Chapter 4
Within the hour, Darcy and his entire party had left the ball, with only a brief farewell to the hosts. He did not meet Elizabeth’s gaze again.
It was almost dawn by the time the ball ended, but for Elizabeth the last few hours were lost in a mist created by Darcy’s response. His words, dense with meanings she did not dare accept, had trapped her in a storm of feelings with no escape.
“I do not hate you, Miss Bennet. Quite the opposite…”
Was it possible? Had she understood him correctly? Could his feelings still be as strong as the day he had declared his ardent love? And if so, how would she bear such knowledge? On such an occasion?
Her turmoil grew with every moment, as she was left dumbfounded in the middle of the gathering.
She felt as though all eyes were upon her, and she had to rise to their expectations.
She must smile at her betrothed and at Lady Kendal, shine and be as elegant as her new position required, dance every set, answer questions, return compliments.
Abandon her feelings for the benefit of others.
When Darcy and his family left, things only worsened for Elizabeth, as she remained with the grieving expression that had darkened his handsome features. He had refused to meet her eyes, but she had insisted on staring at his face until he departed so she could not miss a single glimpse of him.
Afterwards, she felt guilty for her insistence in talking to him, for stirring up such painful recollections that could only harm everyone involved, and for not giving Lord Alveston the regard he deserved.
Being such an important, meaningful event, Lord Alveston had gathered all his strength to remain in company until the end—an effort that had utterly drained him and was met with disapproval by his doctor.
He had sat in his chair for the entire night and had been in the midst of entertaining conversations, jokes, and laughter.
He had also managed to join the guests for supper.
But to those who knew him, his exhaustion was obvious, and his pallor betrayed his suffering.
As soon as the last guests had departed, Lady Kendal and Dr Gordon demanded he retire; still he asked for a few private moments with his betrothed and dismissed everybody else.
Lady Kendal, the Bingleys, and the Gardiners retired to the drawing room.
Elizabeth sat beside Lord Alveston, smiling and arranging his elegant coat.
“Elizabeth, I cannot tell you how happy I am. You are my pride and joy! I could not take my eyes off you all night. There was no other as beautiful or charming as you. I still cannot believe my good fortune in winning your hand. I know I am not worthy of it.” Holding her hand, he brought it to his lips, and Elizabeth’s eyes moistened with tears while he continued.
“And I know it was reasons other than love or affection that induced you into this engagement, but my joy is not lessened. I am a selfish human being and I care for nothing but to know I shall be delighted with your presence for as long as—”
“Philip, rest assured that, regardless of the circumstances, I would have never entered into an engagement without respect and affection. You are worthy of everything good in the world!”
The earl lifted his wan, exhausted face to her, and his hands, holding hers, trembled.
“Would you have married me if I were not so very ill and if my grandmother had not asked you?”
“In all honesty, Philip, I cannot guess what would have happened in a different situation,” she said.
Then, in a teasing voice, she added, “But I may ask you too—if you were hale, would you have set your sights on a country girl with no fortune or connections? I am sure you would have been chased by the most eligible young heiresses in town, and that your difficulty would have been to choose between them.”
He returned a tired smile and she continued.
“We have always been honest with each other, Philip. From the moment I began to know your true character I have admired you, and my affection for you has grown with every new encounter. I do not mean to pain you; however, I do not love you as I know—I imagine—true, deep romantic love must be. But this has nothing to do with your health. I think I would feel the same in any circumstances.”
“Have you ever felt such love, Elizabeth?”
She blushed and laughed nervously. “I know it might sound ridiculous. You surely believe it is only the imagination of a woman who reads too many novels. Reading is not always good, is it?”
She had neatly avoided the answer, but the earl did not miss it. He remained serious and squeezed her hand.
“Elizabeth, I do not want you to ruin your life for me. I know we had an agreement, but things have changed. To me, you are more than a woman whose bright mind I admire and whose character and honesty I value. I love you. Your happiness is very important to me. If there is someone you love and wish to marry, let me know. Or perhaps you prefer to wait until I am gone and return to him afterwards—”
“Philip, stop! Stop this very instant!”
“Elizabeth, I am not blind. I noticed Colonel Fitzwilliam was completely enchanted with you, and you seemed to enjoy his company very much. You look at him differently from other men. I know he is the youngest son and cannot afford to marry as his heart desires. Perhaps…”
This time it was Elizabeth’s turn to laugh wholeheartedly.
“Lord Alveston, you are tired and your astuteness is affected. I do enjoy the colonel’s company and we were good friends when I was in Kent.
He was my support against Lady Catherine’s censure.
He is a pleasant, amiable gentleman and an excellent dancer.
But I have no intention of marrying him, even if he inherited a dukedom. ”
Her genuine response lightened his heart. “Well, I am relieved then.”
“You should be! Everything is settled. Most marriages are based on far less. I entered into this arrangement with all my heart. I am wholly committed to you and to our marriage.”
He kissed both her hands and whispered, “Thank you.”
“Now, you must promise you will follow the doctor’s orders diligently. You must rest for the whole day. I shall call again tomorrow.”
“Promise me!”
“I shall promise whatever you want.”
Elizabeth placed a soft kiss on his cheek. When he finally released her hands, she rang for his man to assist him to his rooms. Then the servants lifted his chair, and she followed him with tearful eyes as he was carried to his apartment.
She remained still for a few long moments, wiping her eyes, unsure why she was crying.
As she heard her relatives and Lady Kendal talking in the other room, recollections invaded Elizabeth, bringing her back to the moment she had entered Lady Kendal’s house for the first time, the evening when her present situation had begun.