Chapter 24
CHAPTER 24
C lara
The line trilled endlessly.
I sat on the edge of my bed with my phone hooked to my ear, staring at the clock. I was sure Levon was awake. He typically napped after noon and then woke up to work the rest of the day. I mean, that was his old schedule, but I was sure he kept to it.
Still, it was proving useless at the moment. I had spent most of my evening and my morning attempting to get a hold of him. My chat with Gabe had proved to be healing and wonderful. I wanted to make the same thing happen by letting Levon know I wanted him to stay. And that I wanted him to stay with me.
It's a long shot , I thought as I hung up to dial again. But maybe he'll stick around this time. If Saturday night was any indication, we want each other—badly.
I sighed with frustration. I was getting sick of the line ringing in my ear. I set down my phone and stood up from my bed, planting my hands on my hips while I glanced around.
“Jennifer and Ryan won't know where he is,” I stated as I walked to the closet. “But I bet his parents would have an idea. He probably got held up on some work.”
I changed my clothes, favoring a purple sundress that still fit me from college. It was Levon's favorite dress. I had held onto it all these years with him in mind, never bothering to wear it for anyone else—not even Gabe. But today felt different. I had a hopeful sensation in my gut that drove me to pull it on and to check myself out in the wall mirror.
I spun around with a giggle.
He'll love it , I thought as I tossed my phone into my purse. He'll appreciate the sentiment behind the dress when I tell him I want him back in my life full-time.
I wandered out to my car and shakily started it up. I hadn't been to his parent's house in too many years. I knew exactly where it was, but I was still nervous. My last trip there had been during a holiday when he had come home for a brief two weeks. I recalled the way his parents celebrated his success. I had felt so rotten that day that I hadn't felt much like celebrating anything.
I gripped the steering wheel to quell the shaking. I drove at the speed limit, excessively checked my mirrors, and even took a few calming breaths to help get me settled.
No need to be nervous. We both want this , I assured as I pulled into the driveway. I'm sure his parents will be stoked, too. We always got along. They'll want to throw a party immediately. That's their thing.
I turned off the car while grinning and dumped my keys into my purse. While I approached the porch, I glanced up to find Levon's window. It was oddly assuring to see it was the same as always with navy blue curtains barely covering the windowpane.
I stepped up on the porch with a smile, clutching my purse to my side. I shrugged my shoulders to get rid of excess nervous energy and rang the doorbell before I could change my mind. The lock clicked. The door swung slowly open.
“Clara!”
It was his mother standing in the doorway. She was wearing her vintage kitchen apron that was spattered with flour and her hands were white as snow.
She opened her arms. “It's so good to see you!”
I hugged her despite her messy apron, feeling overwhelmed with memories. “It's been way too long!”
“What brings you to our door? Not that we mind! We are so excited to see you. Steven! Come see who is here!”
Levon's father briskly walked up to the door and immediately embraced me. He smelled like the same old cologne he had worn since Levon and I were teenagers.
I smiled warmly. “Hello, Mr. Milford. It's good to see you both looking so healthy!”
“Ah, you've always been so kind, Clara,” he remarked as he pulled away. “What brings you to our door? Would you like to stay for dinner?”
“I was actually looking for Levon. I've been trying to get a hold of him. Is he here?”
They exchanged glances before focusing on me. Mrs. Milford offered me a mournful smile as she replied, “Oh, he left for Canada last night. Did he not tell you?”
I blinked. “Oh.”
“It was quite a last-minute trip from what he told me,” Mr. Milford explained. “But I'm sure he told you, right?”
My face went numb as I tried to keep my smile. “He must have forgotten to mention it.”
“And he hasn't been answering his phone? I swear, that boy is always busy with something,” she joked. “I can let you know if he calls.”
“Oh, that would be great. Yes, thank you.” I held up a hand to wave as I stepped away. “It was lovely seeing you again. Take care!”
I raced to my car as fast as my heels would carry me. As soon as I was locked inside, I started up the engine and peeled away carefully from the driveway, not caring which way I took to get back to my sister's house. I left so fast that I didn't have time to process what had happened.
He left without saying anything. Last night. Last minute. What was I expecting from Levon Milford? Last minute is his whole thing.
I parked in the driveway of my sister's house and turned off the car, sitting in silence. My hands shook despite how hard I was holding the wheel. My vision went blurry as tears filled my vision, a sob taking over my throat. I leaned forward and burst with emotion.
