Chapter 17
CHAPTER 17
E lijah. Saturday
I didn’t want Kane to think he was about to start living the lush life at the expense of his recently-wealthy “buddy.” So, I didn’t take us to the best restaurant in town. Kane would have been out of his element in a place like that, anyway. He wasn’t made for elegant, upscale establishments, and I didn’t frequent places of that sort anyway, except when I really wanted to wine and dine a client. In fact, going to a place like that was something that I would only do with Kathleen. meaning that I hadn’t had dinner at the best restaurant in town in a while.
Since I sure as hell wasn’t going to take Kane there, I chose a good, mid-range restaurant, and if he was expecting something better, he was just going to have to live with it. Fortunately, he didn’t complain.
We got a table in the middle of the room, which was a strategic choice on my part because if Kane acted out in any way during dinner and got us both in the kind of trouble he was capable of causing, he’d have to do it in front of plenty of witnesses. It was my implied message to him that he’d better be on his best behavior tonight.
I was surprised when Kane did not order a drink, at least not with alcohol in it. Not even a beer. He actually asked for a bottle of fancy European water with a twist of lemon — a thing as totally unlike him as I’d ever seen him do. It actually made me wonder if I were sitting with the same guy who had come leering over my penthouse not so long ago. What was up with that?
Reading my somewhat befuddled look, Kane anticipated my question. “Elijah, I know what you’re thinking,” he waggled a finger at me. “I didn’t order myself a beer, did I? Or a Margarita or a Mojito, or any of the things you remember me drinking. I didn’t even have them bring out the best wine in the house and put it on your tab, right?”
I nodded. “You’ve got to admit, it was natural for me to expect.”
He stopped me. “I know, I know. That would have been a classic Kane Marcus move, wouldn’t it? Except, I’m not trying to be your classic Kane Marcus tonight. If I’d ordered a drink, I would have slid right back into my old ways. Neither one of us wants that, do we? Fresh start here, right?”
Never so happy to be surprised in my life, I agreed, “No, neither of us wants that. I’m kind of relieved by your attitude. This is new.”
What had been going on with him in the short time since I “entertained” him in my apartment , I wondered. I had warning flags going up in the back of my mind, questioning just how long this new Kane was going to last. But for the moment — just for the moment — I wasn’t looking the proverbial horse in the mouth.
Empathizing with him just a little, I told him, “I get where you’re coming from about the old ways. When I first decided to turn my own life around, it was tough letting go of the old instincts, keeping myself from cutting all the same corners and playing all the old angles. Staying on the straight and narrow was something I had to learn.
“But, I had my sister and my brother-in-law on my side. Leo makes a great partner and a great conscience. Not wanting to let down the guy who’s been so good to my sister made a difference. Everybody needs someone in their life to make a difference that way.”
“That’s what I’m saying!” Kane said. “Trying to change your life, you can’t go it alone. You need somebody else to keep you going in the right direction. That’s why I came back to find you, Elijah. I figured if anybody could keep my head on straight, it’d be the guy that I got in all the worst trouble with. Or the best trouble, if you want to look at it that way.”
He gave me a twinkling smile that reminded me uncomfortably of the old days. I saw in that smile just the slightest hint of the guy he claimed he was trying not to be, and I had the distinct feeling that letting go of the old instincts would be tougher for Kane than it had been for me.
Some things I’d looked up online since Thursday backed up my skepticism. Wanting to be prepared for anything that Kane might throw at me, I looked up his recent police record, just to see how he’d been faring right before his return to Cincinnati. It was enlightening. I found enough DUIs, disorderly conducts, aggravated assaults, and nights in jail to justify my being leery of him. There was even a sexual harassment charge from a woman at a bar, and at least an allegation of Kane drugging some woman’s drink that was never proven, but stood out like a neon sign.
It seemed that my old friend had been bucking to become a long-term guest of the State of Ohio, and had only narrowly kept his freedom before coming back here. He was sitting here now, saying he wanted to do better, but his recent past was still pretty recent. I’d take him at his word for the moment. But, those mental warning flags had every reason to be up.
I decided to test him. “Would it surprise you,” I asked, “if I said I’d looked up your recent…activities online since the last time we talked.”
He reacted at first with a numb sort of expression. I couldn’t tell whether that meant he was angry or hurt, and I wasn’t sure I really cared. But now I’d put that out there, everything that happened for the rest of the evening would depend on what he said or did next.
Finally, he responded with more feeling. He didn’t seem so much hurt or angry as sad. Kane shook his head in a glum sort of way and replied, “No, Elijah. No, I wouldn’t be surprised. If I was in your place, I’d probably do the same thing. If I were you, would I trust me completely? No, I wouldn’t. I’d have my doubts. Hell, man, I’ve earned those doubts.”
“I’m glad you understand.”
