his life.”
“Oh, yes. Let’s go find them.”
I put my hand on the wall tae steady myself.
“Love, are you alright?”
“Aye, I am good, just hae the get m’head right.” I straightened up and brushed my hands down the front of my shirt. “Ready tae go around again.”