Chapter 6 Malena
SIX
Malena
“I told them not to worry about Mom’s birthday, that I would plan it all myself,” Leif splutters on the other end of the phone. “It’s not my fault you’re the only person who plans parties in this small-ass town.”
I smile, thinking about the phone call with his sister that turned into an inquisition.
The second I called Leif to give him information on beach venues for his mother’s birthday party, I recognized his voice straight away.
After chastising him for not telling me it was him the first time he called and then giving him the information, we ended up talking long into the night.
About everything—including my father, what it was like to grow up in a small town, and my hopes for the future.
We chatted almost as much as what I talked to Eva about.
“You told them about me. That was your first mistake,” I finally counter, joking but not letting him know that. “The rules, remember?”
“I wasn’t breaking any,” he says, breathing heavy. “I accidentally mentioned you when she asked about the venue.”
“And? There has to be more to it than that. She wanted to know my life’s history, Leif. She asked me if my period was regular,” I reply. I’m pretty sure she was joking, but I answered honestly because she caught me off guard. “Come on now. What did you really tell her?”
The breathing on the other end of the line intensifies, like an animal caught in a perfectly laid trap. “They know what’s inside my mind. Eva knows me as well as I know myself. I didn’t have to tell her anything else. I merely said your name, and she attacked.”
I laugh. “Come on, Leif. I’m not giving up.
Tell me,” I order, checking my watch. I’m on a break at the general store, the dimly lit backroom echoing my voice.
The other workers take breaks with each other.
I’m the odd man out and have to eat my packed lunch in a dungeon hole without another person in sight.
I like the peace. I like it even more now that I have Leif to talk to.
“Why did she want to know how many exes I had? Questions aimed in the dating department.”
He groans. “I might have mentioned that we were…friends. Eva took it from there, and it’s snowballed into her planning our wedding and naming the nonexistent children we’ll be having.
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.
Eva is relentless in her pursuit to match me up with someone.
And to have kids of her own. It rubs off on everyone around her. ”
This got a lot more serious in the span of thirty seconds. He’s basically admitting to having feelings for me. To his family. Sisters. People who mean something to him. He’s also simultaneously telling me this isn’t going past the dating phase.
“You can breathe easy, Leif. I don’t care about talking to Eva.
She was nice enough. I honestly thought you’d be upset because we were breaking some dumb rule.
Sure, she was asking more questions than I have to answer on my yearly physical form, but it’s because she cares about you.
” A novel idea to me, a woman without siblings.
My cousin lives a few towns over. I don’t see her near enough, but she’s always been the closest thing I’ll ever have to a sister.
She’s busy with her life, and I’m busy with mine, but I know she’ll make time for me if I need her.
“No. You don’t know Eva. She doesn’t care about me, she wants to own me.”
Tilting my head back, I let a giggle slip.
Shaking my head, I reply, “You’re being such a dude.
It was a little weird, but I’m over it already.
You scared me when you called today. By the sound of your voice, I would have guessed someone died.
” I swallow hard and try to mask my unease by taking a bite of my sandwich.
“Which would be an occurrence in your daily life, wouldn’t it? ” I ask when my mouth is empty.
It’s a hard thing to wrap my brain around.
The whole SEAL career and all that it entails.
He’s given me details here and there when I ask pointed questions about Hell Week and the breakdown of where all the different Teams are around the country.
He promptly shuts down the conversation when I ask specific questions about missions and things I’ve seen on the news. Top Secret Leif gives nothing away.
“Not daily,” he fires back. “More than it should. It happens more than I want it to. Though things are slower than they were at the start of the war. It’s dying down. No pun intended,” he replies, clearing his throat.
I take another bite and chew slowly, digesting this information. “Is dying down a good thing?” I edge. “Safer for you? Safer for our world?”
The scratch of his five o’clock shadow rubs against the phone. “Yeah. Yeah,” he says. “It would make me sort of twisted if I admitted I enjoy war, right?”
