Chapter 7
CHAPTER 7
L evon
I was nestled on the couch with a cup of coffee in my parent's living room. Everything looked the same much like the rest of the town. The fireplace was still the same cream white it had been since my youth. The mantle was decorated with all the finest items Mom could find that resembled dolphins. Our pictures were framed and neatly set between statues of sea creatures. There were seashells everywhere—they were mother's favorite.
I smiled as I absorbed my surroundings. Although the decorations and style hadn't changed, it still brought me joy. I sipped my coffee and studied the curtains, the large French windows, the smudge-free panes, and the modern furniture.
A knock came from the living room door.
I perked up to find Jen. “Hey, sis.”
“Hey, bro.”
“Care to join me?”
She nodded and wandered into the room, taking one of the lounge chairs near the fireplace. She sank into it and tucked her knees up to her chest.
I frowned. “Is something wrong?”
“Well, this might not be the best time.”
“Best time for what?”
“It might not ever be the best time, so I'll just come out with it.”
I arched my eyebrow in her direction while setting my coffee mug on a coaster. “Alright, spit it out.”
She took a deep breath and blew it out forcibly as if expelling negative energy from her body. She rubbed her eyebrows, dragging her fingers horizontally toward her temples. After another few seconds of silence, she shrugged.
“Well, you're going to have to walk down the aisle with Clara.”
I blinked slowly. “What?”
“It was the only way to switch the bridesmaids without everything going all to hell.”
“Jen, you can't be serious.”
She gave me a sharp look. “I am more than serious, Levon. I'm going to need you to be a team player here.”
“That's a terrible idea. There has to be another way.”
“There isn't another way.”
I shook my head forcefully. “No, there has to be an alternative that doesn't match Clara with me. Can't you just give me someone else? Switch Clara with another girl and give me that girl.”
“It's not that easy, Levon.”
“It is that easy! You're the one in charge of everything. You already knew my feelings about the situation. Why are you making this so difficult?”
She sighed. “This is my wedding, Levon— mine . So, I get to call the shots at the end of the day. I'm not going to be a tyrant about it, but I would like some respect for the decisions I make.”
“I just don't think it's fair.”
“Well, life ain't fair, buddy.”
I rolled my eyes. “That's such a cop-out.”
“And how is that a cop-out?”
“Because you told me you would consider my feelings. So, if you're considering how Clara would feel matched with Gabe, don't you think you should consider how she would feel matched with me? It's like you're only thinking of yourself.”
“Funny—I could say the exact same about you right now.”
“Yeah, well, this isn't just about making things easy. It's about making them comfortable.”
“As I said, Levon, this is my wedding.”
I shook my head. “Well, you're getting to be a real bride-zilla about it.”
“I don't understand why you're objecting so much to it. I thought you wanted to help? Come on, I really need my big brother right now.”
“How would you feel if you were paired with your ex at a wedding?”
“I would suck it up because that's how much I love my family.”
I groaned. “Jen, you're not hearing me.”
“Oh, I'm hearing you, loudly. I can hear that you're all warped from a past relationship that you clearly haven't gotten over.”
“You don't have proof of that.”
She gestured around the room. “It's right here, right now!”
“Stop shouting at me, God.”
“I'm not shouting. I'm being firm .”
“You're being shrill.”
She scoffed and rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest. She went silent for a moment, squeezing her eyes shut as her face turned a bright shade of crimson.
She looked like she was about to cry.
“Levon, please,” she whispered shakily. “This is just for one day. It's not for eternity. You don't ever have to speak to Clara again. You can go on about your business wherever it takes you and you'll be totally fine.”
“You know why I object. This has everything to do with my past relationship with Clara. And I would be pained if it were to influence your big day in any way, shape, or form.”
“You're letting it influence my day right now.”
“I just don't get why you can't accommodate for this.”
She shook her head. “Clara can't walk with Gabe—period.”
She stood up with her arms still firmly crossed.
I stood up to match her energy. “So, you're set on this decision, then?”
“I am.”
“Fine. I hope you're happy with your day when drama breaks out.”
