28. Layne
Chapter twenty-eight
Layne
T he early morning sunrise shines through the balcony doors, waking me. Last night was an amazing experience, leaving me sore in all the right places. After dinner, we vegged out in bed with a movie marathon, starting with my choice, The Conjuring , and then moving on to Ghostbusters , which Wes picked. It was adorable how he could recite the lines almost verbatim, a smile lighting up his face. I love discovering these little quirks about him.
I may relentlessly tease him about being a big ol’ nerd, but I secretly love it.
After we binged movies, true to his word, my husband fucked me again and again until well past midnight. Now, in the early morning, Wes stirs beside me in bed, his body sensing that his alarm is about to go off for work. I have work today, too, but I can stay home until ten-thirty.
“Good morning,” Wes mumbles sleepily into my neck.
I’m caught by surprise. “How did you know I was awake? ”
“I could feel you thinking,” stretching his body behind me. I can feel his warmth against my skin, his nakedness sending delightful shivers down my spine. As I sense his cock hardening against my ass, I let out a playful groan.
Wes flips me onto my back, positioning himself between my thighs. “Are you sore, Ma Petite Mort ?“ he asks, pressing himself into my eager pussy. It stings slightly, the tender skin still swollen from the intense fuckfest it experienced the past twenty-four hours.
I admit, wincing as the head of his cock slips inside me, “Yes.” I ask, “If I was to say no,” but before I can even finish my question, Wes withdraws.
“If you say no, I stop, baby. You’ll never have to tell me no twice,” he says, then leans down and kisses my forehead. “I have forever to fuck you, Layne. I don’t just think about myself.” He gets off the bed and heads to the bathroom. I contemplate his last words.
I’m probably overthinking, but is he upset? He sounded upset. But he also kissed me, so he can’t be upset. Right?
I sit upright in our bed, not moving. Overcome by the little voice in my head, spewing its vicious words.
Should have just let him fuck you. What’s a little pain compared to making him leave for work upset? Maybe he’ll fuck someone else while he’s at work?
“Layne.” I hear his voice in my head, like he’s far away. He repeats my name over and over, trying to pull me out of the depths my mind has trapped me in.
“Layne,” Wes shouts, clapping his hands together, and something in my brain clicks and I jerk forward, snapping out of it. “What the fuck, baby? Are you okay?” Wes stands by the couch, his keys in hand. He is already dressed and ready to leave for work.
How long was I out of it ?
“I’m — fine,” I look over at him, giving him a weak smile. He looks at me with his head tilted to the side, as if he is trying to figure it out without me telling him.
“Are you sure? I’ll stay if you need me to stay.” Wes inches closer to the bed.
He remains present, without once glancing at his watch or phone, focused on this moment with me.
You’re overreacting, Layne.
I take a deep breath, trying to push away the negative thoughts that have consumed me. “I’m just... having a moment,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. Wes’s concern is apparent in his eyes as he sits down beside me on the bed.
“I hate seeing you like this,” he softly says, reaching out gently to grasp my hand. “You know you can talk to me, right? Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out together.”
I nod, grateful for his understanding and support. It’s times like these when I realize how lucky I am to have him by my side. I shake off the lingering doubts and remind myself that he’s not like other men. “I know I can,” I say firmly, squeezing his hand.
He smiles warmly, his thumb tracing soothing circles on the back of my hand. “I love you, and I’m here for you, no matter what.”
His words wash over me, filling me with reassurance and a renewed sense of calm. I lean into him, resting my head on his shoulder. In this moment, I feel safe. Loved. Only the words of a loving man remain, as the voice falls silent. He chose me when he could have had anyone.
“Work?” I say, looking over at the clock.
“Only if you’re good,” he says, patting my thigh.
“Promise.” I lie, leaning over and kissing his cheek, “go, before you’re late.”
I’ve been zoning out a lot at work today. The voice crept back in soon after my arrival. I hate I can’t shake the idea that Wes could easily find someone to fuck him and give him what I didn’t. Even though I know he wouldn’t cheat, my subconscious reminds me I’m nothing special.
Atlas and I restock the shelves with the new special edition books up front, so they catch the eye. Atlas notices that something’s bothering me. I sit quietly in the corner, engrossed in my latest splatterpunk read, getting lost in all the gory details. Atlas steps in front of me and snatches my Kindle from my hands. His eyes narrow in frustration.