“Yeah, and I know I haven’t done that much to earn your understanding, have I? Since we haven’t been running together, Elijah, I’ve heard things through the grapevine about what you’ve been doing — how you started your business, how you made a go of it and pulled yourself up by the bootstraps, and now you’re one of the richest, most successful men in Ohio. That’s a hell of a story, man; hell of a story. Who would have thought somebody who’d hang out with a guy like me could pull off the kind of success you’ve made, huh?”
That made me give a crooked smile and an ironic little laugh, thinking of the kind of company I used to keep and the way I used to live and comparing that with my life today. I really had come about as far as any man could ever expect to come. The question was whether Kane was capable of making the same kind of journey. Of that, I wasn’t too sure.
My next natural question was, “So, have you started making plans? Have you started figuring out what you want to do next?” The qualifier, Please let it be something honest went unspoken.
“Not really. Not yet,” he confessed. “My choices are pretty much wide open. I feel like I could do anything, but I never really learned to be good for much besides the crap I used to do.”
That much was true. Kane was good at what he used to do and what he used to get me mixed up in. The drug possession charges alone, never mind the charges of selling weed that my father’s lawyers were narrowly able to get me out of, should have put us in a correctional facility for a good long stretch. My father would never let me hear the end of that. The only reason he relented on letting me rot in prison was my solemn promise to wash my hands of Kane once and for all, and since then, he’d continued to hold Kane over my head.
Kane put on the sincerest smile I’d ever seen on his face and said, “Whatever I do, though, I know it’s gonna be good. I really feel like I’m gonna do something good with my life now, something to be proud of. And, you know how I can say that? You know why?”
Indulging him, I replied, “Why?”
“Because I’ve got you for an inspiration, that’s why. Because from now on, you’re gonna be my example.” He reached across the table and gave my arm a squeeze. He really seemed to mean what he was saying, and I really wanted to believe him because Kane being on the level about this would make sure as hell my life a whole lot easier.
The trouble was that I knew what a damn good liar he could be.
By that time, the waiter was back with Kane’s water and lemon slice and my rum and Coke, and I let the subject rest. The rest of our dinner was mercifully uneventful.
_______________
After my dinner with Kane, I took my doubts to my sister’s house. Leo was out, visiting his own parents, which left just Sarah and me in her living room. I plopped down on her couch again in that way that let her know I was really bothered, really confused, or both. She sat herself down in the chair facing me and braced herself.
“Let’s have it,” she said.
She listened to the tale of how I’d spent my evening. She groaned and looked a bit queasy.
“I was the only one drinking,” I insisted, “and I only had one rum and Coke, I swear.”
“As if that makes a difference,” she said wearily. “You were still with him. He’s the kind of guy that they invented the phrase ‘bad influence’ for. Elijah, you know this. You changed your whole life around to get away from him and the effect that he had on your life. And, you took him out to dinner? Really? Honey, when you’ve pulled your hand out of the fire, you don’t go and stick it right back in.”
Slumping my shoulders, I sighed. “I couldn’t help wanting to see if he could really change. And, he said he’s on the up-and-up now, but after spending the evening with him, I’m getting some of the same old vibes from him. He says one thing, but he gives off the opposite vibe, like he’s trying to convince you about something. You can feel him trying. He acts remorseful. He acts like he wants things to be different. And then…” I trailed off, filled with uncertainties, my head swimming in things I knew were true but for some reason I was resisting.
“You know, I looked up his recent record and saw the kind of trouble he’d gotten himself into before he came back here. I gave him the chance to say something about it. But, he wouldn’t. And, it’s what Kane doesn’t say that you have to worry about.”
“But, you took him to dinner anyway,” she said. “You know he’s going to think he has his foot back in the door of your life now, right? He’s going to keep at it, trying to see how much more he can get out of you, and how much more than that, and more than that… ”
I couldn’t sidestep the depressing rightness of what my sister was saying. That was exactly how Elijah would operate. “I know,” was all I could say.
I felt relieved when Sarah continued to speak with sincerity and no judgement. “Elijah, you have to face the fact that you’re a better person than Kane is and he’s never going to get any better.
“You know, there are women who think they can take on a broken, damaged man as a project, fix him up, improve him. And, you know that happens? They regret that they tried. You can’t fix a friend any more than a woman can fix a boyfriend or a husband. Some people just are what they are. You were fixable. He’s not. You have to accept that.”
Sarah’s dose of reality could have been a slap in the face. She could have practiced tough love on me. She went easy on me instead, and I wasn’t entirely sure I deserved it. “I just wanted to be there for him if he really had changed,” I said. “But, I keep coming back around to the fact that he knows how to lie and he knows how to work a lie once he’s told it.”
“That shows how well you know him. Just remember how well you know him and don’t let him work you. Kane could wreck everything good that you’ve made of your life if you let him. So, don’t let him. ”
My sister hadn’t told me anything I didn’t already know. I understood now the reason why I had to come and see her. What I knew all along, I just had to hear from someone else.