8. Hayden
8
HAYDEN
M y phone buzzed insistently as I strode through the now familiar hospital corridors, winding my way along the path I’d taken every day to Kara’s room. I took the phone from my pocket and swore at Luca’s name flashing on the screen for what had to have been the fiftieth time since he’d left me on the side of the Slayers’ road with a van full of women I was supposed to deliver.
“Go to Hell.” I sent his call to voicemail, just like I had all the others.
I hadn’t listened to a single message he’d left, nor did I have any intentions of pushing “play” on the one that came in now.
I’d made a massive mistake getting back in with Luca, and I wasn’t even surprised it had all gone sour. Part of me had known it would.
I paused outside Kara’s door, cracking my neck and breathing deep so I didn’t bring any of the black cloud surrounding me into her room.
I twisted the handle and was met with a beaming smile on the other side.
My heart squeezed at the sight of her sitting up in bed, tube- and wire-free, color back in her cheeks, and so damn happy to see me.
Whatever I had going on with Luca failed to exist when she looked at me like that.
I’d had days of sitting in her hospital room just watching her sleep, or trying to stay out of the way while nurses and doctors came and went. But today she seemed good. Healthy. “Hey, gorgeous.” I moved my way around the bed to her side and kissed her cheek. “You feeling okay?”
She grinned, but then her smile faltered. “They said I can go home today.”
I widened my eyes, excitement kicking up inside me. “Shit, really? That’s fantastic. Star patient, you are.”
She laughed. “I don’t know about that. I’ve been in here for days.”
“Still a rock star to me.” I sat on the chair next to her bed and picked up her hand, threading my fingers through hers.
She stared down at them. “I’m not going to hold you to it.”
I squinted at her. “Hold me to what?”
She dragged her gaze up to meet mine, and damn if there wasn’t something magnetic about her eyes. Something that made me want to stare at her for hours, because she settled something rough and uneasy that had lived inside me for half my life.
She rubbed her thumb along the back of my hand. “Staying at your place. With you.”
I gripped her chin between two fingers, refusing to let her turn away. “I’ve had to be apart from you for five years. You think I want to go even one more night not under the same roof as you?”
She sucked in a shaky breath. “We barely know each other. And you’re asking me to move in with you.”
She was right. But I didn’t fucking care. “I know enough.”
She shook her head, worry creasing her forehead into frown lines. “We don’t even know the most basic things. Like what’s your favorite food? I don’t know.”
I was a jackass but I laughed at her.
She screwed up her sweet face and slapped my arm. “Don’t laugh. It’s not funny. I’m serious. What’s your favorite food? I can’t do much else, I’m not qualified for anything, but I can cook for you. If I know what you like.”
I shifted my grip on her chin to cup her cheek and then slid it to the back of her neck, holding her still and leaning in so we were eye to eye.
She fell silent and I pressed my forehead to hers. We sat there for a moment, connected, breathing, until she didn’t seem so panicked.
“I know you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met,” I said softly. “I know you’d do anything for your daughter, because I watched you fight for her all those years ago. I know you’re kind, and sweet, and that you protect the people you love.” I breathed her in, skin tingling every place we touched. She was so fucking warm. So alive. So here in my arms that I couldn’t believe my damn luck. “I don’t need to know your favorite food, Kara. I know your heart.”
A little of the tension fell out of her shoulders, and she twisted her fingers in my shirt. “I don’t understand you,” she whispered. “I don’t understand why I feel the way I do when you’re around.”
Neither did I. But all I knew was I didn’t want it to stop. I wanted it to have a chance. I wanted her in my home. My bed. My life.
I wanted to kiss her so fucking bad it hurt, but I didn’t want our first kiss to be in a damn hospital room.
