Chapter 26
“All this time…” the lady murmured, and tears filled Elizabeth’s eyes. “How could I have been so blind? I believed all the stories about the disagreements between you and Darcy, about your mutual dislike…”
“The stories were all true. It was true for a long time…until everything changed…”
“Since when? Will you tell me? Only if you wish to, Elizabeth.”
“I am not certain. We both were in the middle of it before we knew it. A year before I met you, I discovered his true feelings for me…and rejected him. Then my opinion of him changed gradually, but I believed it was too late. We did not meet again until the evening of the engagement. And we did not speak—really speak—for several more months…until Brighton…”
Her voices sounded strange even to herself. She tried to gather her thoughts and to express them intelligibly, but she was too bewildered to be coherent.
“So, all that time when Darcy visited to assist you…”
“All that time he did not know of my feelings…nor I of his. We both were engaged and hoped to be friends…”
“But, Elizabeth, in Brighton, when you discovered the truth…you were not yet married. He was free from his engagement, I remember…so you could have left together. He had fortune, he had connections, you could have been happy.”
“We could have left together, but could we have been really happy, breaking promises and disappointing those who needed us?” Elizabeth asked, slowly shaking off the burden she had carried for so long.
“So, you chose to stay. You gave Philip a year of your life and me even more. And all this time, you have lived torn between him and us. Between your love and your duty. You remained with us to keep your promise, did you not?” Lady Kendal asked tearfully.
“I remained to share with Philip the happiness he deserved and he needed. And I thank the Lord every day for giving me that strength. Knowing you, knowing Philip, and staying by his side was a gift that faith offered me. In the end, it was worth everything else,” Elizabeth murmured with all honesty.
“My dear girl,” Lady Kendal uttered, embracing Elizabeth forcefully. “My dear, dear girl…I feel so guilty. You generous soul! Nobody else would have done that.”
“Please, please do not say that. Nobody is more generous than you. And never speak of guilt again! Everything that happened was my choice, my decision. And his, from the moment he became part of it.”
They remained in an embrace for a while; the carriage had long stopped in front of the house, but neither of them noticed until the coachman knocked on the door. Wiping their eyes, they finally entered the house, in a state of deep perturbation.
They climbed the stairs together, but Elizabeth noticed the lady was unsteady on her feet. The emotions seemed overwhelming for her, she was pale and her breathing irregular. Elizabeth assisted her to her room and helped her to take off her coat.
“Would you stay with me a little longer, Elizabeth? I shall ring for something to eat. I am hungry, are you?”
“Of course I will stay with you, and I shall ask for some herbal tea, too. I am so sorry to see you so troubled.”
“Do not worry, my dear. I am well. But tea would be lovely.”
While they waited for the food, Lady Kendal rested on the bed to regain her composure.
Elizabeth sat next to her, holding her hands.
“Lady Kendal, may I ask—how did you find out?” Elizabeth enquired.
The lady smiled and caressed her hand. “I suspected nothing of the kind before, as you both acted so properly, with no particular attention to each other. I believed you had grown to be friends and to support each other, which pleased me exceedingly. But tonight, when I saw you with others, when I noticed Darcy’s manners with other women and your lack of interest in all the other men, all became crystal clear.
And the more I recollected the past, the more evidence I discovered that you belonged to each other even when you were separated. ”
“You are very perceptive,” Elizabeth smiled.
“No, I am not. I am an old fool and I feel I took advantage of you. But are others aware of this situation? Your sisters, Georgiana, the colonel?”
“No. We told nobody…and I doubt they guessed.”
“So what will you do now, Elizabeth? What have you decided? Please forgive me for intruding, I know I have no right to enquire.”
“Grandmamma, you may ask me anything! But there is nothing to say. We have not spoken privately since we met in Brighton last year,” Elizabeth admitted with sadness.
“Why not? You have met many times.”
“I do not know. He said nothing, nor did I. I am not certain why, nor if he wished to.”
“I do not doubt that he wished to—his expression as he looked at you this evening was beyond doubt.”
“Then I shall wait…there is nothing I can do. Lady Kendal, do you approve, then?”
“Approve? My dear, my opinion matters little. You are free to do what you please. But yes, I do approve, most heartily. I only wish to see you happy.”
