10. Hayden
10
HAYDEN
H awk whispered something in Luca’s ear, Hawk’s smile turning smug at the way Luca wrenched his arm out of his grip and stormed off down the hall.
Hawk waved his fingers daintily at Luca’s back and called out, “Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out! Wouldn’t want to get any Saint View filth on that expensive jacket!”
The exit door slammed, and Hawk’s smile fell, his gaze landing on my arm.
Blood dripped through my fingers and down my forearm. It wasn’t a huge gush, but enough it fell onto the already stained carpet of the hallway.
“You happy now?” I growled at Hawk. “I shot you. You shot me. We even?”
Hawk sighed, putting his gun into the back of his jeans and strolling down the hallway like all hell hadn’t broken loose in the ten minutes before. “I didn’t do it on purpose, you know.”
The throbbing in my arm made me grouchy. “No? You’re seriously just that bad a shot? I find that hard to believe.”
Hawk eyed me. “Believe it, okay? I’m great point-blank. Don’t often need to shoot anyone from a distance. You want me to look at it?”
“No,” I said quickly.
Kara nudged me gently. “Let him. You need stitches. He’s good.”
“I am.” Hawk’s arrogance rolled off him as thick as Luca’s expensive cologne.
“So modest,” I grumbled.
“Do you want me to fake modesty or go get the first aid kit from my bike?”
I lifted my hand to peer at the wound. It wasn’t that bad. I’d definitely had worse cuts just from horsing around in the backyard with Liam when we were kids. But it did need stitches, and the last thing I felt like doing after being at the hospital for days was going back there. We’d spend hours waiting for a non-urgent injury like this.
I gave in. “Go get the kit.”
Hawk, clearly pleased with himself, strutted off down the hallway like his shitty aim wasn’t the whole reason we were here in the first place.
With my non-injured arm, I pulled Kara in and kissed the top of her head. “I’m so sorry,” I murmured, holding her tight. “Are you okay?”
She nodded against my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist. “I’m fine.”
But as much as she tried to hide it, trembles racked her body.
She wasn’t fine. She was fucking terrified.
And I didn’t blame her. We’d gone from making out on the couch to getting shot in the space of a minute.
Luca and Hawk were both right. It wasn’t safe for her here. I needed to go back to work this week, and what was going to happen then? She couldn’t just stay here alone. Even if she somehow convinced me she could, we both knew we could never bring Hayley Jade here.
This was a fucking mess, only made worse by Hawk strutting back with a suture kit and apparently not a problem in the world.
He paused at the sight of us, my arm wrapped around Kara’s shoulders, but to his credit, he hid his jealousy well.
Not well enough for me not to notice, but it was a good try.
He held up the kit and shook it in my direction. “We gonna try doing surgery in the hallway or you going to invite me in?”
I reluctantly stepped aside, knowing he was right, but at the same time embarrassed to have him see my shitty place. Not that the MC was luxury by any means. But at least it was secure.
I knew when Hawk walked into my apartment, all he would see was how I couldn’t keep Kara safe here and I was a fucking idiot for even trying.
For once, though, Hawk didn’t run his mouth. He just looked over at Kara, his gaze turning gentle as it ran all over her body. “Are you okay?” His voice was softer than I’d ever heard him before.
She nodded. “Hayden, though…”
Hawk turned his attention to me. “Sit down.”
“I’ll stand.” I didn’t even know why it was instinct to argue with him. It just was.
“Fine. Whatever.” He put his suture kit on the kitchen counter and then went to the sink, squirting a thick dollop of liquid soap onto his palm before scrubbing them together and rinsing them off. From the kit he pulled gloves and an antiseptic wash. He shoved my torn shirt out of the way and unceremoniously squirted the fuck out of my arm with the stinging liquid.
I hissed, gritting my teeth.
Hawk grinned while he prodded at the wound. “You can cry if you want, you know? I’ll judge you, but if you just want to let go of those tears…”
“Hawk…” Kara warned.
He grinned at her and then went back to cleaning the damage he’d done to my arm. “It’s not so bad. Five or six stitches should do it. Might not even scar and mess up your tattoo.”
