26. Megyn
CHAPTER 26
MEGYN
A s soon as a commercial came on, I got up and went into the bathroom and threw up, getting rid of the breakfast I’d only just eaten. I clung to the toilet seat, shivering and gagging, tears sliding down my face and hitting the back of my hands. The tears felt as hot as acid, as hot as the bile swirling around in my stomach.
I sat back from the toilet and flushed away the mess. I wrapped my arms around my shaking legs and huddled up against the wall. My breathing was too fast, my pounding heart fit to burst out of my chest. The colors of the bathroom, all pristine and shining from the work I had put I, were so vivid I could smell and taste them. All my senses seemed to be blurring, leeching into each other.
I’m having a panic attack, I thought, with a strange sort of clarity.
For once, I didn’t blame myself for what was happening, not at that very moment, at least. Anyone else in my position would be having a meltdown exactly like this.
After what I had just seen on the TV, I felt like I deserved this freak out.
The media had just ran a segment all about me and Carter, showing and discussing things I had thought only the two of us could know. The news hosts had discussed, in no uncertain terms, my financial situation and familial issues, making the whole thing seem like a modern fairytale. If I looked up the show ratings, they would probably be skyrocketing.
But this wasn’t a fairytale.
I was a regular girl who had just had her privacy violated in the exact way I had been terrified would happen.
My ears were ringing.
No. Not my ears. It was my phone, jangling from the living room.
It’s going to be some reporter, some media personality who wants to hear my side of the story, and then turn it into a lie to get more views.
I should ignore it.
I fumbled for the wall and dragged myself up to my feet. Hugging the wall the whole way to keep from falling, I worked my way out of the bathroom and into the living room. By the time I got there, my phone had fallen silent.
I fell onto the couch anyway and picked it up to see who had been calling. I didn’t know whether to be surprised or not that the number was June’s. She hadn’t left a voicemail.
I cleared out the missed call notification and made to turn my phone off. The screen changed right in front of my eyes before I could even touch the power button, flashing with June’s name. Without thinking, purely as a reflex, I answered the call and put the phone to my ear; as soon as I did, I regretted it, because this absolutely wasn’t going to be a call to offer me an extra shift.
“Hello,” I said. “Am I fired?”
June didn’t say anything at first, and all I heard was her breathing. At last, she said, “No. You’re one of my best workers, Megyn. But I think we can both agree that Effervesce doesn’t really need this sort of attention.”
“I had nothing to do with this.” My voice trembled. “Please believe me.”
“Oh, hon.” June gave a soft, sad laugh. “I know that you would never willingly be part of this. That isn’t the reason I’m calling. I don’t want you coming in today.”
“But…” Tears streamed down my face again.
“Hold on, I’m not finished, Megyn. I don’t think it’s safe for you to leave your house is what I’m saying. You’ve probably got people watching you. You could get mobbed or in an accident. It’s for your own safety.”
“But…”
“Still not done. If you absolutely have to come in, I’m going to have you in the back doing inventory. But if you stay home, as I think you should, I’ll still give you your full pay for the day. I know this isn’t your fault.”
“I couldn’t accept that,” I whispered.
“Please do, Megyn. I’m asking you to stay home at least for today. I would hate for anything bad to happen.”
I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. “June?”
“Yes?”
“I-I think I’ll stay home, today. But could you make it half-pay? Like I’m taking a sick day?”
“If that’s what you’re comfortable with.” June gave a little sigh. “We’ll see you soon. Maybe stay in today and order pizza or something. Treat yourself.”
“I’ll do that,” I said, having no intention of doing that. I hung up and then, finally, turned my phone off. I rubbed my hands over my face and pulled in a shuddering breath.
I had to face facts.
Carter had done this.
I didn’t think that it was on purpose. He certainly wouldn’t have arranged for this to happen, because he wasn’t that kind of person, but he had done it nonetheless. It was because of him that my private information was out there now for any random person to know. Because of my involvement with him, the entire city now knew Megyn Boulter lived in a poor neighborhood and had a less-than-desirable family situation. The entire city now knew Megyn Boulter was with a rich man.
They would form their own opinions and I couldn’t do a thing about it.
I couldn’t know who was looking at me, recognizing me, thinking of me as a pretty free-loader. No one really believed in fairytales in this day and age, so the people I came across wouldn’t think about what Carter and I shared. They would think about what I didn’t have—and what he did.
I can’t do this.
I couldn’t live my life with this uncertainty, this extra huge burden.
This wouldn’t be the end of it, either. As long as I was with Carter, I had to be prepared for the fact that this would keep happening, probably for a long time.
My hands shaking, I picked up my phone again and turned it on. I went to the messages between Carter and myself. And I typed, letting the words come, telling myself it was for the best.
“I’ve loved the time we’ve spent together, but as soon as my house sells, I think I’m going to head out of the area. I’m so sorry. This whole ordeal just isn’t what I expected. I don’t want to be the real-life Cinderella. I don’t want you to be the billionaire who has to rescue me. I think it might be over.”
I sent the text as soon as I finished, not giving myself a chance to reconsider and back out. What I felt for him was so strong and so pure, but maybe this was just another dream of mine that wasn’t meant to come true.
Carter didn’t respond. I was okay with that, for the moment. It was better not to hear from him.
Maybe I wouldn’t ever hear from him again.
I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered, trembling, my shoulders starting to shake.
What, are you just going to sit and spend the whole day crying? Is that the kind of person you need to be right now?
I sniffled and rubbed my face on my folded arms, trying to catch my breath. Sitting around like this wasn’t going to get me anywhere, I knew. It was time to get off my ass and start accomplishing things.
You have the whole damn day. Use it, I told myself.
I got up and wiped the rest of the tears from my face. I should use this chance to finish tidying up and finally get everything put back where it belonged. The sooner I did that, the sooner I could contact real estate agents to get a value put on the house.
This whole debacle might be my chance to start over fresh. I could go off on my own and make something for myself, start making new memories in a place that hadn’t been tossed over to me like an unwanted hand-me-down. It wouldn’t be easy, but nothing in my life had ever been, so I was used to that.
I left the living room and went into the dining room. I started at one end and moved off to the other, straightening and tidying as I went. I spot-cleaned here and there, getting patches of dust and crumbs I’d missed during the larger overhaul.
The work helped distract me. I forced myself to stop thinking and keep doing, and before I knew it, hours had passed and the sun was sinking.
And still, Carter hadn’t responded to my text.