Chapter 51
SKYLAR
Fairytales aren’t real. We learn this at a young age.
However, I’m pretty sure this life with Saxon is the most beautifully chaotic, yet blissful, fairytale I never thought existed.
When his hands finally rest on my hips, I’m thankful, because if he keeps talking like this, my knees will surely give out.
“Saxon,” I whisper. Very few times have I ever been left speechless, and this is one of those times.
My mouth is opening and closing but no words are coming out.
I eventually give up and press my lips to his, settling on showing him how much he means to me rather than speaking.
His hand grabs my thigh and lifts it up to wrap around his waist. The room quickly fills with steam as the shower continues to run.
His jeans are pressing against my core, creating a delicious friction, and I can start to feel his bulge growing beneath the fabric.
“Let me shower first. I feel gross and smell like alcohol.” Without responding, he kisses down my neck, licking and sucking as he marks my skin. When he reaches my collarbone, I finally pull away.
“Please, five minutes.” I shimmy past him and step underneath the spray.
I’m not at all surprised when he hops on the counter and gets comfortable, watching me wash and lather my body with soap.
Rarely does he leave me alone to shower.
In fact, the only time he’s not near me is when the girls and I have our Wednesday breakfasts or when I’m in therapy.
Except, I always feel like he’s watching me, even though I can’t see him.
It doesn’t bother me; in fact, I’ve been comfortable with the idea that he’s always watching me.
Since all the shit went down, I’ve developed this weird phobia of being alone.
I hate it. It freaks me out, and I, on more than one occasion, have suffered a panic attack.
This has only happened a handful of times, and Saxon was always in the next room or in the kitchen when they happened, so he was able to help me through them.
But still, this is a new development. My therapist says it’s a trauma response, and I may never fully stop having them.
She said I need to be aware of how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking about when those attacks start.
That way we can work on limiting those behaviors or thoughts that bring on the attacks.
It’s been rough, to say the least. Trying to sift through all the shit in my head and dissect how to safely deal with the issues from my past is no walk in the park. But I love my therapist. She’s wonderful and has helped me more than I ever thought she would.
“Right, sweetheart, your five minutes are up.” I chuckle as I rinse that last bit of conditioner from my hair and turn off the water.
When I open the glass door, he’s waiting for me, towel in hand.
Wrapping the towel around me snuggly, he kisses me softly before turning me around and ushering me to my room.
Once inside, I make my way to my dresser.
“Don’t even think about getting dressed. There’s no need for clothes with what I’m about to do to you.” I turn around to face him. Removing his cut and then his shirt, followed by his jeans, my eyes focus in on the tent in his briefs, and my mouth starts salivating.
It hasn’t been easy finding intimacy again.
For so long, I felt as though my skin was constantly tingling and bugs were running rampant beneath the surface.
I could never take enough showers to help with the feelings I was having.
We took things slowly, very, very slowly.
He understood my hesitancy, and when I spoke about this to my therapist, she insisted Saxon come to my next session.
She spoke with the pair of us and allowed us to talk about sex with one another in her presence so she could intervene if needed.
It was awkward at first, talking about sex with another person present, but she was able to coach us through it.
Expanding on how I was feeling and bringing light to the dark when I couldn’t express my words and feelings properly.
Saxon was so patient, so fucking patient.
Even when we started getting intimate, I would freeze up at times, flashes of that night barreling into my mind and ruining the moment for us.
When I thought I would never be able to be intimate with him again, he changed the approach.
He started taking me on “first dates” such as the movies, dinners, rides on his bike; we created new memories as if we had just started dating all over again.
With time, it started getting better. I craved his touch more and more until we were finally able to experience our passion for one another all over again.
Like I said, he was incredibly patient with me, and I’m 100 percent positive I would not have been able to experience love again if not for him.
Saxon sits on the edge of my bed, patting his thigh for me to come over.
Dropping my towel, I saunter over to him and straddle his lap.
Warm hands roam up and down my back, massaging my skin ever so lightly.
I rest my forehead against his shoulder and let him knead my back muscles with his fingers.
A moan slips past my lips, and I settle into him deeper, my sex resting against his already fully erect cock.