“Hey,” I whine, reaching for it.
“Talk,” he demands, his tone filled with concern. “Or, I swear, I’ll call your husband to come and dick you down in the bathroom.”
I let out a sigh, exasperated. “Atlas, for fuck’s sake. Sex is not a cure-all for every problem,” I roll my eyes, trying to dismiss his suggestion.
“It’ll take your mind off whatever is going though your head,” he whispers, pulling me into a hug. I find myself surrendering to his embrace, seeking solace in his presence.
Deep down, I know Atlas is just trying to help. It’s like my mind is stuck in a loop, endlessly analyzing and questioning everything.
How do I make it stop?
“La La, tell me.” Atlas presses.
I inhale deeply, then exhale, letting go. “We stayed up late, having sex, and I’m still sore, so when he tried to…start things this morning…I kind of turned him down.”
“He didn’t force you, did he? I will cut a motherfucker if he did.” Atlas’s face hardens.
“No, he didn’t. He said, If you say no, then we stop.” I say. “But it’s what he said after that has me overthinking. He said, I have forever to fuck you, Layne. I don’t just think about myself. It made me feel like he was maybe upset.“ I lean in and sob into Atlas’s chest, feeling relieved and dumb all at the same time.
Atlas holds me tighter, his arms in a comforting embrace as I let out my pent-up emotions. He strokes my hair gently, offering me a safe space to share my concerns. Atlas has always been my safe space. Even now that I have Wes, I rely on him so much to help me process all the shit that goes through my head.
“I can understand why you’re feeling overwhelmed,” Atlas says softly, his voice filled with empathy. “But remember, communication is key in any relationship. Have you talked to Wes about how you’re feeling?”
I shake my head, sniffing back my tears. “Well, I tried, but I couldn’t find the right words. I don’t want him to feel guilty or pity me. I said I was fine, so he would go to work. Now all day long my thoughts have been telling me he is going to fuck someone else because I didn’t.”
Atlas sighs, his thumb tracing soothing circles on my back. “Layne, I see the way he looks at you. Trust me, that man will never cheat on you. He worships the ground you walk on. Letting go of the fear means sharing vulnerabilities. Wes loves you, Layne, and all he wants to do is understand what you’re going through.”
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “You’re right, Atlas. I need to have an honest conversation with him and explain how I’m feeling. I don’t want him to think it’s about him, because it’s not.”
Atlas nods in agreement. “Let him know it’s about your need for healing. And remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. Don’t feel guilty.”
I wipe away my tears, feeling a sense of clarity wash over me. “Thanks, Atlas. What would I do without you? ”
He smiles warmly, his eyes filled with compassion. “Be lame?” He shrugs, “Anytime, La La. We all have our moments of doubt and confusion. Know that you’ve got me, always.”
I take a deep breath, feeling slightly better. I snatch my kindle back from him and continue reading. The words I want to say to Wes playing over and over in my head, knowing I desperately need to let him in.
Wes: I’m on my way to get you.
Ten minutes remain until closing time as I’m working the closing shift tonight. I have everything planned out for what I’m going to say to Wes. I even practiced with Atlas, that’s how prepared I am.
You can do this, Layne. It’s just your feelings, and Wes is your husband. You can talk to him about anything.
I make my way to the back office with the cash bag to put it in the safe. I file all the receipts and set everything out for Kris in the morning. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I reach under my skirt and slip a blade from its sheath. My knife at the ready, I pivot right into Wes’s chest.
The tip of my blade is at his throat and all he does is smirk. “Nice to see you too, baby.”
Adrenaline courses through my veins, my breathing quickening. I was inches away from plunging the knife into him. “You shouldn’t sneak up on your wife. I could have killed you.” I say with my eyebrow raised. Wes’s hand grips my wrist and drags the blade down slowly, grazing it against his skin and I feel him shiver.
Wes chuckles. “You ready to go home, baby? I have dinner ready, but unfortunately I have some work to do still. So we’ll have dinner and then I’ve got to head back out. ”
I nod, and Wes leads me out of the office. I grab my bag off the counter and we walk out. Locked up, I make my way over to the car, where Wes is waiting with the passenger door open. I get into the car, still feeling the rush of adrenaline from the encounter in the office. On the drive home, I try to calm myself down, reminding myself that I need to have an honest conversation with Wes about my feelings.
