Chapter 27
CHAPTER 27
L evon
“Which one of us should start?”
I rested my hands on the table between us. I was shaking a bit, most likely because my nerves were shot from that weird argument we had in the middle of the airport. We were due for a disagreement.
It just happened to be more public than usual.
“Well, you were telling me that you thought I went back to Gabe,” she replied. “So, why don't you start from there?”
I nodded. “I ran into Gabe last week. I hadn't heard from you in a couple of days and I was caught sort of off guard. He mentioned he was happy because he had seen you the previous night. I just assumed when he said that you two talked, it meant you had gone back to him.”
“I guess I could see how that might look. He didn't mention we were staying friends?”
“No, he just said that everything was fine. I got . . . Well, I got mad.”
She sighed. “Yeah, I bet.”
“That coupled with the fact that you hadn't called sent me into a bit of a spin. I left Gabe in the deli and went to the park to cool off. That's where I decided I was going to leave again.”
“As you typically do when things get bad: you run away.”
Her words blasted my heart apart. I sat with my hands hooked together, unable to pry them apart even when our names were called to collect our orders. She went to retrieve them and slid mine across the table. As I accepted it, our fingers brushed together and I was immediately jolted.
I even shook my head to shake away the charge. “Yeah, I tend to do that. I'm trying to resist that this time.”
“I mean, sitting with me and talking is certainly a start.”
“A fresh start—that's what I want. When you left Sunday morning, I was shattered. I thought things were going well between us. I thought we were reconnecting. You leaving tore me to pieces.”
“That's how I felt when you left for trip after trip.”
I nodded knowingly. “I realized that almost instantly. I felt awful for how I made you feel. And I'm truly sorry, Clara. I don't want to fight with you.”
“It just feels like it's a little too late. It feels like these apologies are just way past due.”
“I'm willing to pay them. I'm willing to show you my regret.”
She sighed, lifted her coffee, and took a long sip. After a moment, she set it back down and placed her hands on either side of her cup.
She met my gaze but didn't say anything.
She's still mad , I thought. I can tell by how she's looking at me. And I'm still angry at her, too. Just because I made mistakes in the past doesn't mean she can also leave me in the dust. Two wrongs don't make a right.
“I always wanted you to go with me, you know,” I added. “But you never wanted to leave the Midwest. What was I supposed to do?”
“You could have changed. You could have chosen me over your job.”
“But my career was taking off. I didn't want to leave that behind when it was just sprouting. It would have meant missing out on great opportunities.”
She shrugged. “There was an opportunity with me, right?”
“I mean, yes. You're right about that.”
“And you know I get nervous traveling. I don't know why you would even bring that up.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. It was a clear signal to me that she was getting defensive. I wanted to reach across the table and take her hands, but I knew she would push me away. Just like when I would run, she would push.
I sighed. “I really don't want to hurt you, Clara. I don't want to argue.”
“I don't want to argue either.”
“I'm sorry about my behavior in the airport. I was being rude.”
She nodded. “I'm sorry, too. I hadn't meant for that to happen. I'm just . . . I'm still mad.”
“I understand. I guess we sort of both hurt each other.”
“I guess that happens.”
I sipped my coffee again. It was the one thing keeping me grounded. As much as I wanted to sprint away from this conversation, I resisted. I didn't want to run anymore. I didn't want to hide. I wanted to face this issue and get it sorted before things fell apart all over again.
I wanted to ask her about switching positions at my job, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I just couldn't pose the question to her. She didn't seem particularly receptive.
“I'm glad we were able to talk,” I whispered. “I feel like there's potential here.”
“I don't know, Levon. Is anything going to change?”
I hesitated.
Things could change. But working domestically instead of internationally meant I would still travel. If she reacted to me the way she reacted to Gabe, there was a chance that she would make the same decision and reject me.
I merged with the chair, sinking as low as I possibly could. “There could be a huge change soon. I was hoping to discuss that with you.”
“Would you still travel?”
My hesitation caused her to sink away from me. I felt it happen. I felt her energy shift and she sniffled while her jaw tightened.
I glanced at my watch. “I have to catch lunch with my parents. Can we shelf this for now?”
“Yeah, that's fine.”
“I'm sorry again, Clara. I mean that.”
She stood up from her chair and held out her arms. As I embraced her, I felt her shiver. It was the same shuddering that she used to do before I left for Paris—or for London, Copenhagen, Berlin, Madrid, Rome. I rubbed her back and nestled into her hair, inhaling the scent of her lavender shampoo.
My senses were overwhelmed. Every molecule in my body screamed for me to stay with her. I didn't want to go meet my parents, but I didn't want to blow them off. I felt like I had done too much of that in recent years. I needed to make things right.
And I would. I swore I would make everything right again.
“I'll call you, okay?” I promised. “I will not leave you hanging.”
“Please, don't,” she practically begged. “I can't handle it again.”
I nodded. “I'll talk to you soon.”
I planted a kiss on her cheek prior to releasing her. As I went for the door, I realized my things were still in her car.
I chuckled as I flipped around. “Hey, could I get my suitcase and bag from your car?”
