Chapter 37
CHAPTER 37
E lijah. Wednesday
Barbara came in as usual and put my mail in my In-box. And as usual, I thanked her on her way out. I thought nothing of sorting through my physical mail, since there was hardly ever anything remarkable in it. My really important correspondence came mostly in emails and texts. Today, however, things were a little different.
The return address on one of the envelopes read, Southern Ohio Correctional Facility.
Feelings of dread swirled around inside me as I grabbed a letter opener and slashed open the envelope. What character from the past life that I’d let go was getting in touch with me now?
I should have known.
Dear Elijah, the letter began. I want you to know I’m sorry for what happened when I came to you’re building again. I’m sorry for what I did. I know it was wrong. But when your as high as I was, you don’t think about right and wrong. You only think about what you want.
He never was any good at English, mixing up your and you’re that way. Not that I claim to be another Charles Dickens, but still…
Elijah, I know I had no business hitting on you’re girl and expecting her to just lay down for me. That was sick and wrong, and I had no business. My head isn’t too clear about it, but I remember her being scared. I’m sick about it. Adaline is beautiful and all that I could think was how you must be getting some of that, and I wanted some too. It makes me sick to think about it now.
I want to say I’m sorry. You don’t have to bring it up to her, but I want you to know how sorry I am for that.
He messed up the spelling of her name, but he sounded sincere, at least.
I’ve been sick about a lot of things. The piece of crap that my life has always been, all the crap I’ve done that I thought would change things and nothing ever did. All I ever knew how to do was make things worse. While I’m here I want to try to get better. I looked at you’re life, how it is now, and thought, ‘Maybe I can get myself some of what Elijah’s got. If I get back with him, maybe I can make good like he did.’
But, I didn’t know how to do it. All I knew how to do was get wasted again. And, I scared you’re girlfriend and made her think I wanted to hurt her. It was wrong.
Elijah, I won’t bother you anymore. Maybe someday, when I am better, we can see each other or talk again. Away from you’re girlfriend, who should never have to see me. I hope you two stay together. You deserve someone as beautiful as her.
I won’t try to get back in you’re life again. We were good friends once. Looking back I think your the only real friend I ever had, and look what I did. That’s my fault. You just be happy. I’ll get better and you just be happy. Okay?
Kane.
It was the most sincere, most decent, most human thing I’d ever heard from him. Kane was never very good at thinking about other people’s feelings and other people’s needs. I guessed when life always treats you like the bottom of the barrel, that’s the way you become. It’s “you first” because otherwise you feel as if it will always be “you last.”
Not that I wanted to make excuses for the kinds of choices Kane made because I had let go of making excuses for the way I once was. But still, I understood something about how Kane became who he was and why he did what he did, and I believed he was owning it at last. And, that meant there might be some hope for him after all.
And if there was hope for Kane Marcus, there must be hope for even the most lost souls in the world. There had proven to be hope for me, hadn’t there?
My desk phone rang. I picked up and Barbara said, “Leo.”
“Okay,” I said.
A second later, Leo walked in and shut the door behind him. “Hey,” my brother-in-law said, “how’s the day going?”
I smiled a kind of faraway smile at him and answered, “Pretty good, Leo. I’m thinking, I can’t really complain of having a bad day again because so many people are struggling, compared to me. People I used to know, who are just trying to pull their lives together into something normal. I have a lot to be grateful for.”
What I was most grateful for, of course, was sitting in a cubicle on the floor right below me.
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I had a date for dinner that night with Corinne. I had some ideas about some other things I’d like to have with her, but dinner was on for sure. On my way out, I said my goodnights to the unsuspecting Barbara, who didn’t know what Corinne had in store for her. But just then, Leo walked in again.
“Something you need?” Barbara asked him.
“Nope,” said Leo. “I just wanted to have a word with Elijah again. You have yourself a good evening.”
“You, too,” she said. “See you both tomorrow.” My secretary let herself out, leaving my brother-in-law and me alone.
“So what brings you by at this hour?” I asked.
Leo said, “Well, it’s just… Listen, I know you’re Sarah’s little brother. But lately, I’ve been thinking, I’ve had this way of treating you like you’re my little brother at times too, always looking out for you.
“Elijah, if I’ve ever made you feel like you’re not responsible and you can’t do it on your own, I want you to know, that was out of line and I understand that. You’ve gotten plenty of that from your father. You don’t need it from your partner. The fact is, I couldn’t have built this business without you, and I appreciate you. I really do.”
I was touched that he would come to me and say that. It meant something to me. And, the truth was that I did feel a lot of the time as if Leo was looking out for me, but not in the way of thinking I was a screw-up or irresponsible. More than making me think I wasn’t up to the job, he had made me feel believed in and trusted. He saw the good in me right from the beginning, and I always had the sense that he just wanted me to be as good as he knew I was.
“You know what?” I said. “I need someone to keep me accountable. I think a lot of why I’ve been able to get myself on the straight and narrow and stay there is because of you and Sarah. I appreciate you guys, too.”
“I’m glad we started this business together,” he said, giving me a little clap on the shoulder.
“Me too,” I said. We slapped each other a high-five, which turned to a handshake, which at once turned to a hug. I’d grown up with Sarah and loved having a sister. But, it was good to have a brother.