“You better not start any drama, Levon. You're more mature than that. You're a grown man. I know you can suck it up and get over it.”
I shook my head. “Whatever, Jen.”
I left the living room, storming up the stairs to my old bedroom. Nothing had changed about my room either—and apparently, nothing had changed about me. I was still just as susceptible to flights of anger as I was in my teenage years.
I should give myself more credit , I considered quietly as I sat on my bed. After all, I have grown a lot since I graduated. I've grown a lot since I left Clara.
I frowned at the posters on my walls. They were all old horror movies from the 70s and 80s. They reminded me of my life back then, the one that had felt so simple that I yearned for that simplicity all over again. I tossed myself back on my bed, listening to the hinges of the bed frame squeak under my weight.
I stared at the poster on my ceiling: it was a vintage movie about zombies from the early 80's when their graphics were sub-par. I enjoyed the hokey design of it all, how the zombies looked utterly fake and how the blood was brighter than it needed to be. I stared at it, imbibing every single detail.
There were so many nights I had spent under this poster, wondering about my life and where it would take me. I spent a great deal of those nights holding Clara. She had always fit so perfectly in the crook of my arm and she would always rest her hand over my chest.
I closed my eyes. I could almost feel her. When I opened my eyes, the poster was unchanged. The room was deathly quiet. I couldn't feel much of anything except the fear and frustration I had over my sister's wedding.
I still can't believe she won't pair me with someone else. I still think it's selfish. Why can't she just consider how it would make her feel, too? That counts, right?
I huffed, digging the back of my head further into my mattress. There was no way for me to dig deep enough. If I could hide inside of my bed, I would. I might miss the wedding, but at least I wouldn't have to face the heat of Jen's decision.
How can I be the only option? I grumbled something incoherent, grabbing a pillow to hide my face away from the rest of the world. Why can't I change any of this?
I growled into the pillow, resisting the urge to scream. If I yelled, my mother would just come rushing into my room, asking what she could do to help. It wasn't the worst idea ever. Mom could at least talk some sense into my sister. But I knew Jen well and I knew she wouldn't budge on this. She had the stubbornness of a donkey.
Much like me, she was committed to her decisions. It was what I loved about my sister. We got more done together because we were able to achieve our goals. If anyone was good at making things happen, it was Jen. But what she was making happen now was an absolute nightmare.
And I couldn't wake up from it.
I tossed the pillow aside. I favored laying on my right side and then rolled to my left, unable to get cozy in my own space. After a while of tossing around, I stood up and went to the stereo where I found my favorite classical music station. The sound of the cello always helped me think. And if that didn't work, I could always go for a walk.
I went to my laptop and popped it open. I had a few work emails. I answered each one with my full focus, giving every task the proper attention. It didn't take long for me to breeze through the assignments which only made matters worse. Now, I had nothing to occupy my brain. I could help more with the wedding things, but I didn't want to get into it again with Jen.
I owe her an apology. I frowned at my reflection in the wall-length mirror near my desk. About what? Vocalizing my needs? I shook my head. No, about being selfish. This is her wedding. She deserves to get whatever she wants out of it.
I sighed heavily, tearing my gaze away from the mirror. It was only Monday. There would be another couple of weeks until the wedding arrived. I was open to practicing a few grounding techniques I had picked up in Europe whenever I went to that yoga workshop. Grounding and breathing were some of the only things that would get me through this event.
Aside from a few glasses of whiskey.
But I found alcohol dulled my ability to cope. Although it helped numb sensations, it didn't get rid of the overall feeling that something was horribly wrong. It was best to meditate. At least that would clear my mind for the evening.
I took a few calming breaths and sat on the ground with my legs crossed beneath me. I perched my hands on my knees and relaxed my arms. I sat up straight with enough room for my back to be relaxed along with the rest of my body. I listened to the cello playing through the speakers, focusing on its emotive tones.
With every new breath came a calming, centering energy. I did my best to harness it, to hone in on its healing properties. I cycled through a few more breaths until finally opening my eyes, noticing that the music had changed entirely. It was a waltz playing. I stared at the window, noticing the sun lower in the sky.
Well, at least Monday was nearly over.