Chapter 20
The following weeks passed with painful slowness.
Elizabeth’s heart, ripped into pieces, bled after Darcy’s departure. She lost her passion for walking out and did not leave the property except to pay short calls to her family.
The days were often busy, and Elizabeth tried to keep up her usual spirits for her friends and family.
But she never walked out and never went sea bathing again.
Sometimes, she wandered to the edge of the water in front of the cottage.
During the nights, she was alone with her dreams and memories of Darcy’s image, scent, and warmth close to her heart.
The vivid recollections of his caresses, touches, and kisses tormented her; she felt him near her every moment and wondered how longing could be so painful?
The change in her mood was impossible to conceal and was readily observed by the others.
Lady Kendal and Philip often asked about her low spirits, but she always denied any peculiar preoccupation. She was tired of Brighton, but she could not imagine any other place could be better.
Before she departed, Anne de Bourgh visited Elizabeth again and confessed her decision to marry Colonel Fitzwilliam.
The conversation brought Elizabeth to near tears, as it brought back her wonderful yet most tortured memories of when she had heard the news for the first time.
But to her friend, she expressed her joy and best wishes, embracing Anne with sisterly regard.
She truly hoped that this unexpected marriage would prove to be blissful and to the advantage of both.
Anne and Georgiana expressed their desire to meet Elizabeth again soon in town, but she did not know whether she could. Could she tempt herself to see Darcy so soon? Even the nearness of Darcy’s relatives in his absence was unbearable to her.
Shortly, the news of Colonel Fitzwilliam marrying Lady Catherine’s daughter—who had been engaged to Darcy for ages—fell like thunder among the ton and reached Brighton within days.
The Bennets, the Gardiners, even Bingley and Jane, as well as Lady Kendal and Lord Alveston, were astounded, talking about the subject for days. None of them had suspected anything of the sort, and such an ending was extraordinary.
Elizabeth’s silence on the subject and her low disposition did not go unnoticed. Her father and her aunt Gardiner mentioned it several times, and her insistence in dismissing their worry only increased it.
At the beginning of August, on one of the days when Elizabeth insisted on working in the study by herself while her entire family was on the beach, Lady Kendal approached her.
“My dear, we must talk. It has been long enough,” her ladyship said.
Elizabeth looked up, puzzled. “Long enough? What has been long enough?”
“Your suffering. I can bear it no longer, and neither can Philip. What can we do to alleviate your grief?”
“My grief?” Elizabeth held her book tightly to conceal the trembling of her hands. “There is nothing to be done. I deeply apologise if I gave you reason to worry.”
“Reason to worry? My dear, you are not yourself anymore. We have all noticed that, and I beg you to tell me how I may help you.”
“I apologise,” Elizabeth repeated. “There is no need for any help.”
Lady Kendal moved closer and set the book aside. She gently took Elizabeth’s cold fingers into her warm hands.
“I can imagine how much you have suffered. I could see how close you were, how well suited you were, and your mutual affection was apparent.”
Elizabeth withdrew her hands, hiding them in her lap. She dared to look at her companion. Her ladyship’s countenance showed nothing but care, affection, and understanding.
“Philip noticed too—long ago. He was worried you might break your engagement to him.”
“I would never do that. You must know that.”
“I do know, my dear, and I am grateful for your loyalty. But I can only imagine how hard it was for you to hear he had married your close friend. It must be terrible to be torn between your love for a man and your loyalty to the friend that married him.”
The last words sounded strange to Elizabeth, and she needed a moment to comprehend them. She looked at Lady Kendal, who wore the same comforting, affectionate smile shadowed by concern.
“You think I suffer for Colonel Fitzwilliam? That he married Anne?” she exclaimed in disbelief.
“Do you not?” Lady Kendal enquired, struck by the genuine surprise on Elizabeth’s face.
“Certainly not!” she replied decidedly, relieved that she did not have to lie about the most important secret of her life. “Why would you believe that? Philip mentioned it several times in the past, but I hoped he had long put aside such unjustified worries.”
“Is that not the reason for your melancholy?”
“Dear Lord, no! I am happy to call the colonel a friend, and Anne and Georgiana are as dear to my heart as if they were my sisters. I pray for them to be happy. Their joy is mine too!”
Lady Kendal sat down in the nearest chair and sighed several times, rubbing her hands together.
