Chapter Sixteen
Espie
We must have drifted off again. The light through the duvet has shifted, warmer now, deeper into the day. My limbs are heavy in that thick way that means my body finally took what it needed.
Somewhere beneath the warm weight of Aubrey, my stomach twists hard.
Real hunger this time.
Lightheadedness blurs the edges of things, makes the colors in the duvet swim when I move my eyes.
The few spoons of soup must have reminded my body what food is. Now it wants more, urgently, and I feel the same shift in Aubrey. His breath has changed against my collarbone. His swallow is dry. We're starving. We’re both starving, but neither of us moves.
“We can stay. Under here. A little longer,” he says.
I want to. God, I want to. I want to burrow deeper into this cocoon we've made and pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist. Pretend there aren't four Alphas downstairs waiting for us to emerge. Pretend my body isn't a traitor that responds to their scents.
“You need to eat,” I say.
His brows quirk. “And so do you.”
“I’d rather have another orgasm,” I say.
His mouth curves and his whole face changes with it. “That’s an incentive after food. Come on. We have to face them sometime.” His voice is still rough, but I love how he’s talking now. Freely. At least, he is to me.
“What about…” I gesture to my pants, which are now dry but the scent of our release is unmistakable.
“They’ll already know about that too,” he says and I guess that’s true. He kisses my lips. “Believe me, they’re alphas. They know exactly what we’ve done. Food before orgasms, and then fresh clothes.”
I try to ignore my flaming cheeks as Aubrey draws the duvet off us and we sit. Dizziness hits. I guess he’s right. We do need to eat. His hand finds mine and squeezes, steadying me. I squeeze back, steadying him and we make our way to the bedroom door. I open it.
Lex is on his feet before the door is halfway open, his body unfolding from wherever he was sitting.
Guilt prickles through me. Dark circles bruise the skin under his eyes, deep enough to cast shadows.
His jaw is tight with exhaustion, his hair mussed like he's been running his fingers through it.
He hasn't slept. That's obvious. He's been awake all night, sitting outside our door, and he looks like he's been through a war.
“Hey.” His voice comes out rough. “You're... are you okay?”
His hand goes to his hair, pushing through it again, and he mutters “stupid question” under his breath.
“Of course you're not okay. I just.” He takes a breath, pulling himself together.
“Do you need anything? Water? Food? There's food downstairs.
We have... Ezra made things. Smoothies. Things that won't be too heavy on your stomachs.
If you're hungry. Or even if you're not, you should probably eat something, both of you should, your bodies need...”
He trails off, realizing he's rambling. His scent shifts, embarrassment threading through the Earl Grey, and he shoves his hands in his pockets.
I remember his hands in my hair. The bath.
The way he worked the shampoo through my curls, careful, patient.
The purr that rolled out of his chest and vibrated through my bones, making my shoulders drop.
He expected nothing from me. Asked for nothing.
Touched me like I was precious and then let me go.
My nerves are still shot, but Aubrey is right. We can't hide under that duvet forever. And these alphas… we know they aren’t like the others. Lex took over from Ezra, and whoever else had been there, and stayed. They’re looking after us the best they know how.
“Um. Breakfast would be good,” I say.
“Espie needs to eat,” Aubrey says.
Lex's eyes flare at Aubrey’s words.
“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “Yeah, okay. Kitchen's downstairs. I can... I'll show you. Or. I'll just.” He gestures vaguely toward the hallway and the stairs beyond. “I'll be right behind you. If you need anything. I won't. I'm not going to...”
He gives up trying to finish the sentence and steps aside, leaving the doorway clear.
We step out together. Aubrey's hand clamps on mine, our fingers laced. The hallway opens up around us, doors leading to rooms I hadn’t noticed on our way up here. More alpha scent here, layers of it soaking into the walls, into the carpet, into every breath. The house is bigger than I realized.
The stairs stretch down ahead of us. Two floors between us and the kitchen. Two floors of descent with legs that don't want to hold us up.
“You can do it,” Aubrey whispers to me.
“Take your time.” Lex's voice comes from behind us. Close enough to catch us if we fall, far enough not to crowd. “No rush. I've got you if you need me. And when we get down, I’m making enquiries into installing a lift.”
I peer up at him, looking for the joke, but he’s serious.
He really will do that for us. I have to concentrate on walking though.
The muscles in my legs tremble with each step, weakness I've been ignoring made brutally obvious by stairs.
Aubrey's breathing goes shallow beside me, his grip on the bannister white-knuckled.
We lean on each other, on the railings, on sheer stubbornness.
The house reveals itself as we descend. Hallways branching off. Doors, closed and open. Windows letting in afternoon light. Back staircase on the left. Front door visible from the landing. Two ways out if we needed them.
The scents intensify as we go lower. Second floor, stronger.
First floor, they hit me like a wall, all four of them layered together, filling every breath.