“Yes,” I say.
“I definitely don’t enjoy it then.”
I slurp the rest of my drink. “But you do enjoy it.”
“I never said that.”
“You do,” I reply.
“I’m happy here. In Bronze Bay. Not deployed.”
“Hmm,” I grumble into the phone. “Yeah?”
“With you.”
My face flushes, and my stomach flips the contents like a roller coaster. The tone of his voice pierces my thick skin—silently filling me with something I never dreamed possible. Hope.
I ball up my napkin until it can’t get any smaller. Leif stays silent, waiting for a response. “I have to get back to work,” I whisper.
“Can you come over tonight?” Leif asks. “We could watch the sunset and drink beers. Or wine, if you think that’s a more acceptable date.”
I laugh, and my stomach sinks. “I can’t. The night nurse isn’t around, and I can’t ask the daytime one. She’s been there all day while I’m here.”
After a beat or two, Leif asks me how much I pay the nurses, and I tell him.
He asks me a few other questions about my finances.
I have no reason to lie to him or feel ashamed.
His sister knows when I’m having my monthly, surely my income and bills aren’t that taboo to talk about.
Leif has told me he’s really good with numbers, and he wants to help me.
For whatever reason, maybe because help isn’t something that’s offered to me very often, I accept willingly.
“Last question,” he asks, voice hesitant. “I had Celia look into a few facilities in our area. Don’t get upset. I just asked her very casually. She’s a nurse and knows a lot of people.”
I make a noise of acceptance, mostly because I’m not sure what to say, and I’m a little upset. We never established boundaries, but this kind of seems like he’s stepped over some.
“If she can pull some strings and get your mom the help she needs, would you accept it?”
A lump lodges in my throat. This is what I’ve always wanted for her. A place she would be safe at all hours of the day regardless of my location. Would I be able to live with the guilt of passing her to someone else? “Can we talk about this later? I’ll think about it,” I tell him, sniffling.
“Did I make you upset?”
I shake my head. “No. It’s just I’m happy you’re trying to help me and sad because I didn’t think it would happen this fast. It’s a lot. I’ve been on my own, save for my friends and the nurses I pay, for a long time. Giving up control will be complicated.”
“We can talk about it later, okay? Something to think about is all.”
“Sure,” I tell him. “I have to go back to work. The birds are staring daggers at me,” I say, narrowing my eyes at my coworkers trying to listen to my conversation. “Call me later?”
“Of course,” Leif says. “Malena.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re an amazing person. In case no one has told you that today.” He clicks off the line, and my heart rate ratchets up even though he’s not in front of me.
Shaking my head, I pocket my cell, slam my lunch box in my locker, and exit the break room without so much as looking at the rest of the general store employees.
I rub her clammy forehead. She woke up flailing and crying again.
Because she forgot he left us. I calmed her as best as I could, but I’ll be on high alert for another hour or so.
That’s about how long it takes for Mom to fade back into REM sleep, which is where she has to be for me to be confident she won’t wake up and try to leave the house.
After leaving her room, I double-check the locks on every exit in the house.
I had trigger alarms installed on every single door and window after the first time she went for a walk at two in the morning.
I hoped the alarms would take the place of the night nurse and save me some money, but it wasn’t enough, and I had to keep working. It will never be enough.
Rubbing my tired eyes, I pull a glass out of the cabinet and hold it under the faucet to fill it.
Standing over the sink, I drink the contents, tipping my head back.
Deep breaths, Malena. Deep breaths. Leif is right.
A facility would be able to better handle her at this point.
She’s not only a prisoner of her own mind, she’s a prisoner in this house.
I grab my novel off the kitchen table and head back to my side of the house, taking the monitor with me.
I grab a stress ball off a shelf and begin crushing it in my palm.
This is the point when I usually start to feel sorry for myself.
The point when I let the guilt ease and let myself actually feel mad about my predicament, my lack of life because of the responsibilities I bear.