“My dear girl, I cannot tell you how relieved I am! And so shall Philip be. All this time we feared… If you only knew! Thank you, dear Lord! Are you well, then? May I be of any help to you?”
“Please calm yourself, Lady Kendal. I might be overwhelmed by all the duties that are expected of me. And perhaps a little bit tired by so much sea and sun and activity. But it will pass soon.”
Lady Kendal rose, went to the door then returned.
“My dear, I hesitated to tell you, precisely because I presumed your thoughts were elsewhere. We received the marriage licence a while ago. If you approve, you might wed at any time. Since all your family is here, I wonder if you would consider a wedding here in Brighton. It might be more comfortable than in London, and I could speak to the bishop myself.”
Elizabeth knocked the book off the desk, then hurried to pick it up. She needed a moment to breathe and to swallow the lump in her throat.
“I see no reason for further delay,” she finally answered, struggling to smile. She imagined they were anxious she might change her mind.
Although Lady Kendal and Philip had completely misjudged the recipient of her sorrow, the entire conversation made Elizabeth appreciate even more their care in not pressing her and their respect for her feelings.
They deserved no less deference, so she continued brightly, “Indeed, we are all here. There can be no better opportunity. Please make all the arrangements. I will heartily agree to any suggestion.”
“Excellent! Wonderful!” Lady Kendal embraced her and exited in a hurry, declaring she would pass the happy news to Philip, and they would all discuss more of it later.
Alone again, Elizabeth set aside all the papers, and for a long while she stared out of the window. Sooner than she expected, her situation in life would change, and she would leave Elizabeth Bennet behind. What more needed to be discussed when everything was settled?
There was no turning back.
That evening, her entire family came to dinner, and the news was shared. The rapturous exclamations were even louder than Elizabeth had expected.
After many weeks, Philip and Lady Kendal were in excellent humour, obviously relieved that their assumptions had been wrong.
Her mother, sisters, uncle, and aunt all appeared ecstatic at the announcement.
Mr Bennet was the only one who was reticent, his countenance shadowed by a slight worry which Elizabeth tried to dissipate with her own uneasy smile.
∞∞∞
For days, Lady Kendal, Mrs Gardiner, and Mrs Bennet were involved in all the wedding preparations from the wedding breakfast to the gowns. Kitty and Lydia were part of the excitement, thrilled to be able to shop for themselves with no restraint, due to Lady Kendal’s generosity.
Elizabeth preferred to spend time with Jane, Bingley, and Philip, and even Mary joined them.
Towards her future husband, Elizabeth was attentive and caring, seeing how her mere presence was a medicine that improved his vigour.
Often, Philip would hold her arm or take her hands and kiss them.
They also kissed each other on the cheek affectionately, and each time Elizabeth’s memories made her marvel at how differently a man’s touch could feel.
She struggled to hide such thoughts deep inside, locking them in chains.
Yet, her struggles always failed, and her torment, as well as her guilt, grew.
Days and restless nights passed and, finally, in the middle of August, Lord Alveston married Miss Elizabeth Bennet in Brighton by special licence.
Of the wedding ceremony, Elizabeth recollected little, except for the joyful faces of everyone around and her surprise when she was first addressed as Lady Alveston.
“Lady Alveston, welcome to the family. We have felt you belonged with us for a long while, and we are happy to have it celebrated today,” Lord Alveston said at the wedding breakfast, in the presence of their families and all their faithful servants.
Mrs Bennet could hardly believe she had a titled daughter and expressed her joy with no restraint.
“Lady Alveston! Upon my word, this is astonishing! I would have never imagined my Lizzy to be called so! What a blessed day! What a blissful moment for a mother! I hope the newspapers will mention this wedding so Lady Lucas and Mrs Phillips will read about it!”
“Mama!” Elizabeth exclaimed, distressed by the idea of her wedding being discussed about London. She was aware the report would have spread throughout the ton by the next day, whether the papers wrote about it or not.
“My dear Mrs Bennet, you should write to Lady Lucas at once, just to make sure she has received the news,” Mr Bennet mocked his wife to end her effusions.
“I now have two rich sisters! I hope we shall attend plenty of parties and balls so we may meet some rich men too! Rich and handsome,” Lydia insisted. “Perhaps some officers! I cannot wait to stay in town for the Season!”