Elizabeth embraced her with much affection and gratitude.
Lady Kendal’s words freed her soul from the cage that had trapped it for such a long time. The burden vanished, and her heart felt lighter than she could ever remember.
Later that night, after dinner and more conversation, Elizabeth finally withdrew to her room. There, in silence and solitude, she finally could cry until there were no tears left. She fell asleep at dawn, and not even the sunshine woke her.
Therefore, she did not hear Lady Kendal leave the house long before breakfast.
∞∞∞
Darcy was preparing for the day in a good disposition.
Shaved and dressed, he glanced in the mirror and asked his valet to bring him some coffee to the library.
It was very early, and breakfast would probably not be served for more than two hours, but he was not hungry at all.
His mind was full of Elizabeth’s image and, while moving from his apartment to the library, he yearned for the next opportunity to see her.
All his worries had slowly disappeared. Wickham and Lydia’s presence did not seem to bother Georgiana much.
Three years ago, sorrow and guilt had tormented Georgiana every time Wickham’s name was mentioned, but such reactions were long gone.
The man was no longer a concern or a bother to him.
The regiment in the North was a good option for Wickham, keeping him far enough away to protect the family from any foolishness he was expected to engage in.
Darcy’s reflections ended rather abruptly when Lady Kendal was announced. He almost jumped from his seat, being certain something terrible must have happened for the lady to visit him at such an early hour. When the lady entered, his fears seemed justified as she looked pale and disturbed.
“Lady Kendal! What happened? Where is Lady Alveston? What is wrong?”
“Do not worry, sir, nothing is wrong…I only need to sit for a moment. Forgive me for coming so early and so unexpectedly, but there is something of great importance that I must speak to you about.”
“But why did you not send a servant? I would have come immediately. Have you come alone?”
“Mr Darcy, calm down, please. Will you not come and sit with me?”
He did so, bewildered by the lack of answers to his panicked enquiries. When he finally sat, the lady looked at him with an expression of deep perturbation.
“Mr Darcy, I have had many painfully distressing conversations in my life, and this is certainly going to be one of them.”
“I cannot imagine why, your ladyship.”
“I finally understand. And last night I spoke to Elizabeth and she confessed everything to me.”
She looked straight into his eyes, and he could not hide from the shock of such a confession.
“I see...” he said, then stood up and took a few steps around the room. “Should I assume you disapprove? Otherwise, your ladyship would not have come to have this conversation at this hour.”
“You are a wise man, Mr Darcy. Do not be so hasty in your judgment. Why would I disapprove? And why would I dare to express my opinion if I did?”
“Then why…?”
“Why have I come to bother you? I am not certain either. I was too restless to stay at home. I understand your displeasure—you certainly must hold me responsible for your recent unhappiness. I am sure you blame me, even hate me.”
Darcy sat down again and looked at her tormented expression. “You are a wise lady, madam. Do not be so hasty in your judgment,” he repeated her earlier statement.
A sad smile appeared on her face and tears in her eyes.
“Lady Kendal, I am not certain what Lady Alveston has told you, but I assure you that not for a moment did I blame anybody else for anything that happened in the last three years, except for myself. And I certainly do not hate you. Why would I?”
“Thank you. Both you and Elizabeth are very generous. I am sorry I have come here, like a lunatic, to disturb your morning.”
“Would you like a cup of coffee or tea? I would very much enjoy some company. And, if your ladyship does not oppose, I would be delighted to escort you home.”
“Oh…well…a cup of tea would be lovely, thank you.”
Some moments passed before a maid entered with a tray of food and drinks, allowing them time to compose themselves.
“Elizabeth tells me you have not spoken privately yet. May I dare ask what your plans are?”
“My plans? I know Lady Alveston…Elizabeth is facing a difficult time now. Once her mourning period is over, she will have the liberty to decide her future—”
“She is facing a difficult time,” the lady interrupted him. “And I know there are seven more months of her mourning period, but I am sure she is already able to decide upon her future. She would have done so long ago if her honour had not been opposed to her wishes. And yours…”
Darcy was again puzzled, wondering about the lady’s meaning.
“If I dare make a suggestion, you should escort me home and take this opportunity for a private conversation. I will support whatever you decide.”
“Thank you,” he said briefly.