His lips find my neck again, and he inhales my scent.
“Move in with me, tesoro.” It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement. A wish. He kisses the crook of my neck, and I grind down against him before lifting my head from his shoulder.
“You want me to move in with you, Sage, and Saint?” Without any hesitation, he nods, leaning his head back to look up at my face with his stupidly handsome smile.
“Like one big, happy family?” I smile at him, and all he does is nod again.
“Do Saint and Sage know? How do they feel about it?”
“They keep asking me when the move in date is.” I think about it for a long moment. Do I want to move in? I mean, I am always there anyway, but I don’t want to intrude on Sage and Saint’s personal space too.
“What if—”
“Don’t do that. Don’t you let that pretty little head of yours create fake scenarios as to why you shouldn’t move in.
Sage and Saint have their own wing of the house, while we will have ours.
Shit, the house is big enough for twenty people to live there.
” I watch as his eyes soften as he looks me over.
He’s waiting for my response, and it looks like he’s nervous. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth.
“Okay, I’ll move in with you.” I smile down at him, and his mouth spreads into one of his rare full smiles I love so much. His lips crash to mine as he flips us around on the bed so he’s on top.
“Do you have any idea how much you mean to me, Sky?”
“I think I do, but I never tire of hearing it again,” I tease him. A grumble vibrates up his chest, his lips kissing all over my face until he pulls back and gazes at me once again.
“When I was little, I had this recurring dream. A dream I only ever told my mother about.”
“What was it?” I whisper as he brushes back a strand of my wet hair.
His fingers lightly dust my cheek, sending a shiver throughout my body.
We settle into my bed, lying beside each other and getting comfortable.
Resting his body on his elbows, he frames my face with his hands, lightly playing with my hair as he speaks.
“I was little, and I went out behind the house to the top of the hill beyond the trees. There’s a meadow out there that not many people know about.
Hell, I don’t think anyone really knows about that place.
” He lets out a chuckle as if he’s finally realizing he’s the only person aware of this secret spot.
“At the bottom of the hill, purple extends across the meadow and only stops when it hits the forest line again. Lavender grows there in the spring. Beautiful, tall, and fairytale-like plants, brightening the earth’s floor with its rich color.
It’s truly something special. Anyway, in my dream, I would go there and sit at the top of the hill, looking down at the lavender.
I would watch as this woman with long chestnut-brown hair would sit in the center of the field and play with the tips of the lavender plants.
Almost like she was tickling the branches ever so gently as to not hurt them. ”
He takes a deep breath, his eyes meeting mine.
“Who was she? The girl in your dream?” Smiling, he leans down and kisses my forehead.
“Back then, I wasn’t sure. I never saw her face.
It wasn’t until I told my mother about it that she made me understand.
She told me the girl in my dream is who I need to go to.
Who the heavens created just for me and Zeus was blessing me with a glimpse of my future.
She loves Greek mythology. The person that was created by my subconscious to love and cherish for all my life.
” I smile at him. Oh, how I wish I could have met his mother.
She sounds so lovely, so gentle and soft.
A mother you could only wish to have as your own.
“I thought she was just trying to make sense of a dream I was thinking too much into. I was so young, and love was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I’ve realized how right she was. It was you, Sky. The girl in the lavender field was you, and I finally found you.”
My heart explodes into a million pieces, floating around in my chest, patching and filling the cracks and crevices until they’ve all been mended by his love.
His passion, his tenderness, and all the ways a person can love another, he’s shown me.
If I’m the girl in the lavender field, he was my black knight hidden in the shadows of all my nightmares.
Reminding me that a future was possible.
A life beyond the terrors was coming—I just needed to hold on.
I needed to fight and survive to reach it. To reach him.
When everything in my life felt like an atomic bomb going off around me, something always called to me.
The day I ran from my family, I had never visited Golden Heights before, but there was a voice inside screaming for me to escape and find refuge there.
Yelling for me to run, so I did. I ran and ran and ran until I ran into none other than Saxon Wilder himself.
The dark knight watching, observing, and silently protecting me from my evils.
Although I didn’t know it at the time, I had finally reached him.
I found him.