I didn’t really care if it did. A lot of those tattoos had been inked years ago, when I was angry at the world and everyone in it. Having a bullet pass through one of them was maybe symbolic of a life I wanted to leave behind.
One that I could never seem to escape from though.
I changed the subject as Kara positioned herself on a kitchen stool in between us. “So how is it the VP of the Saint View Slayers MC can’t shoot for shit?”
He shrugged, loading up an injection of something. “I never learned.”
“I find that hard to believe. Didn’t your old man raise you in the club? I’m surprised you and War weren’t shooting things from the day you were born, just preparing for a life of crime.”
He poked the injection into my arm none too softly.
I probably deserved it. I was goading him. It was distracting me from the pain in my arm, and the worse pain of realizing I needed Hawk’s help. In more ways than one.
Hawk pushed down on the syringe, delivering what I really hoped was anesthetic and not some drug that was going to have me dead on the floor so he could run off with Kara alone.
Something in me knew he wouldn’t, though. He’d had his chance to kill me. More than once.
I might have even deserved it.
When my arm went numb, the throbbing pain from the wound disappearing, I knew I was right.
Hawk threaded a needle with some sort of medical fishing line and poked it through my skin. “Our dads tried. War’s a decent shot. I just ain’t.” He peered at me over the top of his thread. “But War can’t sew up a wound for shit, so who would you prefer here right now?”
I didn’t mention the fact if it had been War here, with his better aim, I probably wouldn’t be the one bleeding right now. But if Luca Guerra had been bleeding out on my doorstep, we would have had a whole lot more problems than whether my tattoo would still look right with a scar through the middle of it.
“Can you tell me what you’re doing?” Kara asked Hawk quietly.
She watched Hawk intently, like she was taking mental notes.
He jerked his head. “Come over here so you can see better. If you can get my phone out of my back pocket and turn the flashlight function on, that would be helpful too.”
She slid off the stool and slipped her hand into his back pocket, moving around Hawk with the familiarity of two people who knew each other’s bodies well.
Jealousy surged within me at the touch of her hands trailing across his back and ass. At their heads so close together, the two of them huddled over my arm and Hawk explaining the process to her, Kara nodding and soaking it in like it was the most interesting thing she’d ever learned in her life.
“Are you still going to volunteer at the hospital clinic?” Hawk asked her.
Kara’s reply was quiet. “I want to.”
“I’ll still volunteer with you. Even if you’re living here. I’ll still volunteer so you aren’t alone.”
She didn’t look up. If anything, she studied my arm even harder so she didn’t have to make eye contact with either of us. “Just because you pulled me out of a hole and showed up here tonight, doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you.”
It was suddenly like I wasn’t even in the room and it was just the two of them.
His voice went soft, verging on tender. “Please, Kara,” he whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry. About everything. You don’t have to forgive me. I get it. I blew any chance of that. But I can keep you safe. Just let me do that. Please.”
A younger version of myself would have given in to the jealousy that curdled my stomach, watching the two of them together. I would have demanded I could protect her too.
But tonight had proved I couldn’t be everything she needed.
She needed him too. Considering he was stitching me up yet again, apparently, she wasn’t the only one.
So I swallowed my fucking pride and through clenched teeth, I said her name.
When she turned her attention to me, my heart could have exploded with how much I wanted her. How much I felt for her. How much that connection between us demanded I do anything for her, even if that meant I didn’t get what I wanted.
“You should let him go with you.” I swallowed down the bitter regret building in my throat. “And I think you should go back to the clubhouse too.”
Hawk jerked his head up to stare at me, but I ignored him, focusing on Kara.
Her eyes were so damn huge. “You don’t want me here?”
I cupped her cheek, guiding her face so she wouldn’t misunderstand what I was saying. “The only danger out there isn’t from your people. You know now who I’m involved with. Luca is right. I can’t just walk away from the restaurant. It’s not that simple. I don’t even know I honestly want to. I know I can make Sinners amazing. But there’s no denying that Luca isn’t a good guy, and this won’t be the last time he tries to make me do something I don’t want to do. It won’t be the last time he threatens you to get to me.”