“Come home with me, and when you’re fully healed, we’ll get Hayley Jade.” My stupid heart squeezed again at the thought of the dark-haired girl I’d seen with Hawk that day at my restaurant. About how I’d felt years ago when I’d found out her name and realized Kara had named her for me. “I want you,” I whispered, saying the words I’d wanted to say to her years ago. “I have nothing of value to offer. My home is a piece of shit. I have no money. No job.” At least not anymore, after what fucking Luca had done. “I don’t know your favorite food. Or hers. But I’ll learn. I want both of you.”
A tear dripped down her cheek. “Okay.”
If I hadn’t been in a hospital, only separated from other patients by flimsy green curtains, I would have cheered. It took everything in me not to slam my lips down on hers. “For the record, my favorite food is pizza. I’m pretty basic like that.”
Her smile was so blinding it short-circuited my brain, ruining it for anything other than making her happy. She smiled up at me like I’d just made her whole day by admitting I had a thing for greasy carbs with too much cheese.
When I hadn’t been watching Kara heal, I’d been cleaning my shitty apartment, hating that I lived in such a dump. I wasn’t even a particularly messy person. But the apartment was old and dingy, and even though I’d scrubbed the tiled floor on my hands and knees, it wasn’t much better than when I’d started.
My fingers shook as I unlocked the door and held it open so Kara could enter. “We’ll get something better,” I promised her. I didn’t know how, with neither of us having a job, but I would. I’d be the man she needed me to be. I’d step up and make her a home. Take care of her.
But guilt plagued me. I’d been part of the most traumatic events of her life. I’d been part of the reason she’d fled back to her parents’ home for that trauma to continue in a whole new way.
I owed Kara more than money could buy and I knew it. I didn’t think for a second I was worthy of her, and yet that connection between us refused to allow me to let her go.
Kara gazed around the small space. The tiny living room and kitchen were barely bigger than her hospital room, the bedroom only big enough for a bed and little else.
But if Kara saw the cracked tiles in the bathroom shower, or the dirt in the carpet that no amount of vacuuming would remove, she didn’t say anything.
Instead, her eyes lit up at the furry trio that all ran to her like she was goddamn Snow White calling her woodland friends.
The traitorous kitten assholes ignored me completely, winding their way around Kara’s legs, meowing for her attention.
“You didn’t tell me you had pets!” She smiled up at me with that happy smile I wanted on her face at all times.
“I’ll go buy you more if you keep looking at me like that.”
She laughed, crouching to pet the kittens who were growing like weeds now that someone was actually feeding them daily. “I rescued them,” I told her. But I didn’t tell her from where. No need to remind her of that hellhole I’d kept her in.
The guilt slammed me hard and was made even worse by her acting like I’d hung the fucking moon just because I’d saved a few kittens.
Hawk had accused her of having Stockholm syndrome. Of forming feelings for her captor that weren’t real.
The idea left me so damn cold inside I refused to pay it any attention. I desperately wanted to believe she was here because the connection between us was real. And not because she was traumatized.
“I always wanted pets,” she confessed. “Small, huggable ones like this. We have cows and sheep and chickens at the commune. Some horses that we weren’t allowed to ride for fun because they were to be saved for work.” She lifted one of the fuzzballs and stroked her fingers over his head and the back of his neck. “What are their names?”
I shrugged. “I just call them all Cat.”
She laughed and shook her head. “You can’t do that!”
The kittens were obsessed with her. One had crawled into her lap. The one in her arms had fallen asleep. The third was insistently demanding her attention with tiny mewling noises. None of them had ever cared quite that much about me. It was like they sensed the good in her.
It was hard not to. I did too.
I put down the bag Rebel had grudgingly packed for her and dropped off at the hospital. She’d been about as happy about this new living arrangement as Hawk had been.
“Can I get you anything?” I asked Kara. “Tea? Coffee? Water? Snacks? A roast dinner?” I grinned at her. “Okay, maybe not the roast because the kitchen here is pathetic.”
She shook her head quickly. “I should be the one getting that for you.” She glanced over at the kitchen that was really nothing more than a hotplate and a sink. “Oh.”
“I do most of my cooking at the restaurant,” I admitted.
She smiled softly. “Snacks are always nice.”