By the time we reach the bottom, we're both shaking.
Aubrey's grip on my hand has gone from tight to desperate, his knuckles bone-white, and I'm holding him just as hard.
We made it. Two flights of stairs and we're both still standing. Barely.
The kitchen opens up ahead of us. Large, bright, afternoon sun streaming through windows. Back door on the right. Front of the house somewhere to the left. Then I see them.
“Look who made it down,” Lex says.
They all look rough. Kev stands by the counter, arms crossed, shadows carved under his eyes. Ezra is near the stove. Sera sits at the table, her spine too straight and we’re pinned by three sets of eyes.
The guilt hits before I can stop it. If they chose to stay awake all night, that's their problem. Except they look so tired. And they did it for us.
Sera stands the second she sees us. Her whole body angles forward, half a step, the wanting coming off her in a wave I taste. Then she stops herself. Backs away.
“Sweetheart.” Her gaze lands on me. Then softer: “Angel.”
Aubrey goes still beside me.
“Come. Sit.” She pulls out chairs at the table. “Ezra has been cooking the house down and if you don't eat some of his food, I’ll have to and then I’ll put on too much weight and I only have one spare pair of jeans.”
The draw toward her sharpens the moment she speaks. My body leans towards her. Through my hand still linked with Aubrey's, his awareness echoes mine. We sit. Our fingers stay laced on the table. Kev's gaze drops to our joined hands.
Ezra approaches with food. A protein smoothie, rich purple-red, that actually smells good. Toast cut into triangles. Fruit, sliced small.
“Nothing heavy,” he says, his voice warm despite the exhaustion lining his face. “Your systems need time to adjust. The smoothie has protein in it, should be easy on your stomachs. It's berry. If you don't like berry, I can make something else. We have options.”
The smoothie is actually delicious. That surprises me. Berries and vanilla, sweet without being cloying. He wanted it to taste good, not just be good for us. I’m happy when Aubrey takes a sip too.
“Thank you, Ezra,” Aubrey says softly and the alphas go still.
Kev nearly reaches for us. I catch the movement in my peripheral vision, his hand lifting toward where Aubrey and I sit pressed together. Then he stops. Forces his hand back down.
“What are your favorites?” Ezra asks. He's leaning against the counter now, trying to look casual and failing. “I want to make sure we have things you'll actually want. Any requests?”
The question hangs in the air. I don't know how to answer it.
What do I like to eat? What do I want? I haven't been asked that in years. At Haven, you ate what they gave you or you didn't eat at all. Nobody cared what you wanted at the Facility. I was grateful whenever the guards remembered to feed me. Too sick most days to even eat when they did.
“I...” My voice comes out wrong. Too small. I try again, remembering what I used to like before my designation came in and the world turned dark. “Tacos. I think. I like…tacos.”
Sera’s full lips lift. “Tacos. We can do tacos.”
My stomach flips. Through my hand in Aubrey's, his response echoes mine.
Ezra turns to Aubrey. “What about you, Aubrey?” His voice is gentle. “What's your favorite meal?”
“I like…” His gaze darts from alpha, to alpha, to alpha. His shoulders relax when they don’t move. “…anything barbecued.”
“We have a barbecue.” Kev's voice is careful. Steady.
“I can get some steak to cook. Or maybe you’d prefer burgers. I can barbecue anything,” Ezra adds.
They're trying so hard not to make a big deal out of it. Trying so hard not to spook us.
Kev clears his throat. “Our yard is private. The fences are high enough that no one can see in.” He meets my eyes when he says it, and I wonder if he knows that's exactly what I need to hear. “It's sunny and warm. Would you... would you like to go outside?”
Outside. The yearning hits me hard. Fresh air. Sunlight. Open sky. It’s been years since I felt the sun on my skin. Sera was taking me to the OHC garden, when I saw Aubrey and my world crashed around my shoulders in another way.
“Yes… please.”
The Alphas move fast. Kev grabs blankets. Ezra transfers the smoothies to cups with lids. Lex holds the back door open. Sera watches us, waiting, letting us set the pace.
We walk toward the door together. I step onto patio pavers and the sun hits my face and I stop breathing. Warmth, real warmth, soaking into my skin. I tip my head back. Close my eyes. Let the light pour over me.
The garden is everything Kev promised. High brick walls on all sides, climbing plants softening the stone.
The warmth feels good. So good. Heat sinking into muscles, loosening things I didn't know were tight.
Aubrey sighs. The sun touches his skin and the tension around his mouth eases.
The furrow between his brows smooths out.
I don't know if this is just a different kind of cage.
I don't know if these alphas will stay patient forever, or if the gentleness will eventually curdle into something ugly.
But Aubrey stands beside me. I'm not alone anymore. I have hope. An omega and alphas on my side. And now the world can hurt me more than it ever has before.