“What are you saying? You don’t want to see me anymore?” Her question was a broken whisper.
“It’s not that. It’s never that, Kara. Fuck. I haven’t even thought about another woman in years because all I can think about is you. If I was half the man I want to be, I would walk away and let you live a life that isn’t tainted by everything I do.”
“I don’t want that.” She reached out, clutching her fingers to my shirt like she was expecting me to walk out the door. “Please. Stay. Stay with me. Meet Hayley Jade. I can’t keep running. I need to just sit still for a minute and catch my breath.”
I wanted to give her that quiet place where she could just be at peace. I just didn’t know how.
Hawk cleared his throat, glancing at me and then at Kara. “I want you to come back to the MC. I know shit went down in there, but that’s over now. Riot took his boys home to Louisiana with a promise to cut ties with Josiah and Ethereal Eden. He actually said to tell you he was sorry. First time I think I’ve ever heard that prick admit he fucked up. But the point is, they’re gone. And Ratchet is dead. We’ve got the security back up and the place locked down for as long as it takes for you to feel safe there again.”
She shook her head. “I can’t go back to that cabin. They were in there, Hawk. They took me from my bed.”
My fingers clenched into fists at the thought of anyone doing anything to her against her will. I’d been the man who hurt her like that once before, holding her in that shitty house. I’d had no choice, but it didn’t matter.
I should have gotten her out anyway. I should have put her first.
I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
“Go with him,” I told her. “I’ll still be here. I’ll still see you…”
That connection between us screamed at the very thought of leaving her. Of not having her right here beside me every day. I didn’t understand it, didn’t even want to. All I knew was that it would be agony to let her go again, but I’d endure it for her.
“You don’t have to go back to the cabin. I’ll make a room for you in the clubhouse,” Hawk offered. “You’ll be in the room right next to mine.”
She looked at me. “I can’t—”
But Hawk was done hearing it. “You can. And you will—”
Kara tried to interrupt with protests again, her fingers wrapped in my shirt and her gaze desperate.
I was sure my heart was tearing right down the middle as I tried to convince her this was the best thing for everyone. Even though I knew that with her back at the clubhouse, it would be nearly impossible for us to have any sort of relationship. I couldn’t see how it would work. I couldn’t go there. She couldn’t come here. If I asked her on a date, she’d probably show up with the Slayers in tow, like the Secret Service trailing around after the president.
Super fucking romantic.
Hawk raised his voice and spoke over the top of both of us. “And Chaos will take the one on the other side.”
We stared at him.
For so long it clearly pissed him off. He threw his hands up. “Well? Either of you want to say yes?”
“Yes,” I said quickly, even though I had no idea how the hell this would work when the Slayers all hated my guts, and I was one-hundred-percent sure Hawk had not cleared this with any of them.
But the idea of having her between me and him, of seeing her every day, and knowing there was someone there for her during the nights I’d be at work, settled something that had been raging inside me.
Hawk was giving her back to me. Clearly not out of the goodness of his heart. I was sure he didn’t give a flying fuck about how I felt.
Kara obviously had the same doubts I did. “Why would you do that? The other men at the club, they won’t like it. All they know of Hayden is he was your enemy. That he shot you. That he’s opening a club that will rival the one Bliss runs. They’ll call you a traitor. They’ll question your authority. You’ll get your way because you’re VP and War’s best friend, but why would you do that? Why would you bring the hate of the entire club down on you like that?”
She’d just said everything I was thinking. Just way more eloquently.
Hawk let out a frustrated sigh, his gaze piercing when it caught hers. “Fucking hell, woman. Don’t you know I’d throw myself off a building for you?” He put down the needle and gave her his full attention. “Don’t you know I’d endure any of the bullshit coming my way if it meant you have everything you need? I love you enough to give you him.”
She sucked in a shocked breath. “Hawk…”
He shook his head, red staining his cheeks behind the scruff of his beard. “Don’t say anything. I didn’t mean to tell you that here. I just…” He switched his focus to me. “Your arm is fine. We’re done. Just…just fucking bring her home, okay?”
All I could do was nod, not that he saw it. He was too busy packing up his kit and walking back out the door.