She laughed. “And here I thought I could hold it hostage until you got back.”
“I could leave something with you.”
She grabbed her purse and we headed outside. Once I had my things from her car, I dug around in my backpack. I pulled out a rustic coin.
“I picked this up in Greece,” I explained while handing it to her. “One of the bed and breakfast places I stayed at gave it to me. It was in the woman's family for a while. She had a bunch of them.”
“And you'll come back for this?”
“It's my lucky coin. Maybe it'll bring you luck.”
She huffed. “I've been needing that.”
I kissed her forehead. “I'll see you soon, Clara.”
* * *
I rolled up to my parent's house in a cab. I paid the driver and headed for the door, stepping up on the porch just as the front door opened.
My mother opened her arms. “That was quicker than usual.”
I hugged her. “Well, I didn't want to stay away for long.”
“It sounds like you've been thinking about things. You usually don't come back for a few years at a time.”
I chuckled lightly. “Things are different now.”
“Is it Clara?”
I lugged my bags into the house and set them in the foyer, fixing my shirt. “Is lunch ready?”
“It's on the table. Your father has already started.”
“He can't wait for anyone, can he?”
She giggled. “It sounds like you picked that up from him.”
“Ouch, Mom. That stung.”
She patted my back as we walked into the dining room. Dad nodded to me as he chewed. I sat across from him in the same place I always chose and grabbed a plate.
“Tuna sandwiches and apples,” I commented while grabbing a few slices. “You went quick and easy today, eh?”
“Well, it wasn't like we were having a prince come over,” Mom joked. “Besides, they were always your favorite. I made the tuna with onions.”
I hummed hungrily. “You do know how to treat me like royalty.”
“Dig in. I'm sure you're hungry.”
I took a few bites of my sandwich and sighed as my stomach settled down. While the coffee had held me over, I knew I needed to eat. The food on the plane wasn't particularly appealing and I had skipped breakfast in favor of my mother's cooking. And while it wasn't the fine dining of my traveling days, it was well worth waiting for.
“It's good to see you, son,” Dad said. “What brings you back so fast?”
“Clara,” Mom replied for me. “I think our son has had a change of heart.”
“Mom,” I groaned. “I came back to see you guys and Clara.”
“The fact still stands,” she pointed out. “It's so important to choose the things you love in life. Do you love your job or do you love Clara?”
“How did I know this would happen?”
My father guffawed. “Your mother sure loves those romance novels. I think she's been on a kick.”
“The only reason I say that is because Clara stopped by. She looked pretty disappointed that you weren't here.”
“When did she stop by?” I asked.
“It must have been last week,” Dad replied.
“She looked heartbroken when I said you weren't here,” Mom continued. “And she said you didn't mention the trip to her.”
“God, no wonder she was angry.”
Mom nodded. “She went looking for you.”
“Mom, I think you have a point. I have been reflecting about my job. I love Clara, but I like my job. I don't want to lose the credit I've gained in this company. And I have some options now.”
“What options?”
I took another bite of my sandwich. As happy as I was to see my parents, I wasn't stoked about discussing Clara. But I should have known better. They loved Clara as much as I did.
“I could potentially grab a position in the company that would have me working domestically. But the thing is Clara hates traveling. She gets nervous with airplanes. She won't even go near them.”
“Why would you bring Clara?”
I shrugged. “I want to include her. I think she would like it if she could get over her fear of flying.”
“What about a service dog?” Dad inquired.
I perked up. “A service dog?”
“Yeah, I have a friend who has a horrible anxiety disorder. He has a lab who was trained to help him maneuver through his life so he can enjoy it. You could get her one of those.”
“Hmm, I've never thought of that. I think Gabe mentioned that once.”
Dad nodded. “That way she'll feel more comfortable traveling.”
“I bet she would just be happy to have a dog.”
“So, when are you planning to talk to her?”
My eyes widened briefly. “Actually, I just came from talking to her.”
“Did you tell her you love her?” Mom asked. “I mean, now or never, right?”
“No, Mom, I didn't tell her that.”
“Why not?”
I shrugged. “She seemed pretty angry. I didn't want to make her angrier.”
“I think that would make her feel better.”
“I wanted to see how she felt about me working domestically first. I don't want to drop a dog in her lap and then expect her to come along. That's what Gabe tried to do.”
“He tried to get her a dog?”
I laughed. “No, Mom. He just tried to get her to move to New York with him.”
“Oh, yikes,” Dad commented. “Big city slickers are something else.”
“I think he'll thrive there. But Clara would hate it. It's loud and noisy and busy. She likes the easy Midwest living. And I kind of prefer it myself.”
“So, why not stay here?”
“A domestic position is the best I can do to compromise.”
She nodded. “Well, I wish you the best with that, son. We both love Clara, so you don't need our approval.”
“Thanks, Mom. I do hope it goes well.”
I went back to eating. It helped keep me quiet for the duration of lunch. I was happy to be around my family—and even happier to be in town—but I knew talking to Clara would be a challenge.
I needed to rest up for that challenge.