I pointed at the couch. “Go sit. Relax. Put a movie on. I’ll get something together and join you in a second.”
She hesitated, watching me pull lunch meats and cheeses from the refrigerator. There was chocolate and a range of different types of crackers in the cupboard. I might not have been able to cook for her, but that didn’t mean I was going to dump a bag of Doritos into a bowl and call it good either. I had every intention of making sure she ate well while she was here. I’d find a way to make her whatever she wanted.
I didn’t want to remember the way Caleb had withheld food from her and the other women when he’d forced me to keep them hostage. I’d snuck them in as much food as I could when he hadn’t been around, but it had never seemed like enough.
“I can do that for you,” she said awkwardly. “Truly. This is a woman’s work.”
I paused in the middle of cutting up a salami.
“That’s what I was taught,” she said quietly. “At the commune, women do all the cooking. We serve the men.”
I’d already heard enough about her commune and the people who lived there. The more I knew about them, the more I wanted to drive out there, find her goddamn husband, and put a bullet through his head.
Which was saying something because I’d vowed years ago when I got out of the gang life that I wasn’t going to be that sort of man anymore. I didn’t want to terrorize or kill people. I didn’t even own a gun these days.
But that didn’t make me want to hurt her husband any less. It would take me no more than thirty minutes to find someone in Saint View to sell me a gun. I could be at Ethereal Eden’s gates before sunrise.
But as appealing as that sounded, it all meant leaving Kara here alone, and I wasn’t doing that. “Your only job is to sit your sweet ass down on that couch and eat all of this food.”
A tiny smile lifted the corner of her mouth. “I can do that.”
Damn straight she could. “Remote is on one of the armchairs.”
She sat and picked it up, studying it for a second. “Don’t laugh at me, but I have no idea how to use these things. I haven’t watched TV in years.”
I brought the tray of food over to her, dragging a side table closer so I had somewhere to rest it. I took the remote from her and showed her which buttons to press. “I’m never going to laugh at you for not knowing something. There’s plenty of shit I don’t know.” I’d spent my entire life feeling dumb because my older brother was smart and good at everything. He’d never tried to make me feel bad, but I had anyway. I sure as hell never wanted to make Kara feel like that because she’d grown up sheltered from the real world. Her innocence only made me want to protect her more.
I flinched at a crash outside in the hallway, and Kara and I both looked to the door.
“What was that?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I assured her. “Walls are thin, and people around here aren’t super considerate of their neighbors. It can get noisy. Sorry.”
She shook her head. “Don’t be. There’s nothing wrong with where you live.”
But there was, and the crash outside the door had me jumpy. I’d never much worried about security, knowing I could take care of myself if the need ever arose.
But I’d never had something as precious as her to protect before.
I left her scrolling through romantic comedies on Netflix and got up to subtly check the lock on the door.
I’d buy another one tomorrow. Though no amount of deadlocks would stop someone if they tried kicking the door down. The thought left me cold. I moved to the windows and pulled on them all, making sure the locks were engaged. Why hadn’t I rented a place with bars? One well thrown rock or brick, and anybody could get in here. Why hadn’t I ever paid attention to this before?
Because I had no belongings of value, and I didn’t care half as much about my life as I did about hers.
“Movie is starting,” she said softly.
I jerked my head up from where I was inspecting a broken lock.
I hated the concern on her heart-shaped face.
“I’m safe here,” she told me firmly. Like she wanted it to be true.
I wasn’t one-hundred-percent sure I believed her. Hawk’s warnings about her people being out there searching for her played over in my mind. They’d gotten to her at the Slayers’ compound, where there were fences and state-of-the-art security. These people weren’t messing around. They had connections.
The memory of Hawk lifting her from the ground, not breathing, nearly buckled my knees.
She watched me carefully and then stood, crossing the room to me so she could take my hand. “Just come sit.”
Her fingers wrapped around mine was everything I’d thought about for years. Warm and sweet. I would have followed her anywhere.
