Chapter 2
CHAPTER 2
C orinne. Friday
Where I was going was on the opposite side of the state from Youngstown. But, at least I’d still be in Ohio. Cincinnati isn’t on another planet, after all. I’d still be in the same state as my parents.
The point was that I’d be moving to a different “state” in my own life. And, it would just about have to be better than the “state” I’d been in lately.
As I took inventory of the contents of my suitcases to make sure I had everything, my father stood in my bedroom doorway, arms calmly folded, looking on with concern and love.
“You know you can always come home, sweetheart,” he gently said.
Daddy had a way of announcing his presence that wasn’t unsettling or unnerving, one of many things I loved about him. He was good at easing himself into a moment. So my reaction to his being there wasn’t a startled one, just quietly surprised. I got up from hunching over my bed and my bags and faced him, wishing I could pack the sight of him into my bags to take with me.
“I know, Daddy,” I said. “This is still home. Thank you.”
He unfolded his arms and came into the room. “And, I know that you are going to be just great in your new internship. They’re going to be so impressed with you.”
Pretending to adjust his tie, something that I liked to do in these father/daughter moments, I said, “I’ll have to remember how to speak up with confidence the way I learned from you and your sermons. Which I promise I’ll keep watching online.”
Turning his eyes up toward You Know Who, Daddy said, “We’ll both know you’re watching. Though, I’ll frankly miss having my greatest fan right there in church with me.”
“What do you always say, Daddy? Those we love may not be with us in person, but they’re always with us in spirit.” I drew closer and kissed him on the cheek. “And, you’ll be with me the same way.”
“That I will,” he said with a big, warm hug. “And, one of the pleasures of being a father is that now I get to be my daughter’s biggest fan.”
I stayed there in my father’s arms for a good long moment, wishing for all the world that I could pack that up in my suitcase, too.
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Leanna and I went out to our favorite diner that evening for a farewell meal, just between sisters. We ordered the bacon cheeseburgers we both loved so well, and as we ate, she asked me, “Are you sure you want to do this?”
I chuckled a little. It was at moments like this, when my mind was made up but Leanna thought there might be a chance of talking me out of something, that I could see a little bit of our late mother in her.
“Youngstown isn’t the whole world,” I reminded her. “The rest of the world is out there. And, I need to be out there to experience a little bit of it.”
“Cincinnati isn’t the world, either,” she said. “You can work in customer service here, too; you don’t have to go all the way over there for that.”
“I can do customer service here,” I said, “but the headquarters of one of the biggest information technology companies in the Midwest isn’t here. It’s in Cincinnati, and it’s an opportunity I’m not passing up. I have the internship. I’m going. And…if it doesn’t work out, at least I’ll have tried, and I’ll have some experience to bring back home.”
“And, where does that leave me?” Leanna asked. “My mornings will never be the same now. Daddy will expect to have his morning coffee every day with me, now you’ll be gone.”
“Oh, what a sacrifice!” I teased her. “Coffee with Daddy is such a chore.”
“All I’m saying is that your going away is another change for all of us,” she said. Then, sadly, she added, “As if we need more change in our lives. We’ve had enough change that we weren’t expecting and didn’t want.”
“We’re still a family,” I said. “And, we still both have to be there for Daddy. Losing Mom was hard on all of us. He can call me any time, and if he ever needs me, I’ll be on the next train home; he knows that. But, you have to keep an eye on him now.”
We ate quietly for a moment, Leanna pondering what I just said. I hoped she could see how right I was. The great lesson of my recent life was that change doesn’t necessarily feel good, but there are times when it’s necessary.
My mind went to a place where it had been starting to wander for a while, which I didn’t quite know how to bring up. “Leanna?” I said, tentatively.
“What?”
“Have you thought about how it might be…if Daddy, you know… If he were maybe to meet someone else?”
My sister looked scandalized by the whole idea. “I most certainly have not thought any such thing! No, absolutely not! Daddy does not need anyone else in his life. He has his congregation and he has us, and we are enough. And, we do not need a stepmother.”
That made me laugh a little more, picturing Leanna and myself with a new mom that our father brought home, and the two of us being just awful to her. It would be like Cinderella in reverse.
But, nothing like that seemed very likely. Daddy had settled, however sadly, into his life as a widower, and had his sermons and his congregation to keep him occupied in case he ever got too sad or lonely. As much as I might have wanted to stay with him, the best thing for me and for him was to do just what I was doing now.
Especially, since my leaving would put the entire state of Ohio between Blake and me. The change would do me good in more ways than one.