Once we arrive, Wes leads me inside and I can’t help but notice the effort he’s put into preparing dinner. Wes set the table with candles and our favorite dishes. We never eat at the table, it’s always on the bed or on the island. Despite his busy schedule, he always knows how to make me feel special. It makes me regret every single negative thought I had about him today.
As we sit down to eat, I can’t shake off the tension that lingers between us. I take a deep breath, gathering the courage to open up to him. “Wes, I need to talk to you about something important,” I say, my voice trembling slightly.
He looks at me with concern in his eyes. “Is this from this morning because you didn’t fool me? I knew you weren’t okay. Baby, if you don’t want to talk about something, then say so. We can always revisit it like we are right now. Please don’t lie to me and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.” He replies, reaching out to hold my hand.
I take a moment to gather my thoughts before continuing. “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, and it’s not because of you or anything you’ve done. It’s about my own fucked up shit in my head,” I explain, hoping he understands.
Wes listens attentively, his expression filled with sadness. “Show me all your scars, Layne.” he assures me, squeezing my hand gently.
“Why?” I ask, confused at his statement.
“I want to see and know of every single time you needed me and I wasn’t there. I’m here now, Ma Petite Mort. Let me help you heal.“ His eyes are soft, and a wave of relief washes over me as I realize that Wes truly cares about my well-being.
I get up and make my way over to the bed and crawl under the covers, leaving my dinner mostly untouched. “I just don’t want to burden you with everything that goes through my fucked up brain. Ninety percent of that shit isn’t important.”
“You’re what’s important right now.” He says, setting down his keys. Wes gets up and comes to sit down on the edge of the bed.
“It’s a lot, Wes. It could take all night, and you have to work.” I shift underneath the comforter, cocooning it around me.
“I have forever. Fuck work. Come here, and we can talk through it. Or you can cry and I’ll just hold you. Whatever you want, baby. I’m here. You have me. You’ll always have me.” He yanks back the comforter and grabs me by my ankle to drag me over to him. “I won’t let you shut me out. If you’re hurting, I’m hurting, too, baby.”
I look into Wes’s eyes, touched by his genuine concern and unwavering support. His words resonate deeply within me, reminding me I don’t have to face my struggles alone. I forget that being married means that you have someone always on your team, ready to fight battles alongside you. Even with the feeling of vulnerability and gratitude; I open up to him, willing to expose the pain and scars that I’ve carried silently for far too long.
As I recount the struggles I’ve fought within my mind, reliving death every single day, how, before him, I lived daily feeling unloved and unwanted. Wes remains by my side, offering a safe space for me to share my darkest moments. Silently, he holds me as I cry. His presence alone provides a sense of comfort and solace that I’ve been desperately craving.
With every word I speak, I feel a little piece of the darkness fade. Wes gently encourages me to let go of the fear of burdening him, assuring me that my well-being is his priority .
“I constantly feel like I’m still drowning in the water, unable to breathe… I don’t know how to surface from the darkness.” My fingers trace the tattoos on his hand.
“When you can’t see the light, I’ll sit with you in the darkness. I’ll take all of your pain within myself and carry it for you if I have to, Layne. You’re not drowning, Ma Petite Mort. Breathe, and if you ever feel you can’t, I’ll be the oxygen that brings you back to life, because there’s no world for me without you in it.“ Wes pulls me up and kisses my lips.
His words penetrate my heart and soul, reminding me that my pain is not mine alone to bear. Wes’s love for me goes beyond just words; it’s a tangible force that wraps around me, offering safety and understanding. And with every tear I shed, Wes holds me tighter, providing the comfort I desperately need.
Together, we navigate the labyrinth of my mind, unearthing the scars and wounds that have haunted me for far too long. And as we delve deeper, Wes’s love becomes the balm that soothes my soul, reminding me I am not alone.
In Wes, I’ve found a partner who is not only willing to listen but also eager to hold me through the darkest nights. Our connection is a lifeline, a lifeline that I will forever be grateful for as we embark on this journey of healing together.