I sank onto the couch, pulling her down next to me. She landed with an oof, and I wasted no time in closing the gap between us, putting my arm around her shoulders and drawing her into my side. Our thighs pressed together, and she settled into the crook of my arm, her head resting on my shoulder.
Like this was where she was always supposed to be.
She pressed “play” on the movie, but I didn’t watch it.
All I wanted to watch was her.
She ate the food I’d prepared. She giggled at the love interests on the screen.
I leaned over and touched my mouth to hers before I could even think about what I was doing.
She jerked away sharply, and my heart stopped.
“Fuck.” I dropped my arm. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that…”
But her expression wasn’t what I expected. She seemed surprised, but her lips were gently parted, and her gaze roamed my face, lingering on my lips like she wanted me to do it again.
So I did. I leaned in, slower this time, giving her every chance to stop me.
When she didn’t, I pressed my lips to hers.
She wriggled onto her knees and wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me back.
My chest tightened so much I could barely breathe for wanting her.
I kissed her slow, lips brushing over hers gently before taking the kiss deeper, opening my mouth and encouraging her to do the same.
She whimpered in my arms as our tongues met and I held her tight, fucking loving the way her full tits crushed to my chest. I ran my hands up and down her back, the knitted fabric of her long-sleeved top fuzzy beneath my fingers.
I ached to feel her skin, the heat radiating from beneath her clothes so damn tempting, but I refused to rush her.
We kissed, exploring each other, my fingers greedily wandering over the curve of her hips and her ass. Her long skirt did nothing to hide the body she had beneath, and every touch of her increased the desperate need growing inside me.
“Kara,” I whispered on her mouth before I could lose myself in the feel of her. “We should stop.”
She shook her head, her lips still touching mine. “Don’t.”
I groaned again, pushing her back so she was laid out on the couch beneath me. I held my weight off her, balancing it on my hands and knees, all while joining our lips again because I couldn’t get enough.
There were shouts in the hallway, and I tensed at the thought of someone out there. Though I lived on the ground floor, so there was always someone out there.
I’d never cared before. But now it was all I could think of.
“Hayden,” she whispered.
I dragged my gaze back to her and wondered why I’d ever left it. The pink in her cheeks was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen, and I buried my face in her neck, kissing and licking the soft skin there until she moaned.
She twisted her fingers into my shirt and dragged me down on top of her, her legs spread, one off the couch so I could fit between her thighs.
I’d expected her to be meek in bed. Inexperienced. I hadn’t expected her to raise her hips, seeking contact with the ridge of my erection.
I ground it against her, our clothes in the way but the feeling of her soft core at my cock addictive. I wanted to strip her naked. Bury my face between her legs. Lick her until she came and then do it all over again until she’d had so many orgasms she couldn’t see straight.
I kissed her instead, hungry for the taste of her, craving the feel of her hands in my hair, and her hips raising to meet mine.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered over her lips. “You just got out of the hospital.”
She stared up at me and shook her head slightly. “It hurts more when you stop.”
I never wanted that. I grazed my hand along the outside of her thigh, daring to gather her skirt up with me as I went until it was rucked up around her waist and her simple cotton panties were on display. I groaned, loving the sight of the wet spot our make-out session had created. I wanted to have her soaked right through the cotton covering before I took it any further.
Wanted her so wet I knew exactly how much she liked what I was doing to her.
She caught my hand, drawing it to her core. “Touch me.”
Her breaths were needy pants that matched mine. I ran my fingers along the edge of her underwear, inching them to where she wanted me most.
Three sharp thumps came from the front door, hard enough to shake the entire frame.
I froze. This was no accidental noise made by the neighbors.
“Chaos!” Luca shouted from the other side of the door. “I’m done with you not answering my calls. You owe me ten women. So unless you want me to start with the sweet little thing you picked up from the hospital this afternoon, I suggest you don’t leave me standing out here waiting.”
I’d been so damn worried about Kara’s people finding her, I hadn’t even considered the real danger came from me.