Tears flooded my cheeks and wet the steering wheel, soaking my hands as I raised them to cover my face. I shook with sobs, my entire form shuddering with the realization that Levon had never changed—and he never would. It didn't matter if I told him my feelings or begged him to stick around to make things work. There was no way he would ever change.
And it hurt to remember that.
I cried until there was nothing left. I cried hard until my throat was dry and my eyes were burning for relief. Once I had finished, I stepped from the car and sniffled as I walked up to the house, clumsily procuring my keys from my purse. I unlocked the door, stumbled inside, and collapsed on the couch for round two of crying.
I sobbed into the pillows.
“I was . . . going . . . to choose you,” I held back a loud sob, squeezing my eyes shut to control the amount of tears falling. “But you left. Just like you did after college.”
I shook my head as I rolled over to rest my head on the pillow. I stared at the ceiling with the same hopeless resolve as I had many times in the past. It was a repeat of everything that happened after college. I recalled the lonely nights of cold sheets. I remembered how I cried every time he left me alone.
And it was awful.
“If I had reached him sooner, if I had spoken to him Sunday night instead . . .”
I covered my face as another floodgate broke open. Tears streamed from eyes, more than I had ever cried in my life. I was overwhelmed by the sorrow and disappointment I felt. Betrayal swam in my gut like a poisonous fish getting ready to kill my system. I held my stomach as an additional wave of sobs echoed in my chest.
My eyes were burning. I rose up and ran to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face, sighing shakily as the cool liquid soothed me. When I raised my gaze to the mirror, I immediately turned away. I looked awful. My cheeks were puffy and my eyes were red-rimmed. Every bit of my neck looked blotchy as if I had eaten something I was allergic to. I grabbed a towel and ran it under the faucet, opting to sit it over my features.
The gesture helped. I rested on my bed and propped up my feet, kicking my heels off immediately. Once I was comfortable, I relaxed into the mattress, hoping it would provide more relief. I wasn't sure when Laura would be home. I needed her comforting words and wonderful jokes to keep me going. Levon sure wasn't going to do that.
And I don't think he ever planned to do that. Work took priority—as always.
I scrunched up my face. I was sick of crying and I didn't want to let it out anymore. I rested the cool cloth on my forehead and took a few breaths, settling back into my body. The shaking subside. My eyes were still burning, but at least they were drying out. My cheeks were sore from my face contorting and my stomach hurt from sobbing.
I rolled to my side. I stared at the empty space in my bed with a grim expression, wondering if Levon would have ever changed. I rested my hand over the cold sheets. I rubbed them gently, running my nails over the white fabric. I recalled how Levon had felt against me. He snored as he typically did, but it was a comforting sound. It meant he was home.
And now he was gone.
I grimaced.
There's no use crying over spilt milk is what my mother would say , I reminded myself. And Levon is milk way past its date. He's not even worth getting worked up over.
I sighed and let my hand relax against the bedsheets. It was almost the same position from when I had left Gabe at the restaurant. For a moment, I considered calling him, but I didn't want to steal him away from his planning. He was about to move. I didn't need to take up anymore of his time. Besides, a friendship meant having boundaries.
And being sure to enact those boundaries is important. I don't need to tell him everything or run to him when things go wrong. That's what Jen is for. But Jen is on vacation.
I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling. I clicked my tongue a few times while working out a few more thoughts in my brain. There was simply too much happening. I shook away everything, opting to sit up and make a cup of coffee. Caffeine had a way of clearing my brain.
As I set up the coffee maker, I noticed the sticky note sitting on the counter from Sunday morning. I plucked it from the marble and gently held it between my fingers, squinting at my handwriting.
I should have told him to wait , I thought grimly. Maybe he thought I didn't want him. God, why was I being so stupid?
I threw the note in the trash and went to grab the coffee grounds from the freezer. It was my favorite Colombian coffee that always perked me up. I scooped an ounce into the machine and poured water into the back, flipping the switch as soon as it was ready. The sound of the machine bubbling put me at ease for a few seconds.
I leaned against the counter.
Once I realized I was in the same corner as Saturday night, I recoiled from it as if the whole counter was on fire.
Crap. I shouldn't have done any of that. I had done well to get rid of his energy in my life. Now, I have to deal with this reminder forever . I frowned. Or not. I can search for apartments today.
When the coffee was brewed, I grabbed the carafe and poured a generous serving into a large mug. I added almond milk and one scoop of sugar before heading back into my room. I sat at the desk in front of my laptop and popped it open, determined to fix up the mess that my life had become.
And I would do